Russell could probably imagine what the situation was like.
Delphinium, who was only sixteen years old, killed her beloved grandfather with her own hands with unwavering determination.
Before that, his smooth and ordinary life suddenly encountered changes. He fell into the abyss without doing anything wrong.
"That was the most correct action I could do. But now that I think about it, I still feel regretful and sad."
Delphinium smiled helplessly: "If I were asked to choose again, after careful consideration, I'm afraid I would still do this.
"But that doesn't stop me from still feeling pain about it."
That is the "correct answer" recognized by reason but rejected by sensibility. Delphinium acts with that kind of rationality, but its heart is still touched by sensibility.
It was a dilemma where everyone acted with love and tortured each other... until everyone collapsed completely.
It's like a machine that is still trying its best to keep running as before even though one of its gears has become worn out and broken.
Although desperate, it is not desperate enough.
Therefore, I am still unable to hate or be angry.
Real sadness, love and murderous intent are intertwined, but at the same time there is absolutely no trace of hatred or anger. Only after brewing in this heart for a long time can "deadly love" be born.
"...Sure enough, this is only the last half step away from being a demon."
Russell was a little scared just listening to it.
Just listening to Delphinium's understatement, he felt the pain and despair.
If it weren't for Delphinium's strong mind and will, she might have degenerated into a demon long ago.
At this moment, when he looked at Delphinium's gentle and steady smile, Russell felt a little more aware of the weight of this smile.
...No wonder, Delphinium's smile and words always make people feel at ease.
Because that is not a carefree and innocent smile. It is a complex smile after experiencing despair, giving up a lot, and finally reaching the other side.
"So, how did you awaken your spiritual power?"
Delphinium asked softly.
But Russell was silent.
That's not "don't want to say", but "don't know".
He actually doesn't even know what his original desire is.
Compared with the origin of the inferior and the life of Delphinium, whether in the past life or in this life, the pain Russell himself experienced seems so insignificant.
In front of the delphinium, he felt ashamed for a moment - it was the hesitation caused by the indescribable suffering.
"...Can we not talk about it for now?"
"It's okay."
Delphinium smiled kindly, and comforted in a low voice: "Whether you can't say it, can't say it, or are hazy in your heart...it doesn't matter.
"When you want to say something, I will always be there. No matter when or where it is... This is the promise I make to you as your commander."
"...Just sir?"
Russell couldn't help but ask.
Hearing this, he always felt a little empty in his heart.
If you want to describe it, it should be a "cognitive gap".
I already know a lot about Delphinium's past, but the other party still knows nothing about me - this gap in knowledge creates a kind of gravitational potential energy between hearts. Let Russell just
When you look at the delphinium, you will want to tell her something.
Seeing Russell who was a little restless, Delphinium pinched his ears in a funny way: "What else?"
"I just want to..."
"Thinking about how to pick me up?"
Delphinium smiled and asked straightforwardly.
As she spoke, she slightly raised her left hand: "I still hold this hand and don't want to let it go."
This made Russell's cheeks suddenly turn a little red, and he let go of Delphinium's hand as if he was electrocuted.
But at this moment, Delphinium stretched out her hand to chase him very naturally, and held the back of his hand with her backhand.
Delphinium held her cheek with her right hand and looked sideways with a smile.
Her snow-white hair hung messily around her ears, looking a little lazy.
"I didn't say no."
She came over and whispered softly in Russell's ear: "But have you thought about it? My love is poisonous... I once killed my favorite grandpa."
"I……"
Russell opened his mouth.
Delphinium chuckled and gently let go of Russell's hand.
"You hesitated."
she affirmed.
"……yes."
Russell took a deep breath and nodded slowly.
He did have some affection for Delphinium, but it was more like a rush of thought after hearing the story.
But now that you calm down a little, you will find that it is just "like", or there is a little bit of "pity" and "respect".
It's not even close to the level of "love".
Not to mention risking life and death.
"It's better to hesitate."
The corners of Delphinium's mouth raised slightly, and she said happily: "The hesitation shows that you are thinking. You are rational and serious about feelings... This is good.
"I don't want a short-term relationship. Otherwise, I would have had a boyfriend when I was in school... Although it's a bit bragging to say this, I actually think I'm pretty cute."
