Lin Yunyan who asked the question didn't have any answer in her mind, and she also knew that Xu Jian who heard her question couldn't give an answer.
Roads are criss-crossing each other, but no one can tell except when they reach the end.
Tears dripped down and fell on the back of Lin Yunyan's hand.
It was difficult for her to describe the emotions in her heart. The rolling ones and the silent ones were mixed together. She couldn't distinguish them and had no intention to distinguish them.
It was obvious that the words she just said were all things she had struggled with and considered over the past few days, and even preset some results. Xu Jian's response was not unexpected, but when she actually listened to his story,
Only then did Lin Yunyan realize that all psychological expectations were not enough.
Xu Jian said it very simply, even straightforwardly, skipping many details and leaving only the most critical information.
But behind the scenes, is it really that simple?
How long will it take him to go through and how many rights and wrongs will he experience before he can determine what is inevitable and what is change?
The road is winding and long, where does each fork lead to?
Time is changing and situations are changing. Will what is "right" this time necessarily be "right" in a different situation next time?
luck……
The more you master, the better your luck will be.
In fact, if Lin Yunyan was given another chance and asked to go back more than a year ago, she would not dare to say that she would be able to achieve the same results as today.
And what about Xu Jian?
With this "now" in his hands, how long has he been rampaging?
In the collision, he could even clearly calculate the injury to his own leg.
He tied Li Shao back to Yumen and let him slip out. During the confrontation with the Xiliang army, he brought Li Shao back from the crowd in distress...
Xu Jian chose the manner and severity of the injury, but the risks involved were by no means something he could brush off with just "it's more advantageous."
The battlefield is ever-changing, and God only knows how many people there will be.
Once Li Shao is slightly injured, it is no longer "advantageous".
No wonder Xu Jian didn't mention it at first, but she took the topic away several times when she asked him.
It's not that Xu Jian doesn't believe her.
Xu Jian just knew her so well. After knowing that she understood everything, she would uncontrollably think about every step he took.
It's long, lonely, and I can't see the way forward clearly, but I have to face failure every step of the way.
But now, they are still on the road and still have to keep trying and making mistakes.
Even the phrase "the princess is smart", in the final analysis, was just Xu Jian comforting her.
But she stubbornly wanted an answer.
Just like the last time, Xu Jian told her "you can get through", which actually didn't make sense, but she wanted to believe it.
With her eyelashes still stained with tears, Lin Yunyan raised her head and looked at Xu Jian: "I guess you want to change. We must change if we want to live well, but you are afraid of change because I am here, right?
"
Xu Jian lowered his eyes, his throat moved up and down involuntarily as their eyes crossed.
The little princess is really too keen.
Even though the words were rushed forward, and there was not much time for Lin Yunyan to think and organize, she was able to hit the nail on the head.
He was already used to it.
Time and time again, it was chaotic, confusing, sometimes disorganized, and even mindless.
He remembered that there was a period of time when he opened his eyes and didn't even know what night it was. Every day was changing. The day before yesterday was the late spring of the 17th year of Yongjia when the Empress Dowager passed away. Yesterday was the 14th year of Yongjia and Liu Xun was named on the gold list.
, I asked today, one day in the fifteenth year of Yongjia, he didn’t know what he said wrongly, and Lin Yunyan turned her head and ignored him...
Without preface and afterword, big things can be sorted out, but small things can't even be recalled at all.
Fortunately, after that, time suddenly stabilized. He safely sent Li Shao back to the capital from Yumen Pass where he had been in Yongjia for ten years. He thought he could garrison the border in an orderly manner, but he was stabbed by a Xiliang man the next year.
There is no way to avoid it, there is no way to hide.
Then, he walked in the darkness for a long time, like a traveler lost in the desert. Although he was not hungry, thirsty, or cold, the long road had no end.
Occasionally there will be mirages, Mrs. Xu's, An Yibo's, Li Shao's, and of course Lin Yunyan's.
He has also experienced many endings, half-measures and half-measures, which is not a good thing.
After getting used to it, he became very generous.
He just does whatever comes to his mind. To be great is to fail. If you fail and you can start over, then do it again. If you can't, just give up. It's not impossible to die completely.
It's better than bothering like this.
But now, he is indeed "fearful".
This time, the advancement of time is steady and every day is orderly. He must be cautious.
Because he had to take Lin Yunyan with him.
