Chapter 6: No one listens when the strings are broken
I wholeheartedly sought health and took good care of myself. Devouring the novel www. As Jinxi and Huanbi expected, my body gradually improved, I gradually gained some appetite, and I was able to get up and walk well. I started to take a walk every day.
Facing the wall, I chanted sutras and worked hard. When I had a little free time, I worked day and night to copy Buddhist sutras carefully. I just hope that the true meaning of every word in the sutras can alleviate the mental illness that I still have from time to time. In this numbness, I finished copying the Diamond Sutra.
, and copied the "Yan Leng Sutra". After copying each book three times, he raised his eyes and stared at himself again. Sure enough, his eyes were clear and free of many distracting thoughts, but they were also empty as if they were nothing.
I carefully copied the Buddhist scriptures one stroke at a time. The thick black ink seemed to have written all my thick unwillingness and grievances into the boundless mantra of the Buddha's Dharma to calm my anger and discouragement.
The Queen Mother's painstaking efforts for me are finally over.
I was asked to copy the Buddhist scriptures by hand and have Fangruo pick them up every month. This was to ensure that I was alive, so that I could live peacefully month after month, with my limbs, hands and feet intact, in good health, and free from illness and disaster.
Fangruo's arrival every month does not alleviate my hard work too much. It's just that on the day she comes, I will be allowed to take a day off by Jingbai.
Huanbi asked me: "Young lady has worked so hard, why don't you tell Aunt Fangruo and ask her to seek justice, or tell the abbot."
I lowered my head and starched my clothes carefully, and said lightly: "If I tell the abbot, the abbot will definitely intercede with Jingbai on my behalf. But after all, I belong to Jingbai's management. If she agrees verbally and plots behind her back, it will be difficult for me to even ask for this."
The peace I felt was gone. I told Fan Ruo that Fan Ruo would definitely tell the Queen Mother when she returned. Although the Queen Mother was the Queen's aunt, she had taken care of me and Long Yue wholeheartedly, so why bother asking her to bother her anymore. Moreover, in the palace
There are many people talking about it, and if it reaches the ears of the Queen and An Lingrong, who knows how much trouble will arise."
I have said everything I can. However, there is another meaning that I cannot say. As soon as I left the palace, those who failed to kill me naturally refused to let go easily, for fear that those around me knew or did not know.
There were countless pairs of eyes from the palace staring at me everywhere. Queen Mother Baba asked Fangruolai to ask me to copy Buddhist scriptures and take them back every month. This was also the meaning, fearing that someone would plot against me. Jingbai was not angry about my background and experience.
It's hard for me to make things difficult for me. So today, if in the eyes of those people they see me in such a state of desolation and withering, lingering on my last breath, I will feel more miserable, and they will feel more at ease in their hearts, and they will feel more relaxed towards me.
Things in the world are intertwined, and as a mother, that's all I can do for Haoyue.
And every time Fangruo comes, I only ask a few questions, "How is Meizhuang? How is Longyue?"
It is not convenient for Fangruo to say more, but she occasionally answers a few sentences, which are simple words, and never goes into detail. I know that she has her own difficulties, and I do not embarrass her. I just asked her these two sentences when I met her.
After asking too many questions, Fangruo also smiled, "Will the lady always only care about these two people?"
Without thinking, I said: "Yes."
Fangruo pondered slightly, with a smile still in her eyes, "The Queen Mother asked me to visit the Queen Mother every month, and I am very concerned about the Queen Mother. Doesn't the Queen Mother also ask the Queen Mother how she is doing?"
I said lightly: "Sister Mei relies on the care of the Queen Mother to be safe in the palace. If Sister Mei is well, then the Queen Mother must be fine, so there is no need to ask. And every time my aunt comes, there is no worry on her eyebrows, so we know that the Queen Mother
Everything is fine.”
Fangruo nodded and said, "My lady is no less intelligent than before." She smiled, "Then Emperor Longyue has to be raised and cared for by Concubine Jing, so why don't you greet Concubine Jing?"
The snow was falling heavily outside the window, like rubbing cotton wool. I leaned against the window and watched the snowflakes indifferently. I said: "No need. She has the Di Ji, she is dependable for life, and she will love her as much as her life. Besides, if I greet her, don't I make others care about her more?
, instead of putting her in danger?" I smiled slowly and said: "With Concubine Jing's intelligence, she will definitely be able to protect herself and Di Ji. You always say that Di Ji is very smart and cute, so I think Concubine Jing can do it too.
Only when you are comfortable and stable can you raise Di Ji well like this."
Fangruo thought for a moment, "What about the emperor? Doesn't the lady care at all?"
My eyebrows suddenly frowned, and I soon realized that it was not worth it to frown for Xuan Ling. So I relaxed my expression, the snow light was cold and narrow, and the coldness was also reflected in my tone, which was cold and biting,
"If there is a national mourning, the whole world will know about it. There is no need to wait for my aunt to tell me."
I was cursing him to death! Such cold and vicious words came from my mouth, even I was shocked. How deep is my resentment towards him?
Sure enough, Jin Xi was so frightened that she quickly covered my mouth, "Madam, are you confused?"
