I received unexpected attention in the company. Although I was still very busy, my salary was greatly increased.
Before entering, I would never have imagined that my salary could be increased by one-third in just over two months.
After receiving a salary that was quite generous to me, I felt uneasy... No, I went home excited.
Compared with money, today is a more important day to me.
The one-month agreement ends as soon as it crosses 0 o'clock. In other words, you can meet her.
Really, it was so lonely to only hear voices and see news for a month. I almost couldn't control the thought of looking for her.
To put it bluntly, it is because of her support that I have been able to live in confusion all these years, or that I am able to make practical changes now.
It would be a lie to say that I want to express my gratitude to her urgently. More importantly, I want to make sure that she is still willing to see me.
Um···
Excitement, fear, uneasiness, all kinds of emotions were intertwined in my mind.
It's already 0 o'clock.
I held my cell phone and tried to dial the number several times.
But I still gave up.
By this time, after such a long time, she should have gotten used to living without her, and had fallen asleep long ago.
Although I couldn't hear any dissatisfaction with myself from my words, and I still care about myself, have I actually discovered the fact that I am trash that is not worth mentioning?
Ahhh.
I do have low self-esteem.
But unlike others, I have a real and undissipable inferiority complex because I have indeed lived as garbage until now.
Before today, I had not been able to sleep well for several days in a row, and the same is true today.
I still have illusions.
In other words, I don't want to think about it anymore... If I really lose her, how can I really live independently from now on? Do I have that kind of courage? Will I collapse immediately and fall into the whirlpool again?
Whenever I think that maybe she has noticed that there are more outstanding men than me who are worthy of trust, I shudder. Obviously I know that it is natural, but... it is precisely because it is so natural that I am afraid.
To such an extent.
——
It's already 0 o'clock.
Is Ah Yao sleeping at this time?
Did you have a good dinner?
Is the quilt well covered?
Is it because you are too tired from work that you go home and just sleep without caring about anything?
···
I really want to see you right away.
Na.
It's already 0 o'clock, right?
If I go there now, I won’t be disliked, right?
Na?
What is the relationship between the female colleague next to you and you? She always appears in the background of calls once, twice, three times... countless times.
Na?
Do you already want to break up with me?
Will you say something cruel tomorrow?
Na?
What should I do?
Na?
Why did you leave me?
So scared...
It was obvious that I was so happy before, and my life was so fulfilling before. Why should I give it up so easily?
——
In the end, I still couldn't hold it back.
To be honest, I really can't stand it anymore and don't want to stay in a cramped space and toss and turn.
I want to see my girlfriend.
I want to caress her soft and slender black hair.
I miss her smell.
What I want most urgently is not to use my phone, but to actually touch her and feel the reality of her presence.
Is it because of fear?
Afraid of being eliminated soon.
In other words, I want to break the problem. If she gives me a little more time, I will definitely get better.
I know that I have tried my best to become an ordinary person from a piece of rubbish.
But this is far from enough.
If a person who was originally a worthless trash wants to become an outstanding man who is truly worthy of her, he must drain all his potential, even to the point where his limbs bleed and his body breaks apart - only then can he barely meet the conditions that deserve her.
Bar?
I don't know what I'm thinking about.
I just felt my head was burning, and I couldn't help but pick up the phone and want to make an appointment with her.
【Can I meet you?】
The time is at 0.06.
Message, no reply.
I waited for a long time but no reply.
To be honest, I was shocked for a moment. The scene that was so natural and should not have been the right thing to say back at this time was placed in front of me, and it shocked my inferiority complex to the point of nausea.
What exactly is going to happen?
I am now——
It's not like asking for a hug or begging to rely on her again.
ah.
I gave up.
Anyway, I want to apologize to her.
Yes, it's an apology.
I'm sorry that everything so far has really caused you trouble.
I think, at least I have to convey this sentence to her. Even if she already knows that I am garbage, she starts to want to stuff all the memories that I confused before into the trash can. At some point, she will definitely want to completely let me out of her.
The world disappears.
