When I typed these three words of "end of the book", my emotions were extremely complicated. Although I had long known that this book would end at this moment, it was not until the moment of completion that I realized how much I couldn't let go of this story.
Ended. As soon as I stopped writing and closed my eyes, the nine hundred days and nights I had planned for this book began to emerge in front of me. The emotions that once made me happy, silent, resentful, and manic were no longer there at this moment.
They all came to my heart and cried like a baby in my ears. This cry brought out my tears and officially announced that this story was separated from me and became an independent adult.
Writing a book is a dream I had a long time ago. At first it was just an idea. When I wrote a perfect composition for the first time in elementary school and was praised by the Chinese teacher, the idea sprouted.
But as a child at that time, I was still more playful. As soon as this idea arose, it was overshadowed by arcade games, Beyblade and other games. After all, playing is a child's nature, and writing a book is too much for a child.
Far away. But after entering junior high school, my withdrawn personality gradually developed and it was difficult to make friends with other classmates. This forced me to turn to books and online articles, hoping to relieve my inner loneliness.
, as I read, the idea of writing a book came up again, but what to write? I was at a loss.
First, the confusion stems from the lack of life experience, and the child cannot correctly understand the society. Second, his writing ability is limited and he is unable to write words that he is satisfied with. Therefore, although this idea often arises, it also falls quickly.
It was like sitting on a seesaw, but sitting across from me were other words and stories. When I was in high school and my family had some spare money and could buy some books, my love for literature completely burst out.
came out. At that time, I actually just read classics non-stop, watching "Les Miserables", watching "One Hundred Years of Solitude", watching "The Red and the Black", and watching "A Tale of Two Cities". At that time, I made a childish vow to myself and decided to study in high school.
Before graduation, I had to read a book every week, but unfortunately, I didn't actually finish it. But what's good to see is that the idea of writing a book is getting stronger and stronger.
When I was in junior high school, the first story I wanted to write was the most traditional and refreshing online game novel, about upgrading to fight monsters and pretend to be awesome. But soon I found that I didn’t understand online games at all, and I didn’t know what I wanted to pretend to be? Every time
The first time I wrote it, I had no idea what it was about. When I was in high school, influenced by "Sou Shen Ji", "Wild Wilderness" and "Jiuzhou", my idea changed to writing a fairy tale, and then I bought a small
I started writing this book when I couldn't listen to the class, and I successfully wrote more than a dozen chapters. But after that, I still couldn't write anymore. Because the problems exposed to me this time were very practical, and there were only one in my mind.
It was difficult for me to express my favorite characters into actual scenes. So I thought my writing skills were not enough, so I gave up on this dream.
For the entire four years of college, I did not write anymore, but became crazy obsessed with history. Because at this time I discovered that the lives of historical figures are actually more dramatic and beautiful than the fate of literary figures. And because of my life
I encountered some setbacks and began to think about the meaning of my existence and my future life goals. This made me have to draw strength from history to overcome these problems, and finally achieved great results. But vaguely, I always felt that there was something very important that was being
I'm buried.
When I was about to graduate in my senior year, a good friend of mine came to ask me and said, "Why don't you come and write together?" These simple and plain words hit my soul. Yes! Writing! How could I forget this dream?
The dream that I gave up at that time was clearly displayed in front of me at this time. At this time, I completely determined my goal, which was to write a historical novel, my first historical novel. So there was my last chapter.
A work called "Wind and Rain in the Late Han Dynasty". I can only say that it was unfortunate. Although I regained my dream of writing at that time, I had no plan when I started the book. I just wanted to write an ordinary hegemony novel.
When I started writing, the protagonist was also named Chen Chong, and he was also assisting Liu Bei. But why it was written like this, I just slapped my forehead without thinking about it at all.
But as I continued to write, I felt something was wrong. I found that this was not the story I wanted to write, or that my dream of writing for the past ten years should not be such a thing. I could not invest all my money in it.
All the love and hate, all the entanglements, all the struggles, all the pain. If I couldn't write these things, it would be like I wasted the past ten years of my life. So I put this book down again, and then started to think again.
, why do I want to write? What do I want to write? How can I summarize my youth, my beliefs, and my life so far.
This is a question that took me three full years to figure out. Although I went through all kinds of setbacks and difficulties, all kinds of difficulties that are difficult to talk about with everyone, but have deeply scarred me, I still figured it out.
.
The first thing I want to understand is respect. I want to respect the stories I write, respect the characters I write, and even more respect the history from which the materials are drawn. I don’t like the banter of ordinary time-travel novels, the kind of things that have nothing to do with me, the kind of
I feel that this is not only contempt for the characters, but also contempt for the readers. Therefore, I have to write very carefully, carefully deduce every possibility that will happen next, and respect the preferences, flaws, and love of the characters.
Hate and faith. Dig out their souls, and then place them in another history that may be completely different, and let people recognize them.
Now that I want to understand respect, I think we should also be sincere. Sincerity is a very rare quality in contemporary times, because sincerity comes with a price, and sincerity is also not needed. It is very ugly to sincerely expose one's bloody scars
It is easy for people to think that this kind of behavior is disgraceful. But I have experienced that once people put on the skin of hypocrisy, it is easy to forget their true selves, and then do some things that they cannot accept, which in turn hurts themselves.
