Writing this can be regarded as achieving a small goal of my original plan to write a book. I finally managed to update this volume daily, but I probably won’t be able to do it for the next volume, because the plot here is considered to be before I started writing it.
It is comprehensively designed, with a lot of foreshadowing and clues buried, and there are only two key plots, namely the death of Ten Thousand Years and the death of Liu Bei. As for the writing, I feel quite satisfied with it.
But having said that, for me, writing this book is moving from one satisfaction to another. Looking back, I may feel that there are many areas that can be improved, but in fact, I was in a very struggling state when I was dealing with it.
Some readers said that I was deliberately disgusting readers, and my condition gradually worsened, but in fact I was torturing myself. Now I feel more and more that the torture of myself is meaningful, and there are many things that I couldn't understand before.
, I am now more and more able to face it calmly, and this is the greatest significance of this book to me.
The design of Ten Thousand Years of Death came from my inspiration after reading "Anna Karenina" and "The Idiot". Karenin tried to save Anna after Anna cheated on her, but in the end he could only watch Anna go to the road of suicide. Mei Shi
The Golden Duke tried to save Nastasya, but he could not avoid the destined journey of destruction. The extraordinary attempts of the two human Jesus ended in failure, and even led to the self-destruction of part of his own spirit.
These two stories actually started the beginning of postmodern nihilism, that is, the failure of the sages is inevitable, the Tower of Babel will eventually be destroyed by the people, and only nothingness will exist in the end. When I think about the ending of my spiritual father, I actually agree with it a little bit.
This point of view, but on the other hand, I am so eager to become someone like my spiritual father, which makes me very conflicted.
So I forced myself to design such a plot to ask myself, why do you yearn for such a thing that is destined to be destroyed? I couldn't answer it at the time, but I still had to answer it through writing and forcing myself psychologically.
When I started the book, I thought, if I still can't find the answer when I write this plot, the book will be rushed out and this volume will be the last one.
But I finally convinced myself and gave myself an answer. In fact, when Dostoevsky wrote "Crime and Punishment", he already pointed out that the only way to deal with life is to accept it, but the word "acceptance" sounds too timid.
I'm not brave enough, so I haven't been able to admit it. It makes no sense to accept the past. Why should no one understand the ending of a kind of fraternity that wants to transcend the universe?
But the day before I was about to die, I still understood, because humans are creatures of illusion, lives without reason, and they can think about whether there is a vast world in a grain of sand, and whether there are two countries fighting a war on a snail's horn.
.People can imagine that there is a big fish thousands of miles long in the sea, and then it turns into a big bird with wings hanging from the sky, flying up to 90,000 miles with the wind. People can also imagine that the hieroglyphics written by them are five thousand years old.
The eyes that come to gaze, ah, use dreams as horses and hold high torches. Therefore, the human heart itself is a mistake, but it is also a miracle, and even the existence of life itself is a miracle.
This made me understand Shi Tiesheng's "The Temple of Earth and Me" again in my depression. He said that when he walked before, he didn't feel anything, but when he could only sit in a wheelchair, he understood the importance of having two good legs.
When he could sit before, he didn't feel anything. But when he had to lie on the bed with bedsores all over his body, he realized that being able to sit was a miracle. Lu Yao wrote "The Ordinary World" and said that ordinary but not mediocre is also a miracle.
The truth is that human existence is already infinitely great, so miraculous love itself is also rare and ordinary. It is a kind of release of life vitality. As long as it can stimulate a person to be touched by life, then his spirit actually does not matter what kind of experiences he has experienced.
The destruction can continue.
It was in this state that I convinced myself to write the chapter "Pheasant Slave", so that the story could be postponed for another three volumes. I personally feel that this was a success in my self-torture, which made me understand
I have learned a lot of truths that I have not yet understood after reading them before. Although this understanding is too late to be reflected in the book, it can only be written in the summary at the end of the volume. Hey, I hope I can write it in the next book.
The design of Liu Bei's death was earlier. Although Liu Bei died a few years earlier than the original history, and was even the earliest among his brothers, he had no regrets. He defeated Cao Cao before his death and returned to his hometown with a trustworthy person.
Heirs and friends have followed him to success and fame. These are very simple emotions, but he did not have them in his original history, but they are all present in this history, so death is naturally simple for him. This is also my ideal.
A kind of fantasy in life. After writing this, I suddenly felt a sense of completion, as if I also had such a life and had no regrets.
Of course, as someone who wants to make up for Liu Bei's regrets, I still wrote about his defeat in the book for a long time. This made many people uncomfortable and questioned whether I was going too far. How should I put this? First of all, I really feel that Liu Bei fought
This is the level of performance in my book. Secondly, Liu Bei actually only lost to Cao Cao in this book. No matter how bad he was against others, he was still a draw. If you say that I use Liu Bei to help others every day, I will never admit it.
At this point, I have basically said what I need to say. I found that every time I write a summary at the end of a paper, I rarely really summarize any ideas. I just tell everyone my feelings about writing the book. It’s really a bit of a summary.
Zhang Guanli has done it, so I will rewrite it here as the last part of the volume. Finally, I want to say something. I watched "Chang'an 30,000 Miles" yesterday and I was very angry about the choice of the movie. I couldn't help but miss a poem by Li Bai.
Last night at the foot of Wushan Mountain, the sound of apes could be heard in my dreams.
Peach blossoms fly over the green water, walking down Qutang in March.
The rain-colored wind blows away, traveling south and blowing the King of Chu.
Gao Qiu cherished the jade of the Song Dynasty and visited the ancient times to wear clothes.