"It was your birth...Russell. You changed everything."
So far, Sheath still does not call Russell "my son", but calls him by his first name.
Russell raised his eyebrows and raised the corners of his mouth slightly in a sneer.
He keenly caught a hint of hostility towards himself from the bottom of Sheath's heart.
Hostility toward his own son?
"What have I changed?"
He asked rhetorically: "Is it because I am a person who is born to know?"
"Maybe there is some reason for this in my subconscious mind."
Sheath did not deny it, but said calmly: "But at the beginning, I just wanted you to think... that I am an amazing father.
"Alice and I love each other. Although she also has some admiration for me, I think it comes more from the longing for the mature opposite sex... And just after getting acquainted, I thought Alice was a
Amazing people.
"My love for her is closer to a goddess than a girl. I am loyal to her, serve her, and guard her. I am just her sheath, containing her edge and protecting her body. I am hers
Believers are also her guardians.
"And she sees me as a mentor. In private, she still calls me 'teacher'. This makes me ashamed... because I don't think I have anything to teach her. My life is meaningless, my
Her talent is so low, all I can teach her is the pain that I have endured alone.
"Originally, this kind of relationship was stable. But before you were born, I suddenly felt inferior...
"Compared to his great mother, what can I do? Do I really deserve to be called a father?
"Do I have the right to have descendants? Am I really mature enough to educate my descendants? Are the concepts I have correct? Is the path I am walking safe enough? Can I train him to be a great person?
"--I have no idea."
The man whispered: "So I ran away... from my identity.
"I accepted the most dangerous and difficult task. It was not because I had a heart waiting for sacrifice, nor was it because I had the consciousness to give up everything for the world. It was just because I suddenly couldn't accept... such a small thing.
I actually had a child with Alice."
"So, you ran away like that. So you made Alice suffer."
Russell spoke softly, his voice as if it melted into the wind and became ethereal, but it was clear and cold, like condensed ice: "So you let her abandon everything for you, and you let her suffer and die."
"That's...I was wrong."
Even though the eyes couldn't be seen, Sheath's tone was full of low and suppressed pain: "I'm too stupid... I'm a bastard.
"That was just an excuse for me to escape temporarily, but Alice took it as the truth. She encouraged me, but I was timid and wanted to retreat... She made sacrifices in order to push me forward.
, giving up identity and life.
"At that time, I still had room for regret. As long as I admitted that all this was just my cowardice, it was my desire to 'fly away' and escape again.
"...But I don't want her to look down on me. Although I know she won't do this."
"Is it just for the sake of face?"
"Of course not!"
Sheath denied without hesitation: "It's just that I realized that I can't stay where I am.
"I cannot become a vain person, a boring person. So far, all I have are superficial wishes, but the people I have come into contact with are all great people. They regard me as a fellow, but
I know... I am just playing the role of their ideals. I talk to them about my ideals, but my heart is empty. The big words I say echo in my heart, which makes me feel ashamed.
"I play a person who is as great as them, but I know everything is false.
"I want some of their light. I almost go crazy thinking about this. Only calligraphy can comfort me and make my heart calm down again.
"I read the words of all the people I admire and write them down as hard as I can. It's as if the words were my own. It gives me a moment of peace. Someone sees me as a mentor.
, but I know...I just know how to endorse it. Because I know that
These taboo histories stole their wisdom. Whenever someone worshiped me, I would feel timid, guilty and painful. I dreamed countless times in my dreams that my friends knew all the secrets and called me contemptuously.
Thief. I dreamed that Alice was also disappointed in me and left me...
"And the last straw...was you."
Sheath took a slow breath.
The red lines in his eyes suddenly became brighter: "Since this life is as small as gravel——
"Then let me die.
"It's too tiring for me to live on. Everyone has deeper expectations of me, but I can't respond to everyone.
"The Pope has high hopes for me, the deer-headed statue believes that I am the pillar of the Tower of Babel, the children of the Nan family believe in me as a teacher, and Alice believes that I can change the world.
"...But I really can't do anything. The me they see in their eyes is just a shadow created by me touting myself. It's the shadow of a giant projected by the light on the wall through me.
"Then it would be better to have a great death. Not to destroy everyone's expectations... but to make everyone feel sorry when they think of my death - it would be great if he is still alive."
"You accepted the most dangerous mission of the Deer Head," Russell said softly, "but you had no intention of completing it.
"You actually want the mission to fail, right? You want to escape from all this."
"...But the mission was successful."
Sheath whispered: "I stole the church's 'artificial angel' technology and a copy of the saint's memory... and headed for the land.
"I found a crazy mage. With his help and his rough transformation, I was able to avoid connecting to the 'Sacred Code' server... because he transformed my brain into a semi-machine, making my brain itself a local
server……
"I obtained the power of the Holy Order of 'Anti-Electron' - a forbidden power that is not allowed by the church.
"Relying on its power, I went to look for the dragon. Because the dragons are purely mechanical, they can be restrained and killed by this power of Holy Order; and because it is continuously activated, the power of Holy Order cannot be turned off.
, they will never be able to see me or notice my existence.
"Kill the dragons, or control them, or get the secrets of the dragons... This is my mission. This is my effort to open the 'Lock of the World'."
Having said this, Sheath was silent for a while.
"And I did it...
"I killed a giant dragon and obtained the secret she guarded."
Having said this, Sheath twitched the corners of her mouth and revealed an almost invisible sneer: "But I'd rather not know.
"The end of the truth is all despair. Just like the history I burned in the church...
"Stop looking, Russell. I came here because I heard that you joined the Tower of Babel, so I came to warn you... don't make the same mistake I did.
"Don't bear any fate, don't look for the truth, don't dream of saving the world. Don't try to open the lock... The world has come to an end, and now it is just a probation period before execution. Now
The suspended sentence is about to end. If you don't know anything, it will be easier.
"Just live with the people you like...but don't have any more children. At least your generation will not be able to see the day of destruction. The last, truly futile and helpless death struggle should be left to the real last generation.