In the darkness, only rapid breathing could be heard.
After a while, Li Yuezhen realized that the sound was his own breathing.
He unconsciously grabbed the chest of the pajamas.
It's a dream.
...Fortunately, that was a dream...
He told himself this, took a deep breath, and then let it out.
After taking several breaths, he gradually regained his composure.
He sat up from the hard bed and stared intently at the darkness in front of him.
There is nothing except a window, a small bookshelf and a table and chair.
The ceiling is very low and the light is very poor. Even though it is broad daylight, the light in the room is also very dim. Even if it is not the rainy season, there is a musty smell... Maybe it is because of this musty smell that it gives me nightmares.
Li Yuezhen wiped the sweat from his forehead with his sleeve and breathed a sigh of relief.
Although it is a last resort, I still shouldn't live in Mrs. Wang's house.
It’s been a long time since I dreamed about the past
"..."
Could it be...that this is a wake-up call?
No matter how much time passes, sin remains sin.
Maybe the dream is reminding me that I must never forget this.
That's right.
My current life is already satisfying.
Not having to worry about food, not having to worry about clothing, and having a place to live is exactly what I dreamed of back then.
Therefore, there can be no more extravagant expectations.
You can't expect someone's smile...
"..."
If she is the light, she is the darkness, and it is absolutely impossible for the two ends to intersect.
He definitely didn't want her smile to be overshadowed.
So...it must not affect her life.
The work of the censor is compensation for the sins of the past, and it is also because of the emperor's gift that I can have the life I have now.
can not forget.
We must not forget that we are sinners and we must not forget that we are a person of unknown origin.
…
The morning after the nightmare is always heavy.
Maybe it's time to find a new house quickly.
Li Yuezhen was walking in the palace, thinking about this matter secretly, when the gardener Fu Bo came from the side road carrying a bamboo basket.
"Long time no see. When did you come back?"
"Long time no see, I just came back yesterday."
"Thanks for your hard work."
Li Yuezhen remembered that although Uncle Fu was now a gardener, he heard that he was also a censor in the past, and he had never married a wife.
"Uncle Fu..."
"What's up?"
"I heard that you have always been single..."
Fu Bo blinked his eyes and then laughed.
"It's rare for you to take the initiative to speak, and you actually asked about this matter. I am indeed a loner, and I have never married a wife."
"Why……?"
"Why?"
Uncle Fu stopped and put down the bamboo basket on his shoulder, and Li Yuezhen also stopped.
The weather was sunny and cloudless that day.
"Because old love is unforgettable..."
"Old love..."
"I once liked a woman who was beyond my reach. If she got married, I might be able to let her go, but she never got married."
"..."
"At that time, I was also a royal censor. Every time I traveled around for work, I hoped that the next time I returned to the capital, she would marry a man who was the right match for her. She would definitely marry next time, next time, next time..."
Uncle Fu straightened his already slightly hunched back, looked up at Li Yuezhen and laughed.
"That woman has never married..."
"So, Uncle Fu..."
Fu Bo could never forget that woman and missed the opportunity to fall in love with other women.
"Looking back now, I am glad that I have always been single. If I cannot forget my old love for her, but marry another woman, it would be very unfair to the woman who became my wife."
"..."
"What's wrong? It's almost time for you to get a wife, right?"
Uncle Fu smiled and patted Li Yuezhen, who had his head lowered, and picked up the bamboo basket again.
"When marrying a wife, you must marry someone who can bear hardships and stand hard work, because the censor never knows when he will be away from home on a business trip."
Fu Bo slowly walked towards the direction of the church.
Old love is unforgettable...
If Chunxiang marries a woman, will he forget her?
Yes, that's right...she will definitely be able to find a more ideal partner who matches her cheerful personality.
Li Yuezhen leaned against the white wall and looked up at the flowing clouds.
Several birds flew away in arcs in the sky.
Even those unknown birds have nests where they were born and places to live.
At this moment... there were slight footsteps on the sand behind me.
Looking back, Chunxiang was standing on the crossroads where Uncle Fu came from just now.
"Lord Li Yuezhen...?"
"..."
