There are no surprises, not even unexpected emotions.
My mood is still stuck in the suffering before my rebirth.
Listening to his mother talking about his college entrance examination results, Li Xiaohei's face was completely dull and almost dull.
He didn't know what he was going through. Everything about the past decades was squeezing his mind bit by bit, like a dream, or like he hadn't woken up from the dream until now.
He doesn't think the so-called rebirth is lucky.
If this was really lucky, he would rather throw away this luck.
In his first life, he experienced a very successful first half of his life.
In his first rebirth, he experienced a complete life full of suffering and despair.
What now?
What will he experience when he is reborn for the second time?
Li Xiaohei was suddenly extremely frightened.
Perhaps the scars from his last life were too deep, which made him subconsciously reject everything.
He may be aware of what will happen next, but he doesn't know whether it will happen.
The score of more than 700 points in the college entrance examination seemed to indicate a different fate for him in the future, but all kinds of things in his past life were still tormenting him, and he felt clear suffering every minute and every second.
This is not luck.
If I really had to use one word to describe it
Li Xiaohei felt that everything he was going through now was completely being played.
A pair of invisible palms seemed to be stirring up everything related to him, releasing malice without reservation.
He bided his time with some fear, waiting for a certain node to appear.
In his conscious waiting, he successfully allowed his parents to avoid the last time they had a car accident.
He seemed to have changed his parents' fate, but he fell into deeper anxiety.
Because he didn't know whether such an operation really meant that his parents could avoid disaster.
Life moves forward in his anxiety.
He entered university.
Then there are graduate students.
Met my mentor again.
All the bad luck seems to have disappeared.
He is still worried about his parents, but they are healthy, his father's business is getting bigger and bigger, and his mother has a successful husband and an outstanding son, and she is more carefree.
Li Xiaohei met Bai Xiaobai again.
A smooth love.
The wedding date was decided smoothly.
Have a smooth marriage.
Everything beautiful is like an illusion.
Li Xiaohei's tense heart finally relaxed a little after his rebirth.
He felt that his previous rebirth was just a mistake, or really just a dream.
On the day he married Bai Xiaobai, he put a ring on Bai Xiaobai with the blessings of relatives and friends, telling himself to let go of the past and welcome a new life.
The wedding night passed quickly.
Early the next morning, he opened his eyes and saw a bright red.
He was lying on his bed, holding his newly married wife with one arm. His wife showed a sweet smile in her sleep, but the smile was bloodless.
Li Xiaohei saw that he was holding a knife in his other hand and stabbed the blade into his wife's heart.
The world in front of us is in complete chaos.
Li Xiaohei can no longer remember what happened next. He seemed to be shouting Bai Xiaobai's name crazily, with great confusion and confusion, and he was torturing his body like crazy.
The wedding room was stained red with blood.
His consciousness gradually blurred.
The familiar darkness.
The body is getting colder.
The pure blue light shone again in the consciousness space. They formed symbols, and the symbols vibrated in Li Xiaohei's consciousness space.
The second before death officially arrives.
Li Xiaohei saw various scenes of his second rebirth in the blue symbol.
He saw himself sitting in his room all day after the college entrance examination.
He heard his parents arguing fiercely outside the door.
He heard himself giggling in the room, calling his parents' names, Bai Xiaobai's name, his mentor's name, and his classmates' names.
He picked up the guitar on the wall and put it on the bed, using the ring of a can to propose to the guitar.
He lay on the bed with his guitar in his arms, broke the strings of the guitar in his sleep, and then started going crazy after waking up.
Consciousness continues to become blurred.
"Doctor, my son, he"
"Sorry, we tried our best"
Darkness enveloped again.
The light reappears.
Rebirth.
the third time.
Li Xiaohei sat up from the bed.
Come again, come again!!!
Li Xiaohei's eyes were blood red because of his anger. He opened his mouth and wanted to roar, but just as the sound was about to come out, the door was opened.
The mother with a smile on her face walked in and said, "Son, guess what score you got in the exam. You performed at a great level. Not bad."
""
Li Xiaohei held his breath and said nothing for a while.
Because he doesn't know whether the current mother is real or fake.
In the last rebirth, I seemed to have suffered from an extremely serious mental illness and a lot of hallucinations. Everything I experienced was just a fantasy. In fact, I never even left this room in my last rebirth.
what about now?
What now?
The mother's figure is extremely clear, and her smile is soft and kind.
But is it true?
What is the so-called reality?
The third time.
Reborn for the third time.
Could it be that there is no rebirth at all?
He was just Li Xiaohei in his first life, but he suffered from a serious mental illness, so the three reincarnations were all his own fantasy?
No, is Li Xiaohei in his first life real?
Will I never exist?
who I am?
Li Xiaohei's breathing gradually became heavier. His understanding of the whole world was constantly reshaped by his parents. The whole world became fragmented in his eyes. He couldn't tell whether everything around him was true or false, so he could only be cautious.
He was testing the surrounding environment, but he couldn't be sure no matter how much he tried.
In this life, he also met Bai Xiaobai.
Bai Xiaobai died and committed suicide by jumping off the building.
