Eighteen, flowers move against the wall, red calyx falls
When I woke up, I no longer knew how much of the world I was in. I just felt the pain of emptiness everywhere in my body - as if my body, mind, and soul were empty. My hand fell to the side weakly, as if it was tightly held by the warm palm of my hand.
I tried hard to open my eyes and move my body, but my body didn't seem to be my own. It was so heavy that I couldn't move at all.
The eyelids moved slightly, and there were crowds of people, and someone shouted happily: "Shu Fei is awake."
The warmth of the ginseng soup slowly flowed from my mouth into my throat and chest, as if it injected a little bit of strength into me. I tried my best to open my eyes, but they seemed to have been closed for too long, and I felt that the sun was dazzling, almost piercing me.
eyes. It was already an autumn afternoon, the clear light was silent, and laziness scattered. Xuan Ling's voice sounded in my ears in surprise, "Huan Huan, you finally woke up."
Did I finally wake up? I saw Xuan Ling's anxious and tired face, Jin Xi's eyes that were as wet as walnuts from crying, and a crowd of people waiting by the bed. There was the bloody smell in the air that had not dissipated, and the blood in her belly was
The emptiness forced me to whisper, "Your Majesty, is the child still there?"
Xuan Ling's face was anxious and absent-minded. Before he could answer, Concubine De had quietly turned her back to wipe away her tears. I became more frightened and said in a sad voice, "Your Majesty, where is the child?"
Xuan Ling lowered his face in pain and whispered: "Huan Huan, we will have children."
I struggled to stand up and groped my lower abdomen, "Where's the child? Where's the child? Last night he was still kicking and stretching his legs in my belly. Is he asleep? Why didn't he move?" I almost said
He was groping wildly, with tears streaming down his face.
Xuan Ling hugged me tightly and prevented me from moving any more. Concubine De held my hand tightly and said, "Concubine Shu! Concubine Shu! The child is gone. You have to express your condolences." Concubine De tried her best to comfort me, holding Lingxi,
Han'er hugged me and said, "Look, you still have Yun Huan and Han'er, don't be afraid!"
Han'er didn't know what happened, her eyes widened in fright, and she shrank into my arms. Lingxi had probably never seen me so rude before, and she was so frightened that she burst into tears. Concubine De hugged this one and comforted that one, Rou Yi
There was chaos in the palace.
Xuan Ling hugged me tightly, so tightly that it seemed like even my bones would be broken. He seemed to want to use this to vent his sadness of losing his child just like me. He whispered in my ear and confessed,
"Huan Huan, it's my fault that I shouldn't have had a banquet in Rouyi Hall, which caused you to overwork yourself and end up without a child."
I raised my head in confusion and pushed him away gently, "Your Majesty, I am not overworked. I just felt some abdominal pain at that time. I think it was caused by being greedy." I cried out at a loss, "If I had known, I would have
It's my fault that I stopped drinking that wine. How did I know that I only drank a cup of wine and didn't dare to drink more? Who knew...who knew..."
The queen was wearing a palace dress of true red and gold with long sleeves. She sat down next to my couch. She stroked my shoulder and said, "Concubine Shu, you must express your condolences. Don't be greedy and make trouble again in the future. You know that the emperor has done this for you because of your miscarriage."
How sad are you? You have been in coma for two days and the emperor will stay with you for two days." The queen comforted her with kind words: "The emperor's eyes are sunken, please go back to Yiyuan Hall to rest."
Xuan Ling nodded slightly, "Thank you for your trouble, Queen. I will accompany Huan Huan again."
I just sobbed and sobbed silently. The autumn sun was bright and warm, but there seemed to be infinite desolation and desolation pressing in. The endless sadness was stuck in my throat. I wished I could spit it out, but I just kept sobbing.
Wen Shichu came in with a bowl of soup and medicine, "It's time for the queen to take the medicine."
I felt so regretful that I waved away his concoction with one hand, and with a bang, the thick black concoction splashed all over the floor. I cried in confusion, "It was my fault for not being able to save the child."
Wen Shichu stood quietly with his hands behind his hands, "Your Majesty, that cup of wine will not harm the fetal gas, and the banquet that night will not harm the beautiful body of the Queen. Has the Queen forgotten the fetal movement of the child in her belly? The fetal gas is normal, and the child
He is also very strong, how can he not be able to withstand a glass of wine and a banquet?" Wen Shichu lamented very much, "The abdominal pain that the queen suffered at that time was just a normal fetal movement. The pain will only be caused by the agitation of fetal gas, and it will pass soon. How could the queen faint from pain?
He hit the abdomen with his head so hard that the fetal air moved violently, and the child slipped and died."
