As the treatment continued, my frequency of going in and out of the MRI room increased a lot. At most, it was three times a day.
With such frequent examinations, even other doctors felt something was wrong. I even heard Dr. Sun arguing with another female doctor in the MRI examination room.
They thought I couldn't hear, but they forgot to turn off the loudspeaker broadcasting into the examination room.
"In his current state, even if he has fat embolism, he cannot be freed from locked-in syndrome within a week or two. You are a doctor, not a god!" The female doctor looked very angry, "Use Use your brain, Sun Lien!"
"I'm using it." Dr. Sun's voice also sounded a little annoyed, "How can it be so easy to convince the patient? He is ready to be discharged from the hospital forcibly!"
"Then let him out!" The female doctor's voice became louder again, "Get the family members' signatures, and then let him out!"
"And then let him wait for death?" Dr. Sun seemed really angry, "I am a doctor, not a bureaucrat!"
The female voice was stunned for a moment, and then suddenly said calmly, "For his current situation, death is not the most terrifying thing. Even if your diagnosis is correct, he may not be able to return to a state of self-care. And then what? ?What else can you do? The six-month survival rate of patients with locked-in syndrome is less than 10%, and the vast majority of patients will die within four months of onset..."
"Every one of us will die." Dr. Sun interrupted, "Death is unavoidable. But I am a doctor. If I can't help my patients avoid death, then at least I should try to alleviate some of his pain. Painful. He can't even remember his family, so it would be too lonely to die like this."
Well... although I'm very grateful for your concern for me, Dr. Sun, it's really unnecessary.
I've figured it out.
I still can’t remember my previous experiences. At least my recollections are not comprehensive enough. I can barely remember some things from elementary school and high school, but I have basically no memory of college. Originally, I wasn’t sure whether I went to college, but I listened to my wife. Narrating, she and I met at a debate competition in college. So from the side inference, I must have gone to college.
There are some memories of the work part, but they are all fragmented, like a complete movie saved on film whose sound has been erased and then thrown into a shredder. Occasionally, one or two pieces can be identified. Films appear, but most of the time they are meaningless and unrecognizable fragments.
I couldn't remember my name, couldn't remember much about my past, couldn't move a finger, and couldn't speak.
This is painful.
What’s even more painful is that the stories I heard about myself from my parents and my wife were all different. From my parents’ mouth, I was a positive, energetic and motivated son. From my wife’s mouth, I was gentle, considerate, and considerate. husband. But in my opinion, those two images are not the real me.
I'm afraid of death and torture. I don't have the courage to continue living in this situation, nor do I fully understand my abilities. Although I tell myself that these decisions now are made so as not to drag down my family, I feel deep in my heart. I know, I just don’t dare to face reality anymore.
As for whether death will cause them to live in grief forever, I no longer care.
In every sense of the word, I'm just a mean little person.
I was analyzing my heart here, and on the other side, the argument between Dr. Sun and the female doctor continued. However, the content gradually extended to topics such as "fat embolism syndrome and locked-in syndrome are not directly related" and "brain base
Vascular obstruction and frontal lobe damage may not be the only reasonable explanation for his current state." In short, I didn't understand, but they seemed to be discussing it very seriously.
After a fierce quarrel, the room suddenly fell into a deathly silence. Then, just when I was wondering if the two of them finally discovered that the microphone had been left on, I suddenly heard a metallic collision sound.
"Bang!" A loud noise exploded in my ears. Then came Dr. Sun's angry and frustrated curse.
I shook my head gently. The young doctor's determination was indeed a little weak. Isn't it just that he encountered some setbacks at work? There is nothing to be angry about.
A strange "Huh?" came from the room, and then a voice I had never heard before said, "Dr. Sun, you didn't touch anything just now, did you?"
Dr. Sun was stunned for a while and then said, "No, I just tripped over the chair... Brother Luo, what's wrong?"
It turns out that you didn't smash the chair on the ground in anger just now, but you were simply clumsy and tripped over the stool? Tsk, tsk, that's not handsome at all.
I clicked my tongue softly twice, and then became a little worried. With this kind of doctor, no wonder my disease cannot be cured.
"This image... is extremely blurry." The man named Luo Ge muttered, "It feels like a person is moving."
Sorry, I can't move yet. I'll go out and complain to you later!
"It's really..." Dr. Sun suddenly seemed to have discovered something. After a "dinging" sound, I heard his voice, "Mr. Qian, can you move?"
I can move? Why didn't I know? I shook my head subconsciously and then froze.
I can shake my head.
I can move!
I froze on the spot, not knowing how to react. I blinked twice, and two lines of tears instantly flowed down from the corners of my eyes and fell directly into my ears.
I cried very inconspicuously, crying very sadly and very happily.
"Look, I said, I can cure you!" In the ICU, Sun Lien was so happy that he was unbridled. If it weren't for the fact that there were several patients who didn't know whether they were alive or dead lying next to him, I even doubted that he could do it directly in front of me.
Dance in front of me.
I opened my mouth with difficulty and made an unclear sound.
Sun Lien quickly pushed the screen that I had used for more than ten days over again. Then he waited expectantly for me to speak.
"Now I just changed from total paralysis to semi-paralysis." It feels good to be able to move my eyes left and right. At least typing is much faster. "Although I am also very excited, but this matter is not over yet, right?"
