In the warm summer night in my memory, there were green rice fields under the twinkling sky. The night breeze swayed gently, making frogs sing. The room was lit with warm yellow lights, and I was sitting on a small stool at that time. On the bed, both hands were holding up the worn-out car lenses that she had picked up. My sister's hand was gently stroking the back of her head, and her voice was as soft and warm as every moment in her memory.
"My hair is very long, won't it be very hot during the day?"
"Are you getting a bald head again?"
"No, our Jiaming has grown up. I want to give you a nicer haircut... raise the mirror higher."
"oh……"
However, in the summer of that year, I still walked on the road to school every day with a shaved head. In the first few days, I even wore a piece of plaster. My sister’s hair-cutting skills have been difficult to improve, and my head suddenly The moment I felt pain, I even had the urge to interpret these two words literally - to cut my head...
However, for many years after that, I never cared about any issues related to hair shape. The only thing that reminded me repeatedly was the countless ugly bald heads that my sister cut when I was a child. I can clearly understand that , what really matters to you is not the hairstyle on your head, but who is the person behind you who created the hairstyle for you.
My surname is Gu, and my name is Gu Jiaming; my sister's surname is Jian, Jian Suyan. This means that we are not biological siblings. It is difficult to say exactly when we started this life of dependence on each other, but in short, this is how it happened. We are both orphans, my sister is two years older than me.
In the beginning, we lived in that remote mountain village. The village was very backward and had no roads, but it already had electricity, a village chief, a village committee, and family planning. Many years later, when I think about it, I can’t help but wonder. Why would there be such a village in China in the 1900s? My sister and I, two children in our early ten years, were left alone to survive without being cared about. In my memory, the village was extremely indifferent. We could hear each other's chickens and dogs, and we could see each other. But there was not even a greeting. The village cadres who occasionally came to convey the "spirit of instructions" were as stiff as an old silent black-and-white movie.
When I was nine years old and my sister was eleven, a wealthy businessman a dozen miles away opened a Hope Primary School, and children nearby could attend it for free. So my sister and I got the opportunity to go to school at the same time, and we spent time in school. Four years passed. At the same time, we were cultivating a small rice field with great difficulty, relying on a little bit of money occasionally brought by a distant relative we had never met before. I spent a carefree childhood. Then my sister started to get sick. At that time, I knew that it was called congenital heart disease, and the hope of cure was close to zero.
When my sister started to get sick, we dropped out of school. I was thirteen years old and my sister was fifteen. When I was a child, I was lively and playful, but my sister didn't grow quickly because of the disease. Soon after, I became taller than My sister is taller and stronger, and she occasionally goes to work in nearby towns to save money for her medical treatment. I still remember very clearly the scene when I bought the bottle of pills for my sister after I received my wages for the first time. That may not be a symptomatic drug - in fact, it was impossible for me to buy a symptomatic drug at that time - I just heard the barefoot doctor in the town said that this medicine might be good for the heart, so I bought it. That time , my sister, who has always been strong, started crying while holding the medicine bottle. For the first time in my life, I felt relieved and at a loss.
From then on, I desperately looked for ways to make money. When I was fifteen, I began to follow some older children around town to collect protection fees. They said it was easy to make money this way. However, at that time, my sister's condition began to worsen, and money was no longer available.
It was no longer enough, so a year later I started to develop at a deeper level. At that time, young and Dangerous people became popular around the town, so gangs began to form. During that time, I did everything. I went out to work during the day and followed a group of people at night.
I collected protection fees from everywhere, and occasionally got into fights. When I was really short of money, I once hid in a dark alley and beat a sap. The money came really quickly, but my sister's condition was like a bottomless pit, and I started to get anxious.
When I was seventeen years old, I took my sister to a big city, which had better medical standards and more opportunities to "get rich." It was then that my sister discovered the fact that I had been hiding in the underworld.
Countless persuasion began.
"I can't look back, sister, this is the only way I can make money... If I can cure you, I don't care about anything..."
