The sound on the TV was intermittent, so I picked up the remote control and turned it off, then half-turned my chair to look at her.
She is a beautiful girl, wearing a plain white dress, with an elegant temperament, a refreshing ponytail tied behind her head, and sparkling star pendants hanging from her earlobes. I can't imagine that such a girl would have unspeakable secrets.
"Hello, do you have any questions?" I stroked the cuffs of my white coat, then picked up a notebook from the table. If I have any questions, I can record them at any time.
"That's it." She took a breath and said with firm eyes, "I've been a little confused lately."
"What's the meaning?"
"I often get into panic at work and put myself into my works. I feel like I have become the protagonist, and my heart and thinking are completely in the mud."
"Wait, work? Then you are a novelist, right?" I picked up the notebook and recorded it, "You mean you can't distinguish between the characters in your novels and reality?"
As a psychiatrist, although I have come into contact with many patients, this is the first time I have heard of such a case.
"...Well, you can say that." She showed a solemn expression, maybe this was indeed a nightmare that troubled her.
"Can you tell me more specifically?" I asked.
"Okay." She raised her eyes and looked at me, then paused before starting to speak, "I wrote a novel before, and one of the protagonists in it was an idol. Do you know about idols?"
She stopped and seemed to explain the word to me specially. Although I don't pay much attention to the entertainment industry, I still understand it.
So I nodded.
"The protagonist is a female idol who joins an idol group..." I looked at her and felt that her expression didn't look like she was telling a story, but rather she was immersed in memories.
Of course, I have seen many patients, so this is just a personal guess.
Continue to listen carefully.
"Later, I graduated and then identified the most important person in my life."
I noticed that she didn't use the pronoun of the protagonist, but the word "I", which seemed like she was in too deep.
"Well, what next?"
"We broke up later, and I was really sad, but why did it happen?" She became excited, her tone seemed to be raised twice, and then she stood up again, putting her hands on the table, "It's obviously just a small thing, why?
Can’t you just overcome it?!”
I saw that she was in a daze, so I quickly said: "Please calm down, that's not you, it's not your life."
I could see her body trembling slightly, then she sat down in frustration and returned to the chair.
"I'm sorry." She seemed to be in a low mood, and then she held her forehead with her hands, "I don't want to do this either..."
To be honest, for such a mental illness, I can only provide guidance. At most, after the diagnosis is completed, I will prescribe some sleeping pills and tell her to have a good rest and not stay up late.
"How long have you been in this condition...I mean, how long have you been in this condition?"
"It's been about half a year." She moved her chair back as she spoke, "I haven't dared to write my story for more than half a year, for fear of falling into it again."
"Then we really should wait until we're done."
"But the publishing house has issued an ultimatum. If I don't submit the manuscript, my works will no longer be published in the future." She said, taking out a light yellow notebook from her backpack and handing it to me.
The notebook was small and even a little old. There were black pen marks on the cover, and an unfamiliar name was written on it. I looked down at her medical records again and found that the name was not hers.
Maybe it was given by someone else, I thought.
So I opened the notebook and found that it was indeed the original manuscript of the novel, and it seemed to be the first edition, with traces of modifications on it.
"Is this your new novel?"
"Yes." She nodded.
"What is it about?" I was afraid that she would write a tragic character and then plunge herself into endless sadness.
"This is the story of an idol who became an actor after graduation."
"That's okay, nothing bad, right?" I asked.
"Yes, she will eventually die, commit suicide, or take sleeping pills."
I was shocked.
“Why write something like this?”
I can't judge this girl's spirit. I know that I will fall into it and do the same thing, so why would I write such a death ending?
"Because I have to write."
She said something I couldn't understand, and then suddenly stood up again, staring at her black leather bag.
I looked at her and saw a corner of a white bottle peeking out.
She grabbed it at once, picked up the bottle, and quickly opened it.
Sleeping pills!
After she picked it up, I discovered that it should have been prescribed after seeing a doctor before.
I panicked, jumped up from the chair, and grabbed her arm, but I couldn't reach her.
She threw away the cap and poured the entire bottle of medicine into her mouth.
"No!" I shouted.
But it doesn't help.
2.
"Click, stop!"
"Yes, both of them have very good acting skills."
When I heard what the director said, I quickly stood up.
"Happy cooperation." She spit out the prop pills in her mouth into the garbage bag, and then smiled at me.
“A pleasure to work with.”
Then, she took the initiative to reach out her hand, and they held it.
Her eyes seemed to be looking at my face all the time, and her expression became a little serious.
After letting go, she showed an ugly smile and walked towards the director.
The agent helped her pick up her backpack, left the studio, and left.
At this moment, the director came over.
"Sorry to trouble you, teacher."
"It doesn't matter. People like her are so pitiful. I have never encountered such a condition before."
"Obviously she is just an ordinary person, but she is immersed in the novel she wrote. She always thinks that she is an actor and cannot recognize herself. Alas..." he said, "Teacher, do you think there is a way to treat her?"
I shook my head helplessly.
"If you can't even do anything about it, then it really won't work. But I've taken the video, which should be helpful for your research later."
"OK, thanks."
Then we were silent for a while, and each of us sighed again, as if lamenting our fate.
3.
"Can she remember?"
"Not at all." Sayuri, who was wearing a plain white dress, said, "I specifically mentioned our graduation romance, but she still seemed like she had never heard of it."
"Sure enough, it's still the case."
"Not only that, I told her about our breakup, and wrote our story in the notebook she gave me, but it still had no effect. When I saw her name on the cover, she didn't seem to recognize her at all.
Same." Sayuri Matsumura said in frustration.
The listener shook his head and fell silent.
"Did you give her the video you took?"
"Give it."
"Every time I send her a video, she will 'accidentally' delete it. I don't know if it will be the same this time." Sayuri sighed.
"...It's not like you were before, alas."
"I loved her. I knew it from the beginning. After we both graduated, I started to cautiously test her and finally dated her. I didn't expect that I would lose in the eyes of the world..." Sayuri's eyes were filled with tears.
"I didn't expect that I was so useless. I failed to protect her and almost let her commit suicide."
"If I hadn't found out earlier...I, I..."
As she spoke, all her tears fell down and streaked down her cheeks.
"Now she has lost her memory and is stuck in the memory of self-protection that she made up. She is in front of her psychiatrist every day, but she doesn't recognize me every time she comes..."
"I don't want to use this excuse to approach her every time, I want to be by her side all the time."
"This kind of thing...should be done step by step."
"I understand...but, alas."
"I just want to be with Maiyan."
5.
The lights suddenly came on, and then the studio burst into warm applause.
I sat next to Sayuri, hugged her, and enjoyed the adoring looks of the members.
She put her head on my shoulder with a shy smile on her face.
Only the display screen is still showing the final subtitles.
Starring: Mai Shiraishi and Sayuri Matsumura.
And the last line of small print: To be continued~