Loved him desperately, fell in love with you in a daze By Jane
I loved him regardless of my own safety, and fell in love with you in a daze by Jane
I thought I showed up just as you and she were about to separate.
I thought you no longer had any expectations for her and would not allow her to hurt you again.
…
I thought my tenderness could give you the whole universe
I thought I could do my best to fill your emotional gap
Stay with you wholeheartedly and make up for all her mistakes
Maybe I was too naive and thought a miracle would happen
…
When I heard this song, it was the spring of the second year after I divorced Yingzi. He called me to tell me that they had met and decided to start over.
I bless their love calmly, cut off the phone calmly, and returned to the conference room to continue the meeting.
One of the senior executives attending the meeting was a Chinese woman, and her cell phone ringtone rang so abruptly in the quiet conference room, lingering in everyone's ears.
It turns out that you have already thought about who you want to stay by.
I thought I was strong enough, but I lost so desperately
Give me less hope, hope is not extravagant hope
…
When the ringing sounded, everyone in the conference room looked at me in astonishment.
In Hang Hang's worried eyes, I saw a face filled with tears.
But I didn't notice it at all.
…
I didn't cry when my parents didn't agree with her marrying him. The seven years of mutual respect as a couple didn't make me cry. Even when I took the initiative to mention divorce two years ago, I only cried once.
, since then there have been no more tears.
It has been two years since the divorce, why am I still crying!
He finally found the happiness he wanted, I should bless him, right?
It's just that he is happy. What should I do if I support these two big families alone?
There was a party that night. I could go or not, but I went anyway. Of course, I would inevitably be teased and drunk by those men.
I am already the most powerful, richest and youngest woman in France. Naturally, some men are afraid of me, and some want to get close to me with ill intentions.
Before nine o'clock, I was completely drunk. I usually have enough alcohol capacity, but today I don't know what happened and I got drunk.
When I came out of the bathroom, I fell into someone's arms. I looked up and saw a familiar face, which seemed to be my ex-husband, but the voice in my ear was not.
The voice was like Hang Hang's, "You are drunk, I will take you back."
It seemed that he was not the one driving the car, because I kept leaning on his arms. I couldn't even stand still, so I was half-carried into the car by him.
I feel extremely dizzy, and I feel aggrieved and depressed for no reason. I am not a woman who cannot afford to lose, nor am I a woman who cannot let go. It’s just... just looking at his happiness, without my own share, I still feel uncomfortable.
Very powerful.
I spent seven years not only failing to warm his heart, but actually cooling my own. I transformed myself from a princess loved by my parents to a strong woman who is feared by everyone. But who knew that I would only be a strong woman after all?
.
I was brave enough to let him go, and brave enough to support such a big business on my own. Who would have known that I would be tired, feel miserable, and want someone to rely on.
Sometimes I would be hypocritical and wonder why the person I love can't love me and give me a safe haven and just let me be a good wife and mother instead of playing intrigues with these men in the mall.
That night I leaned in his arms and cried uncontrollably, as if I wanted to cry out to him all the grievances and sorrows I had experienced in the past ten years.
…
When I woke up the next day, I was not at my own home, but at Hang Hang's home.
My eyes hurt, and my clothes were still the same as yesterday, but they were already dirty and messy, and there was no trace of tidiness at all.
Hang Hang was holding a glass of freshly squeezed juice. The moment I saw him, everything that happened last night flashed through my mind; I felt ashamed, embarrassed and at a loss.
I wanted to run away in a panic, but when I walked to the door, he held my wrist.
"Let go!" I turned my back to him and didn't even dare to look back. It was so embarrassing. I mistakenly thought he was a widower and said something I shouldn't have said.
It is true that you talk too much after drinking, and you will make mistakes if you talk too much.
He held my hand tightly and said nothing.
"No matter what I said last night, please forget it!" I said with difficulty. Those past scenes were like dust rolling violently under the sun. Scenes of them came to my mind, making me heartbroken.
"If you want to cry, my chest will always be there for you to lean on. If you want to say, my ears will always listen to you. If you don't want me to remember, I will forget."
His voice came from behind in a low voice, and his breath was particularly close, "I just hope you don't hold on to everything. Sometimes women should behave like women. Don't live like a man. It's too tiring.
"
I looked back at him and caught a vague fluctuation in his eyes. What was it?
Feeling distressed or pitiful?
