"Yu Chen seemed not to want to say more, but when he looked into my tearful eyes, he frowned and said in a compromising tone, "It's exactly the opposite of what you think.
"
Quite the opposite? What does that mean?
I thought Yuchen didn't love me anymore because of these memories.
On the contrary, does it mean that he loves me more? Since he loves me more, why does he alienate me? Isn’t this contradictory?
I looked at him puzzled, "Why on earth did you alienate me?"
"Because I'm afraid," Yuchen raised his hand to hold my face, gently pinched the corners of my eyes with his thumb, and scraped away the tears from my eyes. He said, "Lin Xi, I'm afraid that I won't be able to control the desire in my heart and hurt you.
"
Yuchen said, he was also present in all the nine lives that Yun Ling and I reincarnated.
Unlike Yun Ling and me, he has always been alone. No matter how hard he works and how much he wants to hold on to the people around him, his final end is betrayal and separation.
Those memories flooded into his brain and were mixed with his own memories, which occasionally gave him the illusion that his current happiness was unreal.
When he first developed this feeling, he liked to cling to me, and my real touch made him feel at ease.
But during that time Fu Lian was training him and teaching me spells.
The two of us were separated.
Hearing him say that he felt uneasy, my heart suddenly felt stinging.
I asked him distressedly, "Why didn't you tell me?"
After asking, I realized that I was too careless.
There were some things that he didn't say, but I should have thought of them.
Some people have a childhood shadow that makes them have nightmares when they grow up.
What's more, what Yuchen recalled was the memory of the ninth life, which was like a swamp, dragging him once again into the abyss of the mire after finally getting ashore.
No matter how firm his mind is, he still has to go through a process of acceptance and digestion.
But we didn't give him this time, we kept asking him to become stronger.
Something happened to Fu Lian, something happened to the Feng clan, something happened to Yun Ling, everything happened to him, asking him to take the lead.
We are so accustomed to relying on him that we have forgotten that his essence was destroyed and he had just melted into a new body.
At first, he couldn't even control this body, and his memory was still confused. He didn't need us to do anything for him, he just needed time!
"do not Cry.
Seeing that my eyes were red again, Yuchen wiped my tears and said, "I didn't say anything at that time because I thought it was nothing. I can still distinguish between reality and memories."
"
Yuchen was very rational. Although memories came to him like a flood, he was not too affected by the memories at that time.
He could still distinguish Xiao clearly, until one day in Fu Lian's Dharma image, after he killed the golden dragon, he lay on the ground and fell asleep extremely exhausted.
He had a dream.
He dreamed that I was wearing a bright red wedding dress and standing in front of the window of the boudoir.
There is a peach tree outside the window, with pink and white peach blossoms in full bloom. The breeze blows, and the petals fall lightly.
He stood under the peach tree and looked at me in the window. Fengguan Xiapei looked as beautiful as he had ever seen.
At that moment, he was still thinking, was dreaming about such a scene a hint to him that he owed me a wedding?
At this time, 'I' seemed to have discovered him, my eyes shone with joy, and I raised my hand to greet him.
Yuchen pursed his lips and smiled softly, feeling very satisfied.
He also raised his hand, ready to say hello to 'me', when he suddenly heard 'I' call out sweetly, "Yun Ling!"
Yuchen was stunned on the spot.
Yun Ling, dressed in a groom's outfit, ran over from behind him, climbed through the window, and embraced 'me'.
Then he woke up with a start.
After waking up, he found that he was the only one around and he was covered in injuries.
Yuchen has nothing to do with vulnerability, but at this moment, the environment he is in overlaps with the memories that keep popping up during this period, making him somewhat unclear whether his situation has never changed.
, he is still alone.
About me, it's just a delusion of his.
After a while, his chaotic brain regained consciousness, and he became the rational Yuchen again. The difference between reality and memories was clear, but the fear that had penetrated deep into his bones lingered.
Later, he heard me calling him. He ran over and found me lying alone in the passage, surrounded by blood, and Fu Lian was missing.
He found me and took me back to the Demon King's Palace, I know this.
What I didn't know was that the moment he found me and saw me lying in a pool of blood, he suddenly had the idea of taking me away and hiding me so that I could only belong to him.
Of course, his reason did not allow him to do such a thing, but the more memories he recalled, the stronger his thoughts became.
He used to be domineering and possessive, but he never had the idea of imprisoning me.
Now he knows that his thoughts are dangerous, and he is controlling his desires, so he doesn't want to, but he doesn't dare to get too close to me, because he is afraid that he will lose control.
He is paranoid and restless.
He had been in the dark for too long, and when he saw a little light, he wanted to take it for himself.
This light can only be his own salvation. If the light cannot do it and wants to shine on others, then he will extinguish the light and fall into darkness together.
He would rather destroy the redemption he couldn't get than give it to others! This is what he is thinking now.
He knows something is wrong, but he is controlling it and working hard to change it.
After saying everything, I was stunned.
Yuchen's eyes were a little panicked, and he looked into my eyes and said, "Lin Xi, don't be afraid, I just need time. When I sort out my past memories, I won't have such thoughts anymore.
I can control myself and won't hurt you.
"
I shook my head, feeling so distressed that I almost suffocated, "Yuchen, I'm sorry..."
I'm sorry, I didn't know you had such a mental journey.
Nine lives of loneliness is just a word to me, but to Yuchen it is a series of suffocating memories.
If possible, I would rather Yuchen not recover his past life memories.
He just wants to be Yuchen.
The inner demons and the war in the heaven are not his responsibility.
Why should he endure torture just to settle these things!
"Yu Chen, I'm not afraid of you.
"
Of course I believe that he is sensible enough and can control his behavior, otherwise he would not be able to bring Yun Ling back after having such emotions.
I held his face with both hands, stood on tiptoes, and kissed his lips gently.
Yuchen's body stiffened for a moment, and he subconsciously wanted to push me away, but I stopped him.
My body pressed against his and my lips touched his, "Yu Chen, I love you. I am yours alone. You can do whatever you want to me."
"
Yuchen's Adam's apple rolled and his voice was hoarse, "Lin Xi, I'm not joking with you, you'd better stay away from me.
Give me some time and I will deal with the trouble these memories bring me.
When I recover, we will be like before.
"
"I don't.
"I refused decisively, "Yu Chen, you are no longer alone. You have me. You don't have to deal with everything and endure it alone like before.
Yuchen, I will be by your side and I will help you... ugh!"
Before I could finish speaking, Yuchen lowered his head and sealed my lips.
The eagerness and force of his kiss, and the restraint and patience he had spent during this period were indulged at this moment.
I had a feeling that he wanted to take me here regardless. I felt a little panicked and my mouth still hurt.
Just when I was hesitating whether to push him away, Hu Jinyue's voice suddenly came over.
"Oh my God!" Hu Jinyue shouted, "aren't you two out to kill people? Why are you chewing on it? There are corpses all over the yard, and some of them didn't close their eyes after they died. Don't you two feel the chill around you?