The sky in Dongzhou City in the afternoon was gray, as if covered with a layer of mold.
The weather forecast said there would be heavy rain in the evening, but on this summer weekend, people were still coming and going at the Guomao Plaza on Mingxing Street.
Among them, a man wearing an orange brown bear toy costume was handing out leaflets to passers-by. He wriggled his body lively from time to time, making many children passing by laugh.
The children's laughter made many passers-by smile and happily accept the flyers, but most people still waved their hands and refused.
Probably because the heavy rain is approaching, there is a muggy heat in the air.
Under the brown bear doll suit, Lei Yue was already sweating profusely from the heat, but he continued to perform hard.
It wasn't until the sky became darker and darker and his head became more and more dizzy that he walked to a remote leisure bench and sat down, put down a large stack of flyers, pulled back the hood of the doll suit, and let out a sullen breath.
He looked at the crowd in the distance, took out a bottle of mineral water from the pocket of his doll suit, opened it and took a few gulps.
At this time, a little boy holding hands with his mother passed by on the side path.
As soon as the little boy looked curiously, he suddenly seemed to see something terrifying and exclaimed: "Mom, look at that person!"
The woman turned her head to look, frowned, and whispered instructing: "Don't look at him." After saying that, she took her son's hand and walked away quickly.
Soon, another child and his parents passed by on the path, and then the next couple, and the next couple. Children who noticed Lei Yue would exclaim, dodge behind their parents in fear, and some would even cry in fear.
"Dad, look, that man looks so scary..."
"Mom, is that person a monster?"
Some adults saw it inadvertently, turned their heads abruptly, and quickened their pace.
Lei Yue drank mineral water as if no one else was around, tore open a pack of biscuits and ate them. Occasionally, he squeezed out a smile to the surprised passers-by, so that those voices and eyes that entangled him like thorns would make him unable to get rid of them.
The sense of alienation is not that stinging.
He is a senior high school graduate who insisted on taking the acting exam because of a childhood oath he made to his parents despite the disapproval of his teachers.
Although he performed well in the live performances in the examination room and his college entrance examination scores stood out among the candidates, he was not admitted to any of the art schools he applied for and failed as expected.
So far, this is the only job where he can cover his face and wear a doll costume, so he won't be disliked by others.
Lei Yue thought about it, took out his mobile phone, and saw his face reflected in the matte screen:
Medium-short hair, half-covered, handsome face on the right side, thick eyebrows, big eyes, and clear contours;
The left side of the face, bounded by the midline of the nose and extending to the left ear, is full of pitted and twisted purple-red flesh, and is full of scars that will never fade away.
Half of his nose was rotten, half of his mouth was rotten, his left ear was also mutilated, and there was a large area of scalp exposed next to the ear. It was a rotten face.
A fire broke out in his home when he was six years old. Not only did Lei Yue lose his parents, he also lost his health. Half of his body was burned extensively and half of his face was severely disfigured. The hospital was unable to repair it.
"Monster" and "Monster", from that time on, throughout Lei Yue's growth process, he would constantly hear this name, called by people he knew and people he didn't know, openly and privately.
He was raised by his grandmother, who always said to him seriously: "Xiao Yue, leave them alone. Those who call you a monster are the monsters."
It was his grandmother who always encouraged him to be brave, encouraged him to boldly persist in his interest and study in acting that he had developed before the fire disfigured him, and also supported him in pursuing this love and pursuing the vow he could never let go of.
A few months ago, my grandma was diagnosed with late-stage liver cancer and was admitted to the hospital soon. Now her condition is not very good.
Grandma didn't want to continue the treatment. The only thing she couldn't bear to leave in the world was Lei Yue. But because of this, she didn't want to waste any more money. The money had to be left for her grandson to use for tuition, treatment fees and other things.
But for Lei Yue, he was even more reluctant to let go of his grandmother. How could he give up?
Grandma has taken care of him for so many years and is his closest and only relative in the world. It doesn't matter whether she has money or not.
