"Uncle Cha, please stop making fun of me. It was an unintentional mistake. I'm in trouble now and I'm alone. You have to help me, Uncle Cha."
On the other end of the phone, the household checker sighed and said, "I didn't help you, it was you who caused this. I don't know what to do. Do you understand? Can humans be the same as monkeys? They are fundamentally different! Your situation is like a
The mobile phone battery has been converted into a car battery. Is it difficult to find out? I have a visitor here, so hang up first!"
I said anxiously, "If you don't help me! Give me back the 400,000 yuan!"
"Who said I won't help you? Boy, I was about to help you. What kind of friendship do we have?"
After the household check, he hurriedly said, "Now we can only wait until no one reacts to make amends. The Feng Shui atmosphere of that construction site has been messed up. If you don't believe me, take a compass and take a look. I guarantee that all the compass needles are not accurate."
"Listen, do this."
"You find a piece of white cloth, dye it red with chicken blood, and tie it around the monkey's neck. After 12 o'clock tonight, dig out the body and cremate it overnight. In this way, the feng shui of that area will gradually stabilize. In two days,
, the compass will also become normal."
"Is it so troublesome?"
"Uncle Cha, why don't I just put the monkey back and run away? I've looked over there and there's not a single surveillance camera for miles around. They definitely can't catch me!"
After checking the household registration, he immediately objected and said, "A monk who can run away cannot run away from the temple! Just do as I say, don't take chances, and don't underestimate the Feng Shui master in the capital's territory. They can know your true identity by deducing the Sancai Gua.
Did you run away?" .??.
After hanging up the phone, I immediately started preparing.
An hour later, he saw me coming back from outside with a live chicken in one hand and a bottle of beer in my other hand. He came over and asked, "What, are you having chicken tonight?"
Uncle Liu couldn't believe it, and neither could Yang Ju. After all, they all had their own plans. I only trust myself now.
"Yes, Brother Yang, I'm preparing a stew pot of chicken soup for dinner tonight. Do you want to have a bowl?" I said with a smile,
He raised his head and took a sip of beer and wiped his mouth. "If you don't want the chicken soup, let's go buy a watch sometime."
"The day after tomorrow! Let's go the day after tomorrow!" I said quickly.
His face immediately darkened.
"Boy, the day before yesterday you said tomorrow, tomorrow you said the day after tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow you said the day after tomorrow. Do you not want to buy me a watch at all?"
"How is it possible, Brother Yang! I will definitely buy it for you!" r> He pointed at me with a beer bottle and said in a cold voice, "Boy, you have to see the essence clearly. What you are buying is not a watch, what you are buying is your life! This is essentially a transaction! Understand? I'll do it again
I’ll give you two days, if you don’t buy me a watch, I’ll kill you.”
"Besides, don't even think about running away. If you dare to play tricks on me, I won't give you a second chance. I swear on the name of our ancestor's fallen leaf gun that I will kill you even if I chase you to the end of the world."
I smiled bitterly and said, "Brother Yang, it's just a watch, isn't it?"
"What's not going to happen?"
"You don't know how much I like that watch! When I go to bed at night, all I fucking dream about is that watch!" He shouted at me with red eyes,
My face changed slightly and I promised that I would buy it the day after tomorrow, and then he gave up.
I have money in my card, but I don’t dare to go to the bank at all, and I don’t dare to swipe my card to make purchases, otherwise, it will be easy for the haters to find out. The money I got in the past two days is almost spent, and I only have a few dollars left in my body at the moment.
It's only a thousand yuan, how can I get more than one million to buy him a watch?
Now it's hard to get off the tiger. If you really comply with that sentence, disaster will come from your mouth.
I just said it casually, but the other party took it seriously! Now, I can only take one step at a time.
Following the instructions for checking the household registration, I tied a strip of cloth dyed red with chicken blood around the neck of the dead monkey, then stuffed the dead monkey into a box, and finally packed it in a snakeskin bag.
After doing this, I went under an overpass, where there was a shoe repairman.
"Brother, do you want to mend shoes?"
I whispered, "If you don't want to mend your shoes, you need to apply for a certificate."
The other party's expression condensed and he whispered, "The investigation has been strict recently. What kind of certificate do you want to apply for?"
"Cremation certificate." I said directly.
"Haha, you don't have a death certificate, do you?"
"Nonsense, I have proof, why should I ask you for it?"
"No problem, cremation certificate, right? Thirty-five yuan for ordinary ones, eighty-five yuan for fine ones, and one hundred for super imitations."
I frowned and thought about it, and said it would be super realistic.
