The heat that had been suffocating in the room had long since subsided, leaving a little chill instead.
Lin Yunyan looked at Xu Miao and comforted her softly: "It's all a dream."
She didn't want Mrs. Xu to end up crazy again, and that was definitely not what Xu Jian wanted to see.
To this end, the two of them made a lot of preparations in advance and achieved many results.
Without Liu Jing and Liu Xun, it stands to reason that nothing could excite Mrs. Xu so much.
However, deep down in her heart, Lin Yunyan inevitably felt heavy and depressed.
Mrs. Xu's dream was very real, and there was even a dream that she was familiar with.
Xu Jian is sitting in a wheelchair.
She pushed that wheelchair for so many years.
When the two of them escaped from the capital, Mrs. Xu's condition was not very good. When Liu Ping's grandmother secretly handed them money, she also mentioned that she was "exhausted mentally and physically", "she's like crazy", "my aunt and her husband's family"
I’m afraid I won’t be able to hold on even if I run back and forth to my parents’ house.”
After that, I only received sporadic messages.
It's very rough, just saying "crazy".
Lin Yunyan didn't know whether there was someone behind this "crazy" person who stabbed Liu Jing with scissors like in Mrs. Xu's dream. If there was really such a thing, then...
Is that still a simple dream?
If this paragraph is not a dream, then what are the other scenes that Mrs. Xu dreamed about?
Lin Yunyan wasn't sure, but she couldn't get the result after chasing Mrs. Xu.
Not only could she not ask, but she had to comfort Mrs. Xu over and over again, telling her not to get into trouble.
Xu Miao raised her hand and gently wiped the corners of her eyes.
Turning her head, she looked at the closed door behind her, thinking about Xu Jian's pain while being treated.
Xu Shi's emotions were here. Princess Xu Shi's usual kindness and gentleness made her willing to talk. She said many things that she had never said to anyone before.
Not to A Jian, not to A Ping, not to Nanny, not to Xun'er, and even less to Liu Jing.
"I'm very conflicted sometimes," Xu Miao spoke very slowly, as if only speaking slowly in this way could suppress the turbulent ups and downs in her heart, "I've actually been confused all my life."
"I want to go back to my childhood, when my mother was still alive, and spend more time with her, and let her spend more time with me. I want her to teach me a lot of things, instead of growing up alone."
"I also thought that before I got married, I didn't save me and I didn't marry him. I would marry a father who is satisfied and likes me. He really loves me."
"But more often than not, I don't want to change anything."
"Before the master left Beijing, I once told him that I have no regrets. I have no regrets over the past twenty years. I did not lie to him, nor did I lie to myself."
"If I hadn't married him, how could I have Ah Jian, Xun'er and Ah Ping?"
"If I change my life, I will get something else, but I will lose three people. I don't want to."
"My father may be satisfied with me marrying a son-in-law he likes, or he may like my other children, but I know that what he wants most is A Jian. A Jian is his lifelong pride and no one can replace her."
Lin Yunyan did not interrupt Mrs. Xu's words, but responded softly, indicating that she was listening carefully.
She thought it might as well say it.
After all these heavy thoughts were spoken out, Mrs. Xu felt better.
"Furthermore," Mrs. Xu paused, curved her lips and smiled, her eyes already sparkling, "How can it be so easy to go back to the past?"
Lin Yunyan blinked her eyes.
She has experience with this topic, but it's hard for her to talk about it.
"No one guarantees that as long as you go back to the past, you can escape all pain, not even a Bodhisattva."
"The road of life is too difficult, full of forks in the road. I've rounded one corner, but what about the next one? Isn't it wrong?"
"I walked to a completely unfamiliar place and looked at the fork in the road I had never been before. Can I choose the right one? Maybe if I choose, I will choose another pain that I have never tasted."
"How many chances do I have to re-elect?"
"Even if I did, time and time again, would I really have the courage to try one road after another and endure the pain bit by bit?"
It goes back and forth, endlessly.
Xu Miao didn't have that kind of opportunity and performance, but she knew that she might not be able to bear it.
The struggle in the trough is past, and she can look back now because she has come through it.
If she walked through it again, she might really be as crazy as in the dream, right?
Lin Yunyan was stunned.
She was experiencing Mrs. Xu's emotions, but she had not thought about Mrs. Xu's perspective.
She has always been lucky, and so far, her choices are all right. She has overcome the previous hurdles step by step, and is getting closer to her desired goal step by step.
Is it because we haven’t reached the end yet and haven’t reflected the previous rights and wrongs?
