The injustice and resentment in my heart rushed left and right like a trapped beast, almost stabbing a hole in my heart and exploding. www. Suddenly it turned into a poisonous snake, a scarlet and cold letter, wrapped tightly around my chest, winding
On top of it, it seemed as if someone's hand was squeezing my neck tightly, with such force, as if they hated me, and I couldn't breathe. My chest seemed to be hit hard by a drumstick, and it felt like I was squeezing my neck hard.
It hurt like it was about to burst. The pain made me scream loudly.
There were hurried footsteps in my ears, and someone pushed my shoulders vigorously to shake me awake. I tossed and turned, my mouth sore with thirst, and even my tongue seemed to be stuck to my teeth. My heartbeat was heavy and weak, as if
A weak flame danced on the table and went out. My clothes were soaked with sweat and clung to my body sticky. I stretched out my hand to touch my forehead with difficulty, then slowly straightened up and sat down.
For a moment when my mind was wandering, I could only hear the cold rain knocking on the window, making it cold.
When he opened his eyes and saw the worried and worried faces of Jin Xi and Huan Bi, he felt a little relieved and said in a hoarse voice: "I'm fine."
Jinxi put on her clothes and sat beside my bed and said pitifully: "My wife has another nightmare."
I was speechless for a moment, so I had to wave my hands. Huanbi couldn't find any soothing soup anywhere, so she had to make a cup of boiling water, blow it gently, and drink it slowly for me. Huanbi said worriedly: "
The lady has been having nightmares like this, and there is no medicine to calm her nerves. If this continues for a long time, when will she get better?"
Jin Xi hurriedly consoled her: "It's true that I'm new to Ganlu Temple and may not adapt to the surroundings. It may not be an important matter. It's just a matter of sorting it out."
There were still tears on my face, and big drops of tears smeared on the pillow, like small dark plum blossoms blooming, scattered sporadically. I stretched out my hand to brush them away, and I was stunned for a moment, and reluctantly said: "
He is really like a child, crying even in his sleep."
In the days since I entered Ganlu Temple, I have rarely cried. My sadness and anger have not diminished for a moment, and my longing and worry for my parents and brother are also increasing day by day. However, my eyes are dry, like a dry well that has dried up.
Seeing that the moss is ten feet thick, but there is no wave. It is so sad that all day long I just stare at the yellowed window paper in a daze. Sitting like this is often a day's light. Sometimes even Huanbi looks at it.
However, he advised: "Young lady, if you hold it in like this, it will break your body. It would be better to cry."
I just shook my head slowly, where were the tears? And what could tears change?
The only person who came to see me occasionally, apart from the abbot, was the sister-in-law who brought brown sugar that day. After coming several times, I gradually learned her name. Her name was Mo Yan. She looked cold and thin, with high cheekbones.
She has a bit of a fierce look and doesn't like to talk. She always looks cold and indifferent. Naturally, she doesn't get along with the sisters-in-law in the temple. However, no one dares to provoke her. It's just a well.
It's just that the water does not interfere with the river. She is isolated by everyone. And naturally, no one cares about me.
Occasionally, Mo Yan would come and just lean on the door frame and look at me for a while, with a cold look on her face. I would just nod her head and continue to be in a daze or sleep to recuperate. If she saw me looking dull when she came, she would always be a little dismissive, and she would often stop after a while.
As he walked away, he still wanted to say, "You have already lost your ornaments and become a monk, why do you still feel sad for a man? You are really a fool."
Although she has helped me, she is not acquainted with her. Why should I tell her that my desolation and sadness are not just sad because of what the man did.
Mo Yan often sneered at me, "In the daytime, I think about stinky men and feel sad for stinky men. At night, I think about stinky men and feel sad for stinky men. It used to be the same as it is now. After all, women are useless. All they have to do in life is to think about stinky men and feel sad for stinky men."
The stinky man is sad."
