Chapter 17 I think I roughly understand what you mean
What does loneliness feel like?
It is rough stones, cold wind and snow, and lonely streets.
It’s the green sand on the railroad tracks, the green moss in the sleepers, and the chirping of insects during the journey.
...
...
As the number of people increased, Xueming and Zhengchu gradually began to talk less and less.
When Uncle Chen arrived at the restaurant, he started to arrange for everyone to take turns ordering dishes, and no one was allowed to be left behind. The politeness and enthusiasm during the Chinese New Year should wash away all the embarrassment.
The two eldest brothers, Xingchen and Ye Bei, met acquaintances and began to chat about their families, mostly about what they had seen in Hengyin City.
When all the dishes were served, Xueming looked out of the floor-to-ceiling windows of the Fortune Hotel. The train station was very busy with people coming and going. Most of the guests at other tables in the hotel were family members, young and old gathering together.
From the 15% liquor to the children holding the coconut palm brand coconut juice they have been drinking since childhood, these people and objects all tell the happy story of the New Year.
At the beginning, Uncle Uncle and Ye Bei were talking about A-shares and thinking of ways to make more money. Although they both had little cash, they were already thinking about what they would do after they suddenly became rich.
Uncle Fugui and Brother Xingchen were talking about exorcism props, from sword-shaped talismans to limited-edition flash cards with purple fairy thunder lasers. It sounded like a children's toy purchaser and players were exchanging shopping experiences.
Xueming didn't know what to say, so she could only keep eating.
By the time the others came to their senses, half of the food on the table had been eaten by Xueming, a little expert at cooking.
After his transformation stage reaches pupation, his food intake becomes much larger, his body's metabolism speeds up, and a lot of energy is needed to shape his spiritual essence. Only after the secondary development of his nervous structure can he support the manifestation of his spiritual body.
It's just that the other people at the dinner table didn't expect this boy to eat so fast. Within a few minutes, the other four brothers and uncles started to grab the food. It was not polite at all, which made people happy.
Within ten minutes, the meal was finished, and there was no intention of "take your time, it will be faster" at all.
Then, according to Mr. Chen's arrangement, a few people walked to the KTV along the riverside, ordered two dozen beers, a table of snacks, and started singing classic songs from the Hung Hom concert.
Su Xingchen's drinking capacity was very poor, and his thirteen-year-old body couldn't bear much alcohol, so he immediately lay down on the sofa and fell asleep.
Brother Beizi's drinking capacity seems to be very poor, but most of the time he is just pretending. According to the body constitution of a ghost, he can drink almost sixteen kilograms of distilled spirits before his skin will turn slightly red and turn back to a bloody person.
Only Mr. Chen was really drunk——
——This blond and blue-eyed fake foreigner speaks Mandarin with the dialect of Jiangsu, Zhejiang and Shanghai. It seems that he has stayed in these places for a long time, and the Chinese he learned is somewhat clumsy. He finally transformed from the red-necked form into a serious Beijing movie.
Drinking will reveal your true colors.
Chen Fugui grabbed the microphone and sang "My Chinese Heart" first, then "Pearl of the Orient", and finally "The Internationale" from the Hung Hom concert more than 30 years ago - he seemed to be really drunk.
I have almost forgotten my hometown of Texas, USA.
Xueming sat next to Uncle Zhengchu and apologized in a low voice.
"I'm sorry, I should leave tonight."
"Well, have a safe journey."
"I left a bottle of blood at Brother Xingchen's place. Uncle, if you also leave a bottle - we can do a paternity test."
"good."
"Will you stay? What does good mean? Will you or won't you?"
Sometimes Chinese is really difficult for people to understand clearly what they are saying.
Its forms are ever-changing, and one word can contain several meanings.
Xueming is a person who likes to break the casserole and get to the bottom of things.
He understood what Uncle Zhengchu meant when he said "no", and he also understood what he meant when he said "yes".
But when I say "yes", I am probably hesitant and hesitant, and I don't want to leave any unclear fate before the young man sets off.
Zhengchu handed Xueming a drink and drank alone without clinking glasses.
He just watched the big, hot TV playing MTV lyrics.