But in fact, I was not doing well in the underworld during that time. Because I had to save money for my sister’s medical treatment, I was so stingy that I refused to spend a penny easily. At the same time, I had no real friends and no extra social contacts. It’s just that
I work hard everywhere with a lot of energy and have no chance of getting ahead. I don’t dare to let anyone around me know about my sister. I don’t dare to let anyone know about this weakness of mine - only my sister can’t be lost.
.
After my sister's 22nd birthday, her condition began to worsen, and there were no more ways to make money. For the first time, I released clues about the underworld in order to collect secret information from the police. However, there are not many such secret information.
At the end of the autumn when I was twenty, I secretly swallowed a huge sum of money belonging to the underworld, hoping to save my sister's life. During that time, the underground forces in the entire city were stirred up by my behavior, and people were chasing people everywhere.
Regarding this incident, no one suspected me at the time, but due to various reasons, I was seriously injured twice. Three months later, my sister closed her eyes forever in the cold ward of the hospital and committed suicide.
She wrote in her will that she was unwilling to drag anyone down anymore...
I still remember the shape of the falling snowflakes that winter. In that cold snowy day, a soul was taken to heaven, and it also covered up the only light in my life. Growing up, I didn’t have much hope.
Maybe it’s because life is so tight that I don’t allow me to have other expectations. I just hope that my sister will live and live well. We grew up in the misery of relying on each other and struggled for more than ten years. After my sister died, I
The half of life that was tied to my sister was finally reduced to ashes.
Soon after, the money matter was finally revealed. I killed five people in hysteria and escaped from the city with my sister's ashes. I experienced countless dangers on the way. Later, during a desperate pursuit, I was killed.
After being stabbed several times, I was dying. After being rescued, I became a killer, and at the same time I began to get in touch with the "other world" that was truly hidden under the darkness of this world.
Death Color Bodhi - Pei Luojia. This is the name of the largest killer organization that has lasted for hundreds of years and has spread its power all over the world. In two years, I received all the basic training of a killer and became a low-level killer of Pei Luojia. There
I never thought that I would be suitable for the profession of killer. However, within a few years, my performance and experience continued to improve, and I established a reputation in the killer world at a speed far exceeding that of other peers. Twelve years later, I
At the age of thirty-two, he became one of the highest-ranking killers in Pei Luojia.
During those more than ten years, I never thought about anything in my mind. I was just immersed in killing and blood, cold steel, guns, long sights, leaning over and pulling the trigger at the moment, recoil, fire
The breath of Yao, the "bang" of the head, the blood boiling, the encounter with the enemy, the sound of the blade piercing the flesh, shaving into the bones, the death gaze, dodging, and passing the bullet... I dare not think of my sister.
, even in the deepest night, I didn’t dare to look back on that past. I had worked so hard and so persistently to save my sister’s life. What I couldn’t bear was that I was the one who killed my sister in the end.
That's right, I'm the culprit!
In the summer of 2012, it was exactly thirteen years since my sister died. By coincidence, I returned to that city again, opened an ancient safe, and took out my sister’s last belongings.
I wrote three diaries in it. I didn’t take them with me when I left. I couldn’t face them after I left.
However, everything must have an ending, and what needs to be faced must be faced. I returned to the small village where we lived, and the house we lived in had become an abandoned house. I cleared away the messy space and put on dim lamps.
, I opened the diary while the frogs were still singing. Thirteen years later, memories swallowed me up like a tide.
For a few days, I was immersed in those diaries and could not wake up. I could clearly see the pain and worry that my sister had in those two years. What tortured her most was not the illness that plagued her, but the fact that she walked into that place.
I was on a road of no return. At that time, my sister saw the struggle and despair in me. She knew that after her death, I would surely fall into a desperate situation, but she couldn't imagine it at the time, and she herself
The person who complained about this situation turned out to be her who loved me the most. I could see that the entire diary was filled with worries about me, as if it was my diary and not hers.