She kept calling her a "stinky man", and the "stinky man" was called "stinky man" easily and naturally. I couldn't help but laugh. For a person with such a tone, it would be best to become a nun. So I said to her: "It would be best for you to become a nun."
Yes. You hate men so much, so naturally you can’t see them, because there are no men in the nunnery.”
She snorted softly and said, "If you can't let go of the smelly man, then the shadow of the smelly man is everywhere, and it has nothing to do with whether you are a sister-in-law in Ganlu Temple or not."
Suddenly I remembered what I overheard my sister-in-law saying to Mo Yan, "Mo Yan seems to have a grudge against men."
I felt the same way, so I just smiled and didn't bother to argue with her.
However, there were times when Mo Yan praised me, "You are a good-tempered person. You can't let go of a stinky man, but you have never shed a tear for him. Also, how can we shed our pure tears for a stinky man!"
I didn't cry, but my empty strength and numbness completely collapsed in my sleep. My tears were so unbridled that they spread across my face, like reptiles, scurrying across my face.
Jinxi said: "Huanbi, go and boil a pot of hot water. I'll wipe my wife's body before going to bed later. Sleeping with sweat like this will easily catch the cold." She gently placed her warm palms on mine.
On the back of his hand, he whispered: "If Madam is not sleepy, Jin Xi can talk to Madam."
I nodded silently.
Jinxi whispered softly: "My wife has a nightmare, but it's because of the past." I responded with silence, which was regarded as acquiescence. Jinxi sighed softly, "Whoever it is, would be sad to encounter such a change.
." She pondered for a moment, "Have you ever thought about making a comeback to avenge your family?"
The background of his heart was bitter, and the bitterness extended to the corner of his mouth and turned into a wry smile, saying: "It's not that I don't know what you mean. If you want to make a comeback and avenge your injustice, you can only rely on him. Otherwise, we can only rely on him.
, everything is just talk on paper, nothing can be done."
Xuan Ling's name is very taboo for me nowadays. I don't even want to call him "Emperor", so I only use "him" instead.
Jinxi naturally understood, and I added: "The person who plotted against me has already set up a series of schemes. First, he used Empress Chunyuan's old clothes to make me fall out of favor with him, so that in his eyes, he believed that I deliberately offended the late emperor and empress.
I dare to compare myself with the late emperor and empress, so I overestimate my own abilities and bring humiliation upon myself. It also made me understand that after so many years of pampering, I am just the shadow of Queen Chunyuan in her eyes." I clenched my fingers tightly, and my bones made a rattling sound.
The knots also turned white, and the hatred and helplessness in his heart were clearly reflected in the tears. "The person who set the trap not only thought carefully and carefully, but also knew my temperament and his. If he thinks that I have offended, he will naturally
He wouldn't listen to a word of my explanation, and even what I tried to argue for others later turned out to be false words, just excuses. And I knew that I was just the shadow of others in his heart, so how could I be willing to argue with him again?
When I met him and fell in love with him, that person even predicted that I would not be able to defend myself. That person's scheming was deep and terrifying, far beyond my expectation, and therefore she firmly controlled me in her grasp.
.”
Jin Xi's green brows were frowned like the folds of mountains, like willow leaves swept by strong winds. After an extreme silence, she suddenly raised her head, and there was a deep and lonely light in her eyes, as faint as a will-o'-the-wisp. She said word by word:
"The queen is the master of the harem and has been married to the emperor for many years, so she naturally has such a plan."
I snorted softly and laughed at myself: "At first, I always thought that the queen was kind and kind, but later I vaguely knew that she was not, but I never expected that this day would come. I have always been respectful and respectful to the queen, and I have not done anything untoward."
