When I talked about it later, I was already in tears and sobbing. Only now did I realize that I was so lonely inside.
Although I had sex with so many women during Chen Yuan's coma, only I knew my inner loneliness. Every day when I came home from get off work or after drinking outside, my house was deserted, and no one I loved came to greet me. It was already the next day when I woke up. No one asked me when I would be back when I left home.
In my eyes, all I saw when I got home was Chen Yuan's sleeping face. Although children can still bring me some happiness, sometimes they will increase the loneliness in my heart. Because I will
I thought: Are we going to let our children face an unconscious mother when they grow up?
Now, everything Du Shiniang had in the past came to mind. The child was looking at me curiously, but I was already crying. Maybe it was because I looked too ugly when I cried? The child was frightened, and he suddenly shouted loudly
The ground started to cry.
Lin Yi came in, along with Shi Yanni.
"What happened? Why did you start crying?" Shi Yanni asked me.
The pain in my heart still existed, but it was no longer widespread. Then I stood up silently and went straight out of the ward. I didn't answer Shi Yanni's words, nor did I say anything to Lin Yi, because I felt extremely disappointed.
Yesterday I rushed back to the provincial capital from my hometown overnight, and my heart was full of hope along the way. I always hope in my heart that I can see Chen Yuan who has woken up today, see her smiling face, and don’t need her.
All she needed to say to me was to smile at me. However, what I was waiting for was still her cold, expressionless face.
The greater the hope, the greater the disappointment. Now, I am almost on the verge of collapse. Moreover, I doubt that what the nanny saw is real. There must be something wrong with Chen Yuan's tear duct, infected or something else
reason.
After I left the ward, I immediately felt helpless. When I felt it, I realized that I was standing on the side of a busy road. In front of me were various cars whizzing by, as well as crowds of people passing by.
The pair of lovers were walking towards each other from a distance, holding hands and looking very affectionate. The girl would act coquettishly with the boys from time to time... I envied them very much and felt that they were the real happiness. I remember that I had this experience too.
That kind of beautiful time, unfortunately, everything has gone away from me, and what is left is only an affair, only short-lived, momentary happiness, and it is only physical.
My emotions have already turned pale.
The phone was ringing, but I didn't want to answer it. Now, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I immediately turned around, went to the hospital parking lot, got in the car, and left the city.
After arriving at the stone house, I couldn't even remember how I drove the car here, because all the way my mind was filled with Chen Yuan's expressionless face, as pale as snow.
I boiled a pot of water, lit a pillar of sandalwood, and sat quietly in the center of the room. The fragrance of tea filled my lips, and the scent of sandalwood filled the room, but I felt the loneliness even more.
It's strange, I found that I really like this feeling of loneliness. I think this feeling is very exciting.
The phone rang suddenly, and the sound suddenly pierced the air in the room. I couldn't help but tremble. After hesitating for a moment, I took it out and saw that it was Zhang Shiyu. I wanted to press the button, but I didn't.
After sighing, he started to answer. His ears suddenly hurt, "What are you doing? Why don't you answer my call?"
"What happened?" I asked calmly.
"I'm back. I want to be with you tonight." She said with a strong voice.
"I'm sorry. I have something to do." I said and immediately hung up the phone, her angry voice still lingering in my ears, "You..."
The phone rang again, and it was still hers. I immediately turned off the phone.
I hate Zhang Shiyu very much, because she broke the loneliness in my heart, so that I can no longer stay here like I just did. There is no silence in my heart, and what is left is a series of ripples, and then
Slowly it turned into waves. Suddenly there was a desire in my heart. I really wanted to drink, I really wanted to get drunk.
He turned on the phone and immediately called Yu Min, "Come out for a drink with me. I'm in a bad mood."
"Brother, I'm getting an infusion in your hospital. I have a fever. Maybe I caught a cold while on the road yesterday," she said.
I felt even more irritated, but I couldn't insist on letting her come out. I was about to hang up the phone when I heard her say: "You come pick me up, I'll accompany you."
I sighed, "Forget it..."
Zhang Shiyu's phone call came in again. I guess she may have been calling. "Feng Xiao, what do you mean?" she was questioning me.
I said coldly: "What exactly do you mean?"
"You bastard!" she yelled.
I was furious, "Do you want me to fuck you? Come on, I'll fuck you to death!"
This was the first time in my life that I was so angry, because my anger burst out from the deepest part of my heart, and the language was so obscene and dirty. After I finished cursing, I said to myself: I am the only one who has ever been so angry.
