Now I am very calm, very calm, a little too calm. It seems that the violent rage just now has exhausted all my energy. Now I have no extra energy to struggle and think wildly. I can only mechanically execute the most basic action patterns...
No, in fact, I understand that I just activated the psychological defense mechanism. I was denying and escaping from what I had just done. I couldn't accept myself as terrifying as a murderous god. I didn't know how to face it or how to deal with it.
Dealing with the impact of your crazy self. This is like some impulsive criminals who continue their daily lives at the scene of the crime as if nothing happened. They are probably just escaping from the fact that they committed the crime, not what the bystanders imagined.
So cold-blooded and ruthless.
I don’t know whether I have committed a crime objectively, because the person I killed just now should be considered a bad guy, a bad guy who wanted to kill me and Bai Yanghua, but... this is the first time that I have subjectively and actively gone on a killing spree.
, hurting others with the purpose of death, the first time in such a cruel way... Even if I just recall a little bit of the scene, I dare to say that it is a scene that can only be seen in B-level red films, but this is me
I did it in reality, I did it not long ago... I can't imagine how much impact Bai Yanghua received, and how much courage it took to let herself get close to me. Did I have a psychological shadow on her? I'm afraid it is inevitable.
…
What's worse is that I really felt pleasure just now...extreme pleasure. This should be the result of the death instinct directed toward the outside being satisfied. The meat sauce flying all over the sky really excites me more than the flying building debris.
...Although my conscience has been denying this pleasure, and I have also experienced physical nausea and disgust, this pleasure is too strong for me to deny its existence. It turns out that my dark and perverted side has always existed,
It's just that it's hidden very deeply...
Aijiang didn't interfere with my behavior, or even make any comments. I asked her for help but she didn't respond. Until just now, she only provided me with task guidance mechanically, like a system without intelligence. Forget it,
The same goes for finding other sisters. I will have to face this problem sooner or later. I have no intention of avoiding it, and I cannot avoid it. Regardless of whether I am objectively guilty or not, I will eventually have to overcome the hurdle of self-awareness.
"Amy, where are we going now?"
Baiyanghua followed me closely, still holding on to the small animal shield sandwich combination and not letting go. The roaring explosions outside the city could no longer attract her attention, and now she would only stare at me. Well, I know she is still
She was afraid of me, but she continued to follow me because of her absolute trust in me. If I were a supporting actress in the movie, she would have left me and run away long ago. Anyway, I am immortal and there is no need to worry. The most she can do is be chased and beaten.
That's all. But if you follow me... you might actually get mad and be beaten to death by me.
"Go to another factory, Ai-chan gave me the instructions."
I want to be gentle, but in my current state I can't be gentle at all, and I'm even colder than usual. Damn it, Yanghua is so scared now, can I be considered as protecting her like this...
"Why do we still have to go to the factory? Shouldn't we... find a way to travel back to that world to spread antibodies now?"
I have to say that the protagonist of a world like Baiyanghua is better than me, and can still think rationally even in such a chaotic environment. Now I can't think about anything except myself. I'm really a waste.
"Yes, so we need to go to another factory to open the portal. The one we came from seems to be unusable."
"Oh...then...there shouldn't be any guards in the other factory, right? We...we should find a way to sneak in?"
Baiyanghua spoke hesitantly, as if there was something in her words.
"I don't know, I don't have time to do any infiltration now, it's better to just break in."
"Ah... then we... we can just run in quickly, right? We are not afraid of being beaten anyway, so we just need to rush in, right? There is no need to waste time doing unnecessary things, right? All attacks that block us
, we can just ignore it! My idea is great, right?"
What's wrong with her? Her tone of voice is so weird, as if she's about to cry again.
"It depends on the situation. If the guards are lax, of course we can rush directly. I'm afraid they will know our purpose and destroy the portal in advance. Then I will have to kill all the people who can move..."
"Can't!!!"
Baiyanghua suddenly roared. I stopped suddenly and pulled her to the corner of the street to make sure that no one had noticed. Now the street is full of bastards who buy for zero yuan, and the security drones are fighting with them.
There is no time to take care of someone like me who is just on his way.
"I mean! I mean there must be other ways! There's no need to be so reckless, Amy! If you can't think of it... I'm smart, I can help you think of it! Don't do that again, Amy,
Don't do that again, I'm really afraid of you like that...very scared..."
As Bai Yanghua talked, tears couldn't stop pouring out, making the forced smile look extremely miserable. This girl really loves to cry~ The other sisters combined don't cry as much as she does. Well, that's right, after all.
Compared with other sisters, she is just the most ordinary one. She is just an ordinary female college student living in a peaceful world.
"Don't be afraid, I'm afraid of myself too, and I won't become like that again."
I patted her head and gave her an uncertain promise. To be honest, I didn’t know if I would go crazy again. After all, I just lost control without warning just because I was angry... I don’t know.
What are the specific conditions that make me lose control, so I can't guarantee that it won't happen again. What's even more frightening is that when I made the plan, the option of "kill everyone" naturally appeared. If she hadn't stopped me, I wouldn't have done it.
I didn’t realize anything was wrong. Although I have always been reckless in solving problems, at most I just thought about knocking down all the people who were in the way, and I never thought about killing them all...
"Well! Don't do that... don't do that again! I will protect myself, and I will also find a way for you! So we will complete the task together, you don't need to carry it alone... I will help you
, I will definitely help you! I will take good care of you and will not make you crazy again!"
Bai Yanghua stared into my eyes, and her whole aura suddenly changed! For some reason, she seemed to have awakened something, her original humble and cowardly aura disappeared, and in front of her I seemed to be the weak one who needed to be protected.
What is going on? Was she scared to the extreme and then reversed?
"Okay, let's work together. I believe your ability can help me."
I can feel that she is not talking nonsense, maybe she can really solve the problem and prevent me from losing control again.