This was the first time Aiwass saw Isabel crying and shedding tears.
But there was no sadness or fear in her cries. On the contrary, Aiwass could capture a sense of peace and warmth in them.
——The first thing Aiwass thought of was the diary that Isabel once showed him.
In the diary that was left traces of life by members of the "Du Lac" family one after another, the first two sentences left by Isabel, who was only nine years old, are:
"I am really scared……"
"Dad said, I can cry..."
Isabel, who was immersed in the fear of death at that time, was so lonely and frightened. She had no idea that the person Queen Sophia wanted to keep most was her - from Isabel's point of view, the relatives who were gradually dying were like a hanging tree.
The sharp blade in the air will fall down at any time.
She couldn't laugh no matter what.
——So I could only cry.
Later, even the "father" mentioned in the diary escaped from the glass island quietly. Isabel became completely alone.
It's like being on a cliff with only a single-plank bridge under your feet. Just looking down at the abyss will make you feel dizzy and weak.
In the fear that she would die at an unknown time, even her biological father chose to leave her. Isabel was able to continue to maintain her pure and kind heart without being distorted by fear, and she did her best.
And the person who made Isabel no longer fearful and cry was none other than Aiwass.
Aiwass rescued Isabel from the darkness, helped her wear the crown, and became the queen of Avalon.
Since she is the queen, she must give people confidence. The queen has no right to cry because she cannot show any weakness in front of people.
Now it was Aiwass who could make her cry loudly again.
Aiwass's eyes gradually softened.
At first, he just comforted Isabel, laughed at her softly, and coaxed her with a warm voice. But at some point, he also felt that his eyes were a little moist.
Aiwass also thought of something.
He thought of the scarf that Queen Sofia gave him, of Isabel's bright smile on the day she drew her portrait for the first time, and of Isabel's beautiful shining eyes when she handed the diary to him.
Afterwards, Aiwass suddenly thought of the day the two met for the first time.
She also used the identity of "Lulu" and the identity of her biological mother "Anne Alexander" to meet her.
Aiwass thought of the gentle smile on her face when she carefully took "little Aiwass" from her arms, and the lullaby she sang a cappella as she softly coaxed him to sleep.
...Now that I think about it carefully, maybe it wasn't because Lulu's lullaby was so powerful that it almost hypnotized me.
Although Isabel's singing talent is indeed outstanding, without the bonus of path characteristics, she cannot easily hypnotize Aiwass.
I'm afraid it's because...Aiwass longed for that kind of love.
Isabel's gentle lullaby may not penetrate into the heart of a restless person...but for a heart that has been dry for a long time, it is just a spring breeze and drizzle.
If you are not drunk with wine, everyone will get drunk.
For Aiwass, the lullaby "Lulu" sang when he coaxed "little Aiwass" to sleep was exactly the bedside song he wanted to hear from the bottom of his heart.
The summer evening breeze blew through the window, ringing the wind chimes.
And he was being held in his mother's arms, enjoying the carefree happiness of childhood. There was no anxiety about the future in the child's eyes, only hope for tomorrow.
Aiwass slowly hugged Isabel tighter.
Gradually, Aiwas's comforting voice stopped. Isabel's crying also gradually stopped.
The two of them hugged each other quietly, and time flew by.
Smell the fragrance of the hair and feel the warmth in your arms.
In his previous life, Aiwass also had a father, mother, and grandparents.
He also had enlightened parents and a happy childhood. In that ignorant childhood, he was much happier than Aiwass in this world... much, much more.
His parents taught him a lot of knowledge about life and work, and helped him develop many good habits and a cheerful personality. His father would play games with him, and his mother would always do a lot of things.
He would eat good meals and tell him stories. His grandfather would take Aiwass to play chess and go fishing, while his grandmother would knit sweaters and make cotton clothes for him.
——Until a huge earthquake destroyed Aiwass's entire world, leaving him alone.
This is just like Dickinson's poem.
She once said, "I could have endured the darkness if I had never seen the sun."
Aiwass was loved and drank the nectar of happiness. His family were good people, and he grew up in a bright world - until the sun went down.