Fangruo stared at me for a moment, slowly shook her head, and said: "Madam, please forgive me for trying to persuade me. You are so resentful and can't let it go. In fact, you are sad for yourself."
I didn't turn around, I just turned a deaf ear and looked out the window intently, my eyes cold, almost wanting to see how the wind surging outside was surging.
Fang Ruoxu's words still penetrated my ears, "During the October talent show, there were quite a few people who could catch the emperor's eye. A total of eighteen concubines were selected, which was the largest number of successful candidates since the emperor came to power." She said.
She pondered slightly, looked at each other with Jin Xi, and finally said, "The young masters selected this time are all from middle-level official families, none are too prominent and none are too humble. Moreover, they are all young.
, there is no one over fifteen years old.”
Fifteen. I was fifteen years old when I entered the palace. I was as delicate and soft as a flower. Now, I am twenty. Compared with such young concubines, my appearance and age are both inferior.
It is slowly getting darker. How can it be compared with their youthful health and bright appearance.
I sneered slightly. If I remember correctly, after the New Year, Xuan Ling was already thirty.
He is a king, so his happiness is always so good, and he can always enjoy the endless youth of others.
The empress is two years older than Xuan Ling. Faced with such young and fresh women, even with towering eyebrows and plump cheeks, she may not be able to do what she wants.
And Fangruo's voice seemed to be talking about something very ordinary and inconsequential, saying: "It's the queen. The queen urges the emperor to select more young women to enter the palace." I was slightly stunned, but Fangruo still said: "
The Queen said that the concubines in the palace are getting older now, so it is better to choose some young and sensible newcomers who are healthy both physically and mentally, so that they can be conducive to giving birth to heirs for the royal family."
I was a little surprised, and then I quickly understood the Queen's intentions. The coldness in the palm of my hand invaded my heart at that moment, revealing a deep chill.
The younger a girl is and the more she is raised in a boudoir, the less clever she is. Even if she has the king's love and pity, how can she compete with the mind of a powerful woman who has lived in the palace for a long time? In the end, she can only
Being able to fight a trapped beast in the palm of her hand. And he was born in a middle-level official, so naturally he did not have the magnanimity and insight brought up by a rich family, and there would be fewer opportunities to ascend to a prominent position. As for the emperor's heir
, whether it can be born is still unknown.
As for a woman as cautious and scheming as An Lingrong who came from a humble family, the Queen would definitely not allow another one to appear.
Therefore, a young woman with an ordinary family background is the most suitable for her to enter the palace.
As for Xuan Ling, he would not reject any woman as long as she was beautiful, charming, and gentle.
So Fangruo's words just verified my guess, "The emperor likes the young masters who entered the palace very much. Although their positions are not high yet, most of them are Chang Zai and beauties. I don't know who will get the high position in the end.
Who, all this is unknown. It’s just that these little masters seem to be equally divided."
Equally divided, that is to say, everyone likes him and everyone is equal.
Also, he wanders around in the gentle countryside with fragrant clothes and shadows, enjoying the tenderness and charm of fresh women. As for me, the painting hall is locked in the Chuiyang Courtyard, the pear blossoms are beaten by the rain and the door is closed, alone wrapped in the silk clothes
In the Sanskrit music, I feel the loneliness and desolation that I should feel. We are all at the end of the world and have nothing to do with each other.
The snowflakes are flying one after another, as if in late spring, leaning against the beauty alone in the courtyard, I can see the snow-white catkins flying quietly, and the east wind blows them evenly, with dots of white velvet, like random flowers flowing through the courtyard, as if there is a soft rain.
It's snowing heavily, but it's such a warm season, and the spring clothes are thin. When I occasionally raise my eyes, it's like half a curtain of fragrant mist has rolled up, and people feel lazy and casual.
But now, the snowflakes are scattered like catkins in late spring, but it is so cold, like white hair in the youth, which makes people feel desolate. Low words slowly come out of my mouth, "As long as the people I ask for are safe and healthy, the rest
What do people and things have to do with me?" I gave Fangruo all the Buddhist scriptures I had copied in the past month and issued an eviction order: "It is difficult to travel due to the heavy snow. I may delay my return to the palace. Please come back, aunt."
"
Fangruo didn't feel dissatisfied at all, and just said with a peaceful smile: "It would be better for me to go back early. Since King Qinghe was reprimanded when he begged the emperor for the Zhen family's affairs, the emperor has ordered him to go to the old capital of Beijing to relax at the end of October.
However, he was not allowed to return to the capital without an imperial edict. Nowadays, apart from the concubines above the imperial concubines and the princes and concubines in the palace, the only one who often comes to pay homage to the Queen Mother is King Pingyang. The Queen Mother is also often idle and bored, so she can only
There are many slaves and maids waiting by your side."
I was shocked and immediately asked: "King Qinghe has left the capital?"
She was slightly surprised by my reaction and said gently: "Don't you know, ma'am? It's because King Qinghe wrote a letter about the Zhen family. King Qinghe didn't pay attention to political affairs. Although King Runan took a lot of credit for the matter, he also followed Runan.
