Fang Ran's Diary 3 If it happens again, I will definitely...
It's snowing today.
The first snow of the year.
The weather has been very cold recently, and fewer and fewer people can be seen on the streets.
Maybe they have all left this city.
Nothing happened in school today, it was still a peaceful day.
However, a transfer student came to the class. It must be because of the college entrance examination. After all, the score line here is relatively low.
It’s almost the final exam, but there are more and more questions that I can’t do. Maybe I will be kicked out of the key classes next semester.
However... I took a year off from school and didn't work hard at all,
This is of course right.
If I can continue to stay here like this, to those who work hard every day,
Isn't it very unfair...
Efforts may not necessarily pay off, but sweat will never lie.
However, even if I am not in the key class now, Xiaoran will be fine.
Ranked first in the class, and the teacher's main concern, no one should cause trouble.
Although I don’t know how much effort she put in when she was so stupid before.
In short, it doesn't matter if you don't have me. The past two years have proven that my worries are groundless.
But think about it, just in case she is bullied again, she will turn into a mad dog and bite the other person, and warn others like a bad guy,
I'm still really stupid,
Like an idiot...
...
.....
Okay, just be honest with yourself in your diary.
After all,
I'm just self-satisfied.
I thought this would help me feel less guilty about the stupider thing I did before.
I thought this would protect me from going about my daily life as usual.
I thought that this way I would never encounter the same thing again...
But, in fact,
I spent three years in high school in silence, isolation, and felt like I could hardly breathe.
So, it turns out that my daily life used to be...
It's been broken a long time ago.
(The handwriting trembles here)
I used to think that I was very powerful and could do many things without letting my parents worry about me.
But actually....
That's not the case.
(There are traces of tears here)
That time, not only did I fail to do anything, I also made too many mistakes.
Grab his hair and knock him down the pit of the abandoned house with your knees, no matter how he begs for mercy.
In fact, I don’t want to be a hero! It’s not about protection at all! It’s not even about justice!
That's just me...
(Here the diary paper was scratched hard by the pen tip)
Vent out my anger and anger towards myself who could only grit my teeth and cry that night behind the warehouse!
I can’t wait to use my own strength to do something anxiously!
To prove something, to tell myself that I am not so powerless, to tell myself not to think about Xiaoran crying in front of the hospital bed,
Then.....
(The scratched paper here has been smoothed out again)
In exchange, of course, you have to pay for your actions.
Everything in life has changed from before.
After a one-year break from school, on the first day of school, I knew from the looks in the eyes of many people...
The days before when I was happy every day, had nothing to worry about, and slowly worked hard to rejoice in my growth.
No more.
But perhaps instead, I always felt that I had not changed much in the past. I was dissatisfied with my age and coveted maturity.
That time I felt my growth very clearly.
It turns out that the seemingly stereotyped and empty truths in the book are actually true.
It's not that you can slowly become the person you want to be by repeating it day after day, but only by what you experience,
Will it grow...
It also turns out that boys really don’t grow up slowly. Boys really grow up overnight.
Obviously, I have gained the maturity and calmness that I have always hoped for, and I can remain rational and smart in any situation...
Why...
What I am extremely envious of right now is that,
What about the kid who simply wanted to be a hero and worked hard for it every day...
It felt like I was getting further and further away from him since he waved goodbye to me.
Growth turns out to be more than simply acquiring new things...
Growth... turns out it's not as good as I thought...
It would be great if I could go back, it would be great if I could go back to the happy days before,
It would be great if I could continue to be carefree and smile happily every day. Xiaoran is not silent now, but is still as clumsy as before, always hanging around behind me.
If I hadn't gone out with him that night, or if I'd been a little greedier, if Aunt Qin hadn't gotten sick in the first place...
if....
If...my daily life...if I could do it again...
I will definitely!
I...must...
(The handwriting here is trembling, but I didn’t continue writing...)