Or is it because she is not alone?
She and Xu Jian are walking this road again.
But even so, he is still very lucky.
Fortunately, she has not experienced a "mistake" in more than a year. At least on the surface, obvious mistakes have never happened.
A fluke?
Lin Yunyan couldn't tell.
Her heart was agitated, with many emotions intertwined together.
She took a deep breath, it was difficult to describe it in words, but she knew that the deepest emotion was definitely not a fluke.
After Xu Miao said this, Lin Yunyan beside him stopped talking.
She turned to look at her and found that the princess pursed her lips and frowned.
"Are you scared?" Xu Miao hurriedly asked her, "You blame me for saying that there is something there and there is nothing. It's all just random thoughts, but you took it to heart."
Lin Yunyan laughed out loud when she heard this.
She usually comforted Mrs. Xu, but now it was the other way around, with Mrs. Xu coming to comfort her.
"I'm not scared," Lin Yunyan looked more relaxed, "even after hearing it roughly, I couldn't help but wonder if I could bear it if failure and pain happened over and over again.
Don't think it's just something you have and don't have. I actually really like hearing these.
People of every age have different ideas. I often listen to the Empress Dowager and my grandmother talking about things, and I often listen to my sisters talking about things. My aunts love me very much, but they can't help and won't come to this kind of inner talk.
Tell me.
My mother passed away early, so I don’t know how a mother looks after her children. If you want to tell me, it’s too late for me to be happy.”
Xu Miao held Lin Yunyan's hand tightly and choked up for a moment.
She could completely understand the feeling of "losing her mother", and therefore felt even more sorry for Lin Yunyan.
She still has memories of getting along with her mother when she was a child, but the princess was too young at the time and doesn't remember anything.
After all, other people's memories belong to other people, and they are not as good as one ten millionth of those held in a mother's arms.
Perhaps, it was precisely because of this true emotion that she couldn't let go of her children.
The emotions she conveyed to them were also the "reflections" she wanted to get from her late mother.
She enjoys all the ups and downs.
Perhaps the princess will also experience this from her own children in the future.
It's just that Mrs. Xu can't express her feelings now.
How can any elder start giving birth to a baby before his wife even enters the house?
What she holds is not the idea of carrying on the family line, nor is she a boring and annoying person.
While he was talking, the door behind him opened with a creak.
Lin Yunyan turned around when she heard the sound and saw Xu Jian coming out of the room.
Xu Jian had already tidied up, and the injury to his right leg could not be seen under his robe. He just walked slower than usual when going down the steps. Shen Chen even stepped forward to help him.
When the two sides met, Xu Jian's eyes fell on Lin Yunyan and Xu Miao, and it was obvious at a glance that both of them were in a low mood.
This is inevitable, and it’s strange to be happy.
However, after a few more glances, Xu Jian saw something meaningful in Lin Yunyan's eyes. She didn't seem to be holding back her anger, but she was thinking deeply.
Not quite right.
When Lin Yunyan left the house earlier, she was not in this state. The two of them should have said something...
He even said it from the bottom of his heart.
Xu Jian was not sure for a moment, but felt that her mood was also much lower.
Lin Yunyan came over and asked her: "Just walk back to the front like this? Don't you want to sit in a sedan?"
Xu Jian pursed her lower lip.
I usually walk back, and Dr. Yue never said he wouldn't let me go. I felt a lot better just now, but this time is different from the past.
Such a small thing is not worth turning into oil and pouring it on the fire for no reason.
"There is a sedan." Xu Jian said and glanced at Shen Chen.
Shenchen was smart and rushed to make arrangements.
Xu Miao looked at Lin Yunyan and then at Xu Jian, unable to hold back her laughter.
She had mentioned before that A Jian found it troublesome, so she couldn't keep trying to persuade him, so she gave up.
Sure enough, one thing is better than another. The princess spoke up and stopped.
The sedan arrived soon. Xu Miao only said a few words and left first. Lin Yunyan and Xu Jian returned to the front.
Xu Baiben had prepared tea and snacks in the flower hall. Hearing that the Duke of Guo had taken the princess to the study, he was extremely surprised and hurriedly carried the snack box outside the study.
The study room is a "forbidden area" in the mansion, even Xu Bai has never entered it.
He handed the box to Shen Chen and asked in a low voice: "Is it really inside?"
Shen Chen was already used to this.
The princess can also enter the study room of Taohe Zhai whenever she wants.
"After all, she is the princess," he said to Xu Bai.
Xu Bai thought for a while and nodded.
