When I returned to the study, I made a set of papers. I felt calmer and continued reading.
In the past few years, I have read through Master's collection of books. Some of them are obscure and difficult to understand, and I still need to read them over and over again.
Late at night, I returned to the bedroom and spread out a map of Ping County on the floor, marking it with a red oil pen.
Looking down, I saw that the map I had drawn had been completely changed. It was covered with dense red rice characters.
Every time I come back from Ping County, I will mark the places I have visited on the map, detailing them into streets and communities.
It is a method of elimination and can also strengthen my memory points.
After two or three months, I have become a master of Pingxian County.
I stayed up until one o'clock in the middle of the night, baking pancakes on the bed in frustration.
I can't sleep even after counting to a thousand, I always feel a little angry.
My eyes finally fell on the phone. Leaning against the bedside, I clicked on the text message dialog box with Meng Qin.
The last text message was on March 13th.
It was the long apology message I sent to Meng Qin on the day of my grandma’s memorial service.
Exiting the text message page, I clicked on the address book again, eager to touch Meng Rongtang's name.
I want to ask him how he feels about me, and why he interferes in my affairs even when he says he doesn't care about me.
In my opinion, he doesn't care about kicking people in the vegetable market. After all, I am half his sister. Even if he doesn't want to be my brother, I grew up beside him. In my heart
, he has an identity as an elder brother.
Not to mention, he is also my calligraphy teacher, has tutored me in many subjects, and has a strong emotional foundation with me.
But Meng Qin doesn't have to worry about who is chasing me or not.
Doesn't he find it troublesome?
Is the miso salty?
That day, he personally said that he no longer wanted to care about me, and that he wanted me to take care of myself and let me work hard.
Why still...
I was very irritable, but I didn't have the courage to call him. I felt the familiar feeling of scratching my heart.
What on earth is Meng Qin thinking? He doesn't want to be friends with me but he still treats me well. Is there something wrong with this guy?
I scratched my hair, sat up from the bed suddenly, straightened my back, and stared at Meng Rongtang's three words for tens of seconds——
My heart skipped a beat.
Block his number directly!
Phew~
The suppressed long breath finally came out.
Feeling comfortable.
"This way I won't want to call you again, Meng Qin."
No need to think about it.
I won't think about it anymore.
I threw away my phone, pulled on my slippers and went downstairs in the dark.
Go to the kitchen, open the refrigerator door, and take out a can of cold beer.
After opening it, I raised my head and took a big sip. The bubbles hit my throat, giving me a masochistic pleasure.
To be honest, I don’t think this stuff tastes good, but I still want to drink it, because as long as I open my eyes every day, I have to put on a positive and optimistic mask and rush forward tirelessly. I have no right to cry tired, let alone
You have no right to be afraid of pain.
But in the past few months, I have always felt a deep sense of powerlessness, a lot of confusion, and a lot of confusion. I obviously caught the thunder but couldn't fight it out. I went to Ping County but couldn't find the female mouse. I obviously saw the suffering but...
There is no way to completely reverse the situation.
maintain.
I have been maintaining, maintaining a living, and making do.
My brothers all said to take my time, and I told myself the same thing, but I know that time will not wait for me.
The mountains and rivers are everywhere, but love can’t be found.
I don’t understand why the more I spend money, the more miserable I become, as if I’m on the path I hate the most.
The book says that money is a difficult thing. Poor people will think about what they will do when they get rich. Spending money seems to be the simplest thing in the world, but when they are really rich, they may not be able to be generous in everything.
why?
Because it is not easy to earn, how can you easily spend money like water and feel detached?
Spending money on the welfare home and on Xiao Zhen and others, even if the people around me don't understand, I actually feel better.
At least I won't despise myself in my heart.
But buying all the good stuff and then doing it to cause harm is the most frustrating behavior for me.
I always think of my father. He worked from dawn to dusk in order to earn some money, building walls and plastering for a living. None of his clothes were clean.
In the summer, he wore a worn-out camouflage uniform with a hurdle vest with holes exposed underneath. He squatted on the wall and smoked a cigarette while counting the one hundred and eighty he earned. When his employer invited him to drink soda, he pretended to drink it.
In fact, he poured it into his own water bottle and brought it back to me to drink.
When I drank it, only the sweetness remained, and the vapor was gone.
Dad also smiled and said, "It tastes good. This is Jianlibao, the most expensive soda in the store."
I asked him to try it too, and he said he was so tired of drinking while working at his employer's house. He washed his face and said with a smile, "San'er, Dad is still behind when he eats good food. I'll wait until you and your sister have a big career in the future."
Now, Dad will be happy!"
After washing his face, I helped him pour water. I saw that the water after washing his face was muddy, as if soap had been mixed with mud.
How could I, who grew up in such an environment, be a prodigal with peace of mind?
I have no choice but to desperately find various excuses for my behavior.
What I am defeating is not my family, I am just feeding the defeated energy. At the moment, my integration of defeated energy is just a delaying tactic. Everything will be fine once I gain momentum. As long as I can fight to the death and persevere until the end, I will still be suppressed and suppressed by me.
Don’t spend all the money you earn.
The debt of gratitude is accumulating in my heart more and more, just like the material box in front of Sister Xiaoyue. The beads filled with it are the expectations of people around me and the bright future they envision, but I don’t know where to go.
When can I put those beads into a string of bracelets and necklaces and wear them beautifully and easily?
I can only persevere and be a prodigal son who is hated by others. This is also the protective color that allows me to survive.
However, I still hate myself when I'm awake.
Why has it changed?
So I became more and more obsessed with the feeling of being tipsy.
It was as if I had found a way out of the gap between despair and confusion.
When you are drunk, you don’t know that the sky is in the water. A boat full of clear dreams overwhelms the stars. Today there is wine and today you are drunk. Tomorrow you will be worried and tomorrow you will be worried.
I wiped my face haphazardly, leaned against the refrigerator door, and slowly squeezed the empty can in my hand.
The clear night is dust-free, the moonlight is like silver, and when you pour wine, you must be full of ten points. Fame and gain are vain, and hard work is in vain.
A horse is caught in a sigh, fire is caught in a stone, and a body is caught in a dream.
…
Ring ring ring~~!
I closed my eyes and touched the phone, put it to my ear, "Hello."
"Ying'er, can you get up?"
Qi Yihou's voice came from the receiver, "A familiar client contacted me in the hospice care business. One of his aunts is dying. She said her legs were cold to the knees. It will only take an hour or two."
My son, I live in the suburbs, have a yard, and can hold funerals at my own home. If you want to take this job, you have to be a concierge. This client trusts me and has never contacted anyone else. You have to help me book a burial place.
Prime Minister, I will take you there first, and then leave the car for you there. If you pick it up, you will have to work there for three or four days, and then you can all come down. My boss said that I will give you five thousand as a personal package, do you think that's okay?"