The corner of Jinxi's mouth raised slightly and said: "My lady only knows one thing, but not the other. Do you think that by obeying the queen's orders and being respectful to her, she will not have murderous intentions towards you? This servant knows that my lady and Chun Yuan
The queen's appearance is 30% similar, and her temperament is even 50% similar. The queen is the biological sister of Queen Chunyuan, so how can we not understand it more clearly. What kind of affection the emperor has for Queen Chunyuan, the lady is similar to the late emperor and empress, in her eyes
, has long been the one who must be eliminated. What's more, at that time, the wife's father and brother had made great achievements in pacifying the King of Runan, and the wife had always been favored. At this time, the family was in a raging fire, and she was so prominent that she was even more difficult to deal with than Concubine Hua back then.
She thought for a moment and said, "In the past, I just thought that the queen had a little power in the city. Now I have experienced it with my wife, and I know how powerful the queen is. I have been thinking about it these days, and finally I understand a little bit."
.In fact, the queen has already planned every step of the way and plotted against us."
The cold rain made a thumping sound on the wooden window lattice, sometimes mixed with the cold wind blowing by. The sound was like a ghost whistling, which was thrilling. The coldness of the rain also hit the upper body through the window paper.
"Zhu Yixiu!" The queen's name burst out from my lips and teeth, each word hurting my heart. "I thought I didn't hinder her, but in her eyes, I am already the most obstructive person." I looked at Jin Xi, and in the bottom of my heart,
Suddenly there was a surge of weakness and sadness, "In the beginning, she just used me to compete with Concubine Hua. Since I entered the palace, I have been in her calculations step by step. I am a piece of flesh and blood, and I don't know it."
, how can we compete with her? She has already set up a dragnet!"
Jin Xi lowered her head slightly, and her increasingly thin jaw showed a faint and firm arc in the flickering shadow of the dim candlelight. The reddish candlelight was like water streaks, casting a rather alluring blush on her slightly pale cheeks, but
The bright red color was also like a shadow, with a dark halo. She thought silently for a long time, "Don't say that today, even in the past, we have no ability to compete with the queen!"
Jinxi is telling the truth. Why haven't I thought about it carefully? In the morning light when I was covered with my head and drowsy, I had not completely fallen asleep amidst the pain in my body. Countless times of pain, every nerve in my body was in pain.
The involvement made me more sober and exhausted. No matter how unwilling I was, I could only admit, "In the harem, most concubines think that she is virtuous and virtuous. Often, unexpected misfortunes will happen to concubines who know her true face, so she faces the harem.
Her smile is always gentle and virtuous. More importantly, even the emperor thinks so. She is the daughter of the Zhu family, the niece of the Queen Mother, the cousin of the emperor, and the only sister of Empress Chunyuan. This is the unbreakable image of her mother in the world.
The power of blood. Even if she has no heirs..." I sneered, like the shrill cry of a night owl quietly hiding on the branches in the dark night, "No, the son of the former concubine has become her legitimate son. She only has to wait.
Just sit tight in her position as Queen Mother."
"Emperor..." The veins on Jin Xi's forehead twitched slightly, and she looked at me with burning eyes.
I didn't understand what she meant. A sad smile spread silently to the corners of my lips, like a crack across my face. I said quietly: "In the past few days since I was pregnant with Long Yue, things at home have been going on.
Suddenly, something unexpected happened. I never thought that if I was willing to compromise, I might be able to convince him of the innocence of the Zhen family. However, how could he believe it? It was still an imperial edict that demoted my family. In fact, I couldn't figure it out at the time. If he
Believe me, I will not be banned because of a piece of Queen Chunyuan's old clothes. I will suffer all the neglect in Tangli Palace and lose Liu Zhu's life in vain. I am not even allowed to go out even if I am pregnant. I am
After thinking clearly, I asked myself to leave the palace to practice. In fact, even though I was still with him, he still registered me as Zhaoyi. How could I force a smile on his face and endure the humiliation? He is the emperor after all, and I, Zhen Huan,
It’s definitely not that kind of temperament.”
Jin Xi patted my hand comfortingly and said: "Actually, Lord Zhen, Mrs. Zhen and Young Master Zhen, although they are separated from the north and the south, their lives were saved. Although the lady is stronger, she is not as resolute as the young master Rui.
