It is understandable that all the children in the courtyard and Axiang and the others absolutely followed one instruction, which was to talk to me as little as possible. Orphans still clashed with me when they were in groups, and those who were alone would occasionally dare to say something to me.
To declare war, Niu Ba is one of them. He is Axiang's cousin. He is the only one who dares to provoke me and organizes others to beat me.
I already had the experience of resisting, so this time I was still furious and rushed towards him. My emotions were controlled by a kind of power - the power of anger and resistance. My fist aimed at the most important part of his face.
The protruding nose, a precise punch, I wanted to take this opportunity to continue beating him until I achieved my goal, but he had already fled to Axiang to complain. In fact, my strength was pitiful, maybe he was scared away by my fierce eyes.
, maybe he thought it would be better not to take action with me, so he ran away to find Axiang while crying, and complained to Axiang, the dean's mother, in sobs.
"That cat Jiujiu is a crazy cat, she-she beat me."
The mother-in-law was upset because of his crying. I guess she doesn't like any children, and she gave him a cold look and scolded him.
"I told you, don't hang out with her again. Don't let me follow her again."
At this time, I was following them at the door and was leaning on the door rail to listen to their conversation. When I heard this, I suddenly responded without thinking: "None of you are worthy of hanging with me."
Even though the dean was over fifty years old, when she heard my bold declaration, she still rushed out of the door at an extremely fast speed. My accomplice Axiang dragged me into the room like a gust of wind and pushed me down on the table.
He said angrily: "Let's see if you have the ability to get up from here and say another word today."
I was pinned down in the middle of the table, looking nonchalant. The dean, the dean, was pacing back and forth angrily with her hands behind her back. A Xiang and Tian were comforting Niu Ba in a low voice.
The mother-in-law turned around a few times and then turned around: "Well, you Mao Jiujiu, you have to go up against the wall and expose the bricks, and you beat such a good kid like Niu Ba. Today is an eye-opener for me."
La. Hit her, why don't you hit her? No one can stop her, Niu Ba, just stick your head over and let her hit her. I want to see how bold she is."
I said coldly: "Aunty, please don't hit me. If he really dares to stick his head out, I will hit him."
Niu Ba was so furious that he looked like a bear, but was stopped by A Xiang.
Ah Xiang added fuel to the fire and incited: "Mao Jiujiu, you are really out of the circle. You are beating up bullies and contradicting the dean. You are still so arrogant. When you get older, you may even dare to kill people and set fires. Do you think?
Will you live with the consequences?”
I sneered: "The consequences? I haven't thought about it. I just want to beat this bastard Niu Ba. As for how to deal with it, as for whether I want to kill people when I grow up, I haven't thought about it. The worst is to put me in solitary confinement without feeding me."
The food in the orphanage is so inedible that even pigs can't eat it, it's disgusting."
The dean roared angrily: "Mao Jiujiu, you are so happy that you are getting burned. I must not fix your prickly head today."
"Aunty, can you please stop barking so loudly? People say that barking dogs don't bite. I'm not a 3-year-old child, so this won't scare me."
A Xiang secretly kicked Niu Ba, and Niu Ba said impulsively: "You hold her down, and I'll beat her."
I was pinned down on the table and couldn't move. I smiled coldly: "Niu Ba, I found you so funny. You just didn't want to practice alone with me and you got punched by me. Now that I'm being held still, don't stop."
Zha Huhu is pretending to be a hero. Let’s secretly find a place where no one is around to practice. Whoever loses a tooth will secretly swallow it in his stomach. When he sees others, he has to say that he accidentally knocked it and don’t run away crying.
Complain, this is a man. What is your name? Since Axiang is your cousin, I don’t dare to hit you, so you just roll up your arms and sleeves to bully me. You are a coward!"
The aroma was so fragrant that she was speechless, and Niu Ba looked at the dean with pity.
The dean pointed at me and said, "She has such a sinister mouth, so lock her up!"
I laughed and said harshly: "Whatever! It's more comfortable to live in a dark cabin. You have food and drink, and you don't have to do anything. It's almost like a recuperation. You'd better confine me for a few more days."
The dean was furious: "Rebellion, rebellion!"
"Why are you always targeting me? What are you hiding from me?" I asked this question unintentionally, which was a kind of unconscious catharsis.
"Nonsense!" Mother Dean said in a low voice without any confidence. Her usually cold eyes became panicked, almost showing an expression of fear. She took her hands away from my body and looked at me intently.
I seemed to be staring at an evil ghost. At this time, if I gave in, my intuition and experience told me that I would only get more disdain and contempt from her.
The dean quickly returned to normal. She shook me violently and said, "Stretch out your hand." She forced me to stretch out my hand, "You were born a poisonous snake, and I will let you know who you are! We never want to hug you.
!" After saying that, she inserted the needle deeply into the softest part of my little hand, all the way to the bottom of my thumb. The tearing pain spread like an electric current to my arm and entered my brain.