Because this is the best "beginning" he has achieved in so much chaos. It can even be said that although Li Shao was not abolished and the people who were causing trouble behind were not found out, he took part of the initiative.
machine.
In the past, when Xu Jian was more extreme, he might have chosen the most radical method.
There are so many intersections, so just walk around randomly. The more pits you step on, the more opportunities you will have when you start over.
But not this time.
He could mess it up himself, but he didn't want the little princess to mess up like this.
In addition to those changes, Xu Jian retained some "inevitability". He used these inevitabilities that he repeated over and over again to retain some familiarity and prevent it from collapsing due to complete unfamiliarity.
"Yes..." Xu Jian opened his mouth, just one word, but he was almost speechless. After adjusting for a while, he added, "Because you are here."
Lin Yunyan lowered her head.
She did not sit on the chair anymore, but squatted in front of Xu Jian, resting her forehead on the back of her hand on his knee. She opened her mouth several times and swallowed several times where Xu Jian could not see it.
Do you want to ask again?
Ask another question that she knows the answer to.
The first thing that broke my throat was the tears. They were falling one by one at first, but suddenly they formed a string, and I couldn't bear it anymore.
Xu Jian knew that Lin Yunyan was crying, her slender shoulders were shaking, and she was crying silently.
He couldn't see it, but he knew why.
This is also the most important reason for avoiding these questions again and again.
After being so open and honest, there was no point in hiding it anymore.
She actually knew the answer to the question that Lin Yunyan wanted to ask but couldn't formulate.
Xu Jian raised his hand, put his palm on his neck, and rubbed his Adam's apple hard with his fingertips, until his skin turned red, and the stinging pain finally cleared up the stuck voice. He called out:
"Ayan..."
Lin Yunyan's body trembled slightly.
"I gave up," Xu Jian pinched her Adam's apple again, "I gave up marrying you."
During those chaotic times, many times they were husband and wife. It was not Xu Jian's choice, but when he was more "clear", they had already made an engagement and got married.
And in the limited opportunity to let go, Xu Jian chose to refuse the marriage.
If his fate is so chaotic and he will eventually face Li Shao's suppression and persecution, then there is no need for him to drag Lin Yunyan and Chengyi Bo's house.
Lin Yunyan was the Empress Dowager's sweetheart. Even if the Empress Dowager eventually passed away, she could still pave a smooth path for her sweetheart.
It is much easier than marrying Xu Jian, the Duke of Fu who will be demoted sooner or later.
Unfortunately, the subsequent progress still gave Xu Jian a wake-up call.
Without this marriage, Uncle Chengyi's mansion was still raided. Xu Jian took people there according to the order. In the mess, he watched Lin Yunyan supporting his grandmother, her whole body crumbling in the cold wind.
Lin Yunyan didn't recognize him at that time, but Xu Jian was familiar with her and could see her forced calmness and pain and anger.
But he could only watch, that's all.
The feeling at that moment was so profound that the world began to collapse, the entire capital fell into chaos, flames shot into the sky, and the heat was like purgatory with no escape.
Xu Jian did not escape.
He was swallowed up by the chaos, and when he opened his eyes again, it was a dark night.
Grasshoppers were chirping at night, and the curtains were heavy. He was lying on the bed, and the people around him were sleeping deeply and breathing deeply.
With his unstoppable, violent, disordered heartbeat, he held her in his arms, listening to her low murmurs when she was awakened from her sleep, and letting her heartbeat calm down little by little...
At that time, he knew that it was impossible to "give up" again.
Giving up is the wrong path.
He couldn't save the little princess and Uncle Chengyi's mansion, nor could he save himself.
"Ayan," Xu Jian called again, "I'm sorry..."
Lin Yunyan cried even harder.
What's there to be sorry for?
Xu Jian had his own way of thinking when doing things. It was normal for him to choose a path that could at least "preserve" her and Uncle Chengyi's residence among all the dead-end roads.
If she were Xu Jian, after experiencing so many ups and downs, she would also try to walk this path.
It has nothing to do with habits or dependence, it is just "protection".
And when this protection fails, the person who feels the most heartbroken is undoubtedly the person who made the choice.
The other person is completely ignorant.
In fact, she knew too little from beginning to end.
Suddenly, Lin Yunyan remembered what happened at the time of the marriage.
The Holy Father pointed out Xu Jian's marriage, why did he point it out to her?
Because the young master of the Xia family told the Holy One that Xu Jian glanced at her from a distance on that summer evening in the square outside the palace gate.
