I raised my glass to her and said, "Su Wen, I respect you. I'm sorry, I didn't care enough about you before. Please forgive me."
She smiled at me and said: "No, you care about me very much, and I am always grateful to you.
In fact, what I like is a man like you, who has a successful career, strong ability, wisdom and experience.
Although you are married and have children, I think these are not important. Unfortunately, you look down on me. I often think that maybe you have been doubting that person I used to be with... Later I understood that you
You really don’t like me.”
I hurriedly said: "Su Wen, it's not like that. First, I feel that I am not worthy of you. Second, we have a superior-subordinate relationship and we are not suitable. Third, my marriage failed, so I have no plans to do this."
I will never find a woman to marry again in my life. Now I just want to do two things well, one is to do my job well, and the other is to take good care of my family. That’s it. So, don’t get me wrong.”
She came to clink glasses with me, and then drank it down. I drank it too.
She looked at me and said, "If you accept me, I can give up everything I have now, and I can stay at home and take care of your family for you, including your children."
This is the first and only time she has confessed to me since we met. Maybe her confession has something to do with the wine in front of us, or it may be because we are two people in a foreign country who have no scruples, but I
I even believe that this is because she has true feelings for me.
But my first reaction was no. Not to mention other things, the fact that she now has a boyfriend also made me unable to accept her feelings for me - her boyfriend is from our Shangjiang City.
As a teacher, if I had that kind of relationship with her, what would others think? For sure, others would criticize me behind my back and say that I took advantage of my position to steal other people's girlfriends.
Although I clearly know that this kind of thinking in my heart is extremely selfish, I still can't accept her feelings for me, because now I regard my future as more important than so-called love. To be precise, I am
I don't believe in so-called love because I don't have that kind of emotion for her.
Emotions are a matter between two people. Since I don't have that kind of emotion for her, I can only stay away from her, otherwise I will be harming others and myself.
I used to have no real love for Chen Yuan, but more pity. Because of this, I continued to betray her later. Even though I once loved Zhao Menglei deeply, but later I was married to her because of her.
I regretted the reality of marriage, and still betrayed her again and again. Therefore, the word love seems more sacred and distant in my heart.
I shook my head slightly and said: "Su Wen, thank you, thank you for looking up to me. But I can't accept your feelings because you don't understand me. In fact, I am very inferior when it comes to feelings... You
Don't ask me why this is the case, I won't tell you why. But I can tell you that in fact, I no longer believe in love in my heart, and I have long been disappointed with marriage. I can't give you any happiness, any woman
Being with me can only end in tragedy. Therefore, I can't promise you, because if I promise you, it will harm you. You have a boyfriend now, which is a good thing, which means that you
You have come out of the shadow of the past, so you should cherish it and not give up as easily as you do now."
She shook her head slightly and said softly: "You don't know, I found out after being with him for a while that he is not the person I really like. His character is too peaceful and he has no big ideals. I hope that my lover
Stronger than me and able to conquer me. He is not that kind of man."
I smiled at her and said: "Su Wen, maybe you are wrong. There is always one person who is stronger between a man and a woman, so that the marriage can last. You are the strongest among women, the man who can be stronger than you.
There are not many in this world. Moreover, our view of problems is often very one-sided, and so-called mistakes may not really be mistakes. What is a mistake? In the final analysis, a mistake is a certain period of time and a certain situation.
The following is relatively correct, but it does not mean that it is always wrong. For example, among our parents, not many of them truly fell in love and formed a family, especially our ancestors. But you can't say
Their marriage is unhappy. There is no right or wrong between men and women in marriage, only suitable or inappropriate. I said, you don’t understand me. Maybe you will find out that I am not your ideal after you truly understand me in the future.
that person."
She shook her head, "No, I trust my own judgment."
I smiled and said, "You are still wrong. Every one of us makes mistakes in our judgment, let alone judgment. Sometimes what we see with our own eyes and hear with our own ears may be an illusion. Examples like this
There are too many to mention. Su Wen, let’s not talk about this. Come on, let’s drink and eat today.”
She filled her own wine glass, then drank it in one gulp, and then said: "Forget it, let's not talk about it. But I am very happy today, because I finally confessed my true feelings to you. If it weren't for
Here, if it weren’t for this wine, I would never have been able to tell you. Now I finally feel relaxed, and I finally gave up.”
I secretly breathed a sigh of relief, but at the same time I felt a faint heartache. She was so dignified and beautiful in front of me, and she still had true feelings for me, but I could only reject her ruthlessly like this.
she.
I said to her apologetically: "Su Wen, I'm sorry, I'm not as good as you think, really."
Suddenly a string of tears fell from her eyes. She immediately picked up a napkin from the table and wiped her tears. She smiled sadly at me and said, "I am the one who should say I'm sorry. I am the one who made things difficult for you."
Mayor Feng, I am very grateful to you. It was you who helped me when I was in the most difficult time. I will keep this feeling in my heart forever. It doesn’t matter, you will always be my leader. I just need to be a good leader.
Just do your job as a subordinate. It's a bit funny to me when I think about it. I'm already in my thirties, how can I still like to fantasize like a little girl?"
Her words made my heart hurt again. I couldn't say anything else, so I immediately picked up the wine glass and drank it all in one gulp. This Beijing Erguotou was very strong, but it was bitter and astringent in my mouth, and my throat was burning and uncomfortable. However,
I like this feeling because it can relieve my heartache.
The topic just made the atmosphere between us suddenly become dull, and a kind of sadness and melancholy mood spread between us. Although the thick soup was boiling extremely hot in front of us, and the charcoal fire in the shabu-shabu also made the atmosphere dull.
Our faces began to sweat, but I knew that she was just like me at this time, and our hearts were filled with a kind of loneliness and chill. (To be continued)