Her throat moved slightly, and the girl's name came out slightly from her lips and teeth.
Raku Sakakibara stood in front of the door of the love hotel room and saw Amami Kuriuri holding a fruit knife in front of him. There was a helpless look in his eyes.
This is also a very likely situation.
He was not too surprised.
"Lejun, I'm sorry..."
In front of my eyes, rainwater climbed from the girl's wet school uniform sleeves to the back of her hand, and then slid from the back of her hand to the tip of the knife, until a cold line flowed down the stainless steel surface.
Tianhai Jiuliuli's hand was trembling, and the water droplets dripping on the tip of the knife were also trembling at the same speed.
She slowly, tremblingly, raised the knife towards herself.
......
"Liu Li..."
Although the light in the room was not clear, Sakakihara Raku could still see his own image reflected on the skewed blade surface.
Tianhai Jiuliuli still lowered his head, it was a face that could not be seen clearly.
With Liuli's character, it is impossible for her to make this move towards herself.
But she still raised the knife tremblingly.
"Lejun...I'm sorry..."
She was still afraid, and the trembling fruit knife reflected her true inner thoughts.
Even though she raised the knife to herself, she still said apologetic words.
She knows.
She knew she shouldn't have raised that thing towards herself.
Sakakibara breathed calmly, and he could hear the suffocating sobs and tremors of Amami Kuruli in front of him.
"It's okay. If you want to stab me, just stab me. I won't hide."
This sentence made Tianhai Jiuliuli look stunned again, and it took a long time to calm down and look at him:
"...Why..."
She whispered, trying her best to hold back her choked voice.
Sakakihara waited for her to continue talking.
"...Why do you have to say those things about me? Can't everyone, everyone, be together well...? Obviously, obviously in the past two months, everyone... everyone is happily together,
Form a band together, perform on stage together, travel together, take photos at scenic spots together, and...make wonderful memories together..."
"...Yes, everyone has been very happy in the past two months. We were very happy together during the trip, and the MV shooting was particularly successful... This has been the way we spent the past two months. But
, Liuli, just because everyone is happy does not mean that the incident has not happened. So, after thinking about it, I decided to tell you what to say."
Why can he say these things to me?
Doesn't he know how important he is in his mind?
It was he who had been encouraging himself, it was he who was willing to stand up for himself on the day when his mother slapped him mercilessly...It was him who was willing to forgive himself regardless of past grievances and his wrong actions.
Forgive...?
Yes, it must be.
In fact, my brother has never forgiven himself.
All this time, I still have a grudge against myself...!
That’s why I calmly told myself just now that I was dating Qiyue.
That’s why he lied to himself, that’s why he lied to himself...
I lied to myself...
......
He still lied to himself.
Just like my mother, I lied to myself...
Tianhai Jiuliuli raised his face. It was a face that still looked beautiful despite tears.
She clenched the trembling fruit knife with both hands, her eyes still red.
"...Brother, you must not have calmed down yet, right?"
"Why are you still thinking about this?" Sakakihara tried to get closer to her.
"Brother, you must not have calmed down yet, right..." Tianhai Jiuli raised the fruit knife a little higher, forcing Sakakihara Raku to stop.
"Liu Li, I don't deny that I was very angry at the time——"
"It's because my brother is still angry with me, so he did this to me, right? Because I am not very important to everyone, because I am not liked by everyone. Ling didn't like me, Qi
Yue didn't like me, my aunt and I couldn't talk to each other, and even Lejun... also hated me..."
"I have never denied you! Even at that time... I thought you had a reason to do that to me."
"How can I trust you now! You've been lying to me all this time!"
Tianhai Jiuliuli shouted loudly, his voice tearing in pain.
It is too dangerous for the emotionally unstable Amami Kuri to hold a knife in her hand, and Sakakihara Raku wants to take the opportunity to pull the knife out of her hand.
"Don't come here!"
"Then why would Liuli be willing to believe me?"
Sakakibara walked straight over.
"Don't come here!!" Tianhai Jiuliuli's voice was a little louder, and the tip of the knife was aimed at his eyes.
Only then did Raku Sakakihara stop.
"Liu Li, I understand how you feel at this time... Because I was also like this before. It was painful and uncomfortable, and I kept denying myself. But now I understand what I did, so I won't defend you.
If you want to leave me, I will respect your choice, but now, I think you should put down the knife. Your mood is very unstable now, so don't do anything impulsive."
"Stable...? Am I unstable?"
The girl was suddenly startled.
Seeing that what he said had an effect, Sakakibara added, "Yes, Liuli, you just got caught in the rain. It's cold, right? It's uncomfortable, right? How about you put down the knife and talk?"
Tianhai Jiuliuli sniffed, smiled with red eyes and sour nose:
"How can Lejun still call me stable now...I don't want to see you at all now."
