This question really stopped Talinnam. He looked at the old man in front of him, then at the bonfire beside him, and fell into deep thought.
Once upon a time, when anyone asked him this question, he would stand up and tell the questioner that his ideal was to protect the people of the territory, abide by chivalry, and be loyal to the Lady of the Lake. But now, when the old knight asks about this basic question,
When asked the question, Talinnam suddenly fell silent. He was speechless and didn't know how to answer.
Do I, Talinnam, still have ideals?
He asked himself. Those once blazing ideals have disappeared with the passage of time. Reality is a bloody knife that shatters those dreams of youth one by one, leaving only wounds that are difficult to heal.
Protecting the people of the territory? How can I protect the people of the territory now? In the battle of Death Valley, the knights who had followed me for many years were wiped out, and the loyal soldiers all died in the battle to protect themselves. Do I still have the qualifications to protect them? Besides,
, Gray Tree Castle has been confiscated by the king, and he doesn't even have a name now. At best, he is an unknown wandering knight.
It would be nice if I died in Death Valley... Talinnam sighed silently.
He stared at the flame, watching the fire of hope burn out bit by bit in the dark night, turning into a pile of lifeless ashes. Just like his own life, the first half of his life was full of glory and legend, but the second half of his life was spent in loneliness and self-blame.
Spend it until it turns into ashes and no one recognizes it...
"well……"
He sighed.
The old knight cast a look of relief.
"Nothing to talk about?"
"As long as there is nothing to talk about. Losing ideals and goals is also a normal part of life."
The old knight took the long sword, stirred the fire, and continued -
"When I was young, I was as energetic as you. I went all out to protect the things I cherished, and I would not allow others to trample on the things I cherished. Like you, I have had and lost all those self-esteem, honors and pursuits.
Pass."
The old knight seemed to know something and was also hinting at something. This made Talinnam look at each other. Indeed, he was not honest enough.
However, there is no need to be too honest with an old man whom you have not known for a long time... But, he is Innia's grandfather...
"I have no ideals anymore. My career and love are all gone."
"Those promises that were once made are now in vain."
Finally, Talinnam mustered up the courage to say——
"And, I committed an unforgivable sin."
"Unforgivable?"
"Not necessarily, right? It's really an unforgivable sin. You have committed suicide by killing yourself a long time ago. But you didn't, which proves that you still have a little hesitation in your heart. A voice deep in your heart also told you that this may not be a sin, so
This is what has sustained you until now."
The old knight's words left Talinnam speechless again. The old man indeed had insight into his heart, and his pair of deep eyes seemed to see through a person's soul and dig out the deepest corners of his heart.
Talinnam had to admit that deep down in his heart, he had had such thoughts. It could be regarded as a kind of self-deception, but this kind of self-deception did sometimes protect him from going crazy due to impulse.
"Not to mention those damn, vain careers, chivalry has been dead for hundreds of years. Talk about your personal feelings. Talinnam, I want to know, which one is more important, Innia or your damn lord title?
"
The old man's question once again stopped Talinnam.
These were all issues that he once did not dare to face up to. Now, the old man is picking them apart one by one, as if he is an experienced surgeon, performing the cruelest anatomy on a patient. The patient is Talinnam, and what is being dissected is his soul.
…
The old knight will use the sharpest knife to cut through the last veil of hypocrisy in Tallinam.
"Innia... is very important..."
"Grey Tree Castle...is also very important..."
"Which one is more important? Which of the two is less important than the other."
The old man's deep voice struck Talinnam's fragile and sensitive nerves. This reminded him of the year when Innia left Bretonnia, and he watched his lover leave at the foot of Gray Tree Castle. If possible, Talinn
Nam hopes that time can go back and he will keep her instead of choosing to be that bullshit lord...
Yes, Lord...that may not be your so-called responsibility in the first place.
It was the little bit of vanity deep in my heart that finally tipped the scales, allowing me to watch my beloved leave that day. But looking back now, it was the ultimate irony. The territory was gone, and the subjects became the subjects of others, and the lover
Become someone else’s wife…
"Innia..."
Tarynham answered in a trembling voice.
"It's a pity that time can't be turned back, kid."
The old man who seemed to be satisfied with the answer nodded slightly.
"Talinam, you are very naive and innocent. This innocence makes you do some things that make ordinary people laugh."
"However, simplicity is not wrong. From a certain perspective, it is a personal quality. But, sadly, most people in the world don't like this quality."
"They will laugh at your every move. Their behavior is more secular and utilitarian. It is true that it is for a better survival, but if all actions are based on this consideration, what is the meaning of living?"
Hearing that the old knight seemed to be secretly praising himself, Talinnam felt a sense of comfort.
"I am also a temperamental person, Talinnam. When I was young, I was like you, going through fire and water for the people I love, and doing my best for my ideals. I have lost, and I have also succeeded. Now it seems that those so-called brilliant achievements are nothing but bullshit.
.Only by pursuing the truest self in your heart can you truly live.”
"Of course, many times we can't actually see ourselves clearly. We can't see clearly what we want. Many factors will confuse us, including our hearts, and we are often confused by these external factors. Many times, we have to wait until
A few years later, when things were settled, looking back, I realized what I had done wrong, what I had lost, and at the same time, what I had learned."
"You love Innia, and she once loved you. But you didn't try to keep her, and just let her go. Just leave. My child, believe me, if this person comes back, then she will
She is truly yours, and if she doesn't come back, she will never be yours."
The old knight spoke earnestly, and Talinnam just listened without refuting, nor did he have the strength to refute.
"Yinnia also loves you, at least she has loved you before...but, I feel, not much..."
The last half of the old man's words were like a sharp knife, stabbing Talinnam's heart alive.
"You are always looking forward to something, Talin. The expectation of the unknown is the pillar of our survival. It is a kind of self-deception. Sometimes, this kind of deception lasts a lifetime."