Really, at this moment, I realized that I was no longer myself.
Tong Yao gently helped me up. She did not dare to speak in front of the gods.
I hung down, like a rose tamed by God in front of him. I was weak and Tong Yao held my hand tightly, trying to catch my repentant soul. But Tong Yao, it's useless, I have already repented.
I will use the pain of the rest of my life to redeem my sins. In front of each Buddha, I bow my head and worship deeply. I collect all the coins I have and donate charity in front of each Buddha.
In front of the piles of various banknotes, there is no sense of money. Dollars, pounds, euros... Various banknotes are piled there unattended, but no one has any selfish intention to take away a penny. How many banknotes are piled up?
There are so many pious and atoning souls.
Walking in the square of the Potala Palace, groups of good men passed by me waving scriptures. They would not notice the sad man in front of them. In their hearts, there was only the Lord Buddha. Every time the scriptures were turned around,
They took one step closer to the Buddha. They chanted sutras, raised their hands high, moved them to their chests, then fell to the ground, then crawled on the ground with their whole bodies, and then stood up. They repeated this action countless times, every time
All shocked the hearts of onlookers.
Tong Yao keeps coming to see me. Can she read my soul from my eyes?
Really, the whole time since we entered the Potala Palace, my mind has been in a state of dissociation and wandering. In front of the Bodhisattva, there is only sin left in my consciousness.
Tong Yao has become different from before. She has been following me silently. She rarely speaks. She even doesn't hold my arm again. Moreover, she is always a little far away from me.
I regretted going to Tibet. In the Potala Palace, in front of the gods, I felt my humbleness for the first time, and for the first time I began to truly repent of myself.
I don't know why this is, I can only attribute this incredible feeling to the power of the gods.
After coming out of the Potala Palace, Tong Yao said to me softly, "Feng Xiao, I think I was wrong. We were all wrong."
I seemed to understand what she meant, but I didn’t seem to understand. But one thing I knew was that in this plateau filled with Bodhisattvas, there seemed to be a mysterious power everywhere. And this power made people
People have to face themselves again.
Tong Yao said she was wrong and we were all wrong. Did she want to tell me that we shouldn't be together?
I looked at her and moved my mouth but finally didn't ask because I was very afraid that she would tell me such an answer.
She didn't hold my arm again.
However, I still asked her: "Where are we going now?"
She said: "Jokhang Temple."
I found that after we came out of the Potala Palace, we all became less talkative, and there seemed to be something dull between us isolating us.
When the sun sets and the golden dome of the Jokhang Temple is filled with golden light, thousands of Tibetans flock to Bajiao Street for evening prayer activities. Many faithful men and women worship in front of the Jokhang Temple on the smooth and shiny stone ground.
Casting long shadows, we also walked among the crowds at Jokhang Temple.
Bajiao Street is ancient and mysterious.
Bajiao Street is wide and flat, with Tibetan houses on both sides of different heights, making it look particularly quaint. There are no high-rise buildings, shops, or theaters on the street. However, local Tibetans attach great importance to this pure land. Every day, people flock to Bajiao Street from all directions. They gather into a colorful flow of people. Lhasa Tibetans walk around the Jokhang Temple three times along the Bajiao Street almost every day. This kind of Buddhist activity is called "circling the street". Pilgrims who come to Lhasa from afar must also participate in the "circling the street" activity. , many people also kowtow along the street. Looking at their piety, no one doubts that the winding and uneven stone road has left the footprints of Princess Wencheng, as well as the footprints of successive central governments since the Tang Dynasty. The official's footprints, the sweat and the heavy footsteps together made the stone slabs laid a long, long time brighter.
Walking into the Jokhang Temple, you can feel the polished stone slabs and the ancient pillars with red and black colors. You can feel the solemnity and solemnity, mystery and aura. The monks meditate quietly.
In a place like this, I began to look at myself. This was an extremely natural process, as if guided by the Buddha.
My previous life and my next life are so completely different in my imagination, but they still have one thing in common, that is, absolute beauty and purity. In this life, on the one hand, I always remind myself to be realistic and calm, but on the other hand, I Subconsciously insisting on the beauty and purity of my previous life, I was destined to live in these two sharp contradictions. I was always at a loss. The only thing I could do and most wanted to do was to escape.
I followed the example of Tibetan women and knelt down to my length, and my tears couldn't stop flowing down my face. The same thing happened to Tong Yao next to me.
How much I want to know why I have such a life? I fell in love with Tong Yao. What a wonderful experience it is. I think there is no love without reason in this world. But Tong Yao, she Have you fallen in love with me? All this makes me full of doubts about myself.
We went to eat Tibetan food in the evening. To be honest, I was a little uncomfortable with the taste here, because every dish had the smell of plateau yak.
"Do you want to drink?" I asked Tong Yao, who had been silent.
She shook her head, "Feng Xiao, I'm in a bad mood."
I couldn't help but ask: "Why?"
She said: "We shouldn't be together, and I shouldn't ask you to accompany me. We shouldn't have that kind of relationship, because you are not the lover I imagined in my heart. I shouldn't be the kind of woman you need in your heart." ."
My heart suddenly became sad, and at the same time I felt a sense of sadness, "Why?"
She said quietly: "Today in the Potala Palace and the Jokhang Temple, I asked the Bodhisattva there this question again and again. Later I understood that it was actually the Bodhisattva who guided us to come here. He was the one who asked us to come here. Re-examine myself. I was wrong. Feng Xiao, do you know? I made myself drunk on purpose last night. On the one hand, I wanted to get drunk because I was in a bad mood. But on the other hand, I had to get drunk because I missed myself so much. Is it suitable for you? But now I suddenly understand that it is not a kind of love from the heart, but that I am forcing myself. Feng Xiao, I'm sorry, I can't forget him, I can't forget Fang Qiang."
I was even more sad, but unwilling to give up completely. My voice began to choke, "Tong Yao, we have already done that, and I am responsible for you. Didn't you say that? I am your first man. Tong Yao, Please promise me and let me be with you."
She doesn't speak.
I seemed to feel a hope, so I hurriedly continued: "Tong Yao, now I realize that I really like you, I really like you from the bottom of my heart."
She looked at me, "Just like? Not love?"
I was startled for a moment, then smiled bitterly, "It's love. But, do people like me still have the right to say this word?"
She started to cry. In the past few days, I found that she especially likes to cry. Now I discovered that she is also a real woman, she has her weak side. She said: "Feng Xiao, what I need is someone who is devoted to me."
The man who loves me, but you are not."
I hurriedly said: "Yes, I will definitely make myself do it. Tong Yao, I have done many wrong things in the past. I hope you can forgive me. From now on, I will never be the same again. I will definitely do it from now on."
Start loving you with all my heart."
However, I found that when I said the word "love", there were a few goosebumps on my vest. I knew that I seemed to have become too sensitive to this word. So, I had to
Don’t I just think: Am I really not able to love anymore?
Of course she didn't know what I was feeling in my heart at the moment. She said: "Feng Xiao, let's do this. Let's feel it again today to see if I can truly accept you. If I can, we will continue. If not, then we will end like this.
Come on. I want to give myself, including you, another chance."
I'm overjoyed.
After finishing the meal, we came out of this well-known local Tibetan restaurant, and her hand finally came to my arm. At this moment, my heart was filled with warmth and new expectations. (Unfinished)