On his shoulders, Zhuo Jing's hands suddenly relaxed, and the corners of his mouth were cold: "Is this your sincere words?"
I forced myself to stand up straight, without shaking or falling, and looked at him bravely: "Yes."
God knows how much I want to maintain the warmth of the last moment, and how much I want to tell him, let’s make peace. I’m tired too, but why did he ask me to have surgery when I just wavered a little? I was really stupid once.
I foolishly thought that surgery was the best way back for him and me, but now I understand that unless he can completely accept my intersex body, it will be impossible for us to live together in this life, and for me,
That can't be considered true love. He still dislikes me and dislikes me for being intersex.
Zhuo Jing didn't say anything for a long time, as if he didn't recognize me. After a while, he gritted his teeth and opened his mouth: "What exactly do you want? Well, what exactly do you want me to do?"
"I'm not asking you to do anything. I just don't want surgery. I'm intersex. If you can accept it, then you can accept it. If you can't, there's nothing I can do about it."
I didn't mean to say such things, but Zhuo Jing doesn't understand why things don't always develop as expected. I don't know how to open my mouth to say all these things. I want to tell him that you have to accept me like this.
Can I have a healthy body and get married in bed, so that my objection to marriage can be broken? Otherwise, there will only be greater hardships that hinder us after we get together. What should I say? By then, what ability will I have?
None of it was gone, and that feeling of unpredictability really frightened me.
"Ha ha."
Zhuo Jing looked at me and suddenly sneered twice, but the smile was more like self-deprecation. For the first time, there was something called 'pathos' in his eyes: "Lin Qiao, you really impressed me, do you still want to
It's too much. How far do you want to trample my love? Since I was sixteen years old, you have been an innocent little girl in my heart. As a result, this little girl slapped me in front of everyone one day.
After two years of heavy slaps, I found that I couldn’t forget you even if I forced myself to do so. Then I could only force myself to forget those unbearable memories. I thought that when I saw you again, I would only hate you and hate you for letting the last two
Life has been extremely difficult, but I found that I can't hate it. Well, in this case, I will take a step back and accept the fact that you were once an intersex person. I asked you to have surgery because I just want us to stay together.
How far are you going to push me!!"
With his last roar, I had already burst into tears, "No, I'm not forcing you, you are forcing me, you are forcing me..."
Who can know my suffering? You just made the choice for me lightly. Have you ever thought about how big a gap I have to cross here? Why do you want to question me, and who can I question?
"I forced you?"
Zhuo Jing's voice suddenly became low, and all the strength in his body relaxed. He took two steps back and looked at me shaking my head gently. A trace of disappointment suddenly appeared in his eyes: "You think that because I love you, you can take advantage of me without fear."
Is my love threatening me? Ah, I have accepted that you were once a hermaphrodite. Is it possible that I still want to live with a woman who has the same thing as me? Lin Qiao, are you?
What do you think? Can you tell me?"
I shook my head. It seems that this is the only move I can do now. I don't understand why we push each other into a dead end, but I didn't mean it. I don't want to force him, let alone hurt him. Seeing him like this, I
It really hurts in my heart, "Zhuo Jing, we are really not suitable. I beg you, don't force me anymore. I really can't do the surgery now, I really can't."
"Can you tell me if you have ever loved me?"
Of course, I love it——
But I couldn't say it. I looked at him and couldn't say anything meaningful except crying. So what about love? It's because of love that I know how difficult it is to be together, and I have no idea about the future.
Happiness has a sense of fear. If I am useless, how can I help you?
When I was young and innocent, you asked me to be your royal onmyoji, and I happily agreed. But who would have thought that one day, the result would be that I could no longer be an onmyoji if I were with you?
And when we were kissing, my mind went blank. Just when I thought I might be able to risk my life again, you told me to have an operation?
As everyone knows, you can't accept that I am intersex, but now it is the biggest harm to me. It seems that we really have no choice. You only like pure women, but I can't become pure.
Woman, this is the greatest sorrow. We seem to be very close, but yet so far away. We are all standing on the edge of our respective cliffs. You seem to have taken a step, but you have not taken a step towards me.
, but fell into the abyss before your eyes.
"I understand."
Zhuo Jing looked at me but opened his mouth directly, with a deep sense of powerlessness in his eyes: "You are too selfish, Lin Qiao, you have indeed become Lin Qiao. At least Ma Jiaolong knew that love requires giving, and you,
But I don’t want to change anything.”
I raised my eyes and looked at him, forget it, since some words can never be said, then I will take responsibility for this evil person. There should be a result between the two of us. The fault was mine two years ago. After those two years, the fault is still not my fault.
For me, it doesn't matter. Anyway, I have always been wrong. I have been wrong since I was born.
"Yes, I don't want to change anything, I am just me, and I don't want to go under the knife for anyone. I like the way I am now. You know now that I have changed. I used to be stupid, but that doesn't mean that I am
I will always be stupid, Zhuo Jing, you should know very well in your heart that in a family like yours, even if I am an ordinary girl, your parents will probably accept it easily, not to mention, I am still..."
"Shut up!" Zhuo Jing suddenly interrupted me, "Don't say that disgusting word with that face."
But I smiled softly: "Whether you want to hear it or not, I am an intersex person. You heard me clearly... I am an intersex person." How I wanted to be carefree, heartless, and careless, like this, looking at the look in his eyes
If I get hurt, I won't curse myself secretly and pretend to be cruel and selfish. Love is obviously a beautiful thing, but why has it become the most hurtful weapon for me?
Zhuo Jing looked at me, his eyes full of strangeness. Yes, he must have never imagined that this love could be so cruel. He staggered back two steps and suddenly stumbled on the hand he bought from my store.
On the pile of things, seeing his center of gravity empty, my heart suddenly tightened, and I instinctively went forward to pull him: "Hey, be careful..."
But he pushed me away directly. My feet were not working hard. When he pushed me, I staggered and directly held on to the wall next to me: "Zhuo Jing..."
Zhuo Jing sat down next to the pile of curtains, not looking at me, his face expressionless.
I gritted my teeth and stepped forward to pull him away: "Are you okay? You didn't fall."
"roll."
My outstretched hand stopped abruptly with the word he spat out, hung in the air, and then silently retracted it, yes, what am I doing, slap someone in the face and then throw a sweet date, I thought
That's not Zhuo Jing's character. He has a temperament that makes him hate when he's hurt. So, just hate me, at least not to get entangled.
He stood up from the ground with a sullen face, walked to the desk in two steps, opened a drawer, and then threw something out with a bang: "Take your things and get out."
I turned around and looked at the mobile phone he threw on the desk. I sniffed and forced myself to calm down. I walked to the desk, raised my eyes, looked at Zhuo Jing who was standing there with his back turned, and opened his mouth.
:"sorry."
He stood with his back to me, so I couldn't see his expression clearly, but his voice still returned to its previous coldness: "Don't let me see you again. I don't want to see you again in this life."
I lowered my eyes. My tear ducts were really overdeveloped when I met Zhuo Jing. I bit my lip and said, "Yeah."
Turning around, I couldn't help but look back at him again. What a straight and broad back. If he turned back at this moment, I don't know if I would collapse. Regardless of everything, I knew in my heart how much I felt at this moment.
I don't want to let him go, I know he is sad, how can I let him be sad, and I don't know if this is the last look as he wished, but I really can't understand why life has to be so cruel to me, insisting on me again and again
You get something, but you have to give it away with your own hands again and again——(To be continued)