Chapter 553 But You Are Not Me, How Do You Know My Choice in Life
"Ma Jiaolong, you think what I said is wrong, you know, I am really too lazy to be such a bad person, but if I don't say it, I will have to watch you continue to hide your stupidity, I
I have already told you the three ways to defeat your marriage evil before you entered the industry. You don’t need virgin blood. You said it’s a sorcery and you won’t touch your ribs. Is there anything else besides this? Is it possible for you?
You still need to rely on medicine, are you that lowly?"
"Also, you said I shouldn't say it, then let me ask you, if I don't say it, will you say it one day? The answer is obvious, no, you will only force yourself into a desperate situation. You
The concealment of Zhuo Jing's seemingly hard work is morbid in itself, and your idea of covering up your ugliness is also morbid! You are not confident at all. If you are not confident, why would you talk about getting married with Zhuo Jing! It's pure nonsense!
"
I didn’t want to say anything. I sniffed and stood up slowly. I wiped away my tears and staggered towards the hospital hall. Who doesn’t know these words? I also know that Cheng Baize didn’t say anything wrong. He didn’t say a word.
I'm wrong, I'm really not confident. I've always had an ostrich mentality towards Zhuo Jing in this regard. I'm just afraid of disgusting him, just like four years ago...
This body has been with me for twenty-four years and I sometimes feel disgusted with it. Occasionally when I go to the toilet, I feel that sitting down is unnecessary, but I still sit down when the idea comes to me because I have been hypnotizing myself.
Tell myself, I am not a freak, why should I care about other people's opinions, or in other words, I can face everyone openly with this body, and even want to be hysterically high countless times when I dream back at midnight.
So what if I shout out that I am intersex!!
But only Zhuo Jing turned around and looked at Cheng Baize, who was still standing there, and said softly: "Why don't I say it? It's because I care about him. Do you understand? I care about everything he thinks about me..."
You! Broken my plans!! All my plans!!!”
Cheng Baize stood there and smiled sadly: "Ma Jiaolong, I feel so damn pathetic for you!"
As he said that, he walked up to me in a few strides, took a deep breath and looked at me: "All your plans are nonsense! From this moment on, I will no longer care about you. If you are willing to debase yourself, you can
If you continue to go your own way, go find Zhuo Jing, trample all your little pride and self-esteem under your feet, beg him to forgive you, and let him take you to the operation! I thought you were better than you were a few years ago.
Making progress is actually a virtue, I'm so damn tired of this thankless thing!"
I covered my mouth and stood there, listening to the footsteps behind me getting further and further away. I looked up at the warm peach blossoms blooming with all my last strength under the illumination of the street lights. I breathed with the slight coolness of late spring. It’s you.
You can see everything clearly, but you are not me, how can you know my life choices!
‘Ling ring ring~~ ring ring ring~~’
The mobile phone in my pocket broke the silence of the night. I trembled, hurriedly took out the mobile phone, sniffed hard and put it to my ear: "Hey, Zhuo Jing, I..."
"Ma Jiaolong? I'm Han Zheng, are you okay?"
My heart, which was tense for a moment, suddenly relaxed as if it were weightless. I said oh and wiped away my tears: "I'm fine. Doctor Han, did you call me if there was something wrong?"
"It's nothing. It's just that your grandpa came to me and said he agreed to the operation. I want to ask you if you will follow the time we agreed on before. The morning after tomorrow, do you have any questions?"
"No, please."
"It doesn't matter, this is my job too. It's best that all your family members are here before the operation tomorrow night. I will also go over with the anesthesiologist to ensure that the operation is flawless."
I nodded: "Okay, thank you, I will definitely be there."
"But I heard your voice...are you having any emotional problems with Zhuo Jing?"
"It's nothing. Dr. Han, please do your work first. My grandpa has worked hard for you."
"Don't be so polite. If it's not convenient for you to talk, I won't ask. I must be there tomorrow night. Communication before surgery is very important."
"OK, bye."
After hanging up the phone, I glanced at the number I had not called Zhuo Jing before, pressed the dial button again, and saw that the phone was turned off.
I took a deep breath, looked up at the dark night, and suddenly felt a bit devastated. I walked home in a daze. I didn’t want to go back to the ward now, and I didn’t want to say anything else to my grandpa. All I could think about was what Zhuo Jing had just said.
Why was he the last to know?
