When I was a child, I thought my father's house was so big that the popular term "rich" would not be an exaggeration to describe it. Although when I grew up, I began to think that this two-story building was neither rustic nor foreign, but it was still very popular.
Yes, looking back now, it can't be described as desolate. It can be called desolate.
After the building was empty, my mother's tight string seemed to loosen. She fell seriously ill and there was no one at home, so I had to take care of her. She began to rely on me abnormally, even if I went to the bathroom,
She also wanted to shout my name loudly. I could only give up when I quickly walked to her side and allowed her to see and touch her. It was not until this time passed that my mood gradually recovered. No matter what,
You can sleep alone.
The situation on my grandpa's side is not optimistic. The result of the leg examination was bilateral femoral head necrosis. One side can be treated conservatively without replacement, but the other side is severely worn. If the femoral head is not replaced, he will never be able to walk again. Important
I still have to endure the torture of the disease all the time. I called Han Zheng and he said that there is no problem with the replacement surgery, but the complicated thing is my grandpa’s Alzheimer’s disease. Prolonged anesthesia for a major surgery will definitely cause harm to my grandpa.
The brain is affected, and he looked at my grandpa’s test results and showed that my grandpa’s platelets were too low and he was not eligible for surgery. That is to say, my grandpa’s current physical condition cannot be operated on. There is no way, I can’t live without my mother.
Yes, I can only send my grandpa to the city hospital and ask Aunt Sun to take care of him. We will adjust the indicators first and decide whether to do surgery or not until I get back.
March is a cold and cold spring, but I feel that I am facing an extremely difficult time. If things don't come together, I don't think I will be so anxious. My mother's mood is stable for two days and then becomes crazy for two days. I showed her
, there is no weak illness at all, which means that she is purely mentally ill. Fang Dapeng called me and said that he was ready. To put it more professionally, he wanted to set the schedule with me to prepare for the interview and recording, and I was just right.
I went out to buy medicine and talked to him on the phone while walking home: "Let's postpone it for now. Something happened at home and I'm not in the mood to record right now."
"What's wrong? It's been an uncomfortable New Year. I was worried that you would have many things to do during the New Year, so I waited until the first month was over before I called you."
"Well, on New Year's Eve... my father passed away, so my mother's mood is unstable now. I have to take care of him at home. I can only slow down the program."
Fang Dapeng was stunned on the other end of the phone, and then said: "I'm sorry, Jiaolong, I didn't know something like this happened to your family. I'm sorry, the show doesn't matter, it's okay, family matters are the most important."
I twitched my lips and said, "It's okay. It's been a month and I'm feeling much better. Thank you."
"You're in Anton, right? I'll go back and see you."
"Farewell, don't make the atmosphere sad. I can't stand this now."
"Well, will Mr. Zhuo always accompany you again? I saw him hold a press conference two days ago, saying that the hot spring will open this year and so on."
"Well, I know. When he came to see me two days ago, he said that we would have to talk on the phone sooner or later."
"That's because I was overthinking it. I thought he was busy and couldn't care about you. No, what I meant was that if you are in a bad mood, you can talk to me more. I am idle anyway, and I have not been able to care about you recently.
There’s not much material to shoot.”
I smiled softly: "Just dig into the material and you'll have it. I believe you."
Just as I was talking, my neighbor looked at me and ran over limping: "Mr. Ma! Go find your mother quickly, I feel like something is going to happen to her!!"
I became anxious as soon as I heard this. I didn’t have time to say goodbye to Fang Dapeng, so I hung up the phone and looked at our neighbor: “What’s wrong with my mother?”
Because my name is relatively famous, my neighbors respect me very much when they see me. They don’t call me Lin Qiao or Ma Jiaolong, they just call me Mr. Ma. Needless to say, I didn’t think there was anything good about being famous before, but now
I found that there are many benefits. At least if I open my mouth when I go out to buy medicine or something, my neighbors will rush to help me look after my mother.
"Didn't you ask me to come to your house to chat with your mother for a while? It was fine at first, but while I was standing in the yard answering the phone, your mother came out with a bag, and I asked her
She didn't say a word about anything she took. Then I went to grab the bag and found a circle of hemp rope she had placed inside. I started tearing it up with her. She looked quite thin and I didn't know where she got it.
With great strength, she pushed me right away. My feet were sprained at that time. I saw her hailing a taxi and driving away. She called you and the line was still busy. You should hurry up and find her! You said she could get in?