Dr. Sun smiled and replied, "This means that there are no problems with my diagnosis and treatment. As long as I continue with the treatment, there will be further improvement." He waved a picture of the imaging examination toward me, "
Your frontal lobe ischemia focus is shrinking, and a lot of proliferative blood vessels have grown around it. As long as you continue to treat it, there will be further improvement."
I lay on the bed, tears streaming down my face again.
"Doctor." I raised my hand with difficulty, wiped the tears on my face with the back of my hand, which was quite dull, and then asked, "I can hardly stop crying now. Is this also a side effect?"
"This reaction can also be called tears of joy." Dr. Sun replied with a smile, and then he slightly rocked the upper part of my bed so that I could half lean on the bed. "I guess you are lying on the bed.
I'm a little bored after living for so many days. Well, there's a TV over there." He pointed to the ceiling a little further away. I followed his finger and saw an LCD TV showing the news. "I'll go notify you.
Your family's condition has improved, but the visitation period has passed now, so...if you want to see them again, you'll have to wait until tomorrow."
I nodded slightly. That's okay, let them be happy first, and then give me some buffering time.
Dr. Sun left, and several other nurses came over. I heard their voices when I was lying on the bed, and I once saw their faces with masks through my peripheral vision. Now I can finally meet them.
I want to file a complaint against you! I roared in my heart, and then an unskilled, somewhat stiff smile appeared on my face.
"I'm sorry to trouble you these days." I continued typing, "It's been really hard for you to take care of patients like me who are not cooperative at all."
Several nurses looked at each other and then laughed together.
"No trouble, no trouble." One of them said to me with a smile, "It will be easier for us if you lie still."
I thought about it and it seems that this is true.
"But I want to discuss it with a few of you..." I asked after hesitating for a while, "Can you let me go to the bathroom alone today? It's too uncomfortable to have to deal with it in bed."
"Don't even think about it." My request was rejected without hesitation. "You still have a big hole in your head. If you exert force and a blood vessel ruptures, then it will be broken again."
You can’t move anymore!”
I blinked and responded as quickly as possible, "Then I'll continue to trouble you all."
Several nurses laughed together again.
I watched the program on TV and slowly fell into a dream.
At this moment, I deeply felt that I was still alive.
After staying in the ICU for another two days, I was finally sent to the general ward of the neurosurgery department. But not because I was waiting to die, but because I was able to sit up.
What does it feel like to lie motionless in bed for more than ten days? If there is such a question on Zhihu, then I must be the most suitable person to answer it.
Thanks for the invitation. I just got off the plane and my phone is out of battery. Just a few words.
pain.
All the muscles and joints in my body are aching. The feeling of lying in bed for half a month is similar to the feeling of an ordinary person who neglects exercise and suddenly runs a marathon the next day.
But the pain is good. At least it can help me re-exercise my facial muscles. I winked at my wife under the burst of muscle soreness.
She turned her head and didn't look at me. If it weren't for the fact that I still felt a little bit unable to let go, I would have just wanted to pounce on her face and lick her.
"How old you are, but you're not good at it." My father muttered a few words to me, and then he and my mother sat beside the bed. My wife didn't know what she was packing beside her, and she didn't turn around for a long time.
I suddenly felt a little panicked, but I didn't know what the reason for this panic was.
"Are you..." I still spoke a little unclearly, but they could finally understand me if I spoke slower, "are you hiding something from me?"
The old couple looked at each other but said nothing.
I was stunned for a moment, and then even more panicked.
"Dad, Mom..." The wife suddenly turned her head and said to the two old people, "It's better... let me tell you." There were tears on her beautiful face.
Nineteen days ago, Qian Linjiang took his four-year-old daughter to kindergarten. As an industry analyst at a securities company, he rarely took a day off. Qian Linjiang, who had not seen his daughter for a long time, wanted to spend more time with his little one.
Princess, decided to send the child to kindergarten by herself.
The kindergarten is not far from their home. Walk out of the community, cross the intersection, and walk for about three minutes, and you will see this kindergarten that charges 3,800 yuan per month. It only takes 19 minutes to come and go.
Qian Linjiang was gone for nineteen days.
In order to avoid a battery car that suddenly appeared on the road ahead, an overloaded truck filled with steel drills turned the steering wheel hard to the right, and then rolled over directly on the road.
The two steel drills on the car shot out like two aimed spears. One hit the big tree beside the road, rebounded and hit Qian Linjiang's temple directly. The other...
Nailed through his daughter's chest.
Qian Linjiang's daughter died on the spot. After Qian Linjiang fell, his left leg was run over by the cargo box of the truck. He was then sent to the Fourth Central Hospital by the emergency personnel who arrived.
Nineteen days later, Qian Linjiang's condition stabilized and he was sent to the general neurosurgery ward for further treatment.
Forty-nine days later, he was discharged from the hospital. Although his mobility was still somewhat inconvenient, with the help of crutches, he could barely stand for a few minutes.
One hundred and forty-nine days later, Qian Linjiang quit his job. He and his wife bought a shop in front of their home. They opened a cat cafe, and children under the age of twelve were free of charge to enter the store.
The name of the cafe is Yuyan, and the store's logo is a little girl wearing a hooded cloak, with the hat on her head in the shape of a black cat.
When Qian Yuyan was four years old, she made a small wish.
"For next year's birthday gift, I want a little black cat!