I was secretly wondering: there was such a huge contrast in the concepts she expressed in her previous words. In the previous words, she was obviously focused on conspiracy, but what she said just now was so frank. Perhaps, she
People are inherently conflicted.
I thought about it again, in fact, each of us lives in contradictions, desires and ideals, conscience and selfish desires, conspiracy and self-blame... All of these are surrounding our daily lives at any time. Especially in the officialdom
For middle-aged people, there are more such contradictions, and they often tangle our souls.
I smiled bitterly and said: "Sister, sometimes I feel that I am really stupid. Why can others be used to seeing those things, but I can't?"
She smiled and said: "Maybe you will get used to it gradually. However, whether you are used to it or not, this is everyone's behavior. Most of today's officials are too insensitive. Maybe they will
It is precisely because of your disdain that Secretary Fang looks at you with admiration.
Of course, this may also involve you taking some risks. But judging from my understanding of the other party secretary, the risk of you doing this should not be great, which is one of the reasons why I support you.
Feng Xiao, to be honest, although you grew up under my promotion, I think you are of good quality, so I never feel any guilt for promoting you because of my personal relationship, and many others.
Compared with officials, you are not greedy, and you have a conscience as an official. Based on these two things, many people are not as good as you."
Her words made me feel a little embarrassed immediately, "Sister..."
She raised her glass to me and said, "Come here, sister, I want to toast you. Don't feel embarrassed. What I said is the truth. So, don't have any inferiority complex and do your job boldly."
I didn’t expect that she was so perceptive, because I have an inferiority complex in my heart that only I know best. I have always felt in my heart that I am not a person suitable for officialdom, because I don’t like to socialize, except for Huang Sheng
Except for Chang He and Lin Yu, I generally don’t like to visit leaders, and I’m afraid of meeting them from the bottom of my heart. Ultimately, this is attributable to my inner inferiority complex.
It is precisely because of my low self-esteem that I work extra hard and pursue perfection. Many times, when I am eating, riding in the car, and many times before going to bed, I will think about my work.
Do you still have any questions or need to think about something further?
Inferiority is always accompanied by extreme self-esteem. Therefore, I don’t want big problems or big flaws in my work.
I had always thought that I had hidden these situations deeply and that others would not know about them. But I didn’t expect that Lin Yu would actually observe them. I thought maybe this was because we were too familiar with each other.
Now, since she has talked to me to this extent in person, I will no longer hide it. I said: "Sister, I am always worried that if I do not do my job well, I will disappoint you and Governor Huang, and I will also be criticized.
Others gossip. Therefore, I have always felt that I am under a lot of pressure. But it is okay to have such pressure, because under such pressure, I try my best to do everything well and try my best to win the people's trust.
Word of mouth.”
She smiled and said: "Pressure is only one aspect, the more important thing is that you are a very conscientious person."
At this time, I suddenly had a doubt in my heart: She seems to have mentioned the word "conscience" in front of me more than once tonight. Is she doubting my loyalty to her? Or is she doubting my loyalty to her?
Yes, just now I persuaded her not to use this matter to cause trouble for Governor Wang, so she thought it was because I was unwilling to take responsibility?
No, Lin Yu will not doubt my loyalty so easily. What is our relationship? How can she understand what kind of person I am? I immediately thought like this.
However, when a person has doubts in his heart, he will always feel uneasy because of it. Even if he convinces himself that the situation is impossible, the uneasiness can at best be calmed down a little.
Jealousy and suspicion are all human nature. Once such emotions arise, it is difficult to return to normal unless they are replaced by other emotions. For example, now, I suddenly find myself needing Lin Yu to express her feelings to me clearly.
An attitude of trust towards me.
Of course, I couldn't ask her directly.
I raised my glass to her, "Sister, what do you think conscience is?"
She was startled for a moment, "It's very simple, it's responsibility. As the mayor, you should fulfill your responsibilities as the mayor, serve the people and benefit the people. As the organization minister, I should try my best to support the party's election.