In fact, I want to say that I don’t want him to know in this life. I know that this is a time bomb. If it explodes, it will mean that Zhuo Jing has to face my masculine skin. This kind of thing is tantamount to disintegrating him.
Of course, I couldn't do it, so I thought about letting this bomb go out, or even completely turn it into a dud.
Cheng Baize said that I took it for granted, but I didn't think about it before. Who knows if what I see now is the standard answer at the last moment?! I volunteered to blindfold myself just to protect my untouchable dignity until the last moment.
Breaking out, I look at Ma Jiaolong's life as an outsider and I feel that many steps are wrong. But who can always stay calm in their own life? Is it hormones or dopamine? Unless you don't secrete it, otherwise we will suffer.
With the same education, reading the same books, and taking the same test paper for the college entrance examination, why do we become all kinds of people after coming out of school, and have a life of all kinds of strange things?!
I can say a lot of truths, but when I apply them to myself, they are all useless in writing.
"Jiaolong, you are at home!"
Zong Bao opened the door with the key and looked at me sitting on the sofa in a daze: "I'm still wondering why the lights in your house are on at this time...Why are you still drunk and crying?!"
I held a beer can and turned to look at him blankly: "Zong Bao, Cheng Baize told Zhuo Jing, everything."
"What did you say?" Zong Bao walked up to me inexplicably and looked at me and couldn't help but frown: "What happened? How much did you drink?"
The beer can was empty, so I slowly flattened it with my hands and looked up at him: "Zhuo Jing already knows about my objection to marriage..."
"What?! This thing about refuting the marriage evil?!"
Zong Bao covered his little heart and looked at me with his mouth open, "That, that... is that one? The one with the bang bang bang?"
I ignored him, threw away the beer can in my hand, picked up another one, and opened it again. This thing was really painful.
"Stop drinking!"
Zong Bao grabbed the things in my hand and sat down on the coffee table with a bang, "Now that I have said it, what is Zhuo Jing's reaction? Why are you still drinking at home?"
I curled up my legs on the sofa and opened my mouth: "He said to calm down and asked me to give him time. We both need to calm down..."
Zong Bao scratched his own head, but stood there a little bit crazy: "You said so, why should Cheng Baize say it, and from what standpoint did he say it? You have to say it yourself, if
Cheng Baize said, what does Zhuo Jingde think? He knows everything about the co-authorship, but he is the only one who is kept in the dark. He must be unhappy!!"
I didn’t answer. No one knew what was going on, but it had already happened. If someone said something wrong, I could refute it and argue with reason, but they didn’t say a word wrong. Besides, this person was Cheng Baize. How should I blame him?
?
Zong Bao fumed on the spot for a while, then sat next to me and whispered: "However, thinking about Cheng Baize saying it, it is not necessarily a bad thing. I have long thought that Zhuo Jing must know about this matter, otherwise I will always keep it in my heart."
I feel that something will happen sooner or later if I am stuck in this situation. Jiaolong, as a man, it is definitely not easy to accept, but you have to give Zhuo Jing time to digest it. He is so attentive to you. In fact, to put it bluntly, isn't it just a moment?
As soon as I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes..."
Perhaps realizing that he had said something wrong, Zong Bao cleared his throat: "What I mean is, as long as the relationship is in place, the rest is nothing. Come, I will drink with you, or I will call him now."
I made a phone call and told him, aren’t you doing it just for him..."
"Stop fighting and give him some time."
I looked at Zong Bao and replied, I believe in his feelings for me, there is no doubt about it, but I don’t know what to do now, but I think we can’t force him to make a choice now, we
It will take some time. When he figures it out, he will come to me. No matter what his conclusion is, I will accept it and bear it.
Zong Bao nodded and picked up a can of beer himself: "Well, that's right. Don't worry. According to what I know about Zhuo Jing, he will definitely not let you go. It's just a matter of time. You can wait until he figures it out.
If we deal with it together, it won't be so hard for you, right?"
I didn't respond, I just glanced at the screen of my phone unconsciously. I knew in my heart that it was my fault, but things had reached this point. What Zhuo Jing cared about was that I didn't tell him, so why would he care about me saying sorry?
Even after waiting for two days, Zhuo Jing didn't call me. Time will not lengthen a person's collapse line, because we are stronger than we imagined.
