Thinking of this, I suddenly felt conflicted in my heart. Yes, why me? Could it be that I am stupider than them?
This problem has always made me irritable and restless, so much so that I still felt this irritability in my sleep that night.
That night, I had a dream——
I dreamed that I was with Secretary Chen. It seemed that there were many other people, but we were sitting next to each other. We were chatting and laughing.
When I woke up in the morning, I could no longer remember the specific content of our conversation. I only remembered the intimate scene in my dream in which he and I were together.
After I woke up, I recalled the dream and immediately couldn't help but smile bitterly. I knew what my dream showed about my deep subconscious mind——
I hope that he still has a close and harmonious relationship with me as before. In other words, there is a kind of nostalgia in my heart for the relationship I had with him before.
According to Freud's theory of dream analysis, dreams are actually a reflection of a person's subconscious mind, and the content of dreams often has a common feature, which is the fulfillment of wishes.
The so-called fulfillment of wishes is actually a kind of hope or expectation of a person's subconscious mind. Our subconscious mind is always hoping or expecting something that is beneficial to ourselves to appear.
This is a person's need. And need arises because of lack.
Yes, now I really need and really need Secretary Chen to have a good impression of me again. But the reality I face now is that Secretary Chen has become less and less favorable to me, and even doesn't care about my existence at all.
Let’s go look for him again today. In the morning, I thought to myself shortly after I sat in my office. I finally made up my mind. Because I found that when I was sitting here, I was very upset and couldn’t go there at all.
Do anything else.
I didn't call Secretary Chen or his secretary, but went directly to his office of the municipal party committee. When I got there, I didn't ask his secretary to inform him, but knocked on the door directly.
"Please come in!" His voice came from inside, and his voice was dry.
I pushed the door open and walked in. He raised his head to look at me. But he just glanced at me, then lowered his head and continued to read the document on his desk.
I walked in bravely and went to him, "Secretary Chen, I want to talk to you. Can you give me a moment?"
He did not come to see me, but said in a cold voice: "What are we talking about? What else is there to talk about? What do I, the secretary of the municipal party committee, mean to you? When my friend comes here, such a small thing will be ignored.
You refuse. Don't talk to me about principles, corruption or the like. I know these things better than you. I'm just helping a friend. Under the same conditions, who can do it or not? You're so nice, you won't give me any face.
Me." At this point, he raised his head and glanced at me, then lit a cigarette, and then continued: "I know. You look down on me in your heart, and feel that I can't do anything to you, because there are so many people behind you.
A leader is supporting you. Is that so?"
I didn't expect that he would say such a big deal about me just after I said that. I felt very embarrassed and a little angry, and I immediately felt the urge to leave.
But I held back. I still stood there and said to him very sincerely: "Secretary Chen, I don't want to explain this matter, and I have no way to explain it to you. But I just want to say one thing, that is, when you arrive at Shangjiang
After the city, in order to reform, to open up the situation, and to eliminate those forces that hindered the reform, you did offend a lot of people. You should know this better than me. Now, those people who have been deprived of their privileges by you, those who are under your control
The vested interests that have suffered huge losses under the leadership of the Communist Party of China, as well as your political opponents, are always looking for problems with you. Under such circumstances, I can only do that. I don’t want to let you down because of something like that.
You made a mistake. Of course, to be honest, I also had selfish motives for doing this, that is, to protect myself. Secretary Chen, this is indeed the truest thought in my heart. As for what you think, I don’t care."
I kept paying attention to his expression when I said these words. I found that when I started talking, he kept frowning. By the end, his brows relaxed, but a sneer appeared on his face.
After I finished speaking, I looked at him, and he looked at the chair next to me. However, he just glanced at the chair, but did not ask me to sit down. I had no choice but to continue standing.
He finished smoking and then elegantly put the cigarette butt in the ashtray. He began to speak, but did not come to see me, "Mayor Feng, you are really good at analyzing yourself. But I would like to ask you,
Tell me, what mistakes will I make? Isn’t it just a few projects? If I don’t profit from it, who can do anything to me? Don’t you think too badly of me, Mr. Chen?”
I couldn't help but smile bitterly, "Secretary Chen, if you really want to say this, I have nothing to say. Anyway, I have told you everything that is in my heart today. Whatever you think, I don't care."
He laughed suddenly, "Haha! What you said speaks to the truest thing in your heart. Yes, you don't care. Of course you don't care about my attitude towards you as the secretary of the Municipal Party Committee, because you
You think I can't do anything to you. Yes, I really can't do anything to you, but it's not that I don't want to touch you, but I want to give Governor Huang and Minister Lin face..."
I didn't expect that he would speak to me like this, and I suddenly felt angry, "Secretary Chen, since you said this, I have nothing to say. I'm sorry to bother you."
Yes, I was very angry in my heart, because those few words he just said made the goodwill and friendship that we once had between us completely and completely gone.
I was about to leave, but he stopped me, and then I found him looking at me with a strange look, "Mayor Feng, don't talk about yourself so noble. Tell me, now
What is your relationship with Zhu Dan?"
