But I can't stop my longing from breaking through the door of loneliness
I can only pretend not to hear it
Seeing the wounded soldier of love succeed in his heart
Turn off the last light
Let memories erode the dispute between right and wrong
I can’t get your sincerity...
Love is crazy, you are crazy and sinking
Exile yourself and let the memories bear the scars
...
In fact, I am his substitute
How can you love me so brutally?
The dried tears continue your kiss
I'm afraid that the deeper I sink, the colder I get. Who will feel sorry for me...
"Whose song is this? It has a nice voice, and it's a very sad song... But... I can stay with the one I love most, even if I'm a substitute... So why not..." Xianya turned off the radio, She kicked off her high heels hastily, her pretty face was flushed from the drunkenness, her eyelashes were very long, and her big bright eyes made her a truly beautiful woman.
I held the steering wheel tightly and stared at the road ahead intently. The orange lights on both sides passed quickly, like flowing clouds. Unconsciously, my eyes felt a little sour, with a faint layer of mist floating in my eyes.
I really drank too much today.
What about her? It’s time for her to go back, right?
"Anjiu, what are you talking to?" Seeing that I was absent-minded, Xian Ya shouted dissatisfied.
"Huh? Concentrate on driving." I smiled faintly, still not looking at her.
"My dad asked me to come to my house for dinner on Sunday." He pouted childishly, and regardless of me driving a car, he elegantly threw himself into my arms and arrogantly held my head with both hands to block his sight: "Anjiu!! Mr. An!! Listen! Are you here yet? Your future father-in-law is calling you for dinner!!"
Ga!
The harsh sound of brakes cut through the dark night. He pushed her away hard and glared at her: "You are crazy!"
Pulling off her tie, the air in the car was a little stuffy, so she simply got out of the car. The cool breeze blew, which made her eyes filled with tears feel a little painful. I irritably combed her hair, leaned against the car, and lit a cigarette.
"Stop crying! Are you bothered?" He yelled at her uncontrollably. Yes, it hurt. Maybe it didn't hurt, but it was numb anyway.
Oh, I'm numb. Even if I'm numb, even if I die, I still won't forget that dark midnight, that woman embedded deep in my soul...
Those crying eyes are crystal clear and very similar to hers!
She is very afraid of the dark. At night, she will cry quietly, never speaking, and her spirit is gone, as if she is paying homage to a past...
At that time, I would hold her in my arms and wipe away her tears silently. If her heart were ice or stone, I would just hold her tightly and forever, warm her and protect her... .
Ziye, I feel powerless when you are like this. Am I doing something wrong? Ziye, please, don’t be like this...
Midnight, even if you don’t want me to love you, there is no need for you to push me to other women!
Midnight, you have a pair of beautiful eyes, very beautiful, so why do you have to cover up beautiful things with ugly glasses?
Midnight, loving you like this is so tiring, but I don’t want to give up...
Okay, Midnight, if this is what you want, I will do as you say...
"Yes! I'm crazy, Anjiu!! I will die for you!!" She cried, raising her left hand high, tearing open the silk scarf wrapped around her wrist to reveal the ugly scar, tears streaming down her face: "Anjiu, you I know, you have always known!! I also know, everyone knows, but...what does that mean?? I don't care how many times you go to bed, as long as you come back to me in the end...Anjiu. ..Love is crazy, we are all crazy..."
"Shut up!" He threw away the cigarette butt in annoyance and pulled her into the car: "That's enough, go back!"
Vehicles kept whizzing past, as if they were mocking...
In this world of mortals and the neon lights of Guangsha, if you love madly, you are stupid. If you don't love, you will lose. You shouldn't scold her, you should be nice to her. We are both stupid enough. Love... is really crazy.
"Xianya, calm down." Xu was a little cold after drinking, her body was shaking a little, and every word she spoke was like a sharp knife.
"Anjiu, I want to say it! I want to say it!! Anjiu, end it with her, she has never loved you! She doesn't love anyone, she is an unintentional woman!... Anjiu... After so many years, you
It's just a substitute... Haha..." Her face was pale, her eyes were panicked with a sharp chill, and she yelled: "Anjiu... Anjiu... Do you know, I am calling you like this?
My name hurts so much! It hurts for you, it hurts for myself! I love you so much, but you have never looked at me. I am your woman... Anjiu... Anjiu... Why are we
I can't understand, I can't break free... Anjiu... Even if it hurts, I'm shouting like this, just looking at you by my side, I'll be fine, I'll die... You don't know... if you do this again
I will really die if I go down..."
She was crying hysterically, her makeup was messed up and her hair was messed up, and her silk white dress was swaying in the wind like a resentful spirit.
"When you've had enough trouble, come in. If you insist on taking a taxi back, I won't object." He sat back in the car expressionlessly and started the engine.
Should I give up? I asked myself.
There is some pain. It may be painful at first, but it won’t be so painful later. Xianya said this to me in the hospital when she was revived after committing suicide.
"Anjiu! Anjiu..." Maybe she lost her strength, or saw that I was completely indifferent. Gradually, she squatted down and sobbed non-stop.