Lei Yue rested for about five minutes, hurriedly finished the biscuits, drank half a bottle of water, put the doll costume hood back on, and continued to skip towards the passers-by in the center of the square.
He also walked towards the shopping mall, preparing to finish distributing the flyers in his hands and grab one.
Grandma doesn’t have much savings, so she has to bear the medical expenses by herself. Now he works three jobs during the day, and then goes to take out food for four hours after 22:00 at night...
Soon, the laughter of children echoed in this bustling commercial square again.
The flyers Lei Yue handed out were all obtained from the business center of the mall, and they promoted various stores in the mall.
The first floor of the shopping mall was full of people having fun and hanging out. The sound of clanking machines came from the game hall. Dinner guests began to gather in various restaurants. Many students who went out to play during the summer vacation gathered in groups.
"Galaxy KTV, welcome everyone!" Lei Yue handed out the last stack of flyers in his hand as he walked, shouting the merchant's slogan from time to time.
Suddenly, he stopped and saw several familiar figures walking past him talking and laughing. They were all his high school classmates in Dongzhou No. 1 Middle School.
They walked straight into a restaurant with trendy decoration nearby. Lei Yue saw through the transparent glass wall that there were more classmates inside, laughing and laughing. They seemed to be having a party.
When his eyes moved to the corner of the sofa, his heart suddenly pounded. Yang Yinuo was here too...
The girl had long, straight black hair, was tall, had a delicate face, and had a gentle and elegant temperament.
Yang Yinuo is the class study committee member and the goddess in the class. She is very kind to everyone. She never averts her eyes when looking at Lei Yue. Sometimes she talks and laughs. She even lends her study notes several times.
he.
Lei Yue watched silently and stood still for a while before jumping into the restaurant and walking toward his peers who were laughing constantly.
Restaurants do not welcome people who come in to hand out flyers because they will disturb guests while they are eating.
The female manager wanted to stop the brown bear doll, but she thought that his recent performance had brought a lot of joy to the entire mall and the customers liked it, so she let him in and reminded him to hurry up and get it done.
Lei Yue thanked him and walked away from other customers while silently counting the number of his classmates.
There are 50 people in the class, and now more than half of them are there. Is this a high school graduation party? Why didn't anyone say it to the classmate group?
Why didn't anyone inform him...
"Is there anyone else who hasn't come?" A boy with curly hair shouted, scanning the whole place, "That kid Mabu hasn't come yet, call him and ask if he's here yet, Xigua, Xiaohei... and
Woolen cloth?"
A short and fat boy heard this and suggested: "Lei Yue isn't here either, how about I call him?"
At this time, the restaurant fell silent, and everyone's expressions became strange, but no one said anything. The fat boy immediately realized that the atmosphere was not right, and stopped trying to make a phone call.
"Lei Yue, um..." The curly-haired boy hesitated and said in an awkward tone: "I heard from Teacher Wang that his grandmother is hospitalized with cancer. Lei Yue must be very busy recently, so let's not disturb him."
"Ah, that's it, then don't bother him!" A girl with glasses immediately responded.
Immediately afterwards, several more girls said: "Yes." "Don't call me Lei Yue."
Most of the students breathed a sigh of relief and started talking and laughing again, while casually accepting the flyer sent by a brown bear in a doll suit.
"But, Ah Yue..." The fat boy was a little puzzled. He was still about to speak, but was pulled away by another man with glasses beside him.
The bespectacled man approached the fat boy and whispered in a warning tone: "We don't want him to come. Do you understand? Let's eat. Wouldn't it be off-putting to have Lei Yue's face there..."
"Uh." The fat boy had nothing to say at this time and just scratched his head.
Although the man with glasses spoke softly, everyone could actually hear it. One girl lowered her voice as if gossiping and said, "Yeah, I got scared when I saw his face..."
Another girl nodded, "He sometimes smiles at you, as if you know him very well. You don't know that his grin is so scary."