I waited a night and went to the airport to pick up my car in the morning. I stopped by Zhuo Jing’s house to look for him. He didn’t answer the door or open the door for me. I thought he should be at home. I knew the password, but I didn’t go in. I hesitated.
After a while, I still chose to leave.
He behaved very calmly in the hospital. He listened quietly to Han Zheng's description of the surgical procedure, signed the signature, and then listened to the anesthesiologist giving his grandpa some psychological support to make him feel at ease. Watching his grandpa fall asleep that night, he had to ensure that he rested before the surgery.
, and then went to the station to pick up my mother and watch my grandpa prepare for the operation.
There are always things that keep you moving forward. Although I have been looking forward to Zhuo Jing’s call during this process, my grandfather criticized Zhuo Jing because Cheng Baize’s eye was swollen, and he talked about Zhuo Jing in the ward for a long time.
No, it was too shady to tell Zhuo Jing, but Cheng Baize didn't say much. After calling me that night, he didn't say anything else to me until my grandfather was pushed into the operating room and he received a call from the studio to leave.
He walked up to me hesitantly just now and opened his mouth: "He didn't look for you?"
I sat on the bench and watched the surgical procedure displayed on the LED, but there was no response. Cheng Baize nodded and said no more, said hello to my mother and said he would come back in the evening, then left.
After he left, my mother came closer to me and whispered: "This young man is very nice. He seems very friendly to me and helps me with everything. Has he ever been to our house?"
.”
I said yes and didn't say much. I looked at the LED display showing the status of my grandpa's surgery. I felt relieved. At the same time, my phone rang. The caller this time was quite unexpected. It was Rong Rong.
Danfeng.
She probably heard Han Zheng say that I had some emotional problems, and she called Zhuo Jing. In her words, Zhuo Jing didn't answer her call, so she was a little anxious and asked me what was wrong.
It's normal for Zhuo Jing not to answer her calls. Who will blame him when he gets angry? But I contacted Xiao Tian and found out that Zhuo Jing went to the resort paradise to handle business as usual during the day, even though he made them look so cool.
Every one of my subordinates was trembling with fear. They were afraid that something might go wrong and he had to practice it. But at least I knew he was fine, so I felt relieved.
"Don't worry, you are still abroad."
"Well, I'm going back in the next two days. When I go back, I will definitely ask him carefully. It's not easy for you two to get together, but you can still be at odds! Mr. Zhuo is the same, he is several years older than you.
I know I’ll let you go, how can you act like a child when you’re almost thirty, and your personality is too bad!”
"Okay Dan Feng, it's my fault this time. I can't explain it in a sentence or two, so don't worry about it. I also heard what Dr. Han said about your affairs. How are you feeling?"
"Fortunately, my mother has been with me, she is my aunt. When I go back this time, I will take over the company... But Jiaolong, my mind has not changed. I must be with Han Zheng. He is mine
A lifetime, you know."
"Yes, I know." The phone beeped twice. I took it off and took a look: "I won't talk about it anymore, Dan Feng. The phone is about to run out of battery. I'll wait for you to come back and meet and chat."
"Okay, I've missed you. Don't worry, Han Zheng will have no problem holding the knife. Just wait for me."
"kindness."
Not long after I hung up the phone, the screen went black. I still didn’t bring the charger at home, but I didn’t think Zhuo Jing could call me now. After thinking about it, I put the phone in my pocket.
The operation lasted until the afternoon. Just when I started to get a little nervous, the LED showed that my grandpa's operation was over. I took a long breath and rushed to the door of the operating room to wait. It is no longer the same as before. As long as it is not an emergency, you can go to a big hospital.
Several surgeries are performed in the operating room at the same time. The surgical process can be clearly seen on the display screen so that the patients and their families can rest assured. After waiting for a while, Han Zheng came out. He was still wearing a light blue sterile surgical gown.
He watched me take off the mask and said, "Don't worry, the operation was successful."
My heart was completely relieved, and I couldn't express my gratitude to Han Zheng. But without saying a few words, I followed the medical staff who pushed my grandpa out and hurried back to the ward to take care of him. The rest was relatively simple.
For example, if the ureter is opened every two hours, otherwise the bladder will be out of control and prone to urinary incontinence in the future. Han Zheng told me that the first night will be difficult, so you must take good care of it to avoid infection such as fever. I will follow
The three of them, Aunt Ma and Sun, nodded repeatedly and quickly made a plan to take care of each other in shifts.