With a long sigh, he got out of the car and hugged her gently, carefully tidied her messy hair, and sighed: "Even if I want to increase my popularity, I don't have to do this. Let's go, I'll take you back."
When we got in the car, we were all silent. This kind of love is very tiring, but we persisted stubbornly.
Xianya knew I didn't love her, but she refused to let me go. She said she loved me.
But don’t they say love is sweet and happy? How painful is it for her to love me like this...
Yao Ziye, her love is also a pain. In this love tragedy, I am just a supporting role accompanying her to interpret the pain.
The definition of a supporting role is that even if it is perfect and infatuated in vain, it will never be the one who is loved. Even if it hurts, it should not say anything, and it should be endured silently...
The first time I met Yao Ziye was at the end of summer.
The football field under the sunset is definitely a place where the pride of young people is clearly displayed. They like to run and shout unscrupulously and enjoy the sense of victory of teasing the weak with every step. What is even more proud is the admiration in the eyes of the girls on the side of the field.
The black and white ball rolled down to her feet, but she remained indifferent.
The big-eyed girl next to her picked up the ball neatly with her hands and feet, and shyly handed the ball to me with a blushing face.
I smiled handsomely, took the ball and nodded with a smile. The big-eyed girl took a slight breath, her red lips were slightly opened, and her eyes showed obvious admiration, as tender as water.
I turned around and raised my eyebrows at Zhou Qiang proudly. Zhou Qiang smiled teasingly and raised his thumb from a distance, teasing me about my "unintentional mistake".
"Xianya, let's go, you're bored." A cold voice sounded from behind. Like ice falling on a solid stone, cold and crisp, gradually melting.
"Look again, Midnight, wait!"
"It's late, I have to go, goodbye." It was neither urgent nor slow, more like an enchanting guqin being played gently, with a distant and long rhyme.
I couldn't hear the shouts of my companions. The voice was like a magnet, inexplicably attracting me to look back.
Maybe you are used to admiration and compliments, and when you see someone who doesn't take you seriously, you feel a little inexplicably angry and frustrated with your vanity. This is how she found the answer for me many years later.
I only saw her back. The lilac cotton dress was simple and elegant. Her black ponytail was tied tightly behind her head. At first glance, her face was plain and ordinary. She wore a pair of ugly and old-fashioned black-rimmed glasses, but her facial features could be considered regular at best.
Unable to bear it, I sneered and cursed myself for my unwarranted teenage assumptions.
"An... Anjiu..." the big-eyed girl said happily: "I heard that you are also in the same class, and we will be in the same class from now on. My name is Xianya, and this is my good friend Yao Ziye!"
"Really, that's great." He showed his signature smile and extended his hand warmly to shake Xianya's hand.
"Ah...Okay...from now on we..." Xianya blushed and was a little incoherent.
"Hello, my name is An Jiu. Peaceful An, long time to come. How about you? Beauty?" She shook off the unruly bangs in front of her forehead, stretched out her hand covered with dirt and grass clippings, and pulled it maliciously without waiting for her to react.
Over hold.
"Yao Ziye." His face was calm, but there was a hint of anger in his eyes.
Unexpectedly, she broke away from my hand, turned around and left without mercy, coldly and coldly.
Hahahahaha... From afar, Zhou Qiang laughed at me for eating the turtle.
She shrugged self-deprecatingly and returned to the court to continue running, but her eyes involuntarily glanced in the direction she turned away again and again.
That afternoon, we were completely defeated.
For a person like me, my family is wealthy, I look pretty good, I am quite modest, I am somewhat strong in every aspect, and I can be considered a "sun" wherever I go.
Our school is an aristocratic school. The parents of the students here are all business celebrities or political elites. Many students know each other or their parents have long-standing contacts.
But she is not, no one knows her.
Judging from her words and deeds, she is definitely well-educated. She is not enthusiastic, but she is not rude. Her eyes are precocious and cold for her age, which makes people feel chilly.
She was sitting in the west corner of the classroom. When school was over, the orange-red sunset shone on her shoulders, which were both weak and forbearing. At that time, she always turned her head, and her entire back seemed to be coated with a layer of gold. I
I always have the illusion that the back view is very beautiful, so beautiful that it is otherworldly and quiet.
Get closer to her... I thought.
So, I spared no effort to get close to her, trying to see through her.
I, Xianya, she...
It was an early autumn afternoon.
After a full meal, the campus becomes lazy and quiet.
The fight between my uncle and my father at home made my father a little bit intolerable. After finishing the phone call with my mother, he felt heavy. Apart from the skin of Mr. An, I am actually nothing. What my father gave me is what I have and the family love.
Giving up makes me feel a little irritable.
Silently, I came to the hidden woods of the campus and saw Midnight on that bench.
It was only slightly cool in early autumn, but she wrapped herself tightly in a black windbreaker. The corners of her eyes were sparkling, as if they were hurt.
Her hearing was very keen, and she turned her head at the slight sound of crunching leaves, and a defensive look flashed in her eyes.
I was joking with her, but she smiled lightly and said nothing.