It will bring more suffering. So after thinking over and over again, I decided to write sincerely and share my true thoughts and thoughts with everyone. Even if no one cares, at least there is no deception.
Then, I finally knew what I wanted to express. At first it was a kind of hatred. I hated the unreasonable exclusion of goodness and beauty in most online articles, denying conscience, denying sympathy, denying love, denying principles, and at the same time denying faith.
Then I feel complacent about my own philistine self-interest, as if I have mastered the truth in the world. In my eyes, this kind of complacency is intolerable. It is a poppy that sucks bones and blood, and a sharp knife that cuts the heart and lungs.
, is the corpse fire that destroys everything. For human beings, it is the entropy of degeneration, for the nation, it is the shackles of decline, and for me, it is the iron whip that tortures my soul. So I will
I dug out all the kindness and love I got from history in my life. Even if people laugh at me, even if I am devalued as worthless, I still want to write and turn him into a specific character and a specific life.
To fight a never-ending war against everything I hate.
I finally found a way for me to write it down, which is to let the words and the plot become my own torture, proving that what I have in my heart is something I absolutely believe in and have no doubt about, so that I can put this story and my life into perspective.
Drawing an equal sign also brings an end to the past thirty years of my life, and then begins the next phase of my journey.
Then there is the choice of subject matter. At this time, I actually read a lot. I know domestic history well before the Tang Dynasty, and abroad I know French history and Japanese Warring States history quite well. As for whether I should continue to choose the Three Kingdoms as a subject matter, I still
I was more hesitant. I actually liked Louis XIII of France and Cardinal Richelieu at the time, and I was thinking about whether to change the subject and write about the war between religion and the Kingdom of God interspersed with personal destiny. But then I thought about it, Richelieu's
The cunning image may not match the temperament I want to express, but the idealistic temperament of the Liu Bei Group is a perfect fit. I actually have no second choice. So I will continue writing along the lines of the previous book.
The Three Kingdoms at the end of Han Dynasty.
But even after thinking so much clearly, writing is still not smooth sailing.
Probably because I haven’t written for too long. When I wrote the first half million words, I was still looking for a sense of writing language. I would read from "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms", "The Tale of the Heike", "Golden Ou Que", "Li Zicheng", "Heaven and Earth".
", "Takeda Shingen" and other works, among which the most imitated is "Amano Vast". To be honest, it is no more than plagiarism. But even so, I still inevitably have some, when I read online articles in the early years
It left a slick air, so from time to time I would unconsciously make some jokes, such as the famous lines from "Flash Hathaway" and "Rurouni Kenshin", which all appeared in the article.
After 500,000 words, my sense of language was finally settled. However, there were still big problems with writing skills and story arrangement. I made many different attempts to make my expression consistent with these.
The skills are integrated into one, but from time to time there will always be some surprises that I expected. This situation did not get better until I wrote one million words.
After one million words, I felt that everything about me had matured, and what I needed next was to improve myself. So I began to try to combine "One Hundred Years of Solitude", "The Idiot", "Crime and Punishment", "
Is the connotation of works such as "Anna Karenina" well written? Many people think it is not good, but I am actually very satisfied, because this is a matter of talent. I can only describe the unbearable things I have experienced and what I understand.
Combining history with writing, it has reached the limit of what I can currently write. For example, my native family is a divorced family, and I moved my feelings about family to Chen Chong’s home. I used to have many good friends, but they did not make sense.
betrayed me, so I also wrote some unpleasant plots based on history. I also personally took care of several patients with depression. The communication with them gave me a lot of ideas, which were integrated into my stories and words.
.
At this time, there are probably a lot of people calling me a shameless literary and historical Brahmin, but this is not a job title, this is how I create. I really try my best to fully present everything I want to write.
I am really tired of everyone. Some time ago, someone scolded me on the Internet, which caused this book to become notorious to a certain extent. But rather than saying that I am torturing readers, what I actually want to tell you is that I am torturing myself, and
More painful than anyone else.
I was very reluctant to let go of Chen Chong. He was the embodiment of all the beautiful qualities in my heart. When I wrote about his death, I felt that a piece of my heart was missing, but his life was therefore complete. Chen Chong’s life was over, but I
My life is not over yet, and my life will never be as wonderful as Chen Chong's, which makes me feel lost.
Finally, when I looked back at the whole book, I thought, in fact, there were still some regrets, which made me want to overhaul the first one million words and add some biographies at the beginning of the story. But after thinking about it, I decided to end it like this, like this
This work can just witness my changes in the past few years. But what makes me very happy is that the core of me has not changed at all.
Finally, I attach a poem that I wrote many years ago. The purpose of writing it is to put it here at this moment and tell everyone about my state of mind before writing:
When the first word falls on my palm
The distant love and hate are revived
It crosses the barren graves like fallen leaves on Beimang Mountain
Penetrating the hollow foundation between the bronze figures
Let’s meet the flowing water of Longban again
Just rush into the ripples of the Star Sea
So longing climbed onto the tip of my pen
One thousand eight hundred years after the blood began to flow
Children recite poems made of iron
That's not my dream, it's an old man's paranoia
Never forget the splendor and reserve
Then he asked in a sighing tone
Facing the Han River that runs through the Qinling Mountains
Who carried me and flew across the shadow of the moon?
Forgot, all forgotten
All that remains in my memory is the lonely fire of love