Grandpa lay there in a daze, and the anesthesia had not worn off yet, but he kept calling my name, and I responded repeatedly and asked him if it hurt. Han Zheng reminded him and said two words.
Just one sentence is enough. We talked too much and my grandpa couldn’t remember it even when he woke up. You must watch your intravenous drip carefully. There will be more medicine in these two days, and it will be reduced in two or three days.
I responded repeatedly, knowing that Han Zheng was very hard, and the operation was not only a strenuous task, but also very tense, just like when I was seeing things, so I urged him to rest quickly and let the rest of our family members come.
As soon as Han Zheng left, we got busy. Aunt Sun has been taking care of my grandpa since he was hospitalized. She has spent a lot of time, and my mother was not healthy after being hit by my father, so I asked the two of them to go forward.
I watched my grandpa in the middle of the night, and they rested for the rest of the night. It was good for me to come, otherwise my body would collapse in the end.
Cheng Baize came over in the evening. He helped my mother and aunt Sun with work in the first half of the night. He didn't mean to leave after twelve o'clock. Instead, he stayed with me at my grandpa's bedside. The room was very quiet, and my mother and aunt Sun were busy.
My aunt was squeezed into a nursing bed, and both of them had been tense for a day. Now that my grandpa's surgery has been completed, I should say he feels relieved, and his breathing becomes deep after a while.
Cheng Baize sat quietly on the other side of my grandfather's ward. After a while, he looked at me and uttered his first words: "You still blame me, right?"
"It's not weird." I didn't look at him, but I replied: "I've said it all, what's the point of being weird."
Cheng Baize nodded gently and said in a low voice: "It's still strange, Jiaolong, you always show your emotions on your face."
I didn't respond. I looked up at the label on my grandpa's intravenous drip bottle and said, "You should go back first. My grandpa's medicine will last overnight."
"I'll accompany you."
"Need not."
He sat still and looked directly at me: "You know I'm right, you just don't want to admit it."
"I don't want to say this now. Really, thank you. You can go back."
As I said that, I looked at him seriously: "I really don't blame you. Really, if you accompany me to take care of my grandpa, I won't blame you either."
As soon as I finished speaking, there were urgent footsteps in the corridor. It was too quiet all around, so the thumping footsteps were very clear. Before I could wonder who was running so fast at night, the door of the ward opened.
Being pushed away vigorously: "Jiao..."
After he uttered one word loudly, the visitor gasped and closed his mouth. He probably saw his grandfather hanging up the bottles and jars and felt taboo. He looked at me and kept waving his hands: "Jiaolong, come out and let me
I have something to ask you."
I looked at him in a daze: "Xiao Tian?"
Then he stood up and went to greet him: "Why are you in such a hurry? Something happened to Zhuo Jing?"
Xiao Tian looked at me and was about to open my mouth when he glanced at Cheng Baize and pulled me out with a bit of displeasure on his face: "Let's go, follow me..."
"Hey, where are you going..." Before I could finish my words, I heard the phone in Xiao Tian's hand ringing. I watched him hurriedly answer the phone in front of me: "I'll pick it up right away."
The dragon passed...what, oh, okay, okay, I get it."
The hand that was holding mine was released immediately. Xiao Tian looked at me and wiped his sweat: "It's okay. I'm disturbing you. You're taking care of me. I'm sorry. It's so late at night. I'm really sorry. I'll go first."
gone back."
I reached back and closed the door of the ward, then stretched out my hand to hold him: "What's wrong? What happened to come to me in such a hurry? It was Zhuo Jing who asked you to come! What happened to him?" I glanced at his mobile phone.
One glance: "Who called you, was it Zhuo Jing!"
The ward door behind me suddenly opened, and my mother looked at me with confusion: "Qiaoqiao, what's wrong?"
Xiao Tian cleared his throat and looked at my mother: "I'm sorry for disturbing you, auntie. It's okay. I just came to see Jiaolong. I'm really sorry."
"Mom, it's okay, you go in first."
My mother nodded: "Your grandpa woke up and asked you where you were."
"I'll go in right away." I responded, stretched out my hand and pulled Xiao Tian toward the corridor a few steps, and whispered: "What's going on? Why are you coming to me in the middle of the night? What's wrong with Zhuo Jing?"
.”