"Yes, that guy is really not polite. He actually dared to take the art exam."
"I heard that he had some mental problems. He suffered from burns in a fire when he was a child. Some people saw him taking medicine."
"Actually, it doesn't matter to us, but won't there be some friends from other schools coming over later? It wouldn't be good to scare them, they won't be able to let go..."
At the same time, the brown bear in the doll costume squirmed and jumped up to Yang Yinuo and handed her a leaflet.
Yang Yinuo did not participate in the discussion, as if she had not heard it. She calmly drank the milk tea in her hand and took the flyer casually.
At this time, another group of young men and women walked in at the door of the restaurant. Everyone cheered, leaving the topic of Lei Yue behind and went to greet them one after another.
Yang Yinuo also smiled and stood up to wave.
Those who came in included their classmates and students from other schools, invited by some acquaintances.
"Nono!" One of the tall and handsome boys walked over quickly, put his arm around Yang Yinuo's shoulders, and the two of them sat down on the sofa affectionately. He said eagerly: "Shall we go to the movies later?" She said expectantly:
"Um."
The restaurant was lively, with young people drinking milk tea and joking. No one paid special attention to the departure of the doll, and no one noticed that the doll stopped jumping when he left.
No one wants to see a bad face, they're disgusted, they're scared, that's why.
Youth and love have nothing to do with you.
Flyers, handing out flyers, money, medical expenses...this is my business. Grandma is still seriously ill in the hospital...
Why would Grandma, such a good person, get cancer? Isn’t it said that good people are rewarded?
No, this is not a reasonable world.
After night fell, heavy rain began to cover the entire Dongzhou. Lei Yue was extremely panicked because of a call.
When he rushed to Dongzhou People's Hospital, soaked to the skin, and walked into the ward panting, his grandmother was already on her deathbed.
"Grandma..." Lei Yue staggered to the bedside and held his grandma's hand.
His impression of his grandmother was always her wrinkled but kind smile full of Buddha-like features, but his grandmother's face had long become dry and thin, and every wrinkle looked dilapidated.
At this time, grandma struggled to open her eyes, but she could only open a slight gap. Her eyes were extremely cloudy. She seemed to be able to recognize people, but she seemed not to recognize them anymore.
"Be mentally prepared." Before leaving the ward, Dr. Ma, the bedside doctor, whispered seriously to Lei Yue, "The patient will leave at any time."
Lei Yue looked at his grandmother's face, and his eyes were vaguely hit by the heat wave, "Mother-in-law, mother-in-law..." He called her over and over again, calling for her to stay, stay a little longer.
"Is it Xiao Yue..." Grandma suddenly seemed to be energetic, her eyes opened a little wider, and there was energy inside.
"It's me, mother-in-law, I'm here." Lei Yue squeezed his grandmother's old hand, "I'm right here."
"Xiao Yue, you have to live a good life..." Grandma spoke very slowly, very messily, very weakly, and some of her voice was speechless, but her thin face still smiled so kindly, "Be happy every day...
…”
Lei Yue nodded repeatedly, as if he was standing at the art test performance site again. His face quickly turned into a bright smile, and his voice was full of expectation and joy, as if something great had just happened:
"Grandma, I just went to the Guomao International Trade Center to attend a class reunion, and I had a lot of fun with everyone. Yang Yinuo, remember her, she accepted the gift I gave her and promised to go to the movies with me. I think...
I think she really likes me."
Grandma must have heard it, and she grinned a better-looking smile on her old face that had already shown a lifeless look, and murmured something that she couldn't speak clearly.
Those loving eyes looked at him, and the newly restored look gradually disappeared, gradually dissipated, and finally returned to darkness.
The electrocardiogram monitor next to the hospital bed made a beeping sound, and the lines on the screen became straight. Grandma passed away, but there was still a smile from her last moments on her lips.