I was so shocked, as if thunder and lightning were exploding one by one on my head. I suddenly raised my head, stared at Wen Shichu and said, "How could it be? At that time, I was only in unbearable pain for a moment, and then I fainted. When I woke up, I was no longer there.
The child was born." I looked confused and horrified, "Your Majesty, how could my concubine's child be beaten down!"
Wen Shichu was shocked and said, "Your Majesty, I dare not lie. There are indeed signs of a heavy blow to the Queen's abdomen. All the doctors from the imperial hospital can verify it. Moreover, the baby in the Queen's belly has always been healthy, and the Emperor often hears the baby's fetal movements. If it hadn't been for the severe blow,
Such a heavy blow, how could the child slide?"
Xuan Ling said nothing, and his face became increasingly ugly, like the gloomy sky before a mountain rain. His hands were tightly clenched behind him, clenched into a white fist, "Who is it? Who was accompanying you at that time?"
With Concubine Shu?"
Jin Xi hurriedly knelt down and said, "Before I left to consult the imperial doctor, the Queen was with Concubine Shu. Later, when I came back, many people were already by my side."
Concubine De's complexion was green and white, and she was very uneasy. "I was not drunk at all. I wanted to go back to the palace with Longyue. Unexpectedly, Longyue was standing outside Shufei's hall in a daze. I wanted to take her away, but the queen happened to come out to look for her.
Someone came to help and said that Concubine Shu had fainted from pain."
Xuan Ling looked solemn and asked again, "Then who was with Concubine Shu at that time?"
Concubine De was startled and said without thinking: "When I saw this, I was the only queen."
"It shouldn't have been long since Jinxi left and when you saw the Queen. Wasn't the Queen alone?" Xuan Ling asked, but his eyes wandered uncertainly on the Queen's face.
"It is true that I am the only concubine." The queen's face was calm as usual and she said loudly: "So what? I don't know why Concubine Shu beat herself and lost her child."
Concubine De thought about it for a moment, then she suddenly became suspicious, "But at that time, the queen, you clearly told me that Concubine Shu had already fainted from the pain, so how could she hit her abdomen again?"
The queen was also puzzled, but Xuan Ling's gaze was like a sword and refused to be removed from her face. The queen could only say calmly: "I could only stay to take care of Concubine Shu at that time, but in any case, if this matter involves me
Concubine, there are people who deliberately framed me."
"Queen, it's hard work." Xuan Ling said lightly: "But why doesn't the queen ask someone to take care of Concubine Shu?"
The queen was startled, "Concubine Shu was so painful that she held my concubine's hand and cried out in pain. I really can't separate myself."
"Really?" Xuan Ling asked: "Concubine Shu only held the queen's hand in pain and did not cover the queen's mouth."
The blood on the queen's face gradually faded, and the purple and gold phoenix crown's crystal light shone, making her face white as white paper. "The emperor is suspicious of his concubine?"
"I don't want to doubt the queen. But can the queen tell me who knocked out the fetus in Concubine Shu's belly?"
The queen staggered a step and smiled sadly and proudly. She pondered for a moment and thought: "Perhaps Concubine Shu's fetal image was different, otherwise how could she suddenly be in severe pain that night?"
"I accompany Concubine Shu every day, and I often feel the movement of the fetus in Concubine Shu's belly. How can the fetal image be different?" He thought about it and said, "Wen Shichu, please bring the prescription that I usually prescribed to Concubine Shu."
Wen Shichu turned around and left. After a while, he brought a stack of prescriptions and said, "Queen, please take a look."
Xuan Ling frowned and said: "The queen also knows medical skills, so she can understand it without bothering the imperial doctor."
In the prescription, astragalus, atractylodes, donkey-hide gelatin, dangshen, and antler cream are all medicinal materials for relieving miscarriage and replenishing qi, and there is no difference between them.
The Queen couldn't find any clues. She seemed to be saying to herself: "Perhaps Concubine Shu accidentally hit her abdomen when she was in a coma?"
Xuan Ling sneered repeatedly, until tears welled up in the corners of his eyes. His pale face was full of anger, "Does the queen think she can justify herself?"
The queen's face was cold and resolute. She waved her cloud sleeves. She was no longer gentle and kind as usual, but stood proudly. "What reason do you have for me to harm Concubine Shu? In the past years, I have been managing the harem. Has the emperor ever seen me deliberately harming anyone?"
The imperial concubine held her breath gently, and her voice was as clear and delicate as broken ice, "At this moment, it is not said that the queen has harmed others, so don't worry, queen."
