At first, my parents and wife would come to the hospital to visit me every day. They would talk to me about things that I couldn’t remember at all. This made me feel a little embarrassed. Later, they began to appear in the ICU alternately. The three of them would alternate.
They showed up, and during the short one-hour visit, they occasionally told me the latest news and stories. Later... they started to come every other day. And they also had a clear sense of impatience when talking.
I can probably guess that there is something wrong with the family's financial situation.
"Living here, the treatment fee is very expensive." Dr. Sun's appearance frequency has also decreased recently, and he seems to be very tired. This doctor seems to have not had much rest in recent days, and his face is covered with stubble.
.
"It's definitely not cheap." Dr. Sun sighed and pointed at the screen in front of me, "The equipment just to make you able to speak is worth hundreds of thousands. Other treatment costs are also very high... on average
Come down, your daily expenses will be tens of thousands."
I blinked my eyes in disbelief. I knew that the cost of intensive care units was very high. But I didn't expect that the cost would be so high.
Speaking of which... the job I held before paid such a high salary? I have lived in the ICU for more than ten days, right?
Although I don’t remember many things, I think about a brain surgery, a leg surgery, just a dozen or so MRI examinations that I remember, plus more than ten days of intensive care unit treatment, how could this happen?
Don't you have to spend one or two million?
Did I actually have so much money?
It used to be there...I'm afraid it's gone now, right?
Dr. Sun left, and my wife walked in. Her face looked very bad, as if she had suffered a lot.
"You look very tired." Ten days of eyeball typing made me speak a lot faster. Compared with the feeling of breathing heavily before, it still sounds "mechanical" now,
But at least I can listen.
"I haven't slept well recently." She showed me a smile, but it was still full of reluctance. "How are you today?"
"Same as before." I wanted to emphasize the tone with a sigh, but couldn't do it at all. "Are you out of money?"
She looked stunned, then shook her head in a panic, "How could it be possible? Don't think about things that don't happen!"
Well... there is indeed no money. The nurses deliberately tilted my head slightly to the left, just so that I could see all her expressions. During her brief daze, she also showed obvious fear and worry. This was obviously
It was only because I guessed the reason.
Sighing inwardly, I asked, "Do you know that I have an account at Hua Bank?"
My wife's expression suddenly became sharp.
"Don't be angry with me." It seems that she doesn't know. But it's not strange for her to be like this. Her husband opened an account behind her back, and there must be a lot of money in it. As long as she still has her brain.
If it operates normally, instead of having a bunch of problems like me, then she will definitely wonder why I opened this account.
"The card is in my desk." Instead of trying my best to explain to her by typing with my eyes, I might as well use my existing memory to tell her that I have no objection. "The password is your birthday."
Her expression suddenly softened. That's right. Which man would set the password of his capital account used for cheating to his wife's birthday?
"There should be some money in there. You should take it out first for emergencies." I said slowly, "I don't remember exactly how much there is."
I really don’t remember how much money is in it. But I can vaguely remember that this account has been established for a few days, at least in the summer. Because I remember that it was an extremely hot afternoon when I went to open the card.
.I was sitting in the main customer area of the bank, wiping my sweat, and deliberately set my wife’s birthday as a password.
"You, talk to the doctor, and your parents." I continued, "It doesn't make sense for me to live here now. You can consider living in an ordinary ward.
Already."
She was stunned for a moment, and seemed ready to persuade me to give up the idea and stay in the hospital for treatment.
"No need to advise." I typed quickly, "Continue and stay there, it doesn't make much sense."
Life is like this. People always have to make some decisions at the right time. Giving up treatment is a decision. Giving up treatment that is too aggressive is also a decision.
I am not willing to lie like this for the rest of my life. But because I am a loser who needs help from others even to move my head, I have used up all the money I have saved over the years and even brought down my parents and wife... I can't bear it.
The combination of unwillingness and unbearability has become a tangled mess. I keep cutting and sorting it out, but it still becomes messy. I don’t even dare to think too much about whether I can feel any emotion when I am lying in a wheelchair and being pushed to the altar by my wife.
I'm afraid that if I write something extraordinary, I can only tilt my head, drool, and try to make the electronic screen that can recognize my sight scream "my neck hurts".
Although I have lost a lot of memory and can only blink and move my eyeballs up and down, I am also a human being, a male, and a man. I have my own self-esteem and need for dignity. I cannot accept that I have become a waste and drag myself down.
The person you love most is just like a slug, lingering on for a while.
On the one hand, I want to live, on the other hand, I feel that it is better to die than to live like this.
I asked my wife to check how much money is left in it. This is an important basis for my subsequent decisions. If there is enough money in it, then I may try active treatment options, such as surgery or advanced medical treatments.
Even transferring to the capital, Shanghai, or even abroad is fine. But if the money can only alleviate their immediate needs, or be enough for them to live for a short period of time, then I will refuse any further treatment.
Dr. Sun may not know that I have already heard the nurses discussing my condition. I can't even cough and can't actively discharge sputum. Without auxiliary suction, I will fall into a trap in a short time.
He was having difficulty breathing. As long as it was stated that no resuscitation was allowed before then, death would be pretty quick.
Death is terrible, but for a man, some things are more terrible than death.
Judging from the food the nurses poured into my nostrils, it was probably past dinner time. In order to prevent me from starving to death, these doctors cruelly found an extremely long transparent tube from my nose.
Then every time it was time to eat, they would pour some brown paste that looked very unpalatable into the other end of the tube, which was a transparent cylindrical tube hanging next to my face. Then I had to
I watched helplessly as the brown goo slowly entered my nostrils under the influence of gravity. Then it slowly fell into my stomach along the nostrils.
As for the problem of excretion after eating... I don't want to recall it. I can simply summarize it in four words. It makes me want to die.
"I heard that you want to go to the general ward?" Dr. Sun appeared next to my bed. He looked at the mush in my nostrils, was stunned for a moment, then smiled and said politely, "Did I disturb your meal?"
"I don't use my mouth when I talk now." I complained, "By the way, I don't need my mouth when I eat."
Dr. Sun smiled and said, "You have time to complain. It seems that you are in a pretty good mood now." He glanced at the top of my head again. Then he asked, "Why do you suddenly want to go to the general ward? Do you want to live here?
Is it comfortable?"
"I am in this state." I paused and continued, "Where I live is not important."
"Although the ICU may have a time limit for visiting patients, this place is the most suitable for your current situation." Dr. Sun explained to me seriously, "You now have two large wounds on your body, and you can't move around casually.
Physically. Leaving the ICU and entering a general ward is likely to cause serious infection, which is very dangerous."
Doctors all over the world are the same, trying their best to make money by drinking blood. Although I was very dissatisfied, I still did not refute. The immobile muscles also ensured that my expression would not show any flaws. Since these doctors can insert tubes into my nose,
There must be many ways to make me suffer. It's better not to offend them.
"I need to consider more than myself." I don't want to explain in too much detail why I want to go to the general ward. I know very well that in any case, the doctor will not understand and support the patient's giving up treatment.
How can they still make money if they give up treatment?
"If you are worried about financial problems, it has actually entered a relatively stable stage now." Dr. Sun tried his best to explain to me with a smile, "Our current main direction and methods are focused on improving your postoperative wounds.
Recover as soon as possible.”
I didn't speak, but I had mixed feelings in my heart. Now I focus my experience on the recovery of the surgical wound, which means that the doctors have given up on treating my current "locked-in syndrome" state. Either because they haven't yet
Either they know what's causing my condition, or they can't do anything about what's causing my illness.