Chapter 1 The protagonist and heroine and pet and mother-in-law
One day, the celestial phenomena were abnormal and the whole world was in commotion.
"Master, look at the sky!"
"What! 108 stars, actually..."
"Master, it is said that something big will happen if there are nine stars in a row. With these one hundred and eight, that... that is unimaginable!"
"Alas~ I don't know whether this kind of wonder is a blessing or a curse."
In a certain mountain village, a child pointed at the sky and shouted: "The stars form such interesting patterns!" The child's grandfather looked at the sky and sighed: "With nine stars in a row, the world is in chaos. There are so many, I'm afraid..."
After listening to his grandfather's words, the child nodded and said, "It's true, it really seems like they are connected into one pig."
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On a remote and uninhabited mountain road, a man was walking forward happily. "The big girl is beautiful, the big girl is cool, the big girl is so beautiful..." When the tune of "Spring Snow" sung by the man reached its "climax", suddenly,
A purple-gold unicorn jumped out and blocked his way. "Ah!" The man was startled. He narrowed his eyes and saw the person clearly, and shouted: "Hey! It's you three bastards!!!"
"Hehehehe." Evil laughter came, and a wretched man and an even sluttier little girl walked out from behind Qilin. "Tiger Lao San, I finally caught you. If you don't want your tigress to know about you,
What happened with that vixen, hehehe...you know." The man smiled.
"I know nothing! You are a bird, you bastard, how dare you follow me!!!" Hu Laosan cursed.
"Hey hey hey." The wretched man moved his hand and performed the round light illusion (video), and the scene of Tiger Laosan and the vixen "sumo" appeared in it. "I have obtained the evidence. It's okay if you give me money. If not
Here... tsk tsk tsk, oops, swing, I heard that a man had his legs broken by his wife the year before last, I wonder who it was?"
The wretched little girl smiled and said: "I don't know. But if we give this evidence to that tigress, maybe we will know who it is? Oh, hehe..." That expression, that state, no matter how you look at it, it looks like it.
rogue.
"You! You! You! Okay! Okay! Okay! Stop talking!" The handle is in other people's hands, so I can only give in. Tiger Lao San asked, "How much does it cost?!"
"Ten spiritual stones."
"Here, get out of here!" Hu Laosan casually threw a bag to the man.
When the man and the girl saw the money bag flying towards them, their eyes immediately lit up and they rushed towards them together. However, before the two men could take action, the Zijin Qilin who had just blocked the way moved faster and bit the bag without letting go.
"..." The man was very unhappy, "Swing, tell me, why do you raise it? How many times, how many times, how many times has my money been robbed by it? Hmm? Several times!"
"Stinky crow, can you take care of it? My Zhizhi can steal money, why not?! Also, all your money is mine! If I give you the money, you will definitely be deceived by those bad women again.
Why don't you buy food for my Zhizhi." The girl named Zhuqian reached out and took the bag from Qilin's mouth, "Hey hey hey, ten spiritual stones, we can have a feast!"
"Stinky girl, let me tell you, you have to pay the rent, so you are not allowed to spend it arbitrarily. Don't delay it any longer, that old monster is going crazy..." The man ran to the little girl and stretched out his hand to grab the purse. The girl refused to give it to him.
The two fought together.
Seeing the farce of the "funny guys", Hu Laosan was very angry. He didn't expect that he would fall into the hands of these three bastards.
"Oh, Third Master, are you still there?" The man who grabbed the money immediately changed his face and said in a low voice, "Third Master, this is my business card. If you have anything in the future, you can contact us at Taotie Mountain Autumn Bird.
Dong, as long as we have money, we can do anything. Everything can be done. 'As long as the money is in place, nothing will go backwards!'"
"Doing everything?" Hu Sanyao said angrily, "Then get out of here now!"
"Okay, okay." The man said in a low voice, "Third Master, bye, bye."
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"Name."
"Jade Bird Man."
"age."
"1234 years old."
"Race."
"Crow Clan."
"Okay." The staff stood up and put the seal (handcuffs) on Jade Bird Man and said, "You are suspected of extorting fifteen spiritual stones from Hu Zhengjin. According to the law of heaven, you will be jailed for 70 years."
"Uncle Heavenly Soldier, I was wrong. I was wrong, please let me go," the Jade Bird Man begged.
"Hmph!" Tianbing sneered, "Jade Bird Man, you have today too! Have you forgotten? Last year you told my wife about my visit to Baihua Mountain, and I was almost beaten to death! You have been sentenced to 70 years in prison.