Right.
After all, she is the princess, and soon she will be the princess of the country. We are a husband and wife, who are you and me?
Shen Chen brought some snacks in, prepared some tea, and then left.
Lin Yunyan held the tea cup and looked around.
It's almost the same as in memory, but not exactly the same. The house is just like that. The longer you live in it, the more things you have.
There was a couch beside it for resting, and Xu Jian lay down on it without paying any attention to Lin Yunyan.
It doesn’t matter.
The more particular he was, the more the little princess would nag.
This was also the reason why they didn't go to the flower hall. They could do it in one step so as not to wait for Xu Jian to move to another place later. Anyway, the little princess didn't regard herself as a guest.
In order to calm the little princess's temper, Xu Jian even took the initiative to take a thin blanket and cover her legs.
Seeing the blanket, Lin Yunyan's brows stopped frowning so tightly.
Seeing this, Xu Jian said, "I didn't know you were here today, but the snacks prepared in the kitchen are not as sweet as the ones at Taohe Zhai that suit your taste."
Lin Yunyan responded and said: "I'm thinking that if I have the opportunity, I can invite Grandma He to come to the house. Madam will probably want to try her craftsmanship."
Xu Jian raised her eyebrows slightly.
If the young princess wants to mention her conversation with Mrs. Xu, this is really a good entry point.
As expected, the next sentence followed.
"Madam just talked to me a lot," Lin Yunyan glanced at Xu Jian and said, "She still holds back many thoughts in her heart. Even without Liu Jing and Liu Xun, it's not good for her to hold things back. She needs someone. Listen to her.
There are some things that she can't tell you and A-Ping, or the nuns, but she will tell me some of them. There are also things that she doesn't want to tell me, and she will be willing to tell Aunt He.
After all, when she was a child, she was very close to Grandma He, so a taste of her childhood would make her a lot happier."
Xu Jian felt that the "cause" in the middle was not a good thing, so he simply answered "effect" directly.
"I'll arrange for grandma to come." Xu Jian said.
Lin Yunyan asked again: "Don't you want to know what Madam said to me? I benefited a lot from her words."
Xu Jian:......
He guessed that there would be a lot of problems today, but he didn't expect that he would take everyone through Anpingyuan without hesitation. At this moment, the ledger would be opened again.
"What did she say?" Xu Jian could only ask.
Lin Yunyan smiled lightly, which temporarily relieved the depressed mood in her heart, and then she slowly recounted Mrs. Xu's thoughts.
"I didn't think about that before, but now that I think about it, I am indeed extremely lucky," Lin Yunyan sighed, "There were many flashes of inspiration, many things that came naturally, and a lot of them were even luck.
If there was any less luck, many things would not be like this.
And, if I was alone, I wouldn’t be able to do what I am doing now.”
She knew and worked hard that she could only influence the Empress Dowager in Chengyi's Mansion, but the Imperial Study Room and the Thousand-Step Corridor were not places she could control at will.
The one who can place chess pieces in the court is Xu Jian.
Xu Jian was silent for a while, obviously surprised by Xu Miao's thinking.
After a long while, he said: "It's really difficult to be alone. Without your help, I can't move the Queen Mother, and I don't know about Zhu Xiang."
For many things, no matter how fierce the investigation is, there will still be a gap in the end.
Once the gap appears, the subsequent development will "take place naturally", just like they found Li Mi's son in Zhu Xiang, and also found the real cause of King Ding's death.
Lin Yunyan stood up, walked to the couch, knelt down, looked up at Xu Jian, and said: "Many things are different from before. As the lady said, I walked to a completely unfamiliar place. Can I still take the next fork in the road?"
No one can guarantee that we are on the right track."
"We can only go on," Xu Jian's hand fell on Lin Yunyan's head very lightly, "Once you have passed it, you will know what is right and what is wrong. The more you know, the better your luck will be."
Lin Yunyan smiled again.
She also stretched out her hands, removed Xu Jian's hand from her head, and pressed her forehead against it: "Do we know enough?"
Xu Jian frowned.
Before he could answer, Lin Yunyan said again: "We'll find out when we go on. You rest, I have to go into the palace to see the Queen Mother."
After saying that, Lin Yunyan let go of Xu Jian's hand, stood up, straightened her clothes, turned around and walked out.
When Xu Jian saw that she was about to go around the floor covering, he called out to her: "Ayan."
Lin Yunyan stopped and turned around to look over.
Xu Jian looked at her with deep eyes: "You can get through, don't worry."