This time, she has no mentor parents. She is an orphan from a poor family but with excellent morals and academics. She has lived with her grandmother since she was a child.
Li Xiaohei didn't know what kind of childhood and youth she had spent, but after entering college, her beauty and family background were exposed to the eyes of all the opposite sex, but they were like the most powerful aphrodisiac.
A wealthy young man from an excellent family bribed Bai Xiaobai's roommate and tricked her into going to the rooftop to rape her. As a result, before he could touch Bai Xiaobai, she jumped directly from the building.
Time began to become confusing with Bai Xiaobai's death.
Then, familiar misfortunes and incredible and bizarre encounters began to happen one after another.
Li Xiaohei finally confirmed that he did not fall into an illusion in this rebirth, because this kind of life has nothing to do with beautiful illusions.
This time, when he ended his life with a disability, before death came, that exquisite symbol appeared again.
Li Xiaohei knew the function of this thing.
That is his destiny.
In the darkness, he could even see a pair of hands holding his destiny and writing something.
His life, his efforts, and all the things he paid for but could not change are all condensed in this symbol.
The second before death, Li Xiaohei began to curse.
He cursed those hands with the most vicious and vulgar words.
His scolding echoed clearly, and then he elicited a concerned question, "Brother, what's wrong with you?"
Open your eyes.
The familiar room is gone.
He looked around him. This was a small ward. The air was filled with the smell of disinfectant. The space was narrow. A girl wearing a clean but shabby little skirt stood in front of him, pulling her hand.
hand.
Li Xiaohei was stunned for a while, "Xiao Bai?"
The little girl who looked to be only eight or nine years old suddenly laughed, very sweetly, "I'm here, brother."
Rebirth.
the fourth time.
This time, Li Xiaohei is an orphan, and Bai Xiaobai is also an orphan.
They grew up in an orphanage and spent most of their time together every day. It can be said that they were childhood sweethearts.
And because of Li Xiaohei's existence, Bai Xiaobai even gave up several opportunities to be adopted by other couples.
A fire soon broke out in the orphanage.
Abrupt, illogical, and unreasonable fire.
Li Xiaohei has long been accustomed to this.
He left the orphanage with Bai Xiaobai.
Five years older than Bai Xiaobai, he began to enter society when he was fifteen.
He picked up rags, washed pots and dishes in restaurants, and worked as a game coach. As a child, he refused to give up any opportunity to make money. He sent Bai Xiaobai to school, junior high school, and high school.
Bai Xiaobai is getting more and more beautiful. No, with every rebirth of Li Xiaohei, Bai Xiaobai will become more beautiful every time. This time, he is even more beautiful to the point of exaggeration.
In order to protect Bai Xiaobai, Li Xiaohei started fighting, smoking, and drinking, and became the most majestic gangster of his age, but he would feel very ashamed when he thinks about it many years later.
Bai Xiaobai went to college.
Li Xiaohei, who has grown into a real man, can do more work, carry bricks on construction sites, deliver food in the city, deliver express delivery part-time and sell breakfast at the same time. As long as Bai Xiaobai is by his side, his breakfast spot is not
I will be ignored, so my life is barely tolerable. It may be harder to support a college student sister, but compared to the predicament I had when I was a child, everything is much better.
Li Xiaohei is getting busier and busier because he has more and more work to do.
Bai Xiaobai was also working and studying, and the two of them spent less and less time together.
Li Xiaohei could clearly feel this, but he didn't say anything.
He knew how powerful Bai Xiaobai's charm was, and how many talented students in the school dreamed of her. From the most realistic point of view, he who didn't even have a junior high school education and someone who was already a student at a top university
Bai Xiaobai, we are no longer compatible.
Although he has supported Bai Xiaobai to this point, he is still responsible for most of Bai Xiaobai's tuition fees until now.
But this is nothing to be proud of. From the beginning to the end, Li Xiaohei knew one thing, that is, if Bai Xiaobai is willing, there are people who are willing to pay for her tuition, and are even willing to marry her home while she is in school.
Li Xiaohei occasionally looked down at the calluses on his hands. He didn't think he had the courage to hold Bai Xiaobai's hand with such hands.
Reborn again and again, if he and Bai Xiaobai had a fate, then this fate should also disappear.
He wanted her to have a better life and ending. He couldn't afford such things, so it would be better to slowly alienate her.
He almost never goes to Bai Xiaobai's school.
Telephone contacts are becoming less and less frequent.
Occasionally, when we are alone together, I start to deliberately make her angry.
Freshman, freshman, sophomore, third and senior.
College is coming to an end.
During this period, Bai Xiaobai did not participate in any internship interviews, nor did she have any intention to continue her studies. Li Xiaohei would ask her what she wanted to do, but when she was a child, she would sweetly call him brother, but as she got older, she became more and more confused.
The more young women like to call him by his name, they will angrily reply to him every time: "Don't worry about it."
The night before graduation, Bai Xiaobai did not attend the dinner among classmates. Instead, he found Li Xiaohei and said he wanted to celebrate.