Where! The key is that she still has a hemp rope in her hand!!"
I stuffed the medicine into my neighbor's arms and said, "Thank you, auntie. I'll send you the medical expenses for your injured foot in the evening!" After saying that, I raised my feet and ran towards the yard of my house.
"Medical expenses are a trivial matter! Mr. Ma! Do you know where to look for it? Your mother doesn't even have her mobile phone!"
I didn't answer, ran into the yard and got in the car directly. Within a few minutes of leaving, my mother couldn't think about it anymore. I knew exactly where she was going. It wasn't the first time in this month. It was just that she had been sneaking around at home before.
I wanted to take sleeping pills or something, but I didn’t expect that this time I went to find my dad while I was out buying medicine!
I started the car and drove directly to the cemetery where my father is buried. My mind was spinning all the way, thinking that in the morning my mother was still talking to me normally, and then she said she had finished taking the medicine and asked me to go.
I bought it for her because she has been in a dazed state in the past month, so I called my neighbor over. I thought my mother would be like the time when Xiaobao left. Even if she is depressed, she will be depressed one day.
It's calm, but it's obvious that the blow of dad's leaving is far greater than that of Xiaobao. Mom is not as open-minded as she said!
After driving to the place, I went straight up the mountain. My father was also buried in the cemetery when grandma left. But the land around grandma was occupied by others. The cemetery here is also on the mountain, unlike the one in the city.
It's quite satisfactory. The one at the back is almost the same as the one buried on the mountain. It's not too developed. It is said that it is to maintain the original Feng Shui. I also took this into consideration when I chose this place. I think it's not bad. Although it is laborious to go to the tomb, the more primitive it is, the better.
I was grounded, so my father occupied a hilltop for himself. In spring, the snow melted and the road became a little muddy. I kept running towards my dad’s hilltop with long strides. Half an hour later, I was out of breath.
When I climbed up dripping with sweat, my mother had already hung herself up!
I really don’t understand why women always like hanging, such a painful way to die. But it’s good that my mother was hanged. If she had cut her wrists or something else, or I would have come down the mountain, it would be too late. Her legs are still there.
As I kicked, the bricks under my feet had been kicked open, and there were freshly burned pieces of paper in front of my father's monument. It seemed that my mother sent money first before following, which was indirectly delaying my time. Without saying a word,
I went up and hugged my mother directly to get her out of the rope noose.
My mother’s face was already very red. She sat on the ground and looked at me, still struggling to open her mouth: "Qiaoqiao, cough, please leave me alone, let me die, let me die..."
I ignored her, stepped forward slightly, gasped and put my head into the rope noose: "Don't die, I will!"
"Qiao Qiao!!" My mother was frightened and struggled to pull my trouser legs: "Don't scare me, take out your head, cough cough cough, take it out!!!"
I looked at her with a cold face: "What are you getting? Mom, how many times have you done this this month? You would take sleeping pills at home and now you come here to hang yourself. You keep saying that I am the only one left. Have you thought about it?"
No matter how I feel, do you want to die? I will die too, and our family of three will be reunited down there!"
After saying that, I bent my legs directly. The rope my mother tied was not high enough to hang me up, but it was really uncomfortable for me. My mother was frightened by me at the time and held me tightly underneath.
He pushed his legs upward: "Qiao Qiao!! Mom is wrong! Mom is wrong! Don't scare me! Don't scare me!! Mom will never seek death again!"
I stood up straight and couldn't help coughing twice. It wasn't until my mother's expression calmed down that she continued to speak: "Mom, I know it's a blow to you that Xiaobao is gone. Now that dad is gone too, what's in your heart?"
It’s even more uncomfortable, but my dad has told you to live well. If you continue like this, do you think my dad will be happy? Last night, you said that besides grandpa, you and I are the only ones left in our family. Now grandpa is still lying in the hospital.
You want to commit suicide again. Have you ever thought about how I will live now that you are dead? Didn’t you say that you are sorry for me? Ah, you will be right if you die? Let me tell you, if you die like this
, I hate you forever!!"
I spoke a little excitedly, and I angrily loosened the buttons of my shirt: "I know, no one can accept this kind of thing, but it has already happened! Will you be free when you die? If you commit suicide, you have to stay up there.
I don’t know, I have to find someone to help you transcend, otherwise you won’t be able to reincarnate!!”
