It snowed on the morning of Li Shuang's father's funeral. It wasn't heavy, but it kept drifting.
Due to the simplicity of everything during the epidemic, not many people came to see the elderly off.
On the way back from the crematorium, Lao Tan remembered that today was his mother's birthday, so he took out his cell phone and called Fifth Sister.
The fifth sister said on the phone that everything was fine at home. The eldest sister and the others were back. They killed chickens yesterday and the New Year pigs on Laba Day. Mom's birthday party was as lively as in previous years, so she told him not to worry about it.
Lao Tan hung up the phone and looked up at the sky. The sky was white and filled with sadness.
Zhang Li asked him to get in the car and go back. He waved to Zhang Li and Zhang Li came over.
"It's my mother's birthday today. I wonder if I can go back?" he asked.
"It's terrible. I can go back, but I guess I have to be quarantined," Zhang Li said.
Lao Tan sighed. He really wanted to go home to celebrate his mother's birthday. Maybe it was because he had attended funerals consecutively. He was worried that------
Logically speaking, this kind of worry shouldn't exist, but after all, the mother is old, and children always pray for their parents' longevity in their hearts, but worry about it in reality.
"Isn't the old lady very nice?" Zhang Li said.
"It's good, but I can't go back and worry."
"Want to have a drink with you?"
"No---if you're okay, come with me for a walk."
The two were walking on a road that extended to a construction site that had been suspended. Snow covered the road with a thin layer, leaving two clear sets of footprints behind them.
Lao Tan smoked a cigarette, and the smoke slowly floated in the air.
"Sister Shuang is worried about her mother," Zhang Li said.
"Hey, my wife, my wife, if one of us is gone, the other half will definitely feel uncomfortable," Lao Tan said.
"The old couple have a good relationship and have never blushed in their lives------"
"Um------"
"Seeing Sister Shuang's son cry, it's so heart-breaking, I can't bear it------"
"That child was brought up by his grandparents since he was a child, and he has feelings for him."
"Hey, people, you'll be stuttering all your life, you'll be rich and powerful all your life, you'll be working hard all your life, you'll be eating, drinking and having fun all your life - it's all the same when you get old. What will happen if you burn it on fire?"
"Everyone has to take this step------"
Zhang Li was bumped by a stone and almost fell down. Lao Tan quickly helped her stand up.
She said: "You are mainly in a panic because Sister Wang is leaving. I can tell even if you don't tell me these days. Sister Wang is a nice person, like a sister. Especially when you were sick, you were with your wife every day."
I want to serve you and take care of you, can I not want to? To be honest, I want to.
Hey, God is jealous of beauty——"
Lao Tan said nothing and smoked silently.
In the distance through the snowflakes is the faint city shrouded in snow, which looks like a dormant beast at this time.
After a while, Lao Tan seemed to be talking to himself, or asking Zhang Li: "What should I do?"
"What do you want to do? What do you mean?" Zhang Li asked.
Lao Tan shook his head and said: "I don't know what it is about, it seems that I suddenly don't know what to do.
You don’t know, from the time I came to Li Shuang’s house in the morning and watched them kneeling there to pay their respects, then wake up, then go to the crematorium to say goodbye to the old man, and then cremate him, to collect the ashes and put them in the urn, I felt like a wooden man. Although I was directing
I do whatever I do, but it's all out of habit. In fact, I don't even know what I'm doing.
Especially when I came out of the crematorium and saw everyone getting into the car, Li Shuang cried holding her father's ashes, and her son also cried, her mind went blank, as if she felt that everything was normal and everyone had to die.
, we all have this day, it’s just sooner or later------
Last night I was thinking about my mother's eighty-sixth birthday today, so I would call home in the morning. But I forgot about it, and I suddenly remembered it when I looked at Li Shuang's father's urn.
At that time, I just wanted to go home and see my mother, but I thought it couldn't be cured------
I think about it now, I think about it with fear, I'm afraid------
Hey, I’m so scared------”
Zhang Li took Lao Tan's arm and said, "I understand."
Lao Tan lit another cigarette, took a puff and said, "You don't know, my mother raised the six of us siblings by begging for food, and she suffered endless misfortunes------
When I was a child, I was ignorant and loved to play with whips. I was only about four years old and I didn’t remember much ------
But I remember that time, my dad used a rag to twist a whip for me, but it didn’t last a long time and it couldn’t crack. I started making noises, so my dad asked my mom to take out the waistband of her pants--
----
I clearly remember that my mother’s waistband was a tattered farm triangle belt, with a rubber outside and a string belt inside. My dad took out a string belt from my mother’s waistband and tied it to the whip.
The whip cracked.
Then my dad gave me the whip and said that it was resonant. But I didn’t take it and watched my mother tie the triangle belt back to her waist------You know, after my dad whipped me for a while,
My mother was holding her pants with her hands all the time. It was winter and it was still snowing------"
Lao Tan's voice was choked with sobs, and tears filled his eyes.
Zhang Li took out a tissue and handed it over, and Lao Tan took it and wiped away his tears.
"After that, I never played with the whip again - even hated it.
When I was seven years old, my dad passed away, and it was my mom who took us siblings through it. Not to mention the hard times --- but I didn't feel embarrassed, because my mom was at home, and I didn't lack anything.
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It is said that adversity brings out talents, suffering tempers people, and suffering is the wealth of life---but is it really true? I have never thought so.
Poverty and suffering, wealth and happiness, they are real realities. Whichever reality you are born in is the reality. You cannot change it, and you cannot blame others.
When I was a child, I didn't know what poverty was, and I couldn't feel it. The only thing I could feel was that the food I ate was different from other people's, and the clothes I wore were different from other people's. The rest was the same.
When I really felt what it means to be poor, I was in the first grade of elementary school. The teacher asked me to pay tuition, but I didn’t. I went home and asked my mother for it. My mother gave me a letter of introduction in the brigade, saying that my family was from a poor family and the school was tuition-free.
.
I took the letter of introduction to the teacher, and the teacher accepted it without saying anything. After that, I realized that my family was poor and different from other families.
Poverty is a reality, and there is nothing to be embarrassed about. You eat your rice and scrambled eggs, and I eat my cornmeal dry food, pickles, pickles, and glutinous rice. From elementary school to junior high school to high school, I didn’t wear any decent clothes, but I
Not feeling the chill does not mean that I am accepting my fate, I am just accepting it.
But poverty is really oppressive, and sometimes it can make people breathless.
I didn't finish high school. Although I was given a tuition fee exemption, I really couldn't continue because I was poor and had no money.
I have been poor and know what it feels like to be poor.
Poor people don't care about what they eat, what they wear, what they have at home or what they don't have. What they care about is people's contempt and contempt, especially those from immediate relatives and relatives.
I remember that after I dropped out of school, I worked as a farmer at home. In the 20s, it was time for wives in the countryside, and some of them were engaged and married. My family was poor, and there was no matchmaker.
My mother was anxious and asked an aunt in the family to introduce her to a suitable one. My aunt said in front of my mother, "Who will introduce you to your poor family? You will be a bachelor for the rest of your life."
My mother didn't say anything, turned around and left.