"The more civilized you are, the lonelier you are."
This sentence comes from the book "One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Colombian writer García Márquez.
Looking back on my life over the past few decades, I feel that my understanding of these six words can be divided into three stages. The first stage was also the most absurd, freest and most hopeful teenage period in my life. At that time, I
I started reading this classic after a friend recommended it.
I have to say that I was quickly impressed by the words in this book.
More applause to the person who translated this book.
It's really amazing.
There is nothing too artificial about using complicated and uncommon words or words just to read beautifully. Its beauty is hidden in a series of gorgeous sentences composed of every ordinary word.
At that time, I was proud to have read this book, and I showed it off everywhere. From time to time, I would self-righteously explain some classic passages or sentences in the book to others.
What impressed me deeply were these six words.
"The more civilized you are, the lonelier you are."
Probably because I was born in a big family, I am willing to share, dare to express, and am good at writing, so I cannot fully experience and understand that kind of loneliness. So I just imitate others, thinking that I can only put myself and others.
When those mundane things are isolated, you can naturally experience a kind of loneliness that I think is high-spirited and melodious.
So when I was a teenager, I understood these six words to mean that a person is rafting in the ocean of civilization and knowledge. The deeper he explores, the harder it is to meet close friends, so he becomes lonely.
But when my family fell apart due to reasons too trivial to mention, and my teenage years came to an end, I began to gradually re-understand these six words in my life while trying to make a living.
When I saw that the prosperity of the city had nothing to do with me, and when I was alone in the crowded streets and couldn't find anyone to talk to, I began to understand that the civilization and loneliness mentioned here may have a class character.
.
Different classes understand loneliness differently.
And it doesn't mean that the higher your class, the less lonely you are... maybe quite the opposite.
Away from the secular world and those circles with different identities from oneself, people who stand in high places are more likely to be lonely. This is generally because the material needs have been fully satisfied, but the spiritual world is still empty.
This is not only personal loneliness, but also social and even human beings as a whole.
Until now.
When I saw everything in the forest being illuminated by the gathered light, and the trees and soil that were hidden in the darkness and could not reflect the color became gleaming, I suddenly had a new understanding of "the more civilized, the lonelier"
understand.
The mountain wind was howling, and I had already forgotten the purpose of this trip.
Just like when I travel with friends many times, I am always the one who tends to fall behind. It’s not that I’m a roadie and I get lost easily, but that I’m too easily attracted by the scenery and eager to stop at every inch of the scenery. That’s the case now.
I still vaguely remember that I followed Ginko Takahashi to see the "old god" whom she called your lord, Yaramus, who was dubbed the guide of the Requiem Home.
But I forgot what I should pay attention to and what I should be wary of.
As the light continues to rise, the originally bright colors are gradually obscured by its dazzling shine... no... the colors of the entire world are being attracted to it.
And what surprised me the most was that although the light was terrifyingly bright, it was not dazzling.
I clearly saw a woman walking slowly in the light, and then everything returned to silence. When everything was peaceful and the light dissipated, I found that I had appeared in a strange land.
The whale disappeared, and it was surrounded by white land with a light blue halo.
I lowered my head and felt like I was stepping on a huge sugar cube. That kind of amazing density is really rare. I took a few steps forward in confusion, and then tentatively called out, "Yinzi? Where are you?"
No one responded, it seemed that I had been forgotten in this strange land.
There seems to be a sun in the sky, but it is glowing with cold light and does not look dazzling. The light falling on the body is not burning, and it is even a little unexpectedly cold.
I felt very uneasy walking barefoot. As I walked forward, I looked around, always worried that something would suddenly appear.
In this way, I walked forward aimlessly for about ten minutes.
A huge pit and a broken sphere hanging high in the sky appeared in front of me.
At first, the incomplete sphere that looked like a strange cloud from a distance finally took shape after I got closer. It was quite huge, at least several hundred meters in diameter.
The whole body was smooth, but it was a pity that it was broken into pieces, the broken parts were missing, and the remaining parts hung alone in the strange deep pit.
The pit is irregular, and the bottom of the pit is not dark, but a spiral eye of the storm.
Standing next to the pit, I can feel that it is absorbing the material of this world, but very slightly.
Seeing this wonderful scene, I naturally took a few more glances.
But after a few glances it becomes boring.
"Hey, is anyone here? Where is this?" I shouted loudly, radiating the helplessness and anger in my heart.
I don’t know if it was the effect of my shouting, but the incomplete ball actually made a huge buzzing sound, which shocked me so much that I sat on the ground and couldn’t recover for a long time.
It felt like being hit head-on by two hundred subwoofers.
Can't imagine it?
Hmm... But I have experienced it, but this time there were no two hundred subwoofers pointed at me, and I was still shaken to the point that my bones were about to fall apart.
