I was born in a small county in Northeast China in 1989. I heard from my mother that the moment I was born, her first reaction was to strangle me to death because she never imagined that after ten months of hard work, she would actually give birth to a baby.
It's a monster.
The so-called "monster" means that my body is male and female for a long time, and my true gender cannot be determined for a while. Now, this is called an intersex person, but at that time, everyone thought I was a freak.
The doctor told my mother at that time that they had never seen this situation before and that they should hurry up and pick up BJ.
My grandma has always been looking forward to her grandson. It is said that she was eagerly anticipating it at the door of the delivery room. When she received the doctor's notice, she almost fainted. When she woke up, she kept shouting, "What the hell was born?!"
The doctor explained patiently, and then said, "I suggest you send BJ for a checkup. The child's condition is very bad. I'm afraid it will be difficult for him to survive in our hospital."
My dad was relatively calm at the time, supporting my grandma and looking at the doctor, "Except for not being able to tell the difference between men and women, everything else is normal."
The doctor nodded, "It looks normal for the time being."
Grandma immediately waved her hand, "I can't have it. Our family can't have this child. Is this okay? If word gets out, what will my relatives and friends think? Where should I put my old face!"
My mother kept crying after being pushed out. Because of the family planning policy at that time, it was still troublesome to have a second child, so I, a product that was both an indicator and a headache for the whole family, suddenly became a hot potato.
They held a brief family meeting in the ward, and grandma directly expressed her thoughts: "This child must not be wanted. This child cannot be cured by the government. This child is a lost star!!"
The mother was crying and had no idea, but the father said something, "Didn't the doctor say that the child won't survive? Let's take him home first. If he doesn't survive, then let him die. He can't be strangled to death. This is also me."
of seed.”
Grandma still said no. She looked at the infant me and said, "This thing must not enter our door!" As she said that, she threw the eggs she brought for my mother on the ground to show her determination, and she refused with a very serious attitude.
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I couldn't go home, but they wouldn't let me stay in the hospital. For a while, my whereabouts became a problem.
Just when I almost became an abandoned baby, my grandma appeared. She took a bus from the countryside and came to the county town just to see her grandson or granddaughter. But no one expected that she was not treated well by her mother.
The grandma I met in person became my savior at that time, and just like that, I was taken home by my grandma.
Before leaving, grandma only said one sentence, "If you die, please give us a call and let us know. We will quickly apply for a death certificate so that we can get the quota for a second child."
Grandma hummed, hugged me, and wanted to say a few words to my mother, but looked at my mother's disgusted eyes and sighed and left.
Grandma's voice still sounded behind her. She looked at her mother and said, "Huijuan, why do you still have the nerve to cry? Let me tell you, it is most likely that you gave birth to such a thing because of your feudal superstition."
Mom, do you know this is retribution? Our family is very unlucky. It’s only three generations. Let me tell you, three generations. If you don’t give birth to a son, don’t stay in our house!”
…
I was brought back to the countryside by my grandma. According to her words, she thought I wouldn't live long, but what she didn't expect was that I would slowly grow stronger from a dying state with every mouthful of rice soup.
Grandma was very angry when she heard the news in the county town, and she tried to get her father to divorce her every day. But fortunately, my father was a sensible person and he always protected my mother, so the matter was temporarily suppressed by my father.
I was nicknamed Jiaolong by my grandma, which may mean that male and female are indistinguishable. My real name was Lin Qiao, because my grandma still raised me as a girl, and everyone in the village thought I was a girl. Maybe grandma also thought about the possibility.
You have to support me for the rest of your life. If you raise me as a boy, it will be troublesome to think about getting a wife when you grow up.
The second level of meaning is that the word Jiao is missing a female character, but it still looks like a girl but not a girl, so it becomes Qiao.
At that time, I had no idea about gender. I thought I was a girl and was quite happy just playing silly things every day.
Let’s talk about the conflict between my mother and my grandma first. My grandma is a person who sees things in our village. At best, she is called Mr., at worst, she is a goddess. She used to dance to people, but during the Cultural Revolution, she was
At that time, dancing masters had bone bells hanging on their waists. When they danced, they had to make a clattering sound, and they also had to hold something in their hands. They were all made of bones and were used when calling people or asking for medicine.
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My mother has a sister, I should call her aunt, who was a red soldier at that time. When my grandma was taken out to be criticized, she stole these two things from her and threw them away. She also said that she would knock her down. As a result, evil things happened.
When it came out, it was rumored that the fairy in grandma got angry, and then molested my aunt. My aunt first got seriously ill, and then went crazy after she recovered. Then she got lost, and she has never been found again.
My mother and my aunt have a very good relationship. Since then, I have formed a relationship with my grandma. She said that if it weren't for her, my little sister would not be crazy. It is said that my aunt is very scary when she is crazy. When they go to bed at night, they squat on the kang to watch.
He would watch them sleep with his eyes wide open, or he would squat in the corner during the day, making hey-hey noises from time to time, which would make anyone who saw him cringe.
After the wave of the Cultural Revolution, my grandma picked up the old trade again, so the problem became more and more serious. My mother went to work in the county town before finishing junior high school, and then got married there, almost as soon as she notified grandma.
She got married and had no intention of letting grandma go. Of course, grandma went anyway, but naturally she was in trouble.
I've always wondered why my mother and father's family don't like grandma so much, because she is very famous in the village. If anyone has any problem, they come to her for help. If they lose their chickens, ducks, geese, or dogs, they just come to her.
, and nine times out of ten, it can still be found.
At first, my grandpa told me that he didn’t believe this, but when he was young, he was so angry that he went to play with others in the grave mound and jumped up and down on the tomb bag. Unexpectedly, the tomb bag collapsed all of a sudden.
, he fell directly onto the coffin board inside, which did not frighten him to death. After he came back, he had an inexplicable sore on his leg. Later, his grandma cured it, so he began to believe these things. Based on this, he also
My mother was also angry.
When I was a child, I eavesdropped on my grandma and grandpa’s chat. They were talking about me. My grandma said to my grandpa, “Don’t underestimate our granddaughter. She was sent by God. It takes many years to create an intersex person. Compared with ordinary people,