The Queen looked slightly relaxed and said, "Thank you, Your Majesty, for speaking out."
"The Queen praises you." In just a moment, the concubine's words caught up to her ears, "But Concubine Shu has one son, two daughters, and four adopted sons. She has already doted on the harem and holds the power of co-managing the sixth palace. If Concubine Shu gives birth again.
Next son, who will be most threatened and whose authority will be shaken?"
Xuan Ling took a deep breath and exhaled endless disappointment and contempt, "Sure enough."
Hearing these words, the queen suddenly stood up with a cold look on her face. A golden and jade phoenix in her hair spread its wings and trembled, "My concubine, you have always been indifferent to the world, why do you want to harm me!"
"It's not that the imperial concubine wants to harm you." Xuan Ling said coldly: "The queen doesn't explain clearly. This is why everyone is confused."
The knuckles of the Queen's clenched fingers turned ferocious white from exertion. The jade-like clouds in her high bun were filled with pearls and jewels, which could not hide the colorless face on her face. "I have something to say, and I have to go ahead." The Queen suddenly said.
He raised his head and looked at me who was sobbing in a low voice, and said with a deep meaning, "During the reign of Emperor Gaozong of the Tang Dynasty, Zhaoyi Wu Meiniang was favored. In order to get rid of the king and empress, Wu Meiniang personally strangled the infant girl and then left. Later, the king and empress came to visit the child, but
She left without discovering that the baby girl was dead. Wu Meiniang cried to Emperor Gaozong of the Tang Dynasty and complained that her daughter had been strangled to death by Queen Wang. At that time, Queen Wang was the only one who visited the baby girl. Queen Wang couldn't argue with her and was finally deposed. My concubine's condition today is just like that of Queen Wang back then!"
I didn't get angry, I just smiled grimly. It sounded very much like crying in the silence, "I am Wu Meiniang, and you killed your son with your own hands?!" I sneered, "The queen is so innocent! It was the queen who told everyone in person that I am in pain.
Fainted, how can I beat the child to death while fainting?"
There was a moment of silence, and she and I looked at each other angrily, with gnawing hatred and cruelty in each other's eyes. We had been fighting for many years, and we had used all our swords and swords against each other. There must be an end between me and her now.
With a "Wow" sound, a child cried loudly and broke the dead silence. Everyone followed the sound and saw that it was Hazy Moon who had been hiding behind Concubine De. The little Hazy Moon was huddled under the elevated red sandalwood flower shelf, holding on to it with all her strength.
Concubine De's skirt was crying: "I can't see anything! I can't see anything!"
Xuan Ling had always loved Long Yue the most. When he saw her crying heartbreakingly, he quickly held her in his arms and coaxed softly: "Wanwan, what did you see? Tell Father! Father is here.
, don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid!”
Luyue just kept crying, her eyes blurred with tears, and infinite sadness and desolation passed across my face and the queen's face. Xuan Ling asked again and again, but she just stayed tired of Xuan Ling and hid in his arms.
The queen heard a glimmer of hope, stretched out her hand and tried her best to coax: "Longyue, tell your mother, what did you see?"
Between the holes in my memory, I suddenly remembered that that day, before the palace door was completely closed - little Hazy Moon was standing outside the door!
What did she see?
Longyue grew up under Concubine De's knees and spent much more time with the Queen than I did! Moreover, this child has not been close to me since he was a child.
It was like being stuffed with countless ice shards from the top of the head in the twelfth lunar month, and the bone-corrosive chill spread to all the limbs and bones in fine pieces.
Everyone looked at Longyue in confusion. She seemed to be greatly frightened. She pushed away the Queen's outstretched arms and screamed loudly, "Empress, go hit Concubine Shu in the belly! She is in Shu."
The mother-in-law slaps her stomach!"
Concubine De was so frightened that her face turned pale. She quickly hugged Haoyue who was shouting and sweating profusely. She stamped her feet and shouted: "Bring the calming soup quickly! Bring the calming soup quickly!"
The queen sneered sharply, pointed at me and said, "You taught her! Didn't you?"
In anger, Xuan Ling raised his hand and pushed the queen's hand, and then waved his hand back, pushing her away a few feet, "Longyue is only an eight-year-old child, how can she lie! What's more, she has not been with her since that night.
Concubine Shu has said something. She was not raised by Concubine Shu since she was a child. Who can teach her!" Xuan Ling's eyebrows tightened, his eyes darkened, and he was very angry, "Queen, there is a god three feet above your head, what else do you have to say?
!”
The queen's face was ashen, "I've said it before, I'm like a king and queen, I've fallen into a trap and can't argue with you!"