Throwing away his hand, he said in a trembling and stern voice: "What qualifications do you have to say these words to me? And why do you look at me with sympathy? Why did I, Jane Langstro, need others to sympathize with and give alms! Even Jane
So what if Yao is a test-tube baby? After all, he is the child of me and Yingzi, so what if Yingzi doesn’t love me? He and I have been married for seven years, and I was his wife... I had him for seven years,
I……"
I couldn't speak anymore and choked up inexplicably.
After seven years of marriage, there was no love or sex. I had never experienced love between a man and a woman, but I was already a mother.
In order to overwhelmingly overthrow Madam Hong, Yingzi and I must have a child, a child with my and his blood flowing through his body; but he couldn't do it, and he didn't react at all when facing me.
To be precise, he couldn't do it with any woman other than her.
We tried many methods, including blindfolding, drinking some wine, etc., but nothing worked. It was impossible for him to rely on drugs, which would be a humiliation for him and even more humiliation for me.
In the end, there was nothing he could do, so he said forget it, it would be fine without children, but he would have to wait two more years.
But I am unwilling to wait and unwilling to give up.
I am his wife, and I want to have children for him. I want to be a woman and a mother. In desperation, I came up with the idea of in vitro fertilization!
At first he disagreed. He said: This is too unfair to you! It’s too unfair to you!
I am so stubborn. I am not afraid of grievances or suffering. I am just afraid that from the beginning to the end of this marriage, I will have nothing.
Perhaps from the moment I started trading for a ten-year marriage, I knew that I was destined to not get this man's heart in this life and couldn't keep him, so at least he would leave something about him for me.
In the end, he compromised and agreed to me.
I asked my mother to try to invite Mrs. Hong to go abroad for a while and give Yingzi and I time to do this.
When Mrs. Hong came back, she found out that I was pregnant.
From Ying Zi's perspective, Jian Yao's appearance might just be to bring down Madam Hong; to me, this is the best and most precious gift he gave me.
Without Jian Yao, how could I let him go so easily!
It's just a marriage in name only for seven years, but it is a disease in my heart after all. If people know that the count has never touched me and gave birth to Jian Yao, but I am still a woman who has never experienced love, I will be the whole country, and even the whole country.
The laughingstock of the world.
His eyes deepened, and he reached out and grabbed my shoulders with great force. I broke away and refused to look. I really didn't want to be embarrassed in front of him, but last night and now, I made a huge joke in his eyes.
"How could I sympathize with you?" His voice was inexplicably hard, and there were many things in his eyes that I couldn't understand. "How could I sympathize with you..."
Before he finished speaking, he hugged me tightly.
My eyes were blurry with tears, and the pain in my heart gradually faded with the passage of time. On the contrary, as time passed, the wound became bigger and bigger, and it became more and more empty. It tortured me day and night. Only when I saw Jian Yao could I realize it.
That precious happiness.
He said nothing. I was held tightly by him, and in the quiet space there was only shallow breathing and the sound of his wildly beating heart...
In the sound of his fierce heartbeat, I seemed to realize something, but I couldn't believe it.
Because I have never thought about it and I dare not think about it.
——He has feelings for me.
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After that day, we tacitly agreed that nothing had happened, and we continued to work and live as usual. However, the occasional unintentional eye contact made me panic and uneasy. I was afraid that he would say something to me at any time that I would find difficult to respond to.
It was because I felt that something was wrong and I was acting on my own.
I have known him for many years. The British widow regards him as a brother, and I regard him as an elder brother.
He is a good helper at work. Because he stayed in Paris to help, many things were solved smoothly. In life, he is also a good friend and is very good to me and Jian Yao.
I never thought about what would happen with him. In my heart, except Yingwu and Jian Yao, I could no longer let go of anyone or anything. I was afraid of changing the status quo and that something should not happen, which made our relationship change.
To get something mysterious is to be mysterious again.
In addition to the tacit understanding at work, I no longer dare to rely on him in life. I rely more on the assistants I have trained myself.
Many times he looked at me with a complicated and obscure look, and hesitated to speak. I pretended not to know and lived in confusion.
Life is long, and it is better to live soberly than to live confusedly.
Jian Yao is young, but smart and sensitive. He noticed the subtle changes between me and him. He actually asked Hang Hang in front of me: Uncle Hang, did you have a fight with my mother? Don’t you know how to let my mother go?
?How can you do this to my wife..."
I quickly covered Jian Yao's mouth. Seeing Hang Hang's stunned look for a few seconds, I was so embarrassed that I scolded Jian Yao for the first time.
