In a music bar not far from the Lido Hotel, the lights are dim and the singing is gentle. All kinds of petty bourgeoisie people hang out here after work, grinding their teeth, relaxing by listening to music, or looking for a free affair. Something like that.
An An and I were sitting in a small booth in the corner, drinking red wine.
"If Lao Jia hadn't brought me here today, you wouldn't have shown up for this, right?" An An asked with her face flushed and her big watery eyes looking at me.
"Why do you owe so much money?"
I sipped the red wine and looked at An An and asked.
"I lost money in business and lost all my savings. I originally wanted to borrow loan sharks to sell the last goods, but the cooperative company also withdrew after hearing that we were not profitable."
An An held her chin with her slender fingers. There were no violent emotional fluctuations on her face, and she said quite calmly.
"Let me help you."
I said in silence.
"Haha, no need, I will repay your money, I really will."
An An smiled and refused calmly.
"You can do whatever you want."
I didn't force it anymore, because I knew her character, and she was sometimes tougher than me. From the day I met her, I never saw her begging for anyone.
At this point, we seemed to have nothing to say. Compared with Laoxian and Xiaoxiao, An An and I's first love seemed destined to be lonely in regret. It was more realistic, more down-to-earth, and more hurtful.
I wanted to make up my mind and leave. In fact, An An kept urging me to go back, but cups of red wine poured into my stomach from her red lips, and I couldn't say the words to leave.
Why, I always avoid An An, because I am afraid of her eyes, and even more afraid of this kind of atmosphere.
It was close to midnight, and everyone in the bar had almost dispersed. An An was completely drunk, with her head resting on her arms and lying on the table. I sighed, helped her up and left the bar.
Then, I opened a room in Lido, sent her in, took off her shoes, turned off the light, and prepared to leave.
"Nannan, why don't you walk?"
The moment I turned around, two slender arms were suddenly wrapped around my waist. An An was lying on my back, her body was trembling, her voice was trembling, and she seemed to have used all her strength to whisper to me.
She put down her last reserve and the stubbornness she had held on for so many years, and for the first time she personally tried to save me.
"I have to go back!"
I gritted my teeth and refused.
"Nannan, why do I always hear news about you wherever I go? Why do I end up meeting you all these years despite hiding? I will always be alone, eat alone, go shopping alone, and get sick alone!"
An An burst into tears, dropped all her defenses, and confided in me.
"You drank too much, go to sleep."
My eyes were sore, I squeezed An An's hand tightly, gritted my teeth and said.
"Pfft."
An An pushed me and hit the door panel directly. Before I could react, a pair of red lips stuck to my mouth and sucked hard.
"Afraid."
I stretched out my hand and tried my best to control my strength, frowning and pushing her away.
"Huhu."
An An stood barefoot on the carpet, her hair messy, looking at me while panting.
"Xiaoyou is already pregnant with my child. An'an, if I continue to accept you like a fucking beast, it will be harmful to you. I can't give you any promises because I'm married. Love must first serve the family. You understand." What?"
I clenched my fists, leaned against the door panel and continued in a daze: "You should go to bed early, I'm leaving."
"Okay, let's go, let's go!"
An An was weeping dumbly and stood there blankly.
"Bang."
I opened the door and left simply
It’s still the same bar, the same card room just now.
I held the red wine bottle and drank it. I held my head with my left hand and shed tears. I grabbed the waiter who was yawning from sleep and said nonstop: "You know, she is really nice to me."
B is just as good. She pays off my dad’s debts and works hard to manage the ocean. However, I can’t give her anything. Brother, you know what the most difficult thing in life is. You don’t know it just by looking at you. You are still young, but
I can tell you that the hardest thing in life is to reject someone, and the even fucking hardest thing is to reject someone who you have loved and cannot completely forget."
"Brother, stop drinking, we're about to get off work." The waiter said with a yawn.
"Fuck, I'll give you a tip, two hundred an hour, and you can chat with me for a while. Who can I tell you what the hell I'm thinking?"
I held him tightly, foaming at the corners of my mouth, and continued: "I am rich, very rich, really, don't believe it!"
"Well, you have money."
The waiter nodded helplessly.
"I'm really rich, you can't imagine it, but I rarely carry cash out. Basically, other people pay the bills. You see, the money is red, as if it's been soaked in blood. The more you look at it, the scarier it becomes. But you haven't seen it yet.
I have the courage to say I don’t want it. You think this person is so strange. A Zhiwei died in Myanmar. I told myself, now that we have money, this will definitely be the last one. But it is precisely because we have money that we come back and die again.
I lost a Xiguang, lost one of my best brothers, and took away a brother who I couldn’t fight with for seven years. And I can only fucking watch, I can only watch. For An An, even if I am rich, I still can’t.
I can't let her start a normal life again. I'm destined to let her down in this life. But you know what the psychological pressure is like when you let someone down. It's uncomfortable, it's really uncomfortable."
I gritted my teeth and continued to moan and release.
"Brother, be obedient. You're pretty good at bragging. Let's go home."
The waiter pulled me tightly.
"I'm so fucking sorry for An'an, I'm sorry for my brothers, I'm sorry for them."
I lay on the table and murmured sentence after sentence.
"No one cares about you, even if you start mumbling, you're not done yet."
The waiter pulled me twice, but found that I couldn't pull me anymore. Finally, in a hurry, I gave up the move.
Ten minutes later, I was thrown to the door of the bar by the waiter, and sat in the snow, staring blankly at a row of straight street lights, unable to move even one step.
"Squeak."
When the car arrived, Ma Xiaoyou stepped out in her pajamas, holding out her slightly bulging belly.
"What are you doing here?"
I asked with my eyes wide open.
"Take you home." Ma Xiaoyou answered crisply, walked to me without complaining, and used all his strength to help me up.
"If I don't go back with you, I'll bother you."
I drank like crazy, waved my hand and said.
"Haha, why are you bothering me?" Ma Xiaoyou coaxed me and pulled me up.
"I'm just annoying you," I scolded with a sideways glance.
"Excuse me, why don't you find someone else to marry?"
Ma Xiaoyou asked casually.
"Because you are my present."
"hehe."
Ma Xiaoyou smiled, took my arm, and walked towards the car step by step. The two rows of footprints were intertwined, and it was impossible to tell the difference between you and me.