"...Today Jiaming was injured again, on his left back, because he looked unnatural when he came to hug me. I accidentally touched there, and he smiled brightly and kept telling me anecdotes about the nurse.
, I know that’s how he looks when he’s enduring pain…”
"...Today the hospital pressed for payment. Jiaming didn't come back until the evening. He had injuries on his face, but he still paid the medical bills in full. He said a few words to me and then said he had to leave because of something urgent. I was at the window
I didn't see him coming out after looking there for a long time. I knew he had taken medicine in the hospital and found a bench to sleep on. In the past year, he spent most of his time on the hospital bench.
I passed. I went from the first floor to the third floor, and still saw him in a remote corner. I couldn't go over and call him, he would be embarrassed..."
"...A few days ago, Nurse Li told me about how she was rescued by Jiaming two days ago. She encountered a robbery on the road, and the man was beaten up by Jiaming and then ran away. She said that Jiaming is a good person.
, I know... Jiaming is actually very kind at heart. He has been very lively and likes to help people since he was a child. He has not been like this in these years, but I know that his kind heart is still there. He has become taciturn because of his
I feel very bitter because he was dragged down by me..."
"...Jia Ming was seriously injured, and I don't want to hurt him like this anymore..."
"...Jia Ming cried because I refused to take medicine. It was the first time in the past few years that I saw him cry in front of me. I lied to him and said that it was just because I was in a bad mood and had my period two days ago.
Yes, this time it was particularly bad. This will never happen again. I'm sorry, Jiaming... At that time, I really wanted to say that if you were a good person, I would work hard to treat you, but I knew I couldn't say that.
How can you still hurt his heart like this? Jiaming, can you see this diary one day? When you can see it, maybe all the nightmares have passed, or all the nightmares have ended, but no matter
How about, even if I'm gone, can you live a good life and live like a good person? I know it may be naive to say this. Some time ago, you once told me that maybe you can only survive in this world if you are ruthless enough.
, then I was unhappy and you stopped talking. Do you still think so now? Maybe it’s because you have protected your sister so well in the past few years. I have always been looking forward to it childishly. Looking forward to you is not just
Be good to me. Don't take the initiative to harm others in this world. Jiaming, if you do this, my sister will work hard to climb down from the sky, haha..."
After that, I left Peroja.
I no longer know how to be a good person. Over the years, I have taken the initiative to harm others countless times. That day, I dropped everything and surrendered to the country's highest security agency.
However, what awaited me was not trial and death, but the warmest welcome in the "other world". After that, I began to work for the country. It was still killing and fighting. They told me that this was righteousness, for the country and the nation.
, is kindness. I don’t know if this is correct, but the only thing I understand is that this may not be the kindness I am pursuing. What I am looking forward to is just the kind of small kindness and peace of mind that can only take into account my sister and me.
However, in any case, this is probably the only thing I can do at the moment. Over the years, I have learned nothing. Everything I know is for killing people - I can only kill people.
In 2013, environmental problems led to global natural disasters and food harvest failures in countless countries. Subsequently, under the manipulation of some well-intentioned people, a global financial crisis broke out, followed by war.
It may not be called the Third World War, but the secret battles between the major powers are getting more and more intense. Terrorist incidents are on the rise. Peiroga has become an international terrorist giant. After several confrontations, I was designated by Peiroga as the first to be eliminated.
Target, and then launched a large-scale hunt.
In order not to injure others, I left the anti-terrorist team I was in and went into battle alone. For a whole year, I traveled to dozens of countries and spent my time in battle after battle. It was the most dangerous year.
, suffered countless serious injuries and fled. A year later, I miraculously survived. And almost thousands of people died directly or indirectly throughout Peluojia’s headquarters and more than ten branches in Asia, Europe, America, and Africa.
Under my hands, these people were all killers or warriors who had experienced life and death for a long time. After this incident, Peluojia was disintegrated, but I miraculously survived.
