"Since we once loved each other, why bother hurting each other like this?"
After a long while, my uncle said quietly, "Qiaoqiao, why are you doing this?"
I looked at the back of my hand, which was swollen like a steamed bun, and shook my head, unable to say anything.
The nurse applied medicine to the torn needle hole on the back of my hand and then put a tape on it: "The swelling will go away in a while, don't worry."
I nodded. The swelling on the back of my hand will go away in a while. But what about my heart? Can I put some medicine on it to make it heal faster?
When the nurse went out, my brother-in-law walked to the bedside and sat down: "Qiao Qiao, I think Qilin really can't let you go. You know, when I went to see him last year, I brought him your pendant."
When I went there, I also said that the needle was nourished by your blood. At that time, he just threw it aside. I was afraid that he would throw it away. Before leaving, I told the nanny who was taking care of him abroad to keep an eye on it.
If he threw the pendant away and picked it up again, the nanny said, as soon as I left, Qilin would hold the pendant in his hand. It was very precious. He was that kind of person. From the outside, you would never look at me.
You can’t figure him out, but once you get into his heart, he really can’t let go..."
I lowered my eyes and felt that my uncle's words made my heart uncontrollably ripple layer by layer. Tears dripped onto the mattress of the hospital bed. I know how good he is. If it weren't for him, I would be here.
It was impossible for the entertainment disco to collect the money for Xu Meijin's hospitalization in such a short time. Without him, how could I have started planning to have the surgery?
I still remember the scene where I got him drunk at my cousin’s house. He looked slightly drunk, smiled with a confused look, pointed at me, looked at my cousin and said: "Cousin, this is my girlfriend, we are getting married...
…”
That was the happiest period of my life. I had him to rely on and I would plan for things. Of course, everything was for him. I wanted to have a good relationship with him. The idea of becoming a woman was also there.
At that time, it started to explode completely. At that time, how could I have thought that one day, I would tell him personally that what I like is actually a woman?
How could it be possible? I didn’t even believe the lies I told, but I had to say that I was really afraid of getting close again. Although the tearing process was extremely painful, at least it was much better than continuing to kill each other like this.
I don't care what he thinks of me, and I don't care if he thinks I'm disgusting. Anyway, I'm already like this. Although he has changed a lot since he came back, nothing he says or does is normal, but my eyes are not normal.
Damn, I can see how nervous he was when I was vomiting blood. His love is so deep that he hates him so much. Can I understand that Zhuo Jing still has me in his heart, so how can I not be afraid?
If possible, I would rather bear the single-line pain in Zhuo Jing. I want to know if his heart hurts very much now, and after the pain is over, will things really be calm between me and him?
"Qiaoqiao, are you listening to me?"
I sniffed and raised my eyes to look at my brother-in-law: "I'm listening, but brother-in-law, Zhuo Jing and I have changed. No matter if he lets go or not, there is no chance for us."
"Why isn't it possible?"
My brother-in-law looked at me a little anxiously: "You know, I have just explained to the doctor that you will have a detailed physical examination tomorrow. If there is no problem, I will contact friends abroad to perform surgery on you. In fact, you and Qilin Zhi
Isn't it just a matter of time? Fortunately for me, the information about you in your ID card and household registration book is still female. There is no need to change these. You just need to travel lightly. Then, what is your relationship with Qilin?
You can let go of the knot. You know, your sister-in-law and I both hope that you two can be together well. Not only are you his guardian, but you also have a good impression of each other. This is a perfect match!"
match made in heaven?
It's a pity that I was born in the wrong body.
Looking at my uncle, I breathed out softly: "Uncle, aside from all this, even if I go for surgery, will Zhuo Jing's parents accept an intersex person as their daughter-in-law?"
The uncle was startled for a moment, then said: "Qiaoqiao, you were very courageous two years ago. I told you about this problem at that time, but aren't you still with Qilin?"
I shook my head: "No, uncle, everything is different now. At that time, because I had no hesitation with Zhuo Jingyi, all the problems were not problems, but now, all the problems are problems."
After saying that, I stood up directly, looked at my uncle's slightly puzzled face and continued to speak: "The point is not that I have to do the surgery, but that Zhuo Jing can't accept me like this, so why should I do it?"
As for the surgery, I don’t want to do it anymore. I am different now than I was two years ago. Uncle, please stop talking about this matter..."
My uncle looked at me still puzzled: "Qiao Qiao, I just don't understand how you young people think. Qilin's personality has been like this since he was a child. Sometimes he hurts people, but he may not mean it sincerely. You have always been very sensible.
Qiaoqiao, to be honest, isn't this surgery going to be done sooner or later? The misunderstanding between you two will definitely be eliminated after it is done. Hey, just listen to my uncle's advice, ah."
My mouth was full of bitterness but I couldn't say it out. Do I have to tell my uncle that I have a marriage that can only be broken by having sex with Zhuo Jing in a hermaphrodite condition? Or maybe I am looking for a virgin and a sweetheart. His three views may be acceptable.
It will be destroyed directly by me.
Then he went on to say that if I break up my yin and yang pattern, my yin and yang pattern will change, and I will never be able to become a great gentleman again. I have worked hard for so long, and I gave up halfway without doing anything?
How can I describe these pressures and pains?!
Two years ago, I didn't know anything. I could have risked everything for my love with Zhuo Jing and not listened to anything. But now, it seems that except for Zhuo Jing's fate, nothing about the two of us is suitable!
He can't accept that I am intersex, and this cannot be changed. I can even imagine that even if I have surgery, it will still be a pimple in the future, because he hates it from the bottom of his heart.
Or a small misunderstanding, why bother? Why not just let it go and leave each other a way to survive.
"Jojo!!"
I left without looking back. I didn’t want to explain things that I couldn’t explain anymore. I was also very tired. My life of more than 20 years was extremely depressing. I couldn’t feel the joy and happiness of my peers.
.
I used to be well protected, and I grew up healthily under the wings of my grandma, but this society is extremely indifferent and cannot tolerate my identity. I hate those sarcastic eyes. On the one hand, I am helpless, but on the other hand, I
They were secretly competing again, wanting to avenge their previous humiliation.
It seems to remind me of a book I read when I was in school. I still remember a sentence in it——
What's the use of giving birth to me? I can't laugh. What's the use of destroying me? It won't reduce my arrogance. (To be continued)