Although the battalion commander did not go to the Industrial and Commercial Bureau to register a "Thief Financial Co., Ltd." license, the company did naturally form a company model.【】
In the late 1980s, two famous crosstalk actors Niu Qun and Feng Gong, perhaps inspired by the battalion commander, performed such a crosstalk at a Spring Festival party that year.
In order to commemorate the pioneering ideas of the battalion commander, and to pay tribute to the two cross talk masters, this article is excerpted as follows:
Niu: Ah, Feng Gong Feng: That’s right
Niu: Crosstalk actor Feng: It’s me
Niu: I really envy your job. Feng: Don’t say that
Niu: Just move your mouth and don’t use your hands. There are no injuries on your body after the cross talk. Feng: You plan to let us see blood after the cross talk, right?
Niu: So my work can't be compared with yours. Feng: What's the matter?
Niu: We were beaten with bruises every three days. Feng: Oh, you participated in boxing.
Niu: You are so old that you are risking your life. Feng: You are very confrontational.
Niu: The risk is too great. Feng: Then you can show your spirit!
Niu: On tenterhooks. Feng: Just get used to it.
Niu: Afraid of being caught. Feng: Hide quickly.
Niu: If someone catches you, beat him to death. Feng: Then the other party will commit a foul.
Niu: He doesn't care about you. Just a few days ago, six young men hung me up and beat me. They also cursed me while beating me. Feng: Why did I curse?
Niu: Let your kid steal the wallet! Feng: No, are you a thief?
Niu: Look at how a cultured person like you speaks so harshly. What do you mean by a thief? Feng: Then I should call you——
Niu: Pay for it! Feng: Isn’t this different?
Niu: I'm really fed up. In order to steal this little thing, I spent the whole day mumbling and shrinking secretly. I was trembling and frightened, and my sneaky life was not cool at all. I'm really fed up. I regret how I became a thief.
?Feng: Just understand.
Niu: Why not commit robbery on the road? Really, if you catch someone who commits a robbery on the road, you can kill them, so as not to suffer the consequences.
Feng: Hey, let me tell you, as long as you make up your mind to correct it, I will do my best to help you.
Niu: Good Samaritan, this sentence has it all. Feng: Isn’t it?
Niu: Even if I completely quit, they won’t let me go. Feng: Have you joined a gang?
Niu: Who joined the gang? Feng: Then——
Niu: The company I joined is called a thief company. Feng: A thief company?
Niu: The full name is Thief Financial Co., Ltd. Feng: How many people do you have in your company?
Niu: More than a hundred people. Feng: More than a hundred thieves?
Niu: Not all thieves, we are the only two who really insist on working on the front line. Feng: What about the others?
Niu: They are all leading cadres. Feng: Does your thief company still have leading cadres?
Niu: Hey, what you said is: "The train runs fast, all because of the front belt. The cadres take the lead, and the thieves are motivated. If the thieves don't have leaders, they will definitely steal poorly. Either they will steal less, or they won't be able to escape." Feng:
So what kind of cadres do you have?
Niu: There are more cadres, one general manager and forty-eight deputy managers. Feng: Forty-eight people?
Niu: Each one is in charge of his own stall. Feng: What are they all in charge of?
Niu: Some are in charge of administration, some are in charge of business, some are in charge of organization, some are in charge of publicity, some are in charge of logistics, some are in charge of family planning...
Feng: No, wait a minute, wait a minute, your thieves company still plans to have children?
Niu: Hey, what you said is that the whole country is a chess game, and we thieves are no exception. Otherwise, if everyone has family planning, we thieves will have children at will. Big thieves will give birth to thieves, and thieves will give birth to young thieves. The more thieves give birth, the more good people will be fewer and fewer.
, who are we stealing from?
Feng: You are also doing this for ecological balance.
Niu: Of course, this is all at the upper level. Specific to the departments at the lower level, the division of labor is even more detailed.
Feng: What subjects are there?
Niu: Just take the security department as an example. Feng: No, wait a minute, why does your thief company need a security department?
Niu: It's so necessary. If there are more than a hundred thieves gathered together, if there is no security department, then what the company has will be gone in a blink of an eye? Our company's thieves, document No. 1 of 1990 clearly stated
:The more it is a den of thieves, the more necessary it is to strengthen anti-theft work!
Feng: It’s hard to guard against domestic thieves
Niu: Of course, these are all permanent institutions. Since we have a central mission, we have to add many temporary institutions.
Feng: What kind of institutions are there?
Niu: That’s a lot. You think it’s the Spring Festival and you have to set up a Spring Festival Office? Feng: What? A Spring Festival Office?
Niu: Office raids during the Spring Festival are called Spring Robbery Offices. Feng: What if it’s Women’s Day?
Niu: Establish a female pirate office. Feng: May 4th Youth Day?
Niu: Qing Pirates Office! Feng: Children’s Day?
Niu: It's illegal! Feng: No holidays will be missed.
Niu: Don’t mention it’s the New Year’s Day. We’re going to set up a New Year’s Eve party today! Feng: Are you stealing here?
Niu: Our director is here in person! Feng: Who is your director?
Niu: Don't say it. Feng: Just sue me. Niu: Our director is - Feng: Who?