Good cadre. It's that simple. But now, such simple things have become not simple. Many people find it difficult to do such simple things, so conscience is particularly rare."
I immediately felt relieved: I had indeed been too worried just now. I smiled and said, "Sister, even you and I can only do our best to the maximum extent."
She nodded, "Yes. That's why I suggest you report this matter to Secretary Fang. There are too few officials with conscience now, and maybe you will be taken more seriously by Secretary Fang because of this. Judging from my understanding of Secretary Fang
, I think you should take a gamble on this. Of course, as the Secretary of the Provincial Party Committee, it is difficult for us to truly understand his true inner thoughts. On the one hand, he looks at the problem from a different starting point. He must look at the overall situation of the province.
Think about the problem. On the other hand, he sees the problem from a different height, and the chess game in his mind contains more chess pieces. In addition, he has to measure many things on a national scale."
I said: "Sister, after hearing what you said, I really think I should go find him. Not to mention other things, as the secretary of the provincial party committee, he definitely doesn't want to see any major incidents in his jurisdiction.
Trouble. I discovered such a problem and reported it to him, because I couldn't solve such a problem. This is my responsibility. As for whether others can handle it or not, that is his business."
She frowned and said: "Feng Xiao, your habit of acting on impulse has come out again. The principle is what you said, but you still have to be as careful as possible when doing it. If such things were as simple as you think, your Secretary Rong would have done it long ago.
If you do that, you should know in your heart that the relationship between your Secretary Rong and Secretary Fang is better than the relationship between you and Secretary Fang."
I couldn't help but smile bitterly, because she was right to criticize me. Just now, I was indeed a little impulsive. Maybe it was the effect of the wine? Let's talk about it tomorrow. I will think about this moment carefully tomorrow when I am completely sober. I said this to myself in my heart
said.
Immediately, I raised the wine glass towards her and said, "Sister, let's not talk about this anymore. Let me think about it again. Come on, I wish you a happy Spring Festival once again. I wish you all the best in the new year and that you can be happy with everything.
All your wishes come true.”
She kept laughing, "I like hearing your blessings like this."
We had finished the bottle of red wine. I smiled and asked her, "Sister, do you still want to drink?"
She glanced at the wine bottle, then looked at the dishes on the table, "Do you still have pig blood?"
Only then did I realize that the vegetables and pig blood in the soup bowl were gone, and the stewed pork trotters with radish were basically untouched. We also didn’t eat much of the other cured food. I shook my head and said, "I'm worried you won't like it.
So the driver took the rest home. I still have the potato tofu we went to the river here, and some vegetables. Can I cook another bowl?"
She smiled and said: "Okay. Feng Xiao, I came to your house specifically to eat your tofu today. Haha!"
In fact, she rarely jokes in front of me. Although she never needs to hide in front of me, her habits make her pay attention to her words and deeds all the time.
At this time, when she suddenly joked at me like this, I couldn't help laughing.
Under the dim light, I hugged her tightly and kissed her. Her face, her eyes...
...Amidst the rustling sounds, I fell into a deep sleep. My body and soul completely entered darkness at that moment. Everything in this world no longer existed for me.
Waking up in the morning is like a rebirth for me, because I find that there is no trace of her around me. Last night, she left, when my body and soul left this world and entered the darkness of ignorance and feeling.
after.
There is still a kind of guilt in my heart, because I feel that my behavior last night was unfair to her. She is so kind to me, but I chose to escape in that way.
Get up, go to the toilet, take a shower, and put on clothes. After entering the living room, I was surprised to find that the dining table had become clean. I hurried to the kitchen, which was also clean and bright. I opened the refrigerator and ate the leftover dishes we had yesterday.
It's all inside.
It was her, Lin Yu, who did all this for me before she left.
She is the director of the Organization Department of the Provincial Party Committee... At this moment, when I looked at the clean area in front of me, my eyes suddenly became wet, and then my eyes suddenly fell. (To be continued)