--I remembered.
Aiwass opened his eyes slightly, and his breathing stopped for a moment.
Those memories that he had deliberately forgotten were retrieved again. It was not that the seal was lifted, but more like finally opening the homework that had been saved for a vacation.
He had known about their existence for a long time and even knew their general contents, but he had never wanted to face them.
Even before the earthquake, Aiwass had a vague feeling of uneasiness. He had also seen insects crawling and toads walking on the streets. However, he did not take the fleeting uneasiness seriously.
Only after the incident will you feel the heartbreaking guilt and regret.
——If only I had paid attention to these omens at that time. Aiwass sometimes thought so.
I woke up from a nightmare with cold sweat covering my back.
After many, many years, he gradually forgot the guilt he felt at that time. But those loves were just like the traces carved on the wall of his hometown when he was ignorant, and they were deeply engraved in his heart.
Perhaps it is precisely because Aiwass once experienced such beauty that he craves that kind of love even more now; or perhaps it is precisely because he is the only one who survives disasters and will always subconsciously want to sacrifice himself to help others.
Because he has experienced suffering, he hopes that others will not suffer it again;
Because I have experienced that powerlessness, I want to control my own destiny;
And because only he was saved at that time, he is not afraid of hurting himself now.
It is a subconscious desire for self-destruction.
Before Aiwass awakened his past life memories, he always subconsciously chose to sacrifice himself to help others; he always avoided the feelings and expectations of others, and was always unwilling to accept the love of others.
It's like quitting the game after your account is stolen, stopping keeping pets when your pet dies, and not getting married after your wife or husband dies... What Aiwass resists is the love from others; and tracing back to the source, he hates
Concerned about one's own weakness.
Because of this, Aiwas always subconsciously keeps a distance from others.
And his current adaptability to the path of devotion and transcendence comes from this subconscious mind.
If Isabel is gorgeous but fragile glass, then Aiwass is steel that is hard on the outside but full of cracks on the inside.
——That is not emptiness, but fear.
The fear of disaster coming again and being unable to do anything to save the ones you love.
If this is the case, then it is better not to love someone anymore. As long as you have never had it, you will not be sad because of loss.
"...It turns out that I am also afraid."
Aiwass understood clearly in his heart and murmured in a low voice.
"What?"
Isabel didn't hear Aiwass' words clearly and asked with some confusion.
Her voice became muffled and hoarse due to whimpering, but her soft voice seemed well-behaved.
"nothing."
Aiwass said softly: "I just suddenly realized... In fact, the most cowardly coward turned out to be myself."
I have been encouraging Isabel to overcome her fear and watching Isabel gradually become stronger.
But isn't this just projecting the fear in his heart onto her?
Her victory was her own victory. He helped her stand up, just like he was helping his past self.
——The courage Aiwass gave her has now become the courage she gave Aiwass.
Even if Aiwass recalls the past again, he will no longer feel afraid.
The moment he realized this, the restless heart in Aiwass's heart that had been agitated by facing the past gradually calmed down again.
In Aiwass' pupils, red and purple achieved an unprecedented harmony and balance.
"Lulu."
He whispered Isabel's other name.
"Um?"
Isabel was also a little confused, shook her head, wiped her tears with Aiwass's shoulder, and then raised her head from Aiwass's arms.
But Aiwass was just speechless, and moved the hand that was gently on her back upward. Between his fingers was the flowing golden hair, and his open hand gently padded the back of Isabel's head.
In an instant, Isabel realized what was going to happen next.
She opened her eyes slightly in surprise, her long eyelashes trembled like butterfly wings, and her clear green eyes raised a shimmer as bright as water. She immediately closed her eyes and held her breath.
Aiwas lowered his head and kissed her softly.
First the forehead, then the tip of the nose, and finally the lips.
Isabel's soft slender waist was slightly bent backwards, and Aiwass's shoulders were hugging her tighter and tighter.
A slight touch, and then separation. Gently licking the somewhat bitter tears, until the low gasping breath came out.