"Ha...haha..." Lei Yue's smile gradually became stiff, his throat trembled, and his eyes turned red.
He still held his grandmother's hand tightly and buried his head in the hospital bed, hiding his face and tears.
…
The night sky was so dark that it looked like it was about to collapse, and heavy rain was pouring down, washing away the neon-lit city.
Blue, purple, red and other dazzling lights are mixed with the rain, intertwined with the ghostly whistling of cars, everything is colorful and chaotic.
But in the eyes of those who return home alone, this is just a black and white world, like the screen of an old-fashioned television.
The old urban village, the quiet small apartment unit, and the once bright family photo on the coffee table in the living room have now become black and white.
Lei Yue did not turn on the light, and walked into his room in the dim light reflected from the window. The small room had not been tidied for many days, and everything was in a mess.
This home will also be gone.
His first home was burned to ruins by fire, and nothing was left except for him, who was rescued by his grandmother.
The place was demolished a few years later, and his grandmother and he received a sum of money, which they spent all on seeking treatment for his rotten face and strange illnesses over the years.
Lei Yue sat on the edge of the bed, looked at the medicine bottles on the bedside table, and stared at one of them, "Olanzapine."
This is a psychotropic drug that he started taking after the fire because he suffered from a rare disease, a delusional disorder that even doctors could not explain - "Cotard Syndrome".
Doctors say this is one of the rarest and most terrifying mental illnesses in the world, also known as the "disease of the living dead."
Patients will think that they are dead, and will suffer from very strong death hallucinations during the onset, such as body decay, blood stagnation, etc., and will also be accompanied by other symptoms.
Lei Yue did not go to get the medicine bottle, but lay straight on the bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to the wind and rain outside the window.
After eating it for so many years, I don’t want to eat it anymore.
Is it the disease of the living dead? But he is indeed dead. He died a long time ago. He died in the fire that year.
"Live well, mother-in-law." Lei Yue murmured, "Do you think everyone hates me, or do they just hate my face?"
No one wants to see you...your face...
The night rain outside was getting heavier and heavier, and the night wind made the windows bang. The glass windows that had been in disrepair for a long time were finally blown open, and rain poured in.
Suddenly, something flew through the storm. Lei Yue turned around and saw that it was a crow.
The crow is huge, with black feathers all over its body, its eyes are deep, its strong claws are grasping the crumbling window sill, and its long beak is raised in sharp curves.
He looked at the uninvited guest in silence, and the indescribable strange feeling he had had since the fire slightly emerged again.
If he doesn't take medicine, he will see what are medically called hallucinations. The more serious the condition, the more hallucinations he will see.
Every time, this crow always appears first, but there are others...
The cold wind blew the dark light in the corner of the bedroom, and Lei Yue suddenly saw that a tall weirdo wearing dirty rags suddenly sat on the wooden chair in the corner. The shadow shrouded the other person's face that could not be seen clearly
face.
But he could see that there were pieces of corroded flesh and blood hanging on the strange man's body, and rot and residue were constantly falling off, which was just like the miserable look he saw on his own body when he got sick.
Lei Yue's heart skipped a beat and he quickly looked away. The last thing he wanted to see when he got sick was this weirdo.
But he also saw a pair of classical flying goggles next to the many medicine bottles on the bedside table. The lenses were covered with a thick layer of dust, and the brown leather wrapped around the frame looked very stiff. The whole glasses seemed to be broken at any time.
Crow, weirdo, goggles...
They all showed up.
Lei Yue frowned and looked at the bottle of olanzapine again. After a while, he still didn't take it. He just closed his eyes, closed them tightly, and opened them again. At this time, the goggles were gone.
Close it tightly and open it again, and the weirdo is gone.
But no matter how many times he opened and closed it, the crow was always there.
The crow suddenly flapped its wings and flew away from the windswept window sill, landing on the unlit lamp on the bedside table with its eyes like a torch.
