There is someone deep in my heart, but I never dare to express my feelings.
Just like, I know, there is also someone deeply hidden in his heart.
We are different, but in a certain sense, we are surprisingly similar.
Leng Aotian, the head of state of country M, is the man that all women like but dare not approach.
He is decisive in killing, cold and ruthless, and he has no sympathy for women at all.
But it is such a man that I love hopelessly.
I'm in a difficult situation and want to get out of it, but I can't.
That time, I met Gu Manman, she was a newcomer who was arrested.
The first time I saw her, I knew that I could be saved and that I had a chance to get close to Leng Aotian.
I know it's not good to take advantage of others in this way. But if we don't do this, we will all die here.
So, I took advantage of her.
The plan went smoothly and Gu Manman was successfully taken away by Leng Aotian.
After a while, I was also rescued.
I came to Leng Aotian. He wanted to drive me away, but I stayed with all my strength.
I like Leng Aotian, but I dare not have thoughts about him. Because my body is very dirty.
I was kept in filthy little rooms, and as a red light district leader, I was very dirty.
I am not worthy of Leng Aotian.
But I discovered that Leng Aotian was very different from Gu Manman.
Although I know that I am not worthy of Leng Aotian, I still feel sad and jealous when I see him being so special to another woman.
So, when I heard that Gu Manman wanted to leave, I helped her leave despite the possibility of being killed.
I originally thought that Leng Aotian would give up after Gu Manman left, but I didn't expect that instead of giving up, he would send all his people to look for Gu Manman regardless of his own life or death.
And it was that time that he was chased by a killer.
He fought against dozens of people. In the end, he won, but he was left with scars all over his body.
The knives on those killers are all poisonous.
He was covered in scars, and the first place he went to was not the hospital, but the airport.
From that moment on, I knew that he fell in love with Gu Manman.
The wound was not treated in time. He kept saying it was fine, but I felt very uneasy.
Later, something really happened.
More than thirty years later, Leng Aotian was diagnosed with lung cancer.
The reason why he contracted lung cancer was because when he was chased by a killer more than thirty years ago, he was covered in injuries and poisons. He did not go to the hospital to clean the wound immediately. The lung cancer was caused by the wound infection.
When he learned of the result, he immediately told me to keep it secret and not to tell anyone about it.
"I have been infected with lung cancer. Gu Manman must not let Gu Manman know about this."
"Why?"
"I don't want her to feel guilty. I don't want her to feel that it's because she ran away and I sent everyone to look for her that she was chased by killers and got infected wounds and got lung cancer. I don't want her to feel guilty and blame herself.
All she needs to do is live happily for the rest of her life, that's enough."
I laughed, heartbroken.
He was almost dying, but he was still thinking about Gu Manman.
Later, Leng Aotian and I had a date.
This was our first date in more than thirty years. I was so nervous that I tried on all the clothes in the room and finally chose a simple skirt.
He said she was beautiful. This was probably the most beautiful love story I had ever heard in my life.
That day, I was really happy. The time spent alone with Leng Aotian and the feeling of being cared for by him made me feel that the more than thirty years of waiting and companionship were worth it.
He said that the person he owed the most and felt sorry for most in his life was me.
He hopes that I can find my own happiness and live a good life after his death.
But what he doesn't know is that my greatest happiness is him.
The happiness I want to pursue is him.
That day, there was a lightning storm and several levels of strong winds. I hugged Leng Aotian and got into the car and drove quickly to the hospital in the rain.
But the wind was too strong and the rain was too heavy.
The car skidded and hit a tree.
I didn't care whether I was injured or not, I just wanted to see him in the back seat.
I was relieved to see that he was okay.
I risked my life and sent him to the hospital in such bad weather.
But despite this, I still can't change the outcome.
Leng Aotian's time is running out.
He said goodbye to everyone, but when he talked to me, he kept telling me to let me live my own life after his death, leave him, and find a loved one who really cares about me.
Look, he still doesn't trust me at this point.
However, I still have to break my promise.
While everyone was busy preparing for his funeral, I returned home on the pretext of helping him pack his belongings.
I can't attend this funeral.
In my heart, that man who seemed to be decisive and cold-hearted in his decision-making, who had no sympathy for women, but who gave all his affection to a woman named Gu Manman, has never left.
When I got home, I seemed to see his shadow everywhere.
"Ye Lan, where are my socks?"
“Where do I keep my medicine?”
"Where is my blue coat?"
…
Every word he said seemed to tell me that he needed me and that he couldn't do it without me.
I quietly took out the sleeping pills that I had prepared long ago: "Master Leng, I'm here to find you."
I prepared this a long time ago, because since I knew that his time was running out, I had already made up my mind that I would never live alone.
I can't be alone, so I will follow him for the rest of my life.
No matter where he goes, I will follow him, even to the underworld.
I changed into beautiful clothes, hugged the doll he gave me, and took sleeping pills.
In fact, I understand that those shadows of him that appear are all hidden and imagined by me.
This is the illusion I gave myself, using this illusion to tell myself that he needs me.
Leng Aotian, you never know that my deep love for you even exceeds my imagination.
For you, I am not afraid of loneliness. For you, I am not even afraid of life and death.
The moment I closed my eyes, I seemed to see Leng Aotian, emitting countless white lights, appearing in front of me like an angel of tomorrow.
He slowly stretched out his hand towards me, with endless radiance, making me feel unusually warm.
He seemed to be saying to me: "Ye Lan, I'm here to pick you up."
My eyes were wet and there was a smile on my lips. This should be my happiest moment, right?
Without hesitation, I slowly stretched out my hand and placed it in his palm.
"Master Leng, you finally came to pick me up..."
When I left, I had a smile on my face. This was my happiest moment. Perhaps, now, I can finally tell him that I love him without any scruples. For me, this is not death, but a journey to happiness...