"There are many ways to solve the problem. You don't want to see me... I will leave soon, and you will also put down the knife and calm down, okay? I'm still worried about you. I know you don't want to talk to me. I'll let Ah
How about Linglai staying with you? She has fallen in love with you recently and even calls you sister Liuli. Liuli, I have always hoped that you can make your own choice, whether you choose to leave me or try to continue.
..."
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Lejun...still saying these words.
Lejun, I’m still thinking about making my own choice.
why why why why why.
Why are you still saying this to yourself!
Tianhai Jiuliuli closed her sour eyes, recalling in her mind the experience from childhood to adulthood.
Select...
Have you ever had any choice...?
Piano?
This is what my mother gave me.
Even the skills were taught by my mother.
She told me that I was very talented and that I was the most likely person in this century to win the world championship with the youngest victory.
I still remember that when my mother said these words, her expression was full of yearning, confidence and courage.
At that time, I couldn't help but look at my hands and ask myself.
‘Really, can it be done?’
‘Really, can you do this for your mother?’
After my mother discovered my mood, she smiled and said to me, 'Yes, as long as it is Liuli, it will be okay.'
After hearing my mother's words, I felt a flame in my heart. The flame made my heart beat faster, made my body temperature hot, and filled me with the power to move forward.
Yes, I can.
Liuli...it's okay.
'As long as I do this, I will take Liuli to see the place where my mother lives in the UK. It is a long street with red maple leaves on both sides and a cafe full of customers. Every autumn
Come, the whole street smells of maple leaves and coffee. Over there, there is a wishing fountain surrounded by white doves, a ground paved with cobblestones that have been polished by time, and people wearing kilts every afternoon.
There are street artists playing bagpipes, painters sketching, and pianists playing Beethoven's Ode to Joy on the roadside. Everyone likes the air here, the season when the maple trees are covered with red leaves, and the quiet and beautiful building.
Maple Leaf Street.'
Ever since my mother said these words to me, I have been looking forward to the day when she can take me there.
Take a look at the red leaves all over the street, take a look at the fountain surrounded by white doves, take a look at the streets that have been polished by time...
This sentence makes me eager to let her take me there every time I see my mother’s back standing on the plane in the wind.
I want to call my mother and ask her, ‘Can you take me there?’
However, the response she received every time was always a flat one: 'Liu Li can go with her mother if she works harder.'
Keep working hard.
Keep working hard.
This vision has been with me for twelve years.
Twelve years, actually at this time, I have understood that my mother may be lying to herself.
She never planned to take herself out, and she never planned to fulfill what she said. She probably forgot, and maybe that place was made up by her. She just wanted to pass a wish so that she could actively follow her
Go in the right direction and follow her expectations...
In the beginning, my mother would occasionally take me out to eat and buy me some gadgets as gifts...
But it was not until later that she became more and more irritable because of her mother's career slump.
Not only was she disappointed and sighing because I had not accomplished her goal, but she also denied the promise she had made and her request to take me to the amusement park to play video games because I had not accomplished her goal.
What she is willing to give herself is getting less and less...
But why do I continue to follow my mother’s words?
Because I think, except that I can now play the piano melody with both hands, there is no other reason to keep moving forward.
I don’t know what I want.
I don’t understand why July can be so focused on reading.
I don’t understand why Qi Qi resolutely ran out alone after returning from her trip.
She and I were only five years old at that time.
Watching my sister grabbing the money she stole from her father, watching her resolutely running out of the house, seeing her running to the avenue, running into the distance until she completely disappeared from my sight...
The back of my sister, the firm words my sister spoke to me before leaving, my sister shook her head without listening to my dissuasion.
I still remember that I was leaning by the window of my father’s study on the second floor of the villa, watching July leave with my own eyes.
I envy her very much.
I envy my sister very much.
I also really want to be like Qiyue, and have the motivation to continue to persevere in one thing.
Have dreams, goals, and expectations.
And devote infinite strength to it.
For me at that time, the only person who could achieve this condition was my mother.
Therefore, I persisted in the idea my mother gave me.
So even if I later understood that my mother was lying to me and that she was just using me and her identity as a mother, I was still willing to continue to persevere.
Because I believe that as long as I fulfill my mother’s last wish, she will definitely take me to the place covered with maple leaves and the place where the Ode to Joy is played.
Because I know that although my mother has been using me, I am still her daughter...even if it is only a little bit in her mind.
But, on that day, I heard the conversation between my mother and my brother.
That day I realized that my mother had already forgotten her previous promise, and all she could do was make use of her motherhood.
She said without mercy that she had never treated herself as a daughter.
What she saw in me was only talent, only learning ability, and only the dream that she was unable to achieve when she was young.
She has never regarded herself as a daughter.