The weak nightlight illuminated its body, casting its shadow onto the floor where rain had splashed into it. The huge, elongated shadow looked like a statue in the dark.
Gradually, Lei Yue looked at it again.
The fire happened at night. When he was lying on a stretcher and being transported to the ambulance, while crying, he saw this crow flying from the distance of the night, covering the burning high-rise buildings, the waning moon and the street lights in black.
From then until now, this was the first time that I had observed it so carefully.
Lei Yue used to feel nervous and disgusted with it, thinking that it was seeking his family's bad luck, but now his eyes have gradually softened.
Crows, generally considered ominous and ugly black birds, are always feared and driven away by people...
"Everyone dislikes you." Lei Yue's face, which was both good and bad, suddenly grinned, "I just realized that we are so similar..."
He tried to clarify his messy thoughts, and after a while, he added: "Maybe, I still have you as a friend in this world."
Friend, this was the first time he called a crow this way, the first time he had such an accepting attitude toward it.
On the other side of the desk lamp, the crow didn't look at him, it just turned its dark eyes slightly, thinking about something unpredictable.
"Friend?" Lei Yue called it again, hoping that the crow would respond and break his loneliness.
But the crow remained silent, as if he didn't exist at all.
Lei Yue ignored it and muttered to himself about his confusion:
"Actually, I don't know if I can hold on, and I don't know how I will go next..."
He remembered some legends about crows, looked at the mysterious black bird, and laughed at himself:
"I heard that crows not only eat the carrion of the dead, but also know how to lead the dead on the road to resurrection. My friend, my mother-in-law asked me to live well, so what do you think I should do as a living dead? Can you guide me?
"
The broken glass windows were blown louder and louder by the strong wind, but the crow did not open its long beak and uttered a single word.
Over there, it seemed to have completed its inexplicable inspection of the surroundings, and suddenly it flapped its wings fiercely, took off from the desk lamp, and flew out the window.
"Hey, where are you going!" Lei Yue was startled, quickly stood up, ran to the window sill and looked outside.
At this time, there was a flash of lightning in the night sky outside, and a crow was seen running wildly through the bloody rainstorm, and all the raindrops were fluttered and splashed by it.
Lei Yue opened his eyes and looked around, the scars on his rotten face trembling slightly.
Why did it leave and not regard me as a friend? Could it be that even this ugly black bird dislikes me so much...
His mind was shaking violently like a rainstorm, but immediately, another thought emerged, and he grabbed hold of it:
"No, the crow is taking me somewhere. It is responding to me. It is leading the way. It is definitely the way I should take..."
But does this crow really exist? Maybe, and what does it matter?
Over the years, in order to reassure my mother-in-law, I accepted the identity of a patient, and the crow was just an illusion, and I honestly cooperated with the doctor and medicine to expel it.
But, now and in the future, it is no longer necessary.
Lei Yue thought about it until he smiled that smile that others said was scary, turned around and walked away with a long stride.
He left the house, went down the corridor, and walked on the dilapidated and wet road, letting the rain hit his face and wet his medium-short black hair.
The rain was freezing, the wind was biting, and the skin and flesh began to freeze.
Lei Yue felt that this was just right.
This night will be a new beginning. He will no longer let drugs cover up what he sees, nor will he let his hair cover up his ragged face.
In this way, the line of sight is not blocked, and the whole world becomes clearer in the eyes.
The trees on the roadside were blown by the strong wind and made a rustling sound, like the hoarse words of a damaged tape. Through the gaps between the ghostly branches and leaves, only the city lights were dim, and the neon halo became dim and dim in the heavier rainstorm.
green.
Lei Yue followed the crow in the sky alone, walking towards the darkness in the distance and towards the shadow-filled street.
The cold rain fell on his black windbreaker and disappeared in the stream of light.
Hello everyone, long time no see. Wow Li has gone through last year’s surgery, recovery and preparation. A newbie has set sail with a new book. Please save it and read it. It will be updated at 19:00 every night from tomorrow~~~