Jian Yao was naturally unhappy and ran upstairs gloomily, leaving him and me alone, and the atmosphere became even more embarrassing.
I don't know how Jian Yao knows, he is still so young; I don't know how to explain it to him.
If it were anyone else, I would be able to talk openly and honestly, but because of him alone, I don't know what attitude or tone to use to mention this matter.
"Is this why you have been hiding from me during this period?" He was the first to break the silence.
"Tong Yan Wu Ji, Jian Yao is talking nonsense..."
"Jian Yao is not talking nonsense." He interrupted me. I was stunned for a few seconds. When I looked up and saw his gloomy expression, I felt inexplicably sad.
He said: "Sima Zhao's feelings towards you are known to everyone on the street. Even Jian Yao can see it at such a young age. But you haven't reacted for many years. That's right. The person you love is a count, how can you see me.
Now that you have noticed it, I don’t want to deny it, so why not tell it frankly.”
He said: "You don't have to feel troubled. I know I'm not worthy of you, and I never expected to have a chance to start with you. My biggest wish in this life is just to protect you mother and son from being bullied. If I give
If you cause trouble, I can transfer you to another branch, and we won’t meet each other unless necessary..."
My feelings towards you and Sima Zhao are known to everyone on the road, and even Jian Yao can see it, but I have been confused for so many years, and I didn't notice it at all.
I thought he stayed in Paris to protect the Louis family and Jian Yao for the British widow; I never thought that the biggest reason for him to stay was me.
He said a lot that day, but my mind was completely blank. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even know when he left.
When I came back to my senses, I dialed Yingzi's phone number. Regardless of the time difference, I asked sullenly: "Did you already know..."
The other person was stunned for a long time. He probably realized what I said and said "Yeah".
I was even more annoyed and couldn't help but raise the decibel level: "Louis Yingqiu, are you going too far? What do you mean? What do you take me for..."
I know his heart, but I still keep him by my side. What do you want!
Before I finished speaking, Louis Ying's low voice interrupted me: "Jane, he is my bodyguard, but he is also my brother; and you are the mother of my child, even though there is no love in the seven-year marriage.
, but we are already relatives; whether it is him or you, I hope you can be happy. What's more, he has his freedom and choice. Staying in Paris is his choice, and I respect it."
I am speechless.
What Yingzi said is right, he has his freedom and choice, Yingzi cannot interfere, and I have no right to interfere.
Why should I be so angry at Yingzi? It’s better to blame Yingzi than my own slowness. I haven’t noticed his heart for so many years, but even if I have noticed, what can I do?
After all, I don't have him in my heart.
On the phone, Yingzi asked me whether it was my feelings for him that I couldn't let go of, or whether I couldn't let go of the years and years of devotion to him.
I didn't have an answer, so I panicked for a moment and hurriedly cut off the call.
…
After that day, he really transferred to the branch office. From then on, he withdrew from my life and my life. There was no need to meet or even talk on the phone; his assistant contacted my assistant for everything.
He doesn't appear in front of me, but I find that he is by my side all the time, because I can easily think of him.
Although my assistant is loyal and capable, compared to him, the way he handles things is not smooth enough, and he is not calm and collected when encountering problems. In the past, I received a lot of care from him in life, but now without him, there is no one to carefully prepare for me.
There were no nutritious biscuits to fill my stomach when I was hungry; I worked overtime late at night, and no one reminded me to call Jian Yao; it was cold, and no one always prepared a piece of warm clothing for me.
Every time I come to this point, I will unexpectedly think of "How great it would be if he were by my side!" I pick up the phone and want to call him, but I put down the phone because I worry about not being able to respond to his feelings.
The days went on like this, and a year passed in the blink of an eye.
At the year-end company annual meeting, he did not attend because he was not feeling well; I was alone in front of the crowd of guests, making perfunctory greetings, and feeling lonely standing in the crowd.
In the noisy crowd, someone was talking about him, and my ears couldn't help but listen to the conversation.
It was said that there was a female manager in his branch who fell in love with him at first sight, and she had been stalking him for a long time. She had become very close recently, and neither of them came today, fearing that they were spending their time together.
Hearing these words in my ears and in my heart, I don’t know what it feels like.
Should I breathe a sigh of relief and bless him, or should I just let go of my relationship that has been entangled for many years? How could he be so free and easy?
Before the banquet was over, I looked for excuses to leave. I left so many people behind and just wanted to be alone and have some quiet time.