"Absurd!" The veins on Xuan Ling's temples were about to burst out, showing his rising anger. "Do you think I am Emperor Gaozong of the Tang Dynasty and can be easily deceived by others? Or do you already regard Huan Huan as a mortal enemy in your heart and want to get rid of her?
quick!"
The queen suddenly knelt down and said sternly: "I swear by the ancestors of the Zhu family that I have never done anything to harm the fetus in Concubine Shu's belly."
Xuan Ling turned around, leaving a cold feeling on the Queen's back, and said coldly: "Go and tell the Queen Mother such a vicious oath." He ordered, "The Queen is vicious and has harmed the Emperor's heirs. From now on, she is not allowed to step out.
One step away from Fengyi Palace. I will go back to the Queen Mother." The queen wanted to say more, but Xuan Ling was disgusted and said, "Li Chang, take her away."
I couldn't help it any longer, so I fell down in Xuan Ling's arms and cried sadly.
A few days later, I was able to get up and go to the ground. The Queen Mother was shocked when she heard about this matter. However, after careful questioning, it was naturally difficult for the Queen to eliminate the suspicion. And Longyue had no chance of being exposed to those words.
The Queen Mother had no choice but to let Xuan Ling ban the Queen and let me take charge of the affairs of the Sixth Palace.
Rumors spread in the palace that many children had died at the hands of the queen.
However, the decree of deposing the queen has not been issued for a long time. Xuan Ling did not punish Zhu Yixiu any more.
The chanting in Tongming Hall is like thunder, praying for the salvation of my child who died in my womb.
In the dead of night, even the clouds stopped moving and silently covered the bright moon. I sat alone on my knees in front of the Buddha. Avalokitesvara, the compassionate Avalokitesvara, stood on the lotus throne, with kind eyebrows and kind eyes, overlooking the common people in the world.
A faint stick of sandalwood curls up in front of the Guanyin statue, like a misty ghost wandering around. The palace lanterns have been extinguished, and the moonlight cannot shine into this quiet and deep palace. The autumn night is deeper and dewy, and the dew makes me cold.
Hard heart.
I quietly recited the "Rebirth Mantra" over and over again, but it could not offset the regret and guilt in my heart. For eternity, I cannot forget that nightmare-like real scene:
My hands were covered with cold and greasy sweat. When my palms slipped, I heard a "pop" sound, and countless blood rushed to my head. The pain was like a huge wave swallowing me up.
The queen saw something bad and pushed me hastily, "Shu Fei! Shu Fei!"
I didn't respond, so the Queen hurriedly opened the door and went out - the door was not completely closed, and Longyue happened to be standing by the door, playing with the citron in her hand. Just as Concubine De came over, the Queen grabbed her and said: "Concubine Shu is fainting from pain.
We've passed by, but the imperial doctor hasn't come yet, please come and have a look."
The queen's back was turned to me, blocking Concubine De's view.
Everything happened in that moment. I gathered all the remaining strength in my body, gathered it in my right hand, made it into a fist, and punched my abdomen hard.
I didn’t know what was going on. I was completely overwhelmed by the pain.
All the remaining memories seem to have been crushed in the previous life. It was I who killed my child with my own hands! The Queen is right, what is the difference between me and Wu Zhao who killed his daughter? Even if this child cannot survive in the first place
Even in this world, I can't deny that it was me who personally killed his arrival.
I am a cruel mother!
I turned around, and suddenly I saw Hazy Moon's clear and frightened eyes in the gap in my memory, like a deer caught in a trap, panicking.
This child, she saw it. All the sins did not escape her eyes.
This is my punishment.
She also saved me! Haoyue! I feel even more guilty. It was me who pulled her into the endless whirlpool of harem disputes. I once went to visit her after getting up. At that time, she was in her palace, lying quietly by the window.
She looked at the fallen leaves in a daze. I asked her quietly, "Yue'er, who taught you those words?"
She shook her head in shock and said nothing. Indeed, I couldn't understand why no one would teach her. But how could such a child know how to help her biological mother, who was rarely close to her.
For a long time, she held a red gold cage filled with bright red acacia beans and shook it in her hand. Her expression was confused, but very serious, "My mother taught me that no matter who my mother quarrels with, don't help my mother."
I suddenly realized that I was deeply grateful to De Fei, but also deeply disappointed. My daughter may have lost her innocent heart.
Did I harm her? Or was it someone else? Or, she was just a child who grew up in a silent palace. Like any woman in the palace, she had no chance of escaping.
There was crystal clear liquid that made my eyes blurry, and I hugged Hazy Moon tightly.
The autumn leaves are silent and dusty. It’s winter.