There was a smile on her pretty face, and the upturned corners of her mouth clearly showed alienation.
In fact, she is not beautiful like this, but she is the most charming. I am a little confused.
Around us, the falling leaves fell like endless catkins in front of and behind us. We sat quietly on the long slender benches. She was silent and I was speechless.
Time condensed into frost on the tips of our hair. She sighed deeply, as if she was relieved of some weight, and slowly leaned on my shoulder, closed her eyes, and fell asleep.
Like a flower suddenly blooming, my mood rose into the sky like brilliant fireworks, the corners of my mouth raised slightly, and I smiled.
I heard her snoring slightly, as if she was sleeping from exhaustion, and raised my hand to take off her black frame.
It was a beautiful face. Even though her eyes were closed, her long eyelashes were clean, fresh and beautiful. I held her cold hand and put it in my arms. My heart felt like it was swollen. I rolled my eyes with satisfaction and smiled.
Come on.
That afternoon, there was the tranquility of the broken leaves, the broken comfort of embracing her, and the broken coolness of holding her cold fingers.
Yao Ziye is a woman with a story.
On my birthday, she went crazy. She beat Zhou Qiang like crazy, then drank the spiked Coke regardless of dissuasion, and then lost her temper like she had thrown away everything.
That man, the cowherd, the man that all women are crazy about, Kathy.
Is she doing it for him?
The way he looked at her scared me, and her reaction made me feel even more lost.
Haha, that’s ridiculous. You haven’t gained anything at all, so why lose it?
Midnight, I know, I know clearly, I love you more than anything else.
Later, that night, she disappeared, and I searched for her like crazy. Later I found out that that night, she also frantically searched all the KTVs in the city, looking for another man.
Many times I wonder, what kind of man can make Leng Leng so crazy like her, what kind of story, what kind of fate... Midnight, you are in so much pain, and I am also bleeding.
Even though I know I can't get your love, I still choose to stick to it silently.
I will protect you and the sensible child who calls me "Daddy An".
Many times I think about how great it would be if we were really a family. Midnight, I want to give you a home and a place to rely on.
You said, you know, you understand, but in this love, you are destined to let me down.
But, Midnight, it doesn’t matter if I fail, that is what I am willing to do.
Ziye is a very reserved person. She cares about every affection, but never shows it. She cares about elegance. She says that is all she has. She is poor.
I smiled and said, "Okay, Midnight, I promise you to date Xianya."
At that time, my laughter was uglier than my tears.
Midnight, aren't you afraid of hurting me and losing me?
You are so shameless...You know I love you so much, but you will agree to anything...So cruel...
My heart cries, Midnight, everyone loves so hard...
Midnight...Midnight...suddenly understood Xianya's words, Anjiu...Anjiu...it hurts to call your name, but I want to keep shouting, I love you...I love you so much
...hope you understand...hope you love me too...
When I met Hei Zhen, I understood that maybe only such a man could make her fall in love.
There are too many similarities between them, forbearance, indifference, but undercurrent.
Later I understood that since I can’t get it, why not let it go freely, even though it hurts.
Xianya also understood. On the day I escaped from the wedding, she called me calmly and said thank you, thanking me for accompanying her in this scene...
Heizheng's death was a huge blow to Ziye. The poor woman seemed to have just opened Pandora's box, thinking she had caught happiness, but God told her that she had opened it by mistake.
That sea is her long-lasting sadness...
When I saw her off from the airport, I breathed a sigh of relief. Even though I had been with her for so long, I knew clearly that my love was not what she wanted, and I could not stay with her forever.
Confused...I intoxicated myself with alcohol.
Finally, when I heard that she was happy, I laughed, but it was still uglier than crying.
That night, I came to the midnight sun, and the cold vodka numbed my brain, forgetting...how wonderful it would be to forget.
In my drunken state, I helped a girl get rid of a man.
That girl's hair was dyed green and blue with highlights, her lips were silver-white, her eye shadow was high-gloss gold and pink-purple, and she wore two bright-colored blushes. She looked like an impressionist.
When I woke up the next day, she was sleeping next to my pillow. She was pure and beautiful without makeup, the corners of her mouth were slightly raised, and she looked very satisfied. Her slender legs were placed arrogantly on my waist, plump and tall... for a while
heat.
Before getting married, I called Ziye and said, "Ziye, I'm getting married. Don't get me wrong when you see her. In fact, she's nothing like you."
Ziye smiled and said, No, Anjiu, women are sensitive. If the love you give her is in my shadow, she will not marry you. So, I also believe, Anjiu, you have truly found her.
It belongs to your significant other, not a substitute like me. I wish you a long and safe life.
I laughed, feeling more relaxed and comfortable than ever before. I looked at my jealous little wife, laughed and hugged her, and my hands involuntarily slid down to her smooth belly, where new life was gestating.
Well, new hope.
No one is anyone's stand-in. Xianya found her happiness, so did I, and so did Ziye, so we are all happy.
In fact, I am his substitute
How can you love me so brutally?
The dried tears continue your kiss
I'm afraid that the deeper I sink, the colder I get. Who will feel sorry for me...