The King of Kings was pacified quickly and he stayed out of the matter without saying a word. Now he is writing a letter about the Zhen family, probably because he knew the lady's brother Zhen Heng well when he pacified the King of Runan. In the end, what are the grievances of the Lady's family?
There are so many 'unfounded' reasons!"
It was like being cut across the skin by a very thin sharp blade. It didn't hurt at first, but when I saw the wound opened and the snow-white and light red flesh came out, and when I saw the blood gurgling out, I suddenly felt pain.
Going to the capital, Xuanqing, because of my family, he actually got involved in the troubled political affairs that he least wanted to be involved in, and was expelled to the capital. This originally had nothing to do with him.
My tears haven't fallen yet, and my resentment towards Xuan Ling has finally deepened. Even Fangruo understands the truth of "unnecessary", and even Xuan Qing has offered to help. Why is he still insisting on his own way?
Fangruo seemed to understand what I was thinking, and said softly: "The matter of King Runan has become a big taboo in the heart of the emperor. Not long after it was settled, the Zhen family's matter was brought up. How could the emperor be so insensitive and impatient? Moreover, even if the emperor says something,
The mistake has been made, and there is nothing to do or dissuade for the moment. Moreover, the people around the emperor will only blindly confirm the Zhen family's crimes and add insult to injury. The adults in the officialdom are the best at this." Fangruo sighed, "Even if Zhen
The family can avenge the injustice, but in the end, the wife's life can only be lost in Ganlu Temple, with no chance of returning to the palace."
My boredom and annoyance surged out, "Even if you ask me to go back in eight sedan chairs, I would rather stay here for the rest of my life."
My words were as resolute as a broken blade clinking to the ground, cut in two. Fang Ruo was speechless, silent for a moment, and had to say goodbye.
I saw Fangruo's figure disappearing into the ice and snow, and whispered softly: "Sauvignon Blanc."
Huanbi didn't hear clearly for a moment and asked: "What?"
I whispered: "Where is 'Sauvignon Blanc'?"
I haven't played the piano for a long time. Even if I just carried "Sauvignon Blanc" out of the forbidden area of the palace, maybe I haven't been able to play the strings for a long time. When asked about it suddenly and unexpectedly, Huanbi felt a little happy and hurriedly took it out and said: "Also
It's here. It's just stained with a little dust, just wipe it off."
I took the soft cloth and wiped it gently with gestures. The familiar "Sauvignon Blanc", which had accompanied me in countless sleepless nights of joy or sorrow among the red walls and glazed walls of the palace, had resolved many difficulties for me.
The mood of the words.
These days, it’s not that I really don’t want to play “Sauvignon Blanc” anymore, nor that I’ve forgotten it because of my daily hard work. I just, I just don’t dare, don’t dare to think of the strings I used to sing on the strings of Sauvignon Blanc.
The old days engraved in it, the past events that record the time in my palace. How can the high wall of temporary peace and numbness that I have built by reciting scriptures and mantras every day withstand the impact and impact of the past events?
The surging waves destroyed high walls and low-lying areas so easily and drowned me. How unwilling I was to touch those past events again.
However, the moment Fangruo talked about Xuan Qing, he had done everything he could for my family. During the days when I came to Ganlu Temple, apart from my concern for my father and brother, my resentment towards Xuan Ling and my efforts to forget, I almost never thought of it.
Any man.
Fangruo's words reminded me of the warm comfort that someone once gave me in the deep courtyard of the palace in Ziao City, at the corner of the long corridor where pear blossoms were like snow, and on a day when the moon was waxing like a hook.
Fingers aimlessly plucked the strings, with low eyebrows and hands, beads of music swirled and dripped, but the melody was also hollow, like a long sigh with a long ending. The sadness and joy in my heart were blurred in an instant.
, has become confused and desolate. A pine tree outside the door is strong and strong, bearing the snow. However, the green color cannot be concealed by ice and snow.
Shangjing is far in the north, six or seven hundred miles away from Kyoto, and it is the old capital of the Zhou Dynasty. The north is probably even colder than when I practiced in the suburbs of Beijing. In a trance, it seemed as if the pine tree was his only one.
The lonely figure, holding the purple flute "Always Staying Together", slightly raised his head to look at the moon, and chatted with me for a few words with his eyebrows stretched.
However, the sound of my piano is no longer what it used to be, and people can't look back. In my life, even if there is no way forward, I can only move forward.
He is his noble prince, married with a beautiful wife, hidden in a prosperous place where gold is sold; I am beside the green lantern Buddha statue, accompanied by Buddhist beads and scriptures, and die alone.
My thoughts surged like a tidal wave, and my gestures lost strength for a moment. With a strong hook, there was a "zheng" sound, and the sound of the piano suddenly stopped hoarsely. I looked around, and saw a vast expanse of white snow, and suddenly a confused smile appeared at the corner of my mouth.
, I want to express my thoughts to Yao Qin. I have few close friends, and who will listen when the string is broken?
After all, apart from myself, no one will listen even if the string is broken.
The strings of "Sauvignon Blanc" were broken, so I no longer had to miss lovesickness. I slowly fell down on the piano and closed my eyes slumped.