The next day, in the dormitory, no one spoke, everyone fell on their own beds, pretending to be asleep, everyone was escaping, and wanted to pretend that what happened last night never happened, but everything was real.
It happened, there was no room for recovery, and I didn’t know who fell asleep first. When I woke up the next day, no one knew where they were. I took advantage of their absence and quietly moved away.
I moved to a dormitory on the fourth floor, like this; to forget about that incident.
At that time, I was in a particularly bad mood. I would get angry at every turn, and when I got angry, I would cause trouble. After I got into trouble, I would fight. I didn’t tell anyone, I just fought by myself. Fortunately, there were many people who knew me in H Middle School.
, even if he was provoked by me, he pretended to be fine and walked away. I really wanted to find someone to accompany me, but I didn’t know who to look for. Thinking of Huang Lin and the others, I still shook my head. Thinking of the girls who walked with me, I thought
Don't know who to call.
On the third night after I moved out of my dormitory, I walked alone on campus, feeling the refreshing evening breeze. During the day, it was so hot that I could hardly stand, but at night, it was contrastingly cool, walking alone like this.
I look so comfortable, but who knows what I'm thinking in my heart? Who knows what kind of fragile heart I have? Who knows what the seemingly strong boy hides deep in his heart?
Who knows what he is longing for in his heart? He just hopes that he will have a good future. But he hopes that there will be a girl who he likes and the other girl also likes him. He just hopes that the teacher can believe in him. He
, but he just hopes that his brother will always stand on his side, no matter whether he is really wrong or not. He just hopes that his father can still care about him as before, and no matter what anyone says, he will treat him as a treasure in his heart.
.But who is willing to give him all this?
He degenerated, so he drank, smoked, and fought. This was just what a rebellious teenager could do. Apart from this, what else could he do? He also wanted to study hard and become a good student in the eyes of the teacher.
He wanted to be a good boy in the eyes of his parents, and he also wanted to be a good student in everyone's heart, but no one believed in him. Even if he got good marks, the teacher said it was cheating, even if he explained to his father painstakingly,
But his father still didn't believe it. Even if his father didn't scold him, who knew that for a father who was full of hope and hoped that his father would be the one who believed in him but turned out to be disappointed, it would be worse than scolding him or beating him.
What's the difference?
When he drinks, he always gets drunk. When he fights, he always gets injured all over his body. When he smokes, he always shakes out all the cigarettes, one after another, until he can't stand it anymore and chokes.
Then he stopped, he knew how to walk, and when he walked, he ran forward like crazy until he fell down. He always thought that he could make up for this, but even he didn't know if all this was his fault.
Wrong, wrong.
I sat down on the lawn, took out my cigarette, lit it, and slowly smoked it, feeling the tiny paralysis it could bring, but how could such a weak effect paralyze my frantic heart?
What? Maybe it’s just because I’m used to it that I won’t burst out. Maybe it’s because I’m used to it that I can sit quietly like now, thinking about everything in the past, and slowly feel the gentle touch on my body.
Only in the cool breeze can I quietly look at the full moon in the sky, which means nothing to me. I don’t know since when, I actually like to look at the moon at night.
Look at the gauze-like waves, the white that waxes and wanes, looks at the stars slowly disappearing after surrounding them, look at the bay or round that always seems to have no expression at all. Sometimes.
You may even ridiculously ask yourself: Does the moon really have no expression?
After smoking the cigarette in my hand, I thought of Ye Meng again. That flower-like face was slowly reflected on the full moon in the sky, slowly unfolding, unfolding, and then matching the moonlight like water waves.
The blending together is so perfect, so endlessly poetic. Then it slowly fades until it disappears. But why can't the same shadow in my heart disappear? Is it because I want to forget it too much?
So is it harder to forget?
What is it that always lingers in my heart thousands of times? What is it that always emerges slowly in the dead of night? What is it that always comes unknowingly and then gently breaks the heart that has been through vicissitudes of life?
Such a heavy blow to my heart? What is it that always appears suddenly when people are not prepared, causing people to panic first and then disappears? What is it that always doesn’t know how to cherish when you are around?