Russell nodded in agreement.
She is indeed a rare and beautiful girl. She would be talked to just by sitting outside.
Even in terms of Russell's cultivated aesthetics, he can be called beautiful and generous.
Otherwise, he would not be easily charmed by Delphinium.
To put it bluntly...if someone else were to tell this story about the past, Russell might only have pity, sadness and sadness in his heart, and he would never have this kind of "like" impulse.
As if aware of what Russell was thinking, Delphinium also said bluntly: "I also think you are very cute and suit my taste. That's why I say these things to you.
"But, what I want... is a lifelong eternal covenant. If it is a relationship based on marriage, we know too little about each other. Just appearance, ability, background, and apparent personality are not enough.
Far from enough. The determination, seriousness, and responsibility required for this relationship cannot be promised with just one mouthful on the first date."
"...Huh?"
Russell was stunned: "Is this a date?"
He thought it was just simple psychological treatment.
"You can understand it as yes or you can understand it as no."
Delphinium came over, touched Russell's head, and showed a gentle expression: "For some girls, just walking together is a date; while for some girls, going out to eat and have fun together is just a normal relationship."
"What about you?"
"I can do either. It mainly depends on what you think."
She reached out and caressed her left chest, where her heart was.
Delphinium sighed helplessly: "Now that things have happened, I no longer dare to love others easily. Falling in love with me is not a happy thing... I can't even imagine what kind of love will happen."
New poison.”
"...I also know some girls. But they are very secretive about their true criteria for choosing a partner, their emotions and thoughts."
Russell felt that he was a bit incompetent: "You don't shy away from it."
"Have they ever killed so many people and so many demons like me?"
Delphinium held up her face, smiled and said the terrible words: "After deeply realizing my own ugliness and understanding my true heart...a girl's longing for fairy tales is over. I need to seriously consider it,
It is the reality of the future. Not illusory dreams and fantasies.
"...After all, I also want to live such an ordinary life, dreaming about the dreams that a girl should have, and having unrealistic fantasies."
She drank the last sip of fruit tea, raised the cup and shook it at Russell, then stood up.
At this moment, the barbecue was finally served.
Delphinium first helped Russell get chopsticks and plates, poured him a glass of lemonade, and helped him replace the hot milk with new ones.
Then she brought her own portion and gave Russell the full dipping saucer: "I remember that you like to eat non-spicy food. So I brought you a portion of dry ingredients and sauce. Please add more."
Tell me when you get there."
"Ah, yes...thank you."
After Russell took it, he whispered: "I have a bit of a cat's tongue. I can't eat spicy or hot food."
He had a strange sense of dislocation.
For the first time, when he went out to eat with others, he experienced the feeling of "sitting in your seat without moving at all."
It's like he is the one being taken care of during the date, as the female one...and Delphinium is more like a calm, mature and active, reliable brother-like character.
When Delphinium sat down again, she also brought Russell a disposable napkin.
She pulled Russell over and helped him put on his napkin carefully to prevent the barbecue juice from splashing on him and staining his clothes.
At that moment, Russell felt a little inexplicable and indescribable.
After Delphinium sat down, he continued the previous topic and said with a chuckle: "But how to put it... maybe poverty is also a disease. Just looking at its case book, you know that dreams and fantasies are a kind of disease.
Unfavorable, taboo drinks. Just like wine."
"I think...this world is the truly sick one."
Russell whispered.
Delphinium stared at him intently, then nodded slowly. She averted her gaze, picked up the barbecue and placed it on the hot barbecue plate.
"Yes," she said softly, "I think so sometimes.
"Friends one after another fell or died in front of me. I protected the lives of innocent people and took away the lives of equally innocent people.
"Some people try their best just to live, while others try their best to destroy other people's lives. Some people have done nothing wrong, but they feel hopeless... Some people make many mistakes without pain.
"Some people's faces have become like wild beasts since they were born; some people have been living for a thousand years without aging.
"If the world is sick, I would actually feel happy. After all, as long as it is a disease, it will be cured one day."
Delphinium helped Russell turn over the barbecue and murmured softly without looking back.
It was as if he was just talking to himself.
"...Rather, what I'm afraid of is that it's not sick. I'm afraid that this world should be like this...Isn't that the deepest despair?"