!”
"Hey? It turns out it's you, Fourth Master Zhao. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can't see Taishan. Fourth Master, please let us go." The Jade Bird Man kept begging for a lighter punishment.
Zhao Si, the Heavenly Soldier, didn't care about Jade Bird Man's pleas. He was crippled by his wife last year after just one "miss". He was humiliated and his year-end bonus was deducted. How could he let this guy go?
Seeing that Zhao Si had no regard for "human feelings", the Jade Bird Man thought for a while and said sternly: "Fourth Master, last year we not only photographed you going to Baihua Mountain, but also to Rainwater Cave and Charming Valley.
Mortal Street... If the fourth master is really unaccommodating, don't blame me... Haha. My sister-in-law's brother is the God of Heaven. Oh, I can't even imagine the future of that person."
"You dare to threaten me?!" Zhao Si asked.
"Fourth Master, how dare you, young man?" The Jade Bird Man put on a smile again, "Fourth Master, look at this thing about me..."
Zhao Si gritted his teeth and said, "Okay. There is insufficient evidence for the Yuniao man's extortion charges, so he will be acquitted."
"Swing, you abandoned your father and ran away!" Jade Bird Man shouted to the girl who was eating and drinking, "You unfilial daughter!"
"Nonsense! I didn't run by myself, I ran with Zhizhi." Swing refuted.
"..." Jade Bird Man was speechless. He had never seen such a shameless person. "Where is the spirit stone?" It doesn't matter, money is the most important thing.
"Eat." Swing Qian wiped his mouth and threw away the last few bones, "Phoenix Tower's top-notch roasted fairy chicken, Zhizhi and I each have half."
"Ah!!! That's the rent!" Jade Bird Man shouted, "I'll kill you!"
"Stinky Bird Man, how long has it been since you gave me pocket money! I deserve this." The swing was not afraid of the Jade Bird Man and started fighting with him. The whole cave was filled with dust and chickens and dogs were jumping.
Zhizhi Qilin lay quietly next to the stove, unmoved by the fierce "battle". "Obviously you ate most of it, but I got two chicken wings." Zhizhi complained about the lying swing in his heart.
There was "harmony" in Wanshi Cave. Suddenly, there was a loud "boom" and the door of the cave was rushed open. "You bastard, it's time to pay the rent!!!" A strong old woman walked into the cave.
He picked up the jade bird and the swing and said, "Stinky crow! Stupid fox, you haven't paid your rent for half a year!"
"Uh~ Hehe," Jade Bird Man smiled flatteringly, "Mother-in-law, good morning."
"What a grandson! What nonsense? Pay the rent!"
"Well, Granny Taotie, do you know Baihuashan? I have a girl here who is very good-looking and can definitely be sold for a big price. Do you want it? Or do you have any acquaintance with Phoenix Tower? I have a girl here.
Wild unicorn, stewed with tonic, hehe hehe..." Jade Bird Man said, "Otherwise, you also have a tavern, so I give it to you as a filial piety."
"You brat, stop talking nonsense, do you have any money?!" Grandma Taotie yelled.
"Mother-in-law, mother-in-law, Yuanyuan Mountain is recruiting people recently. I'll give this bird man to you, okay? Ask him to sell his butt." Swing said.
"Don't you have any money?" Grandma Taotie opened her mouth, "Believe it or not, I ate you?"
"No, no, no... we're going to make money right away. Please give me one more month. One month, just one month!" said the birdman.
Grandma Taotie didn't even believe what the Jade Bird Man said. Taotie's mouth opened wider and wider, and she was about to eat the two of them. At this time, the only "household appliance" in Wanshi Cave - the Yanguang Mirror (TV)
An advertisement was released, "Do you want money? Do you want a lot of money? Do you want a lot of money? Come on, come on, the Clairvoyant Shunfeng Er Company is recruiting temporary messengers. With just one task, you can easily get a hundred immortal stones. Those who are interested
Please contact our company."
"Mother-in-law! Mother-in-law! Let's go apply for the job, go apply for the job! We'll give you money right away! Don't eat us! Don't eat us!" The Jade Bird Man was so "hungry" that he even wanted to take on that "terrible" task.
Taotie put down the jade bird and the swing, with a look of doubt on her face, "You are really going to take the mission. That's..." Granny Taotie didn't want to say the next words.
"Afraid, afraid, afraid...what are you afraid of? No, no, no, no...it's just Qi Qiqi...the Great Sage Qitian, me, me, me...I'm not afraid." The Jade Bird Man said tremblingly.