After shouting, my mother sat on the ground and started crying. I gritted my teeth and said, "Okay, I don't care about you now. You want to die, right? Come on, I'll give you bricks. Is three bricks enough? You just gave four bricks."
That’s right...I’m going down the mountain now, no matter how others scold me in the future, I will accept it!!!”
After turning around and walking a few steps, my mother yelled: "Jojo!!!"
I didn't look back, I stood straight on the spot, wondering what the hell was going on!
Suicide? If suicide was so comfortable, I would have wanted to die!
My mother ran over from behind and held my hand tightly: "No, I won't do it anymore. Mom is wrong. It's my fault. Mom shouldn't force you. I just think about you and it's too hard."
, if you die, it will be over."
I looked at the foot of the mountain, suppressing the pent-up emotions in my heart and said, "Dead people will never know the pain that living people have to endure."
Mom pursed her lips and hugged me tightly: "I'm sorry Qiao Qiao, Mom was wrong, Mom will never do such a thing again, Mom will never make you feel uncomfortable again..."
I patted her back gently. I felt that my mother was crying and was very broken and embarrassed. This could be considered a way to vent. After more than a month, she should be allowed to vent her anger in front of her father's grave.
We were not in a hurry to go back in the afternoon. I sat with my mother on my father's grave. When she calmed down, she started talking and talked to me about a lot of things she and her father did back then, including her working in the county.
Her father helped her when she had no food to eat. Her first new dress in the city was also bought for her by her father. She said that the luckiest thing in her life was meeting her father, even though her grandma did not allow her to enter the house and disliked her.
My family background was not good, but my father insisted on it.
I remained a quiet listener until the sun set, and then I held her hand and went home. In fact, let alone mother and son, even two strangers living together like this will develop feelings. I feel that I and I
In these days, our relationship with my mother gradually became closer and closer. At night, she knocked on my door. When I opened the door, I looked at the quilt that my mother was holding and was startled: "Mom...
…”
Mom looked at me with a chuckle: "Qiaoqiao, Mom wants to sleep with you tonight. Let's talk. Don't let you watch me sleep. Let's sleep together, okay?"
I nodded, "Okay."
I have watched her sleep before, but I always sat on the edge of the bed. When I felt sleepy, I would lean on the head of the bed and take a nap. I never really slept together while lying down together. Although it was a bit uncomfortable, but considering
Her mood was not a big deal. After lying down, my mother turned sideways and looked at my face carefully until she looked a little embarrassed and said, "Mom, what are you looking at?"
My mother shook her head and stretched her hand to touch the bridge of my nose: "Qiao Qiao, actually when you were just born, the doctor first praised you for your beauty. He said that when the child grows up, he will definitely be handsome because he has double eyelids...
"
I held the corner of my mouth and smiled softly: "Yes, when people compliment me on my beauty, you still want to strangle me to death."
"That's an angry comment. I'm anxious."
Mom sighed: "I was afraid that your grandma wouldn't tolerate me. In fact, I just wanted to be strong and prove that I could be worthy of your father and have a son, so I was deceived at that time, just like being possessed by an evil spirit. When I saw you
I'm just angry. In fact, when I was pregnant with you, I had a very strong reaction. Everyone said that I was a naughty boy. I have heard that kind of thing too much. Oh, Qiaoqiao, don't blame mom. Mom was too young back then.
I'm ten months pregnant. In fact, mom misses you sometimes, but she doesn't want to admit it. She knows it was her fault and gave you an abnormal pregnancy. She's afraid that if she admits it, everyone will blame her."
I had nothing to say. For the first time, I felt like I could let go of this knot in my heart. I reached out and hugged her: "It's over. I'm not a child anymore, and I'm fine now."
Mom sniffed and looked at me with her mouth twitching: "You really don't blame me?"
I smiled and said, "It's not weird anymore. I would be weird if you really strangled me to death back then. Okay, don't think about this. Now, I am both your son and your girl."
Mom also laughed, this was the first time since Dad left, and said: "Well, with you alone, I can have both children... Qiaoqiao, Mom lived too much for herself before, but from now on, Mom will live for you, for sure.
Live a good life and I will never force you or make you feel uncomfortable again."
…
On April 4th of the Gregorian calendar and February 24th of the lunar calendar, accompanied by light rain, I took my mother on the road to visit my grandma’s grave for the first time. (To be continued)