So——
Before that, I want to apologize.
Is it an apology or an excuse to go see her?
"Patter patter——"
It's raining heavily outside the window.
The sound of the rain makes me bored, even more annoying than my boss forcing me to do more work.
Why?
I didn't want to think about it, so I just got up from the bed uncontrollably, put on my shoes and put my hand on the cold door handle.
“···”
Then he was stunned.
There was a wet figure standing at the door. She was wearing slippers, and the coat and hair were completely soaked. There were also water marks on her face, whether it was tears or rain.
"How did you-"
Before I could finish my words, she had already jumped up and hugged me tightly.
"Already, it's already 0 o'clock..."
"I want to see Ah Yao... won't you hate me?"
"Ah, how could that be... Of course I welcome it."
Rather, I was ecstatic. She was even willing to touch me when I saw her.
"Hey, why did you come here without an umbrella? You'll catch a cold if you get wet, right?"
I noticed that she was shivering, so I urged her to go to the bathroom to take a hot bath, and gave her my shirt to change into.
We met after a month.
Even though we often talk on the phone, in reality... I don't know how to talk to my girlfriend who I have been with for seven years.
Ahhh.
Yes, even if we look at these seven years, what kind of serious chat is there?
Either he was looking for an excuse to please her in order to defraud her, and it was not a heartfelt chat or communication at all, or he just faked a smile because he didn't get the money and was afraid of exposing his bad mood and cutting off the source of funds.
To put it bluntly, I never thought about communicating with her properly.
Sincerely... I never once asked her how she was doing or what was on her mind.
"Huhu——"
But this time, I dry-dried her hair with my true intentions.
I have never felt that such an ordinary activity that requires a little physical and mental effort on my part can make me feel happy from the bottom of my heart.
Without the water marks and night cover, I found that her face looked very haggard.
The dark circles under my eyes were incredibly heavy.
My body has also lost a lot of weight.
"Are you busy at work lately?"
I frowned, "Didn't you eat well?"
"Sometimes that happens...but compared to this, how is Ah Yao's work?"
"What do you mean, compared to this, you are telling me to pay attention to my diet every day. My diet and lifestyle are pretty good. Don't let the person who supervises me fall first."
"I'll pay attention to that one!"
She asked again, "Does Ah Yao still plan to continue working there?"
"Of course, I'm starting now. Although the boss didn't treat me well at first, he seems to recognize me now and will give me some weighty but not tedious work."
"It's funny. When I see the newcomers sweating profusely from exhaustion, I feel like I'm superior to my original self. It's pretty bad, isn't it?"
"Ah, after all, you have passed that stage... Congratulations to Ah Yao."
I didn't notice that her eyes turned dim when she turned her back to me, and she forced a smile on her face to bless me.
According to the original plan, she could not stay here.
The so-called one-month date only means that we can meet in one month, and it does not say that we can live together again, but if it is just for one night——
I also want to more or less take a solid rest.
The next day was originally scheduled to be a rest day.
I got up early and made breakfast for two people.
My level is obviously not as high as Xia Xianyue, I can only say that I can barely read it.
But as far as I am concerned, this is something that was unimaginable before. I hope that she can change my mind because of little things.
Take a look.
I'm trying to get better, so... give me a little more time.
Seeing her smile makes me feel happy from the bottom of my heart.
How long have you not experienced this kind of joyful feeling in return? It is a completely different concept from winning or losing in gambling. It is a more advanced emotion washing through my limbs and giving me motivation.
Think about it, how happy it is to have a direction and people to work hard for?
I originally planned to cook a sumptuous dinner for her, showing my greatest sincerity since becoming independent during this period.
"There's something wrong with a project. Come and fix it quickly."
"That batch of goods will be weighed and shipped out of the port in the evening. It must be ready and sent to me for review before four o'clock in the afternoon."
I just got a salary increase, so I don’t think it’s incomprehensible for you to take it for granted.
But I really hope you won’t disturb this precious time for me anymore.