So, on that day, I cried.
Fortunately!
That day, someone who could understand me suddenly appeared.
He was still angry with me because I had done so much to him, and he even said that he would never forgive me...but he was still willing to leave on that day when I was huddled in the corner crying.
Come here and give me a relaxing hug.
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I still remember the feeling at that time.
So warm...
He slowly approached me, and when he said, "I haven't forgiven you yet," he took the initiative to pull me into his arms.
I pulled the clothes on his chest tightly, squeezed my head into his arms, and tears fell on his clothes uncontrollably.
Seeing that I was really crying, he patted my back with his hand...
The kind of person who holds herself in her arms and comforts her carefully.
I always remember.
From that day on, I noticed that he had changed a lot in my eyes.
He has become more handsome! He has become sunnier!
Became...smiling better.
Every time I secretly see him, my heart starts to beat faster. Every time I eat the food he cooks for me, I feel a warm current in my heart.
I... really want to be close to him.
I really want to be close to him.
Fortunately, I want to hug and really want him to treat me well.
And whenever I was still wondering whether I had been forgiven by him, he would smile and tell me it was okay...
It's okay...
This is such a heavy answer for me.
He had moved before because of this.
For this reason, I moved away from the home I had been working hard for!
Because of my mistake...
I have seen him lock himself in his room without eating or drinking, and I have seen him keep the door of his room closed.
Seeing the calm look on his face, he decided to move away from his family.
Sorry...
I'm really sorry...
——Facing the smile he smiled at me later, the words I wanted to say to him became even more urgent.
Guilt, warmth, support and care he gave.
This makes me extremely determined - I...can completely trust him!
I have really found the path that I have never been able to find since I was a child!
I, like him.
I want to see him move forward, to see him move forward with me...
But, in the end.
It's all false...
"Ruri, Ruri." Raku Sakakihara shouted the name of the girl with firm eyes in his hand from across the way.
He is far less fond of his sister than his sister, far less in tune with him than her sister, far less able to make him as happy as her sister.
Dad...I have Aunt Sakakibara.
Mom, I’m also focusing on my career.
My sister also gained the persistence she has always had.
Only you are redundant.
Extra...
Yes, redundant.
Tianhai Jiureli breathed in the cold air, tried hard to hold back her tears, and turned her eyes and the tip of the knife to Sakakihara Raku:
"乐君."
"What do you want to ask Ruri?" Sakakihara was happy to see that she seemed to be calmer.
"Who am I to Lejun?"
"...There are too many things to say. In short, it is very important. If you don't believe it, I will try my best to defend it."
"Really... That will put my mind at ease. I am actually not qualified to question you at all, Lejun... I understand."
Sakakihara Raku also took a breath, "Of course you are qualified to question me, after all, I hid it from you."
"Well..."
......
"Are you feeling better?"
"It's better." Tianhai Jiuliuli said quietly.
"That's good, how about you put the knife down. Of course, if you want to stab me, then you can do whatever you want, as long as you can calm down."
"No need, Lejun." Tianhai Jiuliuli shook his head, "Lejun, actually... I really don't want to make the atmosphere like this."
"How about putting the knife down?"
"...Okay."
Tianhai Jiuliuli agreed in such a low voice, relaxed the knife from the raised state, and his tone also slowed down.
Sakakihara was pleased to see that she seemed to have calmed down a lot, and he breathed a sigh of relief, and slowly began to approach her, "But I still have to say I'm sorry to you, Ruri."
"I want to know...can you tell me why you agreed to July?"
"...I was threatened by Qiyue at first, but then I gradually understood Qiyue's feelings, and also remembered...what happened when I was a child. Indeed, I am very sorry for her." p>
"Sure enough...it's true." Tianhai Jiuliuli lowered his hands, his whole person in a state of powerlessness, "So, you can't blame Le Jun, right? After all, Le Jun has treated Qi a long time ago
Yue has said so many things, no wonder she will go to Shikoku Island to find you after she comes back in July. After all, I think about it, there is no way around it..."
"...You can't say you don't blame me."
"Lejun, what do you think now? To me, to Qiyue."
"...I said this to Qiyue. I can only give half of my love for her."
"Is that so...I promised you in July?"
"I don't know, but let's say she agreed. She didn't take any action after that."
"In July...there must be some conditions for Lejun, right?"
"Yes. If you have anything to say, Liuli, you can tell me now."
"Requests...yes, you can actually make requests to Lejun...Lejun, you must be willing to agree to anything now, right?"
"Yes, you can tell me whatever you want, and I will agree."
"But Lejun, who has already promised to Qiyue, is no longer willing to break his promise."
"What——"
Sakakihara Raku's pupils suddenly widened, and Amami Kuriuri, who had gradually appeared very weak, suddenly raised the fruit knife and stabbed his body.