In the middle, I was suppressed by Axiang and her and remained motionless. I could only stare at their fierce and unchanging eyes.
She pulled the needle out of my hand without leaving my bright eyes. She wiped the needle clean on her clothes without saying a word.
But I was brutally dragged into the dark room by Axiang. I tried to bite Axiang's hand, but she kicked my underdeveloped body hard and before I knew it, I was like an electric toy that was wound up.
I rushed into the darkest wall in a straight line, ending with my back against the wall. Axiang pointed at me angrily: "You are just a bastard crawling out of the belly of a bitch! You will be a stinking dog in this world.
Shit! If your dog’s life wasn’t worth some money, I would have thrown you alive as soon as you were born and fed it to the dogs! I would have strangled you to death with my hands!”
I heard every word clearly, they were so harsh. At this moment, I was full of anger burning in my heart. I was thinking with my childish thinking. I was stunned and asked: "Is it worth it? Is it worth living? Is it worth dying?
It is worthless?"
Are they afraid of my death?! Axiang covered her mouth with her hands. Her behavior had betrayed her answer.
The mother-in-law on the side looked at me, and my eyes happened to meet hers. At that moment, she said gloomily: "Lock up for one day!" This was a commanding tone, maybe it was my eyes, or something else.
Something made her feel even more disgusted, because I could clearly see that she was already trying to control her emotions.
I have to speak. Although I have a low status, it does not mean that I can accept such trampling and humiliation. How can I swallow my voice any longer? I must resist. But how to resist? What is my weapon of resistance? Finally, I gained the courage.
, or directly vented his dissatisfaction: "This is a bullshit orphanage. Even if it is valuable, it is not possible to raise chickens like this. At worst, if you die, you don't have to waste food anymore."
Mother Superior stood there motionless, her eyes staring at me as cold as ice.
"You want to die, don't you?" she asked. Her tone when she said this was more like she was competing with an adult than with a child.
The look in her eyes and the tone of her words irritated me. I was so excited that I couldn't control myself. My whole body started to tremble, and there was a fire in my heart. It was coming fiercely and did not allow any reason to appear. I insisted on shouting: "Don't let me die now, but
You forced me to stay in a small dark room, locked the door, and deprived me of food. You hated me because other children obviously beat me and pushed me to the ground for no reason, but you only punished me until I grew up.
, I will tell others how terrible this orphanage is. The nine children in the orphanage are your cash cows. You may scold them at least, and beat them at worst. I have seen the body of a dead child hidden in the cellar!"
I haven't poured it all out yet, but at this time, I have begun to feel a sense of ease and joy in my heart. It is a wonderful feeling of freedom and victory that I have never had before. I seem to have broken free from an invisible bondage.
, I experienced an unexpected freedom. This feeling was not illusory, but because I saw the panicked eyes of the dean, and the expression on her face was distorted, as if she had controlled her violent emotions.
"Mao Jiujiu, if I hadn't picked you up back then, would you still be alive?"
"No, Dean, I never thank you. How have I survived these years? Let me tell you, we are like being locked in a chicken coop and can only stay within the walls every day. Our clothes are not enough to keep warm.
And we can only wear straw sandals, only the snow that can get into the straw sandals melts. We don’t have to wash clothes in the snow water in the winter, and our hands and feet are covered with frostbite. The hands that are swollen like pig heads have to be washed the next day.
When I was washing clothes, my hands and feet were so painful, itchy, and frozen into popsicles that it felt like life was worse than death!" When tears were about to burst out of my eyes, I held them back.
"Mao Jiujiu, you want to die, do you have the guts to do so?"
"Don't put me in a dark room again!" I shouted hysterically.
In the end, I was not locked up in a small dark room, but as the dean, my hatred rebounded - I was thrown on the bed like a pig with two bundles of rope. For me, this was the first time I had tasted
The taste of revenge and the restlessness in my nature aroused again. But that night, my hand got infected after being pricked by a needle. It swelled until yellow pus slowly oozed out from the wound, and then the situation began to improve. No matter what happened during this period
, when the scars turned from a deep purple to a small pale dot that I could see, no matter what happened, I hated them.
When the loss of love, disappointment and cruel life beat you hard, I found a way to torture them and torture myself. I thought of various self-harm methods to end my life:
I went on a hunger strike for three days. On the fourth day, I couldn't bear the hunger, so I finally ate. Standing on the fourth floor of the roof, I didn't have the courage to jump off. Was it a desire for life, or an instinct to survive? I couldn't help it.
I know. So in the end I did not die in the way I designed, but instead began to take root like a weed.
So, I changed to another way that I thought I could fight the world, and I was willing to fall. My grandma allowed me to smoke, drink, and cheat. She allowed me to fight in groups like a wild child. At the same time, she did not forget to torture me mentally and make me have to eat before eating.
Say a few words: "I am a little bitch! I am a little bitch! I am a little bitch!"