When you lose, you think of catching it, but when you reach out to catch it, you only feel regret?
I stood up slowly, and then I didn't dare to think about it anymore. I put so much force on my feet that I didn't know how long I ran or how far I ran. I only knew that when I became conscious, the heart in my body almost couldn't supply me.
When I fell to the ground, I clearly saw a person walking towards me, then pulling me up and sitting next to me, but I just pretended not to see it. Why are things always like this? What comes is always not what I want.
Maybe it’s just because we don’t get what we want, that we feel life is too hard. Maybe it’s just because we don’t get what we want, that’s why we want to hold on to it more. However, the more we want to hold on to our things, the more we always lose them by accident.
.....
Sitting next to me is Chen Yufei. Since when has she been here? Since when has she been waiting for me to fall down and then come up? Or rather, since when has there been such a girl in secret?
Are you silently supporting yourself? Are you too stupid or too ruthless? Are you afraid of that fact, or do you want to admit that fact? Why do people always do this? They never cherish those around them, but they have to treat them right.
Those who pursue things that are simply impossible and fail again and again? Is it really because what is not available is the best?
Chen Yufei looked at me as if she had always looked at me like this, and then said lightly: "Why are you so stupid?"
I smiled, still looking at the moon in the sky with no change in expression, and said, "Do you think I'm stupid too?"
She looked at me without saying a word, but slowly approached me, and then asked in a pleading tone: "Can I lean on you again?"
I nodded, and then asked: "Why don't they believe me? If it were you, would you believe me?" Feeling a little confused, I smiled to myself and shook my head.
Chen Yufei looked at me puzzled at first, and then said: "I believe you, even if I don't know what you are talking about, I always believe you, always..."
I smiled: "Why do you think the moon has no expression? Is she also that heartless?"
Chen Yufei looked at the moon in the sky, but I looked at her. The gauze-like moonlight was shining on her face. She was so pale and weak, and the redness of her lips was so shocking. Such a woman has something in her heart.
Is it painful? How much pain can such a woman endure? She doesn’t suffer as much as me. If all my pain comes to her, she may not be able to bear it. At that time, I always thought
As a boy, I always thought that I was very strong, but later I realized that I was really too fragile. I was really so vulnerable. What Chen Yufei endured was countless times greater than what I endured.
Her skin color, which had been translucent for many times, looked so lovable and touching. I actually got so far in the exam with her. Because we were so close, I realized how beautiful she was.
She said happily: "I see it, I see it, look, who said the moon has no expression?" Her joy shocked me, and it was this jump that made me go from there.
He came back from a strange state.
She held my hand and pointed to the moon in the sky, which was exactly the same as before, without any change...Suddenly, I really saw that the moon had really changed. When the surrounding clouds passed,
She changed along with it, looking like a child, sometimes happy, sometimes sad... It turns out that the moon has always had expressions. It turns out that the moon also has emotions, but we are not good at discovering it. Since
After that, I fell in love with the expression of the moon, but I always think of the girl who pointed my finger at the moon in the sky and shouted happily when she saw it.
After watching it for a while, Chen Yufei suddenly said to me: "Actually, the moon has expressions. She is not heartless, it's just that we don't understand her emotions." Such a girl said leisurely to a boy.
, seems to be talking about something that has nothing to do with me, but what is it talking about? Me, the world, or those who have not discovered the moon expression yet?
I smiled and said, "What if you experience it sometimes? Aren't you the same as before?"
She continued: "Time is always the best medicine. It can always make us forget all the bad things and leave behind the good things. I can wait for that day and so can you." After saying that, she stood up and said:
"It's too late. Go back early. I'll leave first. Remember, life is not that sad."
I looked at her back as she slowly walked away and muttered silently: "Life is not that sad, life is not that sad? Yes, as long as you can let it go, everything will pass. It is not easy to pick it up, but it is not easy to let it go.
Times are even harder." I suddenly said to her back: "Thank you."
She didn't look back and said, "This is what I should do."
What does this mean? What should she do? What about me? What should I do? What else can I do? Can I really let it go?
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