Li Yuezhen has always trained herself to deal with unexpected abnormal situations calmly without changing her expression, but she didn't expect it to be effective at such a time.
"morning."
"Good morning...what's wrong with you?"
"I was getting ready to go to court and was thinking about something."
"Yeah?"
But Chunxiang's expression was a little lonely.
"...Are you feeling unwell?"
"No, no..."
"You look more tired than yesterday. Be careful not to exhaust yourself."
"..."
Li Yuezhen thought Chunxiang was aware of his nightmare last night.
"Chunxiang, what about you...?"
"I just went to help my wife finish something."
Therefore, this means that she is preparing to return to Chunying Palace.
Only then did Li Yuezhen realize that it was the only way for Chunxiang to return to Chunying Palace.
It was just a chance encounter...
Logically speaking, the two people should be able to say goodbye, but they stood there without saying a word.
Silence does not embarrass them.
When standing face to face like this, they can't help but reach out their hands. Li Yuezhen held her hands behind her back.
"For now..."
"yes."
"...will you stay in the capital?"
Li Yuezhen has just finished her six-month field service. Logically speaking, she will temporarily stay in the capital to do back-office work.
Chunxiang narrowed her eyes and looked up at Li Yuezhen.
"If there are no accidents, it should be..."
"……Yeah?"
Chunxiang's pursed pale red lips seemed to reveal a smile.
Li Yuezhen tried her best to look away naturally and looked at the willow tree beside the road.
If... Chunxiang marries a woman.
"Chunxiang..."
"What?"
"Are you planning to get married?"
In desperation, he asked bluntly, but then bit his lip because the question was too abrupt.
At this moment, he caught Chunxiang's stiff expression from the corner of his eye.
"...Did you hear anything?"
"ah?"
"I refuse, I clearly refuse..."
"..."
When he couldn't help but look back, he temporarily forgot the censor's principle of "being invisible".
"Sure enough, someone..."
"ah?"
"Oh...it's okay, I just...listened to what others said..."
Chunxiang frowned, as if someone knew an ulterior secret.
He couldn't help but feel angry at the two strange officials. Chunxiang said that he had rejected them, which made his heart tighten even more.
He felt jealous, but then felt relieved...
"...Why refuse?"
"what why……?"
What on earth are you asking? What will happen if you ask?
Chunxiang lowered her head, her cheeks flushed.
"...I decided not to get married because I like the job of a maid...If I can, I hope to serve the Queen for the rest of my life, but..."
"..."
"I don't mean...I will never marry..."
The wind blows Chunxiang's bangs.
……wind……
At that time, the cold wind blew in from the rotten wooden door...
"I also... decided not to marry."
Li Yuezhen could feel Chunxiang raising his head next to him. He looked at the willow hanging to the ground and glanced at Chunxiang from the corner of his eyes.
"I don't know where I was born. When I was sensible, I lived around with my parents. The two of them were thieves, and sometimes they would rob and hurt people."
He often smelled the smell of blood and wine on his parents, and he thought this was what parents should smell like.
"When I was a child, my parents taught me to steal. I often stole things. When my parents broke into the empty door, I would help look after them. If everything went well, they would reward me; if I failed, they would kick and punch me. I hated that.
They live a kind of life, but they don’t know other ways of living, so they keep running around with them.”
Deep down in his heart he wanted to escape, but he didn't know how.
If he successfully steals something valuable, he will be given a good meal; if he fails, he will be beaten and treated as a punching bag.
He would always stay in a dilapidated abandoned house in the middle of the night, waiting in fear for his parents who had gone out to steal to come home.
"...When I was eight years old, I realized that I was not their biological son. When they passed the checkpoint, they encountered a large-scale inspection. They thought they could successfully pass the checkpoint with a child disguised as a businessman, so they abducted him
I picked up a child who happened to be playing nearby and kept it with me ever since. After I learned about this incident, I resisted them and cried and asked them to send me back to my biological parents. They said that as long as I stole a large amount of money by myself,
If you have enough money, you are willing to send me back."
He recalled that his parents were drunk at the time, their faces were red and they laughed and said: If you can do it, go for it!
