Many things are like this. It's easy to figure it out in your mind, but when you actually face it, you feel that you can't completely let it go.
After she left, I stayed in the office for a long time. Firstly, I sighed, and secondly, I always felt that something was wrong. But I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong.
The following days returned to normal, and I tried to arrange as little contact with outside people as possible. Mainly to spend more time with Shangguanqin. To be honest, I really like this ordinary life, and I like the feeling when I am stuck with Shangguanqin every day. It's a warm feeling. She goes to buy vegetables after get off work every day, and then washes them cleanly, and then I make them into finished products and serve them to the table. During this time, the recipes outside are different every day, but they are all based on her I buy the raw materials every day to decide what to cook.
I told Shangguanqin that this was a propositional essay, and she laughed and said, "That's not true. Don't you use your words freely?" I said, "Why not?" It's like a college entrance examination essay. The topic is limited by others, and everyone can write it.
The things that come out are just different. She said, don’t you think this is bad? Then I won’t buy groceries from now on. I said, no, go ahead. The groceries you buy mean that they are things you like to eat, so I can cook them.
It was so exciting. She smiled brightly at me and said, "You are so kind."
In the evening we would either go for a walk, go to the movies, or drive to the riverside and sit on the embankment and watch the river view.
In short, this was the most warm and romantic time we had. She never mentioned anything about me in front of me again, but I could feel her caution. This actually made me feel uneasy, because I just suddenly
She realized something: avoiding some things is actually not the best way, because the problem will always exist. If she can't get over the hurdle in her heart, it may not explode one day. Perhaps slowly releasing it is the best way.
Good idea.
Just like when a person is dealing with his or her own psychological pressure, it would be best if he could find a way to vent his inner depression or anxiety. In fact, psychology has a method for treating certain mental illnesses.
The method is desensitization, which means that the patient is slowly exposed to the things he feels disgusted or afraid of again and again, and finally achieves the goal of no longer being disgusted or afraid of something.
Therefore, I think Shangguanqin also needs to desensitize on my past. But I am hesitant because I don’t know if desensitization is an effective way.
Therefore, she and I still maintain such a cautious state.
A week later, the party secretary sent by the superiors arrived, and Yun Tiancai’s transfer was also announced. The new party secretary was a woman in her forties. She looked relatively capable, but she spoke slowly.
But the organization is very clear. She used to be the vice president of another hospital, and her specialty was of course obstetrics and gynecology. I didn't know her before. There is no such organization as the Obstetrics and Gynecology Association in Jiangnan Province. It mainly works in major hospitals in Jiangnan Province.
This is because the academic achievements of our major are not outstanding nationwide.
She was personally sent to our hospital by Director Zou, and she also had a meeting like the last time I came to this hospital. However, this time is not exactly the same as mine, because the Provincial Party Committee
No one came from the Organization Department. Logically speaking, the Organization Department of the Provincial Party Committee should send her here, because as the Party Committee Secretary of the hospital, her level is the same as mine. This made me feel invisibly
A feeling of superiority.
Yun Tiancai was transferred to the Jiangnan Medical Journal under the Provincial Department of Health as the chief editor. He was still at the director level. However, it was a sinecure position.
I later discussed his matter with Shen Zhongyuan and Deng Feng again. Of course, they would not object to such a decision. But a new question came up: How to deal with his mother's future treatment expenses? It cannot be because his family is poor.
Just give up treatment?
Later Deng Feng made a suggestion. He suggested that everyone secretly donate money. I did not agree because I was waiting for Shen Zhongyuan to be transferred.
During this period, I had a conversation with Yun Tiancai alone. I told him privately that he might be transferred. I also told him that I would find a way to partially solve the problem of his mother’s treatment costs in the future. This weekdays see
The man who seemed very aloof actually cried in front of me.
After the meeting with the new party committee secretary that day, I asked Director Zou when the deputy dean would arrive, and he told me that they would be arriving soon. So I didn’t ask any more questions, but I immediately told him.
Another thing.
I said to him: "Director Zou, I want to join the party. What should I do about this matter?"
He immediately looked very happy and said, "You can just write an application directly to the party committee of your hospital. Xiao Feng, that's right. Requiring progress is something that every one of our cadres must strive for."
Last time Lin Yi told me about the problems that may arise if I am not a party member, I did not pay attention to it, but what happened later made me have to consider this issue. But I felt very ashamed in my heart, because I knew
My own conditions are far from adequate. Of course, I am referring to measuring them according to the standards of the Party Constitution. Moreover, I know very well that my motives are impure.
But I don’t feel that I have anything to be embarrassed about, because I think there are many people with the same impure motives as me, and I also hope that if I really join the party, maybe I will meet the requirements of party members at any time.
For myself, maybe I can help myself make fewer mistakes.
I immediately remembered one thing: when I was in college, there was a male classmate in our class who was very naughty. He often did things that gave the teacher a headache, but he just didn’t make big mistakes. Every time he made a mistake
Either the teacher is not allowed to catch the evidence, or even if the teacher catches the evidence, he finds that he cannot be punished at all, because he did not violate any of the "Student Management Regulations". He was just naughty and just antagonized the teacher, so the teacher often did not
Face. However, our teacher was very generous and smart. He later thought of a way, and he surrendered our classmate in one fell swoop - he made that classmate the class monitor.
Therefore, I feel that it may be a good thing if I can join the party. It has nothing to do with the standards, but such a thing can become a shackles for me, allowing me to restrain myself at any time.
But I don’t know how to write an application for joining the party. I told Shangguanqin about this incident when I had dinner with her in the evening, and she burst out laughing. The fish soup she just drank in her mouth was immediately sprayed by her.
When I got to the table, I kept coughing randomly.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so I hurried over to give her a pat on the back, and said to her: "Why are you having such a big reaction? It's ridiculous, isn't it?"
She stopped coughing after a while, "No. I'm sorry, I suddenly heard this and found it a bit funny. But I think you should do it that way. After all, you are a cadre of the country, and you are different from us.
.”
I smiled bitterly and said, "I know, you think I'm not qualified at all."
She then said: "There are so many unqualified people. You are considered good. At least you are not greedy."
I still smiled bitterly, "I know, you still think I have a lot of problems. For example, my past style problems."
She looked at me, the smile no longer on her face, "Smile, didn't we say that? I will never mention this matter again."
I said: "Xiaoqin, now I realize that I may have been wrong. Since those things I have done are out there, it is not the best way for us to deliberately avoid them, because in the end, such deliberate avoidance is still a kind of
I care. We should not avoid any issues between us, and I should not be too taboo about you caring about the things I have done. On the contrary, I should treat you better to seek your true understanding and understanding.
Acceptance is. What do you think?"
She looked at me for a while and then said to me: "Is that really what you think?"
I nodded to her very seriously and said, "Yes."
She stretched out her hand towards me, "Smile, I'm happy, I'm really happy you said that. In fact, you know, I really can't completely stop thinking about your past. Every time I
When I do that thing with you, when you move in and out of my body, especially when you are having fun with me in different ways, I always wonder which woman you have done this with. Laughter
, I said to myself more than once: Those things are your past, and I shouldn’t always keep them in my heart. But I found that I couldn’t do it, because I am a woman. Laugh, I really heard you say that today.