When I got up, I heard giggles behind me.
When I looked back, I saw that it was Ginko Takahashi.
I was stunned for a few seconds and then complained angrily, "Did God sneeze?"
Takahashi Ginko appeared out of nowhere and walked over with his hands behind his back and said, "The metaphor is not appropriate enough. In fact, this should be the adult greeting you."
"What? Greetings?" I stood up unsteadily and held my knees for a long time before I straightened up and said, "But I feel like I'm about to die..."
"Well, this is normal." Takahashi Ginko said as usual. She stepped forward and looked at the incomplete sphere hanging in the sky and said, "It seems that she is really in a good mood today. She actually allowed you and me to enter her thinking palace at the same time.
.”
"The Palace of Thoughts?" I tried to understand, and then said, "Holmes?"
"No, it's not the same thing. You'd better watch less TV series and pay more attention to reality." Takahashi Ginko is indeed a good confidant, at least in my opinion.
She knows a lot, so there are almost no barriers to communication between us.
I took a breath and asked, "So... is this her inner world? Or something?"
Takahashi Ginko frowned and warned me, "Uncle, I remember I warned you before we came here. Don't use your traditional thinking to try to understand and recognize them. They are 'old gods', not people, only pure
Divinity does not have the self-righteous humanity we think we have. If you think your way of understanding is smart or even interesting, then you are too stupid."
I was stunned for a moment by what Takahashi Ginko said. Although I couldn't refute it, I still felt a little embarrassed in my heart that I had been taught a lesson by a little girl for most of my life.
"Sorry... I was negligent." I finally recovered.
Takahashi Ginko didn't mind these details. She continued to look at the incomplete sphere and said, "Actually... I used to be like you, trying to understand why they came here, but then I found that all my ideas were limited to
In the human condition, it is impossible to achieve transcendence and liberation, so... after thinking about it, it seems that it all revolves around ourselves."
I laughed after hearing this, "This is normal. After all, if their existence is meaningless to us, then why should we disturb them? People can't care about something that is invincible, right?"
However, Takahashi Ginzi shook his head and disagreed with my point of view. "Uncle, what you said actually makes no sense, don't you think?"
I was stunned for a moment, a little embarrassed, "How do you say that?"
"Well... just like everyone is mortal. Since we can't fight against it, why bother to explore the secret of death? What power gives us the confidence to think that we can fight against death? Hmm? Just like you came to New Tokyo for an interview
I want to understand the old gods through me, what is the significance of your actions?" Takahashi Ginko asked three questions in a row.
A rhetorical question and two abstract thoughts.
I didn't know how to answer, but after thinking about it for a while, I laughed.
"I'm not engaged in philosophy, I'm just an ordinary reporter. Occasionally I draw some sketches, or go to places with few people to take pictures. In short... they are all very ordinary things. I don't think I can answer such a profound question.
.”Oou e-book
Takahashi Ginko also laughed. After laughing for a while, he sighed deeply, "Yes, they are all ordinary things."
I looked at Ginko Takahashi with some surprise. I felt that her sigh just now was too deep.
How could a twenty-nine-year-old girl sigh so deeply?
After a moment of silence, I asked, "Is this the adult?"
Takahashi Ginko shook his head, "I don't know."
"Why?"
"It's ridiculous, right? In fact, it's just that ridiculous... I've known that lady for many years, but I've only entered her mind twice, once with my mother and I, and once with you, uncle."
Qiao Yinzi’s words have another profound meaning.
I scratched my head, slightly embarrassed, "I'm really honored."
Takahashi Ginko asked me, "Uncle, do you just feel honored?"
I asked strangely, "What else?"
Takahashi Ginko stared at me for a long time and said, "About ten years ago, a group of white scientists from the New Midland came here. They seemed to have received special permission from the New Tokyo government to carry out comprehensive scientific research in this area.
The investigation, to outsiders, is just a group of scientists in white coats entering the mountains, but I know very well that they are here to find the gentleman."
When I got interested, I looked at Ginko Takahashi intently, looking forward to the next chapter.
Takahashi Ginko continued, "Although I was only a teenager at that time, I was already very rebellious. Not only did I often run away from my family, but I also loved causing trouble for these guys. But... I was just a child after all, and I was caught by them.
Arrived and almost died."
I frowned and said, "Who...are these people?"
Takahashi Ginko recalled it and said, "Maybe it's the old branch of the American Division of the National Security Agency, or maybe it's an occult exploration team backed by a mysterious chaebol, but no matter what they are, the result of disturbing that adult is the same."
of."
I was immediately shocked when I heard this.
"die."
My body trembled violently, as if I had experienced it all myself.