, committed suicide to express his grievances, but he was also charged with coercing the king, and he died with his eyes open. It's just a pity for Mrs. Zhen and the young master." Jin Xi pondered for a moment, and finally asked, "Actually, there is something that I have not been able to understand.
If An Lingrong hated his wife, even if he had a reason to attack her or her close relatives, how could it be that Mrs. Zhen and the young master were the ones who suffered misfortune? The slave heard that the man who treated Mrs. Zhen and the young master for malaria at that time
, it’s the imperial physician around An’s own family, which is really strange.”
In the past, if I were in the palace, I wouldn't be able to explain this reason at all. I had to bury it in my heart and let it rot in my stomach. However, things are different now.
I tried my best to control my tone, from intense to calm, "A woman's jealousy is very terrifying, especially worse than a scourge." I paused, "Especially the love between a man and a woman."
Jinxi was suddenly startled and understood immediately. She was no less surprised than I was when I found Lingrong crying in tears the night before entering the palace. She was stunned for a moment, her face recovered slightly, and she said: "I have spent so many years in the palace.
I have seen a lot of people and things. Although I can sense some of An's evil intentions, Master Zhen... An's attitude toward Master Zhen, I really didn't notice at all at that time."
I let out a long sigh and said, "It's not just you. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes and heard it with my own ears, even I would hardly be able to believe it. However, the so-called bad fate really does exist. An's thoughts
It can be seen how deep and detailed it is." I burst into tears, and the hot tears almost scalded my mind, "In the past, you also reminded me that An Lingrong might have second thoughts, and asked me to be careful, it was me.
I believed in her too much and believed in the so-called sisterly love too much, which led me to where I am today. I was careless and gullible, and I brought the blame on myself."
Jin Xi said: "This is the weakness of the lady, she attaches too much importance to emotion. In fact, in the palace, you might as well take the word 'love' lightly, just like the empress who respects the concubine, maybe you should be comfortable and calm
Much more."
I choked with sobs and recounted my thoughts that I had never figured out: "Jin Xi, I have never understood. Although I don't treat An Lingrong with as much heart and soul as I did with Meizhuang, I still treat him with all my heart and soul. Why?
She hated me so much that she first killed my youngest son with Shuhen glue, and then joined forces with the queen to bring me down, trampling me to the bottom, even my whole family. I don’t understand how she could hate me so much.
I?"
Jin Xi's expression was also complicated and confusing, but her calm smile showed a clear and worldly insight, "This is probably why the human heart is complex and fickle."
"The human heart is complicated and fickle..." I murmured to myself repeatedly, "Jin Xi, now I often have a kind of wishful thinking. If life were just like the first time we met... For example, Lingrong, but she was as weak and delicate as when I first met her, with beautiful eyebrows.
My sister is also so cheerful and generous. But he is just the way he was when I first met him..." I smiled sadly, "He came with a smile among the apricot blossoms scattered like rain in the sky. That spring... But spring will pass after all.
How wonderful it would be if time only stopped at that moment without all the entanglements that followed."
The night wind penetrated through the cracks in the window, bringing with it a damp and cold breath, like a sigh that was about to be exhaled, causing the originally weak candle flames to flicker and flicker. Jinxi stretched out her hand to protect the flames, remained silent for a moment, and said: "
The autumn wind paints a fan with sadness, so people's hearts are prone to change. This is often the case in the world."
"It's half past midnight in the words of Lishan, and the rain and the rain at night will never complain. It's like the thin and beautiful clothes, and the wings will be connected to the branches." I slowly finished chanting, and the rain and the rain at night were so sad that I actually smiled softly.
, said: "Tonight is actually the time of cold rain and rain. Jin Xi, do you believe it? Baoxing Jinyi'er, these days, in fact, he has hardly entered my dreams. I'm afraid that if it goes on for a long time, I will almost forget
His appearance has changed."