The annual meeting was on Christmas. I thought I couldn't accompany Jian Yao, so I didn't let Ying Zi make the trip and let Jian Yao go to Xixun. He also wanted to see Sijun.
The servants were on vacation, and I was left alone, guarding the huge villa, guarding the loneliness of this room, which lingered.
That night I drank the wine in the wine cabinet alone and passed out drunk on the sofa*.
Thinking about the past and the present, I feel sad in my heart. I want a family, a shoulder, and I want Jian Yao to grow up quickly so that I can step back. It is too tiring for a woman to support all this.
It turns out that I am not as strong as I thought.
The next day the maid came back and found me drunk and unconscious on the sofa. She was frightened and rushed me to the hospital.
I was in a coma in the hospital for two days, and my parents came and went again. The media caught up with me and tried to suppress my drunkenness until I was out of the shadow of divorce.
The British widow called me to show concern. I felt a little sorry and asked him to conceal the matter from Jian Yao. Don't let him return to Paris for the time being until everything calms down!
Before cutting off the phone, Yingzi sighed on the phone: Why do you torture yourself and him like this?
I sneered from the bottom of my heart, how could I ever torture myself or him? How could I never torture him now that he is wandering around the gentle countryside?
The alcohol hadn't dissipated, so he didn't realize how sour his tone was.
After sleeping for half a day, when I woke up, the silhouette I saw made me feel like I was in a dream. A pair of deep eyes were full of worry and emotions that I couldn't understand. He said: "Why don't you take good care of yourself?"
I replied calmly: "I have been living by the rules. I want to have some mischief, but I forget that I am old."
He looked at me with complicated eyes for a long time without saying a word.
I subconsciously glanced at his fingers. The nails were rounded and neatly trimmed. There were no accessories on Bai Xiruyu's fingers, and they looked much thinner than a year ago.
If you say I don't take good care of myself, then that person doesn't take good care of you either!
"Whenever there is a happy event, even if I'm not around, the check will arrive."
He frowned and asked, "What happy event?"
I didn't say a word. He thought that if he didn't tell me, I wouldn't know?
After a while, he seemed to have thought of something, cleared his throat, and explained: "It's just some crazy talk, why should we take it seriously."
I don’t know where the anger comes from, and I always speak in a weird tone: “It may come from nowhere, but it may not be without cause.”
He seemed to be irritated by me and glared at me, "I know I'm not good enough for you. I don't have any extravagant thoughts. Why do you have to be so aggressive!"
Unreasonable anger spread in the chest, burning like a fire, "You try to belittle yourself like this again?!"
He despised himself so much a year ago, and he still does so a year later. Does he know that I have always respected him in my heart? It is uncomfortable to belittle oneself in this way.
He was startled for a moment, probably not expecting that I would get so angry over such a thing. His tense jaw slowly relaxed, and his voice softened a lot, "Don't be angry, it will hurt your body; I won't say anything!"
I took a deep breath, glanced at the kettle next to me, and pursed my dry lips: "I'm thirsty."
He carefully helped me to do it and poured me water. There was still a needle stuck in his hand to avoid touching it, so he specially held a cup to feed me water.
After drinking a glass of water, he asked: "Do you want more?"
I shook my head.
He put down the cup, sat by the bed in silence for a long time, and then hesitantly said: "Can I... still stay with you to take care of you mother and son?"
My heart suddenly twitched and I looked at him, "I never drove you away."
There was light in his dim eyes, he looked at me and smiled faintly.
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No commitment, no beginning, he just stayed in Paris and never left again.
The days went on as usual, just like before.
Jian Yao looked happy to see him when he came back. He once said to me: Mom, dad has an Aunt Lan, and you must have Uncle Hang so that you can be happy and live a good life!
I don't know how he understands the five words "live a good life" at his age, but I can feel that he is growing up day by day, becoming more sensible day by day, and occasionally he will be naughty and noisy, but it is enough.
He didn't dislike Hang Hang and was very accepting of it. I thought about whether Yingzi had said something in front of him. Thinking about it, it's unlikely. Yingzi's personality is not that troublesome!
As for what happened between me and him, it was not what anyone expected. He was still the same him, and I was still the same me. Even if there was a little more understanding, I didn’t know whether there was any emotion in it!
The two of them have become close, working together, meeting occasionally during holidays, or accompanying Jian Yao to attend school activities. However, they were picked up by some media and exaggerated, and some rumors began to spread in the company.