No matter whose daughter you are!
However, what I didn't expect was that the other party's gentle voice immediately came from the phone, "Feng Xiao, what's wrong with you? Who messed with you?"
Her gentle words made me stunned, and I sighed before hanging up the phone. Parking the car on the side of the road, I found that I had no strength in my body, and I didn't know where I should go next.
go.
A text message came in on my phone, and it was from Zhang Shiyu. I sighed and opened it: I'm at the fish farm by the river, come over. I'm sorry. I'm not in a good mood either.
I took a taxi to the riverside and the car was parked downstairs of my home.
I admit that I couldn't resist her temptation, and even felt tenderness in my heart despite my anger. When I arrived at the fish shop, I found Zhang Shiyu sitting alone at a big table by the window. The table was full of vegetables.
There were various types and flavors of fish dishes. There was also a bottle of Jiangnan Special Qu. Half of the bottle was gone, but I saw there was still a little in the wine glass in front of her.
I went to sit across from her, directly picked up the bottle of wine on the table, poured it into the wine glass in front of me, then picked up the wine glass and drank it all in one gulp.
She was overjoyed and said, "Okay, I like it."
Immediately, she drained the wine in her glass. Then she shouted to the waiter loudly: "Bring another bottle!"
"Why are you in a bad mood?" I asked her, but she also asked me at the same time: "Why are you in a bad mood?"
We were all stunned for a moment, and then we all started laughing.
"Don't ask. Drink." I said after laughing.
She said: "If you don't tell me, forget it. I want to say it. Feng Xiao, there are too many hooligans in Beijing, and they are not as generous as we people in Jiangnan. When I treat guests and eat in Beijing, those people say they want to help me, but
But when it comes, they don’t acknowledge it.”
I thought to myself: You might have slept with someone else, right? So I asked her, "Do you know why?"
She looked at me blankly and asked, "Why?"
"Men, what you can't get is the best. If you give it to them so easily, they will treat you like a prostitute," I said.
I thought she would be angry, but she wasn't. She was saying: "I'm beautiful! And I confiscated their money."
"There are not enough beautiful girls in nightclubs? I tell you again, you must remember. For men, what is not available is the best." I said.
"Is that why you're treating me like this today? Is it because it's too easy for you to get me?" Her eyebrows suddenly stood up, as if she was about to have an attack.
"This is one of the reasons. In addition, I am in a bad mood today." I said calmly. To be honest, now I suddenly think of how many people she may have slept with when she was in Beijing, and I feel sick.
I was panicking, so I was not polite. Moreover, I suddenly felt very comfortable talking like this, and I felt like I was letting off steam.
She didn't have a seizure, but instead stopped talking. She held the wine glass and slowly twirled it. I saw her shed tears.
I suddenly felt that I had gone too far, because she was still young after all, "I'm sorry. I was a little out of control today."
"You're right. It's my fault," she said.
I suddenly remembered what Sun Lulu once said about her, "Shiyu, why do you have to take that path? You know, the circle you want to enter now is very complicated. Your father is also a
Director of the hospital, what can't you do with his connections? Wouldn't it be better if you opened a pharmaceutical company or something? With your father's connections, you don't have to worry about making money at all."
"I like it," she said sadly. "I have had a talent for acting since I was a child. I also like to express myself in front of others. Later, I planned to enter an art university, but my mother did not agree. As a result, my mother and I had a big argument.
Later, my father said that I could go abroad to study. I thought that was fine. Anyway, I was still young, so I wanted to go abroad to see it first. After I got abroad, I found that it was not as good as I imagined. In a foreign country,
Speech is indeed free, and as long as you have money, you can get anything. But I don't like it, because the status of Chinese people abroad is not as high as it is advertised in China, and on the contrary, they are often discriminated against. I have been asked more than once by foreigners.
Taiwanese are still Hong Kong people. Only Japanese people in Asia have the highest status in the eyes of Europeans. We mainlanders are not even as good as black people in the eyes of foreigners. So I came back, and I still want to fulfill my former self.
Dream. Especially after I heard about Zhuang Qing, this desire became even stronger. I thought: Who is Zhuang Qing? She can film TV series, or TV series shot by big directors, why can’t I?
Dad loves me very much, so he fully agreed to my request. However, I didn’t expect it to be so difficult..."
"Does your father know what you did in Beijing this time?" I asked.
Actually that's not what I'm asking. What I want to ask her is: Does your father know that you are so casual in life? (To be continued)