Xiao Tian looked at me with a confused look on his face, "It's okay. Mr. Zhuo just wanted to see you. He called just now and said he was with his family. Nothing happened. You can go back. Your family is still waiting for you.
Woolen cloth."
I looked at his cell phone: "Give me the phone and I'll call Zhuo Jing. Make sure he's okay and then you can leave."
Xiao Tianshou actually put his back: "It's really okay, Jiaolong...hey!"
I grabbed it directly, took a look at the call record and it turned out to be Zhuo Jing, and immediately dialed the phone. I was so anxious just now that I didn’t even listen to what Zhuo Jing said to him on the phone. How could Zhuo Jing be there for no reason?
Let Xiao Tian come to me!
After the phone rang a few times, it was connected. Before I could speak, a female voice came out: "Xiao Tian, everything is fine here. You should go back and rest early." After saying that, he hung up directly.
I looked at the phone and was stunned. Is it Jiang Meiyuan?
"Jiaolong, didn't you say that Mr. Zhuo is with his family and everything will be fine? Okay, give me your phone. I'll go back first."
I couldn't help but look at him in confusion: "Then why does Zhuo Jing want you to come to me at night? I won't let you go unless you tell me."
Xiao Tian let out a helpless sigh, as if he was being pushed into a panic by me: "I really don't know, Mr. Zhuo must be sick. He just wants to see you, but I can't get through if I call you, so you don't have to worry."
, he’s fine with his family, ah, I’m going back first, you should hurry back to the ward.”
I could only hand him the phone and ask, "What's wrong with Zhuo Jing? Is he having a fever?"
"It's okay, it's a minor illness, don't worry."
Xiao Tian looked at my repeated words of comfort, which were all perfunctory. He put away his mobile phone and turned around and ran away again. I stood there for a long time, took out my dead mobile phone and looked at it. Why was the uncle's phone there?
I left the charger at home now!
After returning to the ward and talking to her grandpa for a few words, she felt a little on pins and needles. Jiang Meiyuan answered Zhuo Jing's call, explaining that the two of them were together, and Zhuo Jing must be fine, but it was unbelievable that Xiao Tian came to see me in the middle of the night.
Cheng Baize sat quietly next to me. I could feel his eyes wandering on my face, but he never opened his mouth to ask any questions. It wasn't until dawn that he got up and left amidst the urging of his grandfather. I got up and walked him to the elevator.
, pressed the door open, and then he said quietly: "Zhuo Jing will be fine. Even if he wants to, his family will not allow it."
I looked at his haggard face and opened my mouth: "Thank you for taking such good care of my grandpa."
He smiled freely and walked into the elevator: "Silly girl, you are losing weight day by day. You will lose weight successfully one day."
I was stunned for a moment: "What did you say?"
He held the corner of his tired mouth and looked at me, smiling without saying a word. Until the elevator door closed, I still hadn't come back to my senses. My brain was numb from staying up all night. I knocked on my head and walked back with my feet dangling. I was fine.
How to lose weight.
My grandpa spent the first night smoothly, but on the first night, I couldn't open my eyelids. I said hello to my mother and told her to call me in two hours, and then fell asleep deeply, secretly planning to wake up.
I need to go find Zhuo Jing, at least find out why he is sick.
But suddenly I had a dream. The dream was filled with strange and sharp laughter. I saw a dark and long alley. I ran in the alley, shouting loudly, leave, leave!!
The surroundings were crowded with wretched and weird smiling men's faces. I wanted to break away and wake up, but I couldn't make any effort. Until I heard a blow and screamed, it seemed like a white hole had been torn open in my dream.
, my eyes opened immediately, and my mother’s face was printed in front of me, looking at me anxiously: “Qiaoqiao, what’s wrong with you?!”
I sat up suddenly, the sweat on my body soaked through my shirt. There was a faint thunder outside the window. I looked over and saw raindrops hitting the glass. My mother was so scared that she shook my shoulders: "Qiao Qiao
, what’s wrong with you, are you having a nightmare, ah?”
My grandfather was also lying on the hospital bed and looked at me: "Jiaolong, what's wrong with you? Your mother couldn't wake you up even though she called you just now. Did you dream of something?"
I raised my hand to signal them not to speak. Sweat dripped down my eyebrows, stinging my eyes. I opened my lips and teeth gently: "Tong Anqi, something happened..." (To be continued)