He went to see Mr. Chen, who was equally hot, showing his madness and debauchery while holding the metal microphone under the ball lights.
He looked at many places, at the table, at Su Xingchen who was sleeping, and at Ye Bei who was busy answering the phone and explaining to his wife.
He looked at these strangers and saw a lot of kindness and warmth.
He rarely looks at Jiang Xueming, just like when he is about to take an exam, students will not take the initiative to look into the teacher's eyes, feeling guilty.
Xueming was as straightforward as a knife. He stared into Uncle Zhengchu's eyes with a burning gaze.
"If you don't want to say it, forget it and drink."
Zhengchu finished the beer in the can in one gulp: "Thank you."
Xueming also drank together, then opened the next can and handed it over.
Zhengchu took it and said, "Thank you. Thank you."
Xueming drank and said, "You're welcome."
Zhengchu said again: "You're not drunk, are you?"
Xueming replied: "It's the same as drinking water."
After playing "The Internationale", Mr. Chen seemed to be addicted to singing. He finally remembered his mother tongue and began to embarrass himself, choosing the difficult Celine Dion and Guns N' Roses Nirvana.
Mr. Chen's high-pitched high-pitched falsetto, howling like ghosts and wolves, made the couple's teeth hurt when they heard it. The cartilage of their cochlea vibrated along with their mouth and nose, as if it was an exorcism scene.
But with 6% alcohol, this sound can be ignored.
So they continued drinking and talking.
"Uncle Zhengchu, you said you were going to Guiyang? The fish there is delicious - a classmate of mine made it for me in the dormitory when I was in high school. You can try it."
They started talking about life, talking about boring things, like boiled water.
"Yes, I'll eat it if I have spare money."
"If you can't find it, go to Yunnan. My sister has always wanted to go to Yunnan. Are we going to go together if we have a chance?"
"Okay, I'll leave you my phone number."
"Isn't it hard to be on the road alone? I often run around alone, but then I have a companion, which makes it much easier. It's safer to sleep in the car."
"It's really hard work. I'm mainly afraid of encountering wild animals when I'm resting at night. I usually drive the tractor all night and go to sleep in villages, towns and cities in the morning. It's safer this way and there are more places to take shelter from the rain."
"Aren't you afraid of encountering danger when traveling at night?"
"There is no danger. The most you encounter is ghosts. The sound of the tractor is loud, fierce and majestic - it scares away everything, and you are not afraid of hitting people. You can hear the sound of the diesel engine from more than a hundred meters away.
sound."
"I also like the diesel engine very much. It is very powerful. Large trucks also use diesel engines."
"If you are interested, let me talk to you later. I have been repairing diesel engines for more than 40 years. Before I entered the steel factory, I learned to be a fitter."
"Okay, definitely next time!"
"Well, I'll definitely do it next time."
Just at this time--
——A graceful and beautiful woman burst in from the door of the KTV room.
Xueming has met her and she is the lover of Brother Ye Bei.
I saw my sister-in-law striding in, grabbing Ye Bei's ears and yelling at him.
"You're fucking fooling around with a man again! You..."
Halfway through, the Ye family's daughter-in-law and several guests changed their faces at the speed of light.
"happy New Year."
Then he immediately turned into a fierce look and shouted at Ye Bei.
"You're quite free! Aren't you quite free? And you said you don't have time to accompany me? How old are you..."
Su Xingchen woke up and shouted to his sister-in-law: "Save some face for this kid."
"Shut up! It's just you and him who are the most affectionate with each other!" The sister-in-law dragged the squealing brother Ye Bei out.
The Qiongqi evil beast followed behind, covering his mouth, muttering, and his eyes shining.
"Oh! Oh oh oh! The ears have grown longer, so amazing."
After a while, no one was seen.
Su Xingchen just sighed and went back to sleep.
Chen Maiba was dealing with several high-pitched difficulties in the song throughout the whole process. He had no intention of paying attention to the tragedy of his brothers. He seemed to have put a lot of emotion into it, thought of many stories, and remembered the old people many years ago without any trace of it.
silk skills.
At the beginning, uncle and Xueming drank twenty-four cans of Budweiser. Their faces were only slightly red, but they were not drunk at all.
