It took about several minutes, no, these few minutes seemed very long to me. Secretary Fang finally returned to his seat. He was looking at me. I didn’t dare to look at him directly. At this time, I just listened
He was asking me: "Comrade Feng Xiao, how do you evaluate yourself?"
I was suddenly stunned, looked at him in confusion, and asked uneasily: "Evaluate myself?"
Secretary Fang's expression was very serious. He nodded and said: "Yes, I would like to hear your evaluation of yourself. Comrade Xiao Feng, what I want to hear is your truth."
At this moment, I suddenly realized that there must be something wrong, or a certain link in my main relationship. You know, the person in front of me is the top leader of the province, and he said this to me so seriously.
The words were definitely on target. At this time, it was too late for me to think about it, let alone to consider avoiding the important and choosing the light. At this time, I also realized that perhaps this was the most important moment in my life...
The coercion in Secretary Fang's eyes made it impossible for me to organize my words and make a rational choice. I said: "Actually, evaluating yourself is the most difficult thing because it requires so much courage." As I said,
While secretly observing Secretary Fang's expression, he found that his face was as calm as water. He immediately understood that this high-ranking person was not easy to fool, so he hurriedly continued, "Secretary Fang, to be honest, I have always felt that I am not
He is not suitable to be the mayor, and he should not even have entered the officialdom in the first place."
Perhaps because he didn’t expect me to say such a thing, Secretary Fang finally said, “Oh? Why did you say that?”
Tell the truth, but you must use a good sense of proportion.
At this time, I had already made up my mind by taking advantage of what I had just said, so I was no longer as nervous as before, and my body relaxed a lot, and I replied: "Actually, I don't have any lofty ideals.
, I studied medicine in college, but after taking the postgraduate entrance examination, I was inexplicably assigned to the major of obstetrics and gynecology.
As a man, such a major was indeed embarrassing, but I knew that I could not make another choice unless I gave up my postgraduate studies, so I chose to obey and learn my major well.
Later I discovered that for medical professions, whether it is internal medicine, surgery or obstetrics and gynecology, they are actually the same, because in the eyes of doctors, there should only be patients and no gender distinction.
After graduating from graduate school, I fell in love with this profession and wanted to become a good and dedicated doctor. And until now, I still think that I was really a relatively qualified doctor at that time.
Later, I became the director of the department from an ordinary doctor, then took an administrative position at the Medical University, and later became the director of the Provincial Obstetrics and Gynecology Hospital. It was then that I suddenly realized that I was gradually breaking away from myself.
Professional and completely become a manager.
Of course there is my own will in this, but many times I have no choice but to find that there really seems to be a force of destiny in this world that dominates my life."
As I spoke, I secretly observed Secretary Fang's expression, and found that his face was still calm. However, I knew that although what I just said was dull, he had already listened. After all, he did not interrupt me.
I continued: "Later, I served as the director of the Provincial Admissions Office, and then went to work in a local area. From then on, I completely broke away from my profession. I once secretly compared the work and life of two completely different identities as a doctor and an official, and said
To be honest, I really miss those days when I was a doctor from the bottom of my heart, and I always feel like walking on thin ice and trembling with fear about everything I do now.
Secretary Fang, I am telling the truth. It is actually very easy to be a qualified doctor, as long as you keep improving professionally and uphold professional ethics at all times. However, it is ten times harder to be a good official.
Or even more - the power in my hands is too great, and of course there are many temptations. Officials are also human beings, and they also have emotions and desires, so whenever I face various temptations, I always feel the pain of trembling.
However, I think that so far, I can be regarded as a relatively qualified official from a certain perspective, because I have always asked myself to do a good job in every job I have done, and I have always adhered to it.
The bottom line is not to be greedy.
At this point, I have always dared to tell anyone that this is not because my willpower is different, but because I have been doing personal investing. To be honest, my investment in real estate and stocks over the years has really
I have made a lot of money, which is all legal and has nothing to do with the power I hold."
At this point, I suddenly found myself feeling the pleasure of talking, and continued: "I once had two wives, but they both left this world. There was a time when my life was chaotic.
This was the period when my willpower was at its weakest, so much so that I almost fell from grace."
I deliberately put the things that I least wanted to talk about in the middle, instead of talking about my strengths first and then downplaying them and finally self-criticizing like when reporting on work, because the person sitting opposite me at this time was Secretary Fang.
I continued: "Personal emotional issues are my biggest weakness. To be precise, I am not a good man, nor a good husband or father. I have always been ashamed of it. When I finally understood everything
, including the meaning of life, I realized that I had been so ridiculous.
I have experienced the death of relatives around me several times, including my two wives and my father... Later I finally understood that the meaning of life is not about enjoyment, but also about realizing the so-called personal value.
Instead, you should do more for your loved ones and the causes under your power."
At this time, Secretary Fang suddenly asked me: "What should I do more for the cause under my power? Is this different from realizing my own value?"
I replied: "I think there is a difference, and there is a big, even fundamental difference.
In the final analysis, realizing one's own value is for oneself. If a person takes self-interest as the goal, it is easy to do whatever it takes. But for the cause under one's own power, it is for the trust of the organization, and at the same time it is to prove one's ability to the organization.
.
Under such a premise, we can only continue to learn all kinds of new knowledge needed in the new fields we face, continue to explore and innovate, and always remind ourselves: the power in my hands is not my personal capital, if my
If I am not capable enough, or I am neglecting the public service for personal reasons, or I am corrupt and bend the law, the organization will take back the power in my hands at any time.
This is an era of lack of faith, whether it is ordinary people or officials. Why do we lack faith? In the final analysis, many of us have no fear.
But I am afraid in my heart, because I am afraid of losing, losing everything I have now, not only power, but also family, friendship and... love." (To be continued)