Knowing that she had not found a job until graduation, or to be precise, she had given up many opportunities, Li Xiaohei was very angry and was happily poured a lot of wine by Bai Xiaobai.
Then, the next day, when he opened his eyes, he saw Bai Xiaobai lying next to him.
Although it is a bit outrageous, the fact is that he was pushed back by Bai Xiaobai.
Even to be sure, Bai Xiaobai not only drank him, but also drugged him.
She asked Li Xiaohei to take responsibility for her with an innocent but tough look.
For Bai Xiaobai, a better life, a wonderful future, so-called opportunities, etc. are not important.
If Li Xiaohei feels that the relationship between them is getting farther and farther because of her beauty and excellence, then Bai Xiaobai is willing to take the initiative to close this distance.
She doesn't care about any opportunities, a bright future, good clothing, good food, and financial freedom may be good, but she still likes Li Xiaohei. Even if he is poorer, being with her will be happy.
After graduation, she stayed away from the university circle and began to work from dawn to dusk with Li Xiaohei selling breakfast, late night snacks, and even delivering takeout with him. The two of them set up a fruit stall and worked as a courier service. These things cannot make people rich.
Expensive, but there is no problem in living.
Bai Xiaobai's face soon showed signs of weathering and wrinkles around her eyes, but her charm became even more astonishing.
The two got married when Li Xiaohei was thirty years old. Since they were both orphans, there was no big deal. After receiving the certificate, they had a delicious meal and that was about it.
The ups and downs and sadness of the previous rebirths seemed to have passed.
In this life, although their lives are very tiring, at least they have a space that can be called peaceful.
When Li Xiaohei was thirty-two years old, Bai Xiaobai gave birth to a child for him.
boy.
Li Xiaohei racked his brains and looked through the dictionary all night, and finally named the child Li Hao.
Li Hao is extremely smart. Whether he walks or talks, he is one step ahead of children of the same age. At certain times, his behavior can even be called mature.
The family of three barely settled down in this city.
But as time went by, Li Xiaohei's inner emotions continued to become tense.
He has a wife and a child, and the child is growing up day by day, but Li Xiaohei doesn't know what he will encounter next.
time flies.
The days passed day by day.
On Li Hao's seventh birthday, Bai Xiaobai went out and bought a cake. After Li Xiaohei came back from outside, the three of them lit the candles and blew out the cake. When Bai Xiaobai went to the kitchen to serve the meal, Li Hao came to Li Xiaohei's house.
Hei stood beside him, hugged his neck, and whispered, "Dad, guess what wish I just made."
"This can't be said, it won't work if you say it."
Li Xiaohei laughed and touched his son's head.
"But I want to tell you."
Li Hao blinked and said seriously.
Li Xiaohei nodded and said with a smile, "Okay, tell me what wish you made."
He thought that his son might want a set of Ultraman toys or an electric car that he had talked about for a long time. If this was the wish, he decided to bring it back to his son when he went out tomorrow.
"I just secretly made a wish"
Li Hao put his arms around Li Xiaohei's neck and whispered, "I hope my parents won't be sad after I die."
The seven-year-old child's voice was tender and erratic, but in Li Xiaohei's ears, it was like thunder.
His expression was completely frozen, his face was pale, and his ears were buzzing. Looking at his serious-looking son, an inexplicable rage burst out from the depths of his heart.
His face began to turn red and his breathing became rapid.
"You little bastard, you're talking nonsense, you little bastard."
His voice was trembling and somewhat incoherent.
"I'm serious."
Li Hao said softly, "Dad, don't hit me."
"you you"
Li Xiaohei looked at his son. He wanted to hit someone, but the worries he had been suppressing seemed to burst out at this moment. He suddenly realized that he would face the most painful fact again, and an unprecedented sense of powerlessness enveloped his body and mind.
, his body is getting softer and softer.
"I'll give you a gift, Dad."
Li Hao continued, he took out a small thing from his pocket, put it in Li Xiaohei's hand, and grinned.
That thing was like a building block, emitting the purest blue light.
Li Xiaohei lowered his head silently and looked at the things in his hands. His breathing became more rapid.
"What's this?"
He looked at the thing in his hand and asked hoarsely.
In his hand was a symbol that emitted blue light and was made of countless complex lines. It looked so familiar yet so strange.
Every time before death comes, Li Xiaohei can see this symbol.
This is this
"This is your destiny, Dad."
Li Hao whispered, "You should know, it's in your hands now."
Li Xiaohei's breathing became more and more rapid.
He firmly held the symbol in his hand and controlled his own destiny.
Li Hao sat on his lap, very well-behaved and quiet, like a child who was not familiar with the world.
He is indeed a child.
But he is a child that Li Xiaohei cannot understand.
"if"
Li Xiaohei was silent for a long time. "If I give this to you, will you still die?"
"useless."
Li Hao smiled and said, "I also have my destiny, and this is my father's thing. I don't want it. What I want, I will take it myself."
"Are you really not, who the hell are you?"
Li Xiaohei stared blankly at his son in his arms.
"I am your son."
Li Hao stretched out his small palm and touched Li Xiaohei's chin, "It will always be."