Jinxi's smile was so gentle and soothing, she said: "He is the person that the lady is determined to forget, so not remembering is naturally the best thing. The days in the palace are always the best at sharpening the edges of people.
, the lady has been in the palace for many years, and she has always been patient and patient with people and things. In the palace, there are constant disputes among red walls and red shadows. The slaves often feel that the temperament that the lady had when she first entered the palace has been worn away. Until that day.
, the lady said goodbye to him resolutely, and resolutely recited "Jin Shui Tang Tang, and the King's Secret". She was so resolute and resolute that she would never turn back after leaving. Only then did the slave clearly feel that this is the lady's true nature. The reason why the lady is like this
Madam, this is the case. It’s a pity that the palace cannot tolerate such a good-natured nature. It’s a great blessing among misfortunes for me to be able to step out and protect myself and others.”
I was grateful to Jin Xi for his understanding, but I also said: "Even if I forget him, there are some things, some resentments and sadness, I'm afraid it will take a long time to forget."
"The flying geese will leave traces after all, let alone the human beings. Even if the lady really forgets this person after a long time, some scars cannot be erased. People have inner demons, and the lady must try her best to calm them down." Jin Xi
After persuading him, his smile was bright and clear, swaying like water waves, as if it could illuminate people's eyes, "So, in fact, does it mean that my wife's affection for him is not truly unforgettable? So there is more resentment and sadness than longing and admiration.
.If true affection is deep and firm, it will not be easily covered by hatred and resentment. Naturally, such affection is never needed in the palace. Even if such affection exists, it cannot withstand wind and rain, and all kinds of conspiracies and tricks.
It was going to dissipate. But then again, if it was just the lady who worked so hard to maintain such affection, he was suspicious and speculating on how this affection could last, and instead made the lady sad. The good affection in this world must be that you are affectionate and I am intentional.
, you believe in me and I believe in you, so that we can truly know each other for a long time."
I smiled and said: "Jinxi, are you over thirty-five this year? Have you really grown up and served in the palace since you were a child?"
Jin Xi was slightly surprised, "This is natural."
I laughed: "Then, why do you understand so much more deeply than thousands of crazy men and resentful women in this world?"
Jin Xi also laughed, "My lady is making fun of this slave. My lady has always been smart, so how come she doesn't know the things in the world? It's only a bystander who knows everything, and the authorities are confused. Especially love. If it were this slave who was caught in love, she would be nothing more than the last person at this moment."
He’s just the most confused person.”
I nodded slightly, "It's just Jin Xi, you are the most shrewd, how could you fall into love and be unable to extricate yourself one day?"
Jin Xi’s expression was in a trance, but I felt that I had seen it wrong. How could Jin Xi show such sadness and melancholy for a moment? I must have seen it wrong. She quickly smiled and said: "This slave is of humble origin and only knows how to serve."
Master, she is thirty-five years old again, most of her life has passed, how she still has love is really a joke."
When I talked to her, most of the annoyance in my heart had been relieved. I smiled and said, "Yes, I was indeed joking about this. But now it seems to me that being ruthless is much better than being ruthless."
Jin Xi just laughed, "Really? If one day I may meet someone who treats me sincerely and she treats me sincerely, I'm afraid I won't say such things."
I couldn't help but laugh, "Jinxi, your joke is indeed more exaggerated than my joke on you. I am already in Buddhism, how can I meet such a person?"
Jin Xi helped me wash my body and go to sleep. She just smiled calmly and said, "This is indeed a joke. I want to make the lady smile so that I can sleep well."
So I fell asleep again. The rain outside the window was gurgling and the wind was rustling. Autumn was already endless, but the wind and rain made it desolate. It also affected separation and regret, and the world was desolate. During the long period of confiding, I didn’t feel the tears dripping down the window screen.
, also calmed down a little, and gradually fell asleep.