"So, I sneaked into a big house, and before I could do anything, I was caught by the son of that family... the Zhuge family in the capital."
He thought that in such a big house, he would never bump into anyone, but he didn't expect to be discovered by a boy about his age.
When the other party asked him who he was, he answered honestly that he was a thief.
"Are you a thief? You're lying!"
After the boy finished speaking, he laughed, then grabbed his hand and shouted happily: "Thief, thief." When the boy's family arrived, he felt that everything was over.
"The masters of the Zhuge family listened to my words and immediately went to arrest my parents, but they also forgot where they abducted me. My parents were punished, and I lived in the Zhuge family and was taken care of by them...
What is grateful is that they also let me learn to read and write, and on the recommendation of the master, I became the censor."
He thought that someone like him who walked a lot at night could not become a supervisory censor, but Zhuge Ciyun told him that precisely because of his past, he was more qualified for the job of a supervisory censor.
Because this job is to doubt others and see the ugly... ulterior side of human nature.
He has seen too much of the ugliness of human nature.
If he could serve the country, he decided to do it.
"...I am very grateful to everyone in the Zhuge family, and I am also very grateful to the emperor and my colleagues in the Yushijian. Therefore, I have decided not to have any extravagant expectations, not to marry a wife, and do not need to have personal property. I will spend my whole life to repay these
The benefactor who saved me from the quagmire of life."
Something flashed in the corner of his eye, and Li Yuezhen turned his head slightly...and immediately turned pale.
A line of hot tears flowed down Chunxiang's cheek.
"I knew it before..."
"What……?"
"Lord Zhuge Qing told me before."
...It turns out she knew.
This time, Li Yue really looked at Chunxiang's face.
"So, I have known it for a long time...but I pretended that I didn't know, because I thought that maybe one day, you would be willing to tell me personally..."
"now that……"
...Then why is she crying?
"I have also decided not to marry for the rest of my life...unless the person I want is willing to marry me."
"..."
"Now...my wish has disappeared."
Despair gradually took shape before my eyes.
Why do you want to smile when you are obviously crying?
"Life is really empty without expectations."
"..."
"Although I hope you will tell me what happened in the past in person, I am very afraid of hearing it. I always feel that I will hear things I shouldn't hear...bad premonitions are often very accurate."
"I……"
Li Yuezhen interrupted her, but didn't know what to say.
"I am the son of a sinner...and a sinner myself."
"Even if it wasn't your intention?"
"It's my true intention. I can't quibble. I did these things in order to survive. People like me... are not qualified to marry."
When he finished speaking decisively, Chunxiang put away her forced smile.
"Yeah?"
"..."
"Then I'm not qualified either."
I can't continue to look at Chunxiang's face.
He wanted to look away, but his eyes were fixed on her.
"I remembered, I once stole something."
"..."
"I once stole a shell that my neighbor gave to my sister. It was very beautiful. I said I wanted it, but my sister wouldn't give it to me. So, I stole it from her jewelry box. But after I stole it, I was afraid that my sister would find it.
, and threw it into the well."
……no……
We can't let her go on, we can't let her say this.
"I have a family to live in. Although my family is not rich and has enough food and clothing, I still steal things. I steal things not to survive."
"But that's your family...your sister's stuff..."
"I steal things just because I want them. I have no right to expect anything..."
"Chunxiang!"
Chunxiang did not continue.
Warm sunshine, refreshing autumn wind, and the chirping of birds.
However, everything in front of me is so disappointing.
"sorry……"
People who shouldn't apologize are the first to apologize, and it's obviously you who should apologize.
It's so contradictory.
"I'm sorry, I was talking nonsense just now."
"..."
"Please forget what I just said...I'm leaving."
Maybe I should reach out.
It would be great if I could reach out and grab her arm and explain to her.
But, he can't do it...
What is the difference between now and then?
Chunxiang's running back became farther and farther away.
Everything is in vain. Even if you muster the courage to open the door and walk out, there is nowhere to escape.
Light and darkness do not intersect. If you get close at all costs, the light will be overshadowed.
When did you start to think that you could easily push open that rotten door?
People like me don't deserve any extravagant expectations at all...