Xueming said: "I'll leave later."
Zhengchu asked: "Don't you need to say goodbye to your eldest brother? A more formal farewell?"
"No, he and I will make video calls every now and then to tell each other that we are safe."
"Then you have to be careful, maybe your sister-in-law will come and pull your ears one day."
"Hahahahahaha..."
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
Wait until the laughter gradually stops.
Uncle Zhengchu sighed.
"I haven't asked your name yet. They called you Xueming, Jiang Xueming, right?"
"That's right."
"It's a very beautiful name, as if it was given by my mother. She hopes that her child will always be white, clean and clear."
"The adoptive parents asked the fortune teller to give her the name. I have forgotten the original name."
"Really? Do you like it?"
"It's not like I like it. If someone calls it, I will respond. There is no other meaning. It's that simple."
"What's your sister's name?"
"White dew."
"It's the time of harvest. It's also very good."
"Uncle, did your parents have anything to say when they named you?"
"No, when we go up to the older generation, we have to go to the ancestral hall and ancestral temple to name our brothers and sisters, and write them down in the family tree according to their seniority. I am the Zhengzi generation, so my father gave me a [chu] character. My two brothers are Zhengzi.
Guo, Zhengwei. The sisters were Zhengfang, Zhenghua, and Zhengmei - in that era, these were very common names. Zhengchu was relatively rare."
"Tear it apart. There are clothes and a knife. It looks like it is ready to go at any time, ready to fight at any time. It has been packing luggage and equipment. It sounds like it is constantly working and running around."
"Is there such a good thing? Hahahahaha, thank you. You are so cultured!"
"Don't say that. Before I went to Brother Ye Bei's house, I heard two strange sisters describe me like this - that scene was very embarrassing."
"Does your girlfriend know?"
"How dare I tell her this?"
"Will she beat you?"
"If she can't hold back, she might hurt someone."
"How long will it take for you to get married?"
"I don't know, I really don't know."
"Come early, don't make me wait too long."
Having said this, Xueming looked at Uncle Zhengchu in surprise.
But Zhengchu suddenly reacted and finally felt rude.
"I'm sorry, I think I'm the same age as you, so I didn't react right away. So I started to teach you a lesson and started urging you - I shouldn't have said that."
"It doesn't matter."
"I just want to say that if you wait too long, as you said before, you have to wait until you are twenty-four before you think about starting a family. I am also over sixty years old, and I am afraid that my body will get old and I will not be able to walk or run.
It's so far away and I can't drink your wedding wine - I started to panic."
"Uncle, you are very healthy. You have given up smoking. You will live for at least a hundred years. When you are ninety, you can still go up the mountain and hunt tigers."
"Hahahahaha! I accept your good wishes."
After a while, Xueming suddenly asked——
"——Will you continue searching?"
"What are you looking for?"
"do not have much left."
At this moment, I don't know if he is drunk or if he really doesn't care about finding his relatives.
Uncle Zhengchu's answer made Xueming feel at ease.
After half a minute, Uncle Zhengchu woke up from his red face and wanted to understand what Xueming was asking.
"Oh! You're talking about looking for your son, right?"
"Yes."
"Look again, look again."
This is simple [look again], but the Chinese context is difficult to explain its meaning.
Xueming hates these neutral words. They are like lubricants, making people become smooth, cunning, and philistine.
They are not clear answers, but more like delays and perfunctory responses.
"I don't understand."
"It depends on the situation. If you are really my kid, I haven't figured out what to do yet. I'm not ready to cry, nor am I ready to smile - look, I want you to run on the railway
, it’s the same thing, when you go to a strange place, always take one step, take a look, and only then can you move forward.”
"So that's it?"
"Yeah, that's it. The word "人" is also written like this. Step out one leg first. The right leg cannot be lifted immediately. Only when you stand firm can you move forward."
This is another explanation from [people] besides Brother Ye Bei's explanation.
Xueming is still very caring and persistent.
"What if I never find it?"
"Oh, little baby - I said it at the beginning. This is my hobby. Very few people can turn their hobby into a lifelong career. In fact, I am already very satisfied. If I really stop, I will feel sad in my heart.
