"I was approached by the other party... I was lucky. At least the other party was polite to me on the surface and came to me with the attitude of wanting to have a relationship... But I had no choice, I could only obey.
Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to hang out in this place... In fact, from that time on, I felt a little regretful, regretting whether I had taken the wrong path. Maybe I should keep a low profile everywhere and always cover up my appearance, no
If people find out, then maybe there won't be these troubles... But the choice in life cannot be repeated, and my pride still led me to the wrong path..."
"It's not too late to change."
"Although I had no choice, I still started to interact with the other party, at least on the surface. This is a very dangerous process, and I live in fear every day. I try to find various excuses to avoid some obvious traps, such as going to
Drinking in black bars and the like... It's ridiculous, Elumia, at that time I was actually trying my best to stay away from nightclubs, isn't it ironic?"
"It is understandable that good medicine and poison are not absolute. People's situations are different and the effects are different."
"You are really considerate~~~ Because of this inappropriate behavior, I quickly reached the limit of the other party's patience. Finally one day, I was forcibly given to you..."
"..."
"However, I didn't feel pain because of it... At least I didn't feel pain in my body, and I even felt unusually happy... The other person's appearance was very good, very much to my liking, and he didn't feel any pain during the process of being given to me for free.
Treated me too roughly... I sadly found that I actually liked this feeling, so I stopped resisting and began to actively seek these, just like other qingtans, there is no difference..."
"Do you think you were humble at that time?"
"Despicable? It should be despicable, right~~~"
"You just want to live well."
"What?"
"It's the lesser of two evils. Rather than being drugged or fed with poison, you chose to take the initiative to cater to me. You chose the path that would cause the least harm to yourself. You are not mean, you are smart, and you have no choice but to do it."
"...Erumia, I really didn't expect you to treat me like this. I thought...I thought you would get furious, slap me hard and leave me..."
"Then you really don't understand me. I said that what I value most is principles, not superficial behavior. Your behavior does seem to be looked down upon, but I can see the helplessness behind it.
And with sadness, I can see the mood of a helpless girl desperately trying to protect herself."
"I...I...wuwuwu..."
"Why are you crying? Now that you have me, you no longer have to worry about being ravaged by reality. You should be laughing."
"I'm just happy... I didn't expect that the person who dislikes me the most is the one who understands me the most... I don't even understand myself... Elumia, aren't you really comforting me..."
"Of course not, because I don't know how to comfort people at all. I will only debride someone else's injuries with a blank expression, and I won't even give them anesthesia."
"This metaphor is really... so apt... Aren't you afraid that others will hurt you to death?"
"It won't really hurt to death. You will be unconscious before you die. That will make it easier for me to work."
"You are really...a cold and gentle person~~~"
"You are wrong Baiyanghua. I am gentle, not cold. I just learned to do what I must do."
"Really... Then you can be gentler~ To be honest, you may be the gentlest person I have ever seen, but at the same time you are also the most ruthless looking person. You just... don't want to let yourself be
Will it be accepted by more people? If it weren’t for you never leaving me, maybe I would leave you completely?”
"I don't need to be accepted by more people, that will only bring me more trouble. I just need to be accepted by the right people. Taking care of others is a very hard thing, and I don't want to take care of those who have no feelings.
As a person, I just want to focus on my own choices. Of course, I will consider the feelings of most people, and I will try my best to spread happiness, but this does not mean that I will personally help everyone, because it is too tiring.
It’s beyond my endurance. I will create conditions for happiness for most people, but as to whether they can obtain happiness, it depends on whether they are willing to seize happiness.”
"Oh~ So you have feelings for me? You grabbed my neck and poured happiness into my mouth~ What exactly do you feel about me~?"
"Bai Yanghua, I repeat, don't try to seduce me. Your tricks are nothing to me. I like you and want to give you friendship and love, that's all. If you have to continue to improve our relationship,
If there is a relationship between each other, then I will directly elevate it to the level of family affection, which is the highest level in personal relationships and is more real and reliable than love or other messy feelings."
"Family love...it's okay, okay~~~After all, I haven't felt much family love. I don't know if my parents have this kind of feeling for me...The older I get, the more I feel that they are just
We are making an investment, and I am the investment product. If there were no legal and moral constraints, maybe they would have abandoned me as a money-loser..."
"So before being abandoned, you abandoned them first, right?"
"...That's right. At first I just wanted to resist them, but for some reason I drifted away from them and ended up like this... I'm really not happy, Elumia, I'm really not happy at all.
I used to not know what happiness was, but only after experiencing happiness did I discover this problem..."
"Whose happiness have you seen?"
"Whose? I feel it myself? Because I started to resist and gained freedom, I was able to feel happiness~~~"
"What you feel is not happiness, but joy."
"What? Is there a difference?"
"Of course, there is a big difference, just like the difference between like and love. Happiness is short-lived, completely subjective, and selfish. Taking drugs like crazy can make you happy to heaven, but can you say that is happiness?
Or you think taking medicine every day is a blessing."
"Then...what do you mean by happiness?"
"It is long-term happiness, it is objectively in a good living condition, and it is happiness with the people around you. Happiness has hard indicators, it does not mean subjective happiness. If a person works 18 hours a day and raises three children with cerebral palsy,
If the mother says that she is very happy, then we can think that she is just deceiving herself. Because she does not have any conditions that can be called happiness. She is just using happiness as her spiritual sustenance. Any accident can bring her back.
Reality. Misery is objective, and happiness is also objective. People who are truly happy can rely on their own happiness to resist various accidents, while people who pretend to be happy are... vulnerable."
"Have I... never been happy before... What about now? Am I happy now?"
"Now you have unstable happiness. Although I have been forcing happiness on you, the final decision still lies with you."
"Huh~~~Is that so~~~Erumia, the more I tell you, the more you understand me~You know me better than I know myself~"
"Isn't this nonsense?"
"Haha~ Then let me continue talking and see how much you can help me~~~"