"There were a total of nineteen people. When their bodies were discovered, they had been integrated into the forest. Some were embedded in the heart of the tree. Their bodies were still alive, but their consciousness was long gone. Some were covered with weeds and had not rotted.
It became a natural petri dish... In short, this incident was still in the news at the time, but the official follow-up handling was good, and it did not attract much attention, let alone cause panic." Takahashi Ginko suddenly sneered when he said this."
In fact, I was hoping that this matter would attract more people’s attention..."
Hearing this, I looked at Ginko Takahashi in surprise, and then asked, "But don't they want to kill you?"
Takahashi Ginko replied, "Wouldn't it be better if I died? Uncle? Do you expect to be dedicated to them by your family when you grow up?"
I fell silent.
I don’t know how to answer, but I think that if these gods are really so indifferent, then sacrificing mortals to them may be just wishful thinking on the part of humans.
"Then why didn't it cause an uproar later? After all, it cost more than a dozen lives!" I sighed with emotion.
Takahashi Ginko said to me with a sneer, "Uncle, you are too ignorant. Do you know how many people were killed in New Tokyo in one night to hide a political scandal?"
I asked dumbly, "What political scandal?"
Takahashi Ginko didn't explain in detail, she just raised one finger.
I was stunned, gritted my teeth and said, "One...hundred people?"
Takahashi Ginko sneered, "It's a thousand people."
"What?!" I went crazy, feeling like these words sounded like a dream.
A thousand people?! What kind of secret needs to be covered up with a thousand lives? Although I had known that the current political structure of New Tokyo City was exactly what caused the mistimed Hokkaido evacuation, which directly caused the death of hundreds of thousands of people.
That group of people, but I didn't expect them to be so crazy and crazy.
"Numbers, uncle, get rid of the people, those are just numbers." Takahashi Ginko's words struck my heart heavily several times, and I was speechless for a moment.
"This country is really pitiful and hateful." Takahashi Ginko said for no reason and then took a deep breath. "But it doesn't matter. I can continue what I didn't finish back then."
After hearing this sentence, I suddenly lost my confidence.
I have to say that I followed Takahashi Ginko here out of curiosity and interest. At that time, I didn’t think so much. I just felt that the crisis existed in the object I was exploring. But now I realize that the real threat can be
The most important thing in my life is my kindred spirits.
I am just an insignificant number.
So... I shook my head and said blankly, "It won't work, it really won't work..."
Takahashi Ginko looked at me and said, "What's wrong? Uncle, are you scared?"
I smiled bitterly and said, "This is not a matter of fear, okay? Even if I have the courage to die generously for the truth, if my death is meaningless at all, then isn't my death just a joke?"
But Takahashi Ginko teased, "Thankfully you are still Chinese. I thought Chinese people had to be brave."
This sentence suddenly touched my heart.
I was furious, "If I want to protect my family and my country, I will donate my life. But is this the same thing? I can't let those people hurt me when I die, right?"
Seeing that I was really angry, Takahashi Ginko finally stopped joking. She leaned over and held my arm and said, "Oh, uncle! How could I let you risk your life for my sake? Don't worry, you can
Just write it! After writing it, I will let my people send you back to the country safely, and then the rest will be a matter between my family and will not involve you."
I originally wanted to push the girl next to me away, but I was suddenly stunned.
I looked at her blankly, as if expecting to see some conspiracy.
But I was disappointed... I saw sincerity, expectation, and even some pleading... but I didn't see the conspiracy.
For a moment, I felt extremely ashamed.
I'm still a coward after all.
"Okay...I will write it. After all, I am coming with you, you are not coercing me. I am very clear about this." I replied seriously.
Takahashi Ginko finally smiled with relief, and she suddenly came up to me and kissed me.
To be honest, so many years of single life have long wiped out my interest in women, but today I can't help but feel restless and uneasy in my heart.
I hurriedly coughed a few times, pinched my nose and said, "Um... um... how do we get out now?"
Takahashi Ginko chuckled, "I haven't even seen that adult yet, and you want to leave?"
I blinked and said confusedly, "Then when will that adult come?"
Takahashi Ginko turned his head and looked behind me with a smile.
For a moment, I had a creepy feeling.
Is it behind me? The incarnation of the old god Yaramus...the being who can destroy me with a snap of his finger is behind me?
Turn around slowly.
Then I was suffocated by the beauty of the person in front of me.
She was wearing a white simple dress, with a slender figure and a face as calm as water, without any ripples.
When her light blue eyes look at me, I always feel that what she is examining is not my appearance, but my inner world.
After feeling her breath, I suddenly felt ashamed, and I subconsciously lowered my head and didn't dare to look at her.
Instead, she said softly, "I seem to have seen you in someone's memory."
After hearing this, I was stunned. I quickly raised my head, only to see a familiar face flash past, and then blurt out a name after me.