After Pei Luojia's incident, I was promoted to the leader of the second anti-terrorism team, responsible for domestic anti-terrorism affairs. I have a team of more than thirty people directly under my command, all of whom are first-class people who have experienced the dark world. In my opinion,
None of them are worse than me. In fact, I didn’t know how to be a team leader at that time. I could only do everything the way I did when I was a killer. Over the past few years, I have solved a lot of difficult problems.
Problem. They always hang out together when nothing happens, and the relationship accumulated on the line of life and death is extremely strong. But I gradually don’t know how to communicate with others. I can remember everyone’s code name during the battle, but once I leave the battle
, I couldn’t even tell who they were. I spent all day hiding in my room thinking, reading the diary left by my sister, and reading some books that were said to be helpful to the soul. I knew that those subordinates had said with great admiration:
: "He even read Hegel..." But I can't find anything from it. I can analyze why I have become the character I am now, but how to turn myself into a normal person, I have no idea.
There is no way.
Unless it's my sister...
In 2017, one of my subordinates said to me privately: "Captain, let's get married...let me take care of you." She was a very beautiful woman and the only killer who had ever belonged to Pei Luojia. She usually had a normal personality.
She was quite cold. I remembered that her code name was Firefox, but I had forgotten her name. Why would she say such a thing? I put down my sister's diary, stared at her for a long time, and then shook my head gently.
In 2018, we had a conflict with the strongest dark force in Europe, "Dark Lyra". That winter, I led the members of the second group directly into the headquarters of Dark Lyra in Venice. There, I and Dark Lyra
The leader of Tianqin, the "Queen", started a battle. In that battle, my spine was permanently injured. After returning to the motherland, the hidden injuries I had suffered for nearly twenty years occurred simultaneously. Even though the medical level has been extremely advanced,
They couldn't reliably save me. After several major surgeries, I lost the ability to move. I could only move my left hand slightly, and I could only pronounce words with difficulty. Because of my contribution, the country built a new building in the small village of my hometown.
A health villa, where I have lived since then.
Half a year later, it was another summer evening. The night wind stirred the grass and trees, the color of the sunset was very good, but there was a thundercloud in the sky on the other side. I sat in a wheelchair and walked up from the platform on the second floor of the villa.
This place has been built into a scenic spot, and there are beautiful scenery outside. However, the scenery that my sister and I saw back then has disappeared. Where did my sister and I go? I put my left hand on the chair frame gently.
That old diary, in a trance, my sister seemed to be behind me again, gently stroking my hair.
"It's summer again. Your head will be hot. I'll help you get a nice haircut... raise the mirror higher..."
I closed my eyes gently: "Yeah... I have a lot of hair..."
The person behind me leaned down, but it was not my sister. I knew it was not my sister.
"Major General, what did you say?"
"It's nothing... Miss Lan, please go down first and leave me alone... Someone will come over in a while. You can entertain them for me, but the glass door of the balcony is closed. I just want to be alone..."
"Okay, Major General, I'll call you when you take the medicine..."
The nurse left the platform, and then the glass door closed. I closed my eyes and felt my sister's breath. At that moment, I knew that my sister was back, and I was back too.
I don’t know how long it took, it seemed like a lifetime, and it seemed like it was just a moment when I closed my eyes. Someone was knocking on the glass door from behind. It was the girl codenamed Firefox. What was her name? I suddenly remembered that when I opened my eyes,
I thought of everything. The nurse surnamed Lan was explaining something to her, but she seemed very anxious and kept banging on the glass door. Her voice came faintly, along with the sound of the wind, the sound of the trees, and the faint thunder in the sky.
The voices merged into one...
"Sister...if I keep my promise..."
A dazzling white light suddenly illuminated everyone's eyes, huge lightning spread across the sky, and a moment later, the roaring thunder suddenly resounded here.
On May 21, 2019, that day I suddenly felt that I had wasted so much time and years waiting for that thunder to arrive...