Niu: Li Zheng! Feng: Comrades, comrades, be careful, you might be able to do this at some point.
Niu: Actually, they are all fictitious organizations. They have nothing to do. This person is too lazy to do anything. He has been talking about downsizing for several years. In the first round of downsizing, there were only about 60 people left, and in the second round, there were still more than 80 people. After the third round,
, one hundred and twenty people. Feng: The more streamlined it is, the more people it will have.
Niu: There is no way. They all came through the back door through connections. They were sent by their superiors. They had to become cadres when they came. In fact, we are a very business-oriented unit... It does not mean that individuals come to work with us and become cadres.
Amateur leaders are experts, and they give orders blindly. No one can get into trouble. You say this person is good, and the superiors say no: Say this person is not good, and the superiors say yes, but you are still angry. There is a saying in our place.
The couplet explains the problem so much. Feng: What couplet?
Niu: The first line is, if you can do it, then you can do it, and if you can’t, you can do it. Feng: The second line.
Niu: If it doesn’t work, it won’t work, and if it works, it won’t work. Feng: Hengbiao
Niu: I can’t accept it. Feng: This is still a generation of educated thieves.
Niu: The most important thing is to set up a team and issue a target of several thousand yuan. Feng: Then steal it.
Niu: It's easier said than done. You haven't stolen anything lately. Feng: That's right. I haven't stolen anything. I just
Niu: Just tell me, we don’t have enough manpower to steal big items, and it’s not worth stealing small items. I don’t dare to take out my bankbook after I steal it. I want to steal cash, but I’m afraid of running into plainclothes. Sometimes I’m exhausted. It’s hard work, and at the end of the day
You can't steal tens of thousands of dollars. Feng: That's a lot.
Niu: No, the key is that he can't catch up with his slow flower. Feng: As for that?
Niu: I'll do the math for you. Feng: Okay, you do the math.
Niu: There are more than a hundred thieves in our company. They eat, drink, poop, sleep, sit, lie down, and walk. Doesn’t this cost money? Feng: This costs money.
Niu: Does it cost money to go to tourist spots endlessly to study and hold meetings? Feng: Oh...
Niu: That’s not all, our leading cadres also have to go abroad for inspection! You said you are a thief company, why are you going abroad for inspection? You say it is to learn advanced foreign theft technology! Feng: I want to say it is also to break out of Asia and steal to the
The world, isn't it?
Niu: The most intolerable thing is to see other companies advertising on TV, and our company also wants to advertise!
Feng: Your thief company also wants to advertise?
Niu: Even the slogan for the advertisement has been written. Feng: What is the slogan?
Niu: "Friend, do you want to get rich quickly? Please join the Thief Company, which can make you rich overnight. The contact person of our company... Feng: Who is it?"
Niu: It’s not appropriate to spread the news. Feng: Phone number?
Niu: Keep it secret for now. Feng: Fax number?
Niu: No comment. Feng: Where is your work unit?
Niu: Take a shot and change the place. Feng: Where can I find that one?
Niu: You can't find it. The police blocked us several times. Feng: Really?
Niu: As soon as I saw this situation, I quickly wrote a report: In view of the tightness of the news, it is recommended that all employees of the company be transferred immediately! If not, please give me your approval! Feng: Have you submitted it?
Niu: Leave it to the deputy team leader. Feng: Oh, the deputy team leader is in charge of this matter
Niu: The deputy team leader took it over and took a look and first drew a circle. Feng: Draw a circle?
Niu: This is called circle reading. It means basic agreement. Feng: This is a decision.
Niu: Let the team leader decide. Feng: It’s up to the team leader to take care of it.
Niu: The team leader took it over and took a look. First he drew a circle. Feng: Draw another circle?
Niu: Please let the deputy section chief decide! Feng: Oh, hehe
Niu: The deputy section chief drew a circle first. Feng: Yeah, yeah, yeah
Niu: Let the section chief decide. Feng: Hey.
Niu: The section chief first drew a circle and asked the deputy manager to decide. Feng: Hey
Niu: The deputy manager took it and drew another circle. Feng: I just drew five circles for this one.
Niu: Please let the general manager decide. If you want to talk about work efficiency, let us talk to the general manager. Feng: Really?
Niu: Take it over and look at it. There are five circles. Feng: Ah.
Niu: Got it. Feng: Oh
Niu: He picked up his pen and scrawled a few words. Feng: How?
Niu: Agreed! Feng: Oh!
Niu: Go to the Olympics to steal! Feng: Is that the Olympics?
Niu: Before we finished writing, the police blocked us in the room. Feng: That’s right
Niu: When I put on the cold handcuffs, I was done thinking, it was all over. I was desperate. The more desperate I became, the more regretful I became, and the more regretful I became, the more annoyed I became. My anger started in my heart, and my evil grew in my guts. I said, it’s all over
Resent! My report! You! Comrade policemen, bureaucracy kills people!
Lao Qi still remembers laughing so hard when watching cross talk, so I simply excerpted this entire article for everyone to enjoy.
The story told by the battalion commander was definitely a real-life version of the development history of a thief company, so Shen Tianlong couldn’t laugh or cry after hearing it.【】