Empty, I have so many friends along the way, and every year I can go to their homes to sit and talk about recent events and the people I met on the road. In fact, I have never had any idea about finding a relative.
What expectations? After all, there are so many people in China. Even if I spend thirty-eight or forty-eight years, let alone eighteen years, I may not be able to identify them all."
"really."
"So I never think this road is difficult, and the same goes for hobbies. If a person practices piano, plays games, skateboards, sings, or dances, these hobbies will only be painful. I'm afraid
It’s impossible to hold on.”
"very nice."
"Really? I just said it was good. I like this feeling and never care about the results. It is also my hobby to help other victims like me find dolls and to cause trouble for traffickers."
"really good."
Xueming stood up and was about to leave. She had booked a ticket on her mobile phone and wanted to go back to Shanwei to pick up Xiaoqi and then go back to Hong Kong together.
"I have to go, Uncle Zhengchu."
Zhengchu handed over the last bottle of wine on the table.
"Don't leave any regrets. Finish your drink before leaving."
Xueming took it and drank it in one gulp.
"good!"
No farewell, no goodbye.
Xueming went to the bathroom to wash her face, raised her head and saw herself clearly in the mirror, feeling relaxed.
Uncle Zhengchu waited until the young man left and immediately pushed Su Xingchen who was sleeping.
"Young man, don't pretend to be asleep, get up and talk."
Su Xingchen immediately stood up.
"Uncle, I'm listening."
Zhengchu scratched his head and looked embarrassed: "I have troubled you all today, especially Mr. Ye Bei. I have brought him a lot of trouble. Please apologize to me, him, and his wife."
Su Xingchen curled his lips: "Don't take it to heart, it's a small matter. Speaking of Xueming, do you think he is your biological son?"
Zhengchu shook his head: "I don't know. It's said in TV dramas that there is a kind of telepathy between blood relationships. For example, if the daughter is in danger outside, or the parents are seriously ill, each other will feel uncomfortable. I don't have this.
A feeling. Maybe what is said on TV is fake - there is no such telepathy in the world."
Su Xingchen joked with a smile: "You have this kind of telepathy, you should see a doctor instead of wondering about your children."
Zhengchu immediately started laughing.
"Yes, you are right."
Su Xingchen then changed the topic.
"Then do you want to do a paternity test?"
Zhengchu stretched out his hand and asked Xingchen to take blood.
"Of course I do - otherwise, why would I have been running around for so many years?"
After a brief period of pain, I was filled with anticipation and hope.
At the same time, I will embark on a new journey, go to the next place, and meet the next person.
After Su Xingchen collected the blood, he immediately said, "I'll make arrangements. I estimate that within a week..."
"Don't be so fast..." Zhengchu said immediately: "Don't be so fast. You can talk to the people around him first. You can discuss it and tell us. I beg you, let me walk more and walk more
I know some people. China is such a big country. I still have more than 20 cities to go before I finish it. It should take more than three years. I guess it is about this time. Xueming should also get married by that time, whether he is
If it’s not my kid, I’ll come here to drink.”
Uncle Zhengchu ran to the door, looked outside, made sure Xueming had gone far, entered the elevator, and then came back to sing and play with Mr. Chen, trying to put down all the airs of elders and release all the pressure.
When singing Bingyu, he seemed to be thinking about his ex-wife.
When singing the role of a stupid kid, he would always roar with a sonorous and fierce voice.
When he sings Li Zongsheng's old scumbag love songs, he will shed tears and his voice will break.
In just a few hours, it is difficult to finish talking about the past ten years.
Su Xingchen looked at Uncle Zhengchu thoughtfully.
He didn't understand the meaning behind this mysterious ritual.
Perhaps only Feng'er remembers this ancient story.
...
...
Jiang Xueming stood in front of the platform, looking at the equally bright platform headlights with bright eyes.
He has always liked this feeling, setting out when it gets dark and savoring the quietness and solitude alone.
In the cold early spring, the trains in the early morning are the least crowded and quietest.
He hummed an old song softly. It was a song that his classmates in high school often sang but rarely understood the lyrics.
Just like what his mentor David Victor calls himself, the song is called "Desperado" and it is a work of vertical lines.