That was a look that could not hide his emotions and allowed Young Master Xia to see the clues.
So, except for that one glance?
In those years when she had no memory and when she could not help him, how many times had Xu Jian seen her from a distance?
Suddenly, a warm palm fell on her head, stroking it gently.
He ran his fingers through her long, disheveled hair, soothing her silently.
Lin Yunyan bit her lower lip tightly, trying to hold back her tears.
She had to say something to Xu Jian, even if she didn't know what to say, she shouldn't be crying like this.
The fingers in the long hair paused for a moment, and then, along the ear and cheek, they touched Lin Yunyan's chin.
My fingertips felt not only wet but also tight.
Xu Jian's heartbeat skipped a beat, and she used some strength with her fingers to force Lin Yunyan to raise her head.
Sure enough, my lower lip was bleeding from biting it.
"The skin is broken," Xu Jian held her arm, asked Lin Yunyan to stand up, looked up at her, and said, "It's all bleeding."
Lin Yunyan wiped it with her knuckles, and a bright red line was drawn along the lip line.
She glanced at her finger and whispered: "Such a little blood..."
Compared to the leg injury Xu Jian suffered, it was nothing at all.
Xu Jian looked at her crying eyes and raised his hand to wipe the corners of her eyes.
Lin Yunyan looked at Xu Jian's raised arm and asked, "Am I still short?"
Without thinking, Xu Jian's hand movements froze, but she laughed out loud.
It's really not convenient.
If he really wanted to be more relaxed, he should let Lin Yunyan sit down too, but he didn't mind his leg injury, the little princess would never sit down.
Lin Yunyan is very stubborn on these matters.
Thinking of this, Xu Jian couldn't help but smile again and sighed: "Ayan has grown taller."
Lin Yunyan looked at him with tears in her eyes. Not only was she not fierce, but she was also pretty.
Xu Jianding glanced at her twice, shook his head with a wry smile, and finally used some strength in his hands to push her down and sit on his lap.
Lin Yunyan hurriedly wanted to get up.
"Left leg," Xu Jian didn't let go, but added a little more strength, "Left leg is fine."
Lin Yunyan was startled and subconsciously determined her left and right. Just when she was about to ask "What to do?", the hand that rubbed the corner of her eye held her cheek.
Their eyes met, her vision was blurry, but her feeling was a little sharper. The warm breath was very close and fell on her broken skin.
It hurts, feels numb, feels hot, and also makes me murmur.
She heard Xu Jian call her "Ayan", and she smelled the smell of rust.
The long eyelashes trembled, drooped, and closed.
As her lips and teeth rubbed together, Lin Yunyan thought, it was such a gentle kiss, but why were the tears she had suppressed pouring out again?
Outside, Wan Yue gathered her coat and glanced towards the inside.
She couldn't hear what was said inside, she only knew that the night was getting deeper.
The Duke has been here for a while, and if he doesn't leave, I'm afraid it won't be appropriate.
Moreover, the lamp inside was dimly lit and might go out soon. Wouldn't it be inappropriate for her to go in and light it up at that time?
After hesitating, there was finally some noise inside, and the wind suddenly became louder. After a while, it returned to normal, and then she heard the princess calling her.
Wan Yue hurriedly went in and looked around, but she didn't see Xu Jian.
"The Duke is gone?" she asked.
"Let's go." Lin Yunyan walked to the shelf, twisted her handkerchief and wiped her face, then went to the dressing table to apply some ointment.
Only then did Wan Yue realize that the princess had obviously cried. There were wounds on her mouth and her voice was hoarse. This...
"You, the Duke..." Wan Yue stuttered, not knowing whether or how to ask.
Seeing her at a loss, Lin Yunyan felt relieved, pursed her lips and smiled.
Wan Yue was confused, but was reassured by the smile of her princess, so she stopped asking.
In the alley, Xuan Su waited quietly for a long time.
It took too long for them to go there, but there was no extra movement inside, so there must be something wrong.
After waiting for a while, he heard familiar footsteps inside the wall. Xuan Su looked up and soon saw a figure climbing over the wall and landing smoothly on the ground.
Xuan Su was about to breathe a sigh of relief when he saw Xu Jian's brows furrowed in a hurry.
"Master..."
Xu Jian shook his head slightly: "It doesn't matter."
It was indeed uncomfortable to land on the ground, but the two stalkers were far away, so there were no clues.