"I'm sorry... The company has something urgent for me to handle. I'll try to come back as soon as possible!"
But I can still clearly understand the temporary addiction and the subsequent development.
If you want to be with her, you should make more sincere efforts instead of indulging in her tenderness.
"Well, it's okay."
She responded gently.
As if to say, I will wait for you. I believe in you.
There is nothing better or more joyful than this. My girlfriend still loves me without giving up.
——
You really are hated, right?
We made an appointment for a month, but at 0:00 o'clock on the deadline, we came over without permission and in despair.
Although Ah Yao took care of me tenderly and seemed happy to talk to me.
Isn’t that right?
In the past, you would rely more on me, but now I can make a decent breakfast by myself.
There were hearts painted on the omelette rice. I was definitely not the first person to see it.
Has a third person been in this house without my knowledge?
There are five colleagues in the office where Ah Yao works, including three female colleagues.
Who is it?
Um?
Is she the female colleague who is close to Ah Yao? She and Ah Yao get off work together every day. She is obviously just an accountant, so she won't get off work that late.
She is very beautiful.
Compared to myself, it's not much of a concession. There are no shortcomings except that the baby canteen is a little smaller than me.
Is it her?
Is it her?
It must be her.
Because of her, Ah Yao has started to put on a mask in front of me, called the mask of gentleness.
That's a knife.
The knife that wants to cruelly cut off the connection between me and Ah Yao.
So painful.
So painful.
It's really painful.
I unconsciously started looking around Ah Yao's house.
Where will the traces remain?
Is it here?
Or there?
I thought about last night again.
Why don't you touch me?
"I hope to become someone more worthy of you before I can start again..."
Don't listen.
Don't listen.
···
Those are all lies.
It's just that I'm tired of myself and want to change myself.
Why?
Why is this...
I didn't find anything. Maybe they haven't reached that point yet, but I thought wrong.
Wrong idea?
No, it's not.
I know that Ah Yao is a very good person. In the past, only I knew his charm, but now that he has started working hard... he is really handsome.
How could you not like it?
I have always known it, and it is precisely because I have always known it that I want to keep Ah Yao by my side.
tired?
Are you kidding me?!
Do you really know how happy I am? Those days.
Really, it attracts me more and more... As expected, I like Ah Yao the most.
But this won't work.
Sooner or later one day... it will be taken away.
Because Ah Yao already wants to leave me, will she be killed? Or her? Or her?
A gap will be found and then taken away.
“···”
I buried my face in the bed where I slept with Ah Yao yesterday, and buried it in the pillow. I rolled around on the bed. Only in this moment did I feel that Ah Yao still belonged to me.
I don't want to leave here. I want to be with Ah Yao forever.
I really... like Ah Yao the most, I love her so much that I can't help myself.
——
I arrived at the company.
Things were completely different from what the boss said on the phone, and it was very difficult.
To be honest, I don't think it can be finished before four o'clock.
That batch of goods——
Speaking of which, I seem to have an impression. It is indeed the product of a very important customer.
It seems that this is a new customer purchasing materials from the company for the first time, and the one-time purchase order is 500,000 yuan. It is already exaggerated for a new customer's initial order volume. The other party is a quite powerful foreign customer.
If you don't do it well this time, let alone dealing with the other party again, if the other party suffers losses due to this reason, not only will you lose money, but you will also lose access to the market there.
Really... why should you leave such an important matter to yourself?
Also, the entire company recruits short-term and cheap personnel. In the long-term, they are either acquaintances of the boss or themselves.
"Want to help?"
A colleague who wasn't supposed to be here showed up and brought me a bottle of ice water.
"Why are you here?"
"Ah, the cute and hard-working newcomer is in trouble, why don't you come to help me?"
"Don't think I'm such a fishy person, but I'm still more or less capable of helping you share some of the burden."
She glanced at the computer casually, then glanced at the complicated contract on the table, "This uncle of mine is really outrageous, leaving this kind of task to a newcomer alone."
He looked at me with a smile and said, "How about it? Do you want to be more honest and accept my help?"