After he finished asking this question, I noticed that the corners of his mouth were slightly raised, giving him a look of contempt.
At this moment, at this moment, I was stunned.
He waved his hand gently at me, "There are some things that I don't want to talk about more. You can take care of it yourself."
I woke up suddenly, and then I suddenly became excited, and I could no longer restrain the impulse in my heart. I immediately said to him, "Secretary Chen, don't forget.
I am currently single! But you are not!”
He was stunned immediately.
I stopped looking at him and immediately turned around and walked out of his office.
After I left his office, I immediately felt an extreme regret. I regretted the impulse I had just made.
But now that the matter has come to this, I can never take back what I have said. I know that the contradictions and rifts between me and him will never be mended.
Yes, the relationship between people is like this. Sometimes, the relationship and feelings between two people are completely broken because of one thing or one sentence, and such a broken relationship will never be restored.
I was uneasy inside and even more irritable. Now, I regret very much. I regret that I should not have gone to see him today, let alone impulsively said such things to him.
I hate my impulsiveness and stupidity.
And now I finally understand why other people don't provoke him, because they know him better than me, and they already know the result of having a heart-to-heart talk with him.
However, I wanted to go to him so innocently, and even after being rejected by him once.
I regret it so much.
After returning to the office, I felt very upset and could no longer do anything. My mind was already confused, irritable, and terrified.
I took out a pack of cigarettes from the drawer. After opening the cigarette case, I took out one and prepared to light it. However, I found that I did not have a lighter or any other thing to light the cigarette. I immediately called my secretary and said, "Send it to me."
Here's a lighter."
When Xiao Xu came in, he found a cigarette in my hand and asked in surprise: "Mayor Feng, why did you start smoking?"
I was in a bad mood, and what I said didn't sound so nice, "Why do you ask so many questions? Give it to me!"
The secretary looked startled and hurriedly put the lighter on my desk. I waved to him, "Go out. I won't see anyone today."
I lit the cigarette and took a deep breath. The smoke from the cigarette was immediately inhaled into my lungs. An uncontrollable stimulation immediately made me cough non-stop, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.
After a while, I stopped coughing, and I took a slow breath again... This time it was much better, but the bitter taste in my mouth was still the same. I don't know why so many people like to smoke.
This thing.
I continued to smoke. In fact, I knew very well that I was not doing it to experience the feeling of smoking, but to punish myself for my stupidity and impulsiveness.
But slowly I discovered that the excitement I had just now, as well as the uneasiness, fear, and anger in my heart, all these emotions were slowly receding as the cigarette burned.
It turns out that cigarettes actually have such an effect. I seem to understand.
Minister Wu called and asked me to see the new office building. At this time, my mood calmed down a lot, but the uneasiness still existed. I said to him: "Minister Wu, don't bring your car. I'll drive."
Come to pick you up."
He was very sensitive, "What's wrong?"
I said: "Let's talk about it after we meet."
I asked the driver to deliver the car keys to my office, and then drove myself to the downstairs of the municipal party committee office building. Minister Wu was already waiting for me there, carrying a large briefcase.
Normally, our briefcases are held by our secretary for us. Now I saw the way he was holding the briefcase, and I almost laughed because I suddenly felt that he looked a bit like the ones I used to have in the hospital.
Medical representative promoting drugs.
Of course, male medical representatives of his age are extremely rare.
And it was precisely because of this momentary association that my mood suddenly improved a lot. And at this moment, I suddenly thought of something: things have happened and everything is irreversible, so let it go.
Bar.
Minister Wu got into the car, sat on the passenger seat, and immediately asked me, "What happened?"
I didn't answer him immediately, but quickly drove the car out of the municipal party committee compound.
"Minister Wu, I almost laughed when I saw you just now." After leaving the municipal party committee compound, I immediately felt that I felt a lot more relaxed.
He asked me in surprise: "What? Is there anything wrong with me today?"
I smiled and said, "You are carrying this briefcase by yourself. No matter how I look at it, it feels weird."
He immediately laughed, "So you are making fun of me. On weekdays, my secretary carries my bag... Haha! This is the difference between leaders and ordinary staff. That's what leaders need.
Style, many habits have been subtly influenced. Not to mention, when I came out with this briefcase just now, I really felt a little awkward, but I don’t know what it was that I was awkward about. Now that I listen to you say this, I
Finally got it. Haha!”
I didn't laugh with him, because my mind went back to the previous things, and the annoyance in my heart came to my heart again. I suddenly said to him: "I went to see Secretary Chen this morning.
"
His laughter stopped suddenly, and then he looked at me in surprise. After a moment of silence, he carefully asked me: "How is the situation?"
I shook my head with a wry smile, "The relationship between me and him may have completely broken down. He simply doesn't accept any explanation from me."
After hearing this, he fell silent again. I stopped talking. At this time, the air in the car suddenly became dull. I opened the window, but the dull atmosphere did not dissipate.
Later, he suddenly spoke, "Mayor Feng. I'm sorry."
His words made me feel strange, "Why are you saying sorry to me? You didn't do anything wrong." (To be continued)