He took a puff of cigarette and said, "In a situation like yours, to be on the safe side, I suggest you make a separate death certificate. I will have the official seal of the police station of the place of residence on the certificate engraved on the spot. This costs 70 yuan."
, a total of one hundred and seventeen, this is our first cooperation and we will give you a discount, so it counts as one hundred and fifty."
I quickly gave him the money and urged him to do it quickly.
Twenty years ago, those who applied for fake certificates under the overpass would not ask questions. As long as they paid enough, they could do not only ordinary financial certificates, blind certificates, real estate certificates, divorce certificates, death certificates, etc., but also missile launch certificates.
Made for you.
But we can't guarantee the quality, it's all about luck. For example, Brother Tian's fake certificate was supposed to be called Tian Tian, but it was made Tian Tian.
In less than twenty minutes, the entire set of documents was ready. I was not familiar with what the real documents looked like, so I asked if this would work? Why do I feel like the characters are a little crooked?
This guy was holding a cigarette and wiping his hands and said, "What you said is an insult to my skills. This wording is straight and straight, where is it crooked? Don't worry, as long as I don't check my certificate online, it will be fine."
No one in the world can tell it’s fake!”
I took the completed certificate and went to the crematorium in the eastern suburbs of the Third Ring Road. The person just glanced at my certificate and said, "No problem, I can burn it at any time if I bring it over."
Hearing this, I breathed a sigh of relief. Burn it, burn it, it's over.
Soon, night falls.
At around one o'clock in the evening, after making sure everyone was asleep, I quietly walked downstairs and pushed the tricycle out of the hotel.
There were not only shovels and dead monkeys on the tricycle, but also my few luggage. I wasn't going to go back to the hotel, I was going to run away after I was done.
I pedaled my tricycle as hard as I could and rode all the way north. On the way, I kept thinking, it would be great if my head was still there. I missed them.
In about forty minutes, we arrived at the construction site.
At this time, the night was dark and windy, and except for a few lights on the office building in the distance, there was no one around.
The hole I dug myself is like a dog's urine. You don't even need to look carefully. You can identify the location just by smelling it.
Under the cover of the heavy night, I picked up the shovel and started digging.
Since no one was letting me go, I was on high alert. Whenever I heard the slightest movement around me, I would stop immediately.
Around three o'clock, I stood in the pit and wiped my sweat.
Half of the calf wearing pants was already exposed in the soil. I whispered I was sorry, then pulled the person by the leg and pulled the person out of the soil.
I have to change Yu Beggar's clothes, otherwise people will definitely spot him when he comes to the crematorium covered in dirt.
Inflated stomach after death , the view of giants will occur, and the view of giants appeared in Beggartou.
Along with it, I could smell a smell, which was like spoiled boiled eggs in summer. It almost made me faint when I changed my clothes.
After putting the yellow box back and backfilling it with soil, I took Yu Beitou on a tricycle and drove to the crematorium in the eastern suburbs.
As the saying goes, death is death.
As I was riding the bike, I always felt that Yu Gaitou, who was behind me, slowly sat up on his own. His face was covered with corpse water and he was smiling at me.
But when I turned around suddenly, everything was fine, but he didn't sit up.
At 3:40, when we arrived at the place, an old man who worked the night shift looked at it and said in surprise, "Young man, you didn't find a funeral car, so why did you sneak it here on a tricycle in the middle of the night? This person has been here for several days.
It tastes good,”
I wiped my eyes and sobbed, "Uncle, my dad, our family really has no money, so we want to do it quietly, not wanting too many neighbors to know."
The old man sighed, "Hey, I understand. Every family has sutras that are difficult to recite. I'll take a look at your ID and procedures. If there's no problem, I can burn them for you."
He took my ID and looked at it for a second, then immediately raised his head and said, "This is a fake ID."
"How is it possible? How could the certificate given by the police station be false?" I said with a guilty conscience.
He picked up the ID, looked at it under the light, frowned and said, "You can't be wrong, the material doesn't feel right, it looks fake at first glance."
"Don't leave yet, I have to ask people from the police station to come."
"Don't bother me!"
I grabbed him and said, "Please help me! My father died accidentally on the construction site. We took money from the construction site boss. We really don't want to pursue this matter anymore."
"Oh, so that's it, but is this really your father? Why do I think you two don't look alike?"
I quickly handed over a thick envelope, which contained my entire worth of five thousand yuan.
The old man squeezed the thickness of the envelope, quickly put it in his arms and said, "Hurry up, don't go register, come with me, use the gas stove."
Burning room.
Watching the flames rise and the people being pushed in, I fell to my knees with a pop.
"Forgive me for being unkind! Dad! Have a good trip!"
I lowered my head and kept sobbing.
What no one saw was that I was actually suppressing a smile.