Some people scolded me for being unwilling to be lonely, and some scolded him for wanting to gain power through women. There were all kinds of unpleasant things said. He may not have heard it, or he may have heard it. After all, even I have heard it.
He remained indifferent and continued to work as usual, doing whatever he had to do.
One time I couldn't help but asked him: "Aren't you angry?"
He was stunned for a few seconds, then he realized what he was doing and was able to laugh: "What's there to be angry about? They're not me, so how can they understand me? It's not worth being angry at people who don't understand me."
I stared at him for a long time. This man was extremely ferocious when facing his enemies, but he had such an open-minded attitude when facing life. What kind of wisdom and mind he had!
Seeing that I had nothing to say, he turned around and left.
A question that has been hidden in my heart for a long time cannot help but blurt out at this moment: "Aren't you afraid of loving me?"
Those rumors, those people's words are terrible, enough to kill people invisibly.
His back was turned to me, and his back froze obviously. He was silent for a while and turned to look at me. His eyes were full of sunshine and sparkling, "I'm just afraid that you are not doing well."
I'm just afraid that you are not doing well, but these simple words broke down all the defenses in my heart. No one has ever said such words to me in so many years.
What they saw was that I had wealth that rivaled that of the country and supreme rights. They never thought about whether I would be happy or happy like this.
There is only this man in front of me, he is worried about my bad life.
All the past events are still vivid in my mind. After experiencing a failed love and a failed marriage, I don’t know if I still have the ability to love others.
I stood up and walked to him, mustered up all my courage, and took the initiative to speak: "Hang Hang, loving is courage, being loved is blessing. I used to have the courage to love, but now I selfishly want to be a blessed woman, you
Are you willing to make me a blessed woman?"
He was stunned for a long time, and when he came back to his senses, his eyes were red. He hugged me suddenly, as if he wanted to hug me into his body, "This is my blessing!"
The hands hanging by his sides hesitated for a long time, then slowly hugged his waist, as if embracing a piece of sunshine.
I am not young anymore. My heart has been wandering for too long and I am too tired. I really want to settle down. I can’t tell whether I am dependent on this man, accustomed to it, or just have some feelings for him. I only know that I want to stay.
By his side, I don't go anywhere, I don't look at anyone anymore, my eyes are tired, I just want to look at him.
We started quietly, as usual, and told Jian Yao.
He seemed calmer than we expected. In addition to asking Hang Hang to treat me well, he also asked when he would give birth to a sister!
It seems that because Sijun mentioned that the British widow wanted a sister, but Lan Mufei was unwilling to have any more. After hearing this, Jian Yao also wanted a sister. The three of them stalked Lan Mufei, and they all
Without being able to coax my sister, Jian Yao turned to me and Hang Hang to get her.
He even said that in order not to hinder my relationship with Hang Hang, he would go to Xixun to live there for a year and a half.
I knew that he wanted to go there and play, but no one cared about him, so naturally he would not fulfill his wish. Jian Yao turned his eyes to Hang Hang, but Hang Hang pretended not to see it.
Jian Yao sighed helplessly: Both fathers are suffering from qi (wife) tube inflammation, why are my brother and I so miserable...
Hang Hang and I were speechless and looked at each other.
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Yingzi called me and accidentally mentioned Hang Hang. He casually asked about our wedding date, but I couldn't answer. Thinking about our affairs, Hanghang would not hide it from Yingwi.
It's just that I don't understand what this phone call means.
We have been dating Hang Hang for one year and three months, and we get along very well, as calm as water, and warm enough, but the topic of marriage has never been mentioned.
Did he want to know whether I would marry him through the widow's mouth?
Even though I had a failed marriage, I didn't have any shadow about the marriage, especially since it was still with him, let alone.
It's just that I don't know what he is thinking.
After a storm that night, he hugged me and fell asleep, and I told him what the young man had mentioned on the phone.
He was stunned for a long time and refused to speak.
I feel an inexplicable coldness in my heart at the moment. Although it is true that it is best for two people to be together, marriage is not that important; especially those who grew up in France, they disdain that piece of waste paper.
But marriage is the biggest commitment a man can give to a woman. Has he never thought of giving me such a promise?
I lifted the quilt, picked up the clothes on the floor, and put them on one by one. My heart trembled inexplicably, as if I was in an ice cave.
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New pit: "Love is as deep as molten, President, you have to be good!" Final article: "The President's Rich Ex-Wife"