353, Ending Chapter Fourteen—I'll Take You to See Gu Yanshen!
Qiao Jinglian's eyes suddenly turned red. He really didn't know how to describe this feeling. It was as if his heart had been ripped out. It was just a matter of putting it in a frying pan and frying it. He looked at Zi Jin crying.
It seemed as if he was about to hold his breath, and his thin face was covered with tears, like ferocious little crabs, crawling on it.
He pursed his lips tightly, his heart clenching and aching, but he still reached out and gently wiped away her tears with his trembling fingers. He hugged the fragile woman into his arms, but he didn't know how to comfort her.
She was the best, he could only feel it, her tears kept pouring out of her eyes, and then soaked his white shirt.
Qiao Jinglian's thin lips twitched, but in the end she didn't say anything. She just quietly and gently smoothed her long black hair, squatted in front of her, let her lie on his shoulder, and cried as much as she wanted.
.
It's better to cry.
What he fears most is that she keeps silent and suppresses all her emotions deep in her heart. The doctors are afraid that her behavior is not good for the fetus. Now she can finally cry, and it will be fine after crying.
Zijin was really uncomfortable, not because she didn't want to cry, but because she always felt that Gu Yanshen was not dead and that he would not just leave her and leave. She didn't believe it, so why was she crying?
But waiting is the most torturous thing in the world.
Over the past many days and nights, she had almost slowly piled up more despair on top of despair. When she suddenly heard this song today, she felt that those clear words were just mocking her loneliness.
It turned out that Gu Yanshen was not by her side, the whole world was so quiet, and she was so embarrassed.
Does he not want her anymore?
Did he really leave like this?
She couldn't bear it anymore. All the emotions were like a flood that burst a dam, coming fiercely, crushing her self-deception and causing her to completely collapse. She burst into tears, holding Qiao Jinglian's waist tightly with both hands. That place,
She used to like holding that man's waist so much. At that time, he was still smiling softly and said to herself in an evil manner - Zijin, you just like to scratch me here. You have scratched my shirt. Change it.
Let me give you a place to catch, okay?
…………
As if she had been electrocuted, she suddenly reacted and reached out to push Qiao Jinglian away. However, because the movement was too strong and she didn't have much strength to begin with, she lost her balance and fell backwards.
Qiao Jinglian quickly stretched out her hand and grabbed her, "...Zijin."
"No, don't touch me, don't come over..."
"Zijin, it's me..."
"Don't... don't..." She shook her head, her vision had long been blurred, and the whole world seemed to have been overturned. She could no longer see any color, and the darkness made her uncomfortable, "...he doesn't
He likes me to be too close to other men. If he finds out, he will definitely be angry. I don’t want him to be angry. When he is around me, I always feel that he will always be by my side, even if one day
After leaving me, maybe he will be in a certain corner of the world. I never thought that one day he would really be like this... leaving me alone. That's why I was so unscrupulous... Do you think he is?
Angry? He was also...angry before. He suddenly went to England. Is he angry now too..."
"Zijin!"
Qiao Jinglian suddenly stood up and pulled her up with him. He covered her slender waist with one hand. The originally slender waist seemed to be broken by pinching it with his fingers. She felt even more sad in her heart.
It hurt, but he still had to pull her towards the door, "Come with me, I will take you somewhere."
"I don't want to go-"
Zijin struggled and shook his head, "I don't want to go anywhere. I want to wait for him here. He will come back. Yan Shen will definitely come back! I don't want to go..."
"Zijin! Can you please stop like this? Gu Yanshen is dead! He is already dead! He was killed by a bomb! He will not come back! You are right, he may be watching us from the sky.
Can you wake up a little bit, he-"
There was a crisp sound of "pop", abruptly interrupting Qiao Jinglian's next words.
"Zijin..." Qiao Jinglian turned her face away. In fact, it didn't really hurt. It wasn't the first time he had been slapped by her. How much strength can a woman have? What's more, her strength now is stronger than usual.
Even worse.
But he felt uncomfortable in his heart. What made him uncomfortable was seeing the decisive look in her eyes and the words she said after that -
"I said, Gu Yanshen is not dead, Yanshen is not dead! I don't allow you to talk about him anymore, I don't allow you to hear that?!"
"You go ahead and fight."
Qiao Jinglian sighed softly, smiled self-deprecatingly, moved her face in front of her, and whispered: "Zijin, no matter how many times you hit me, I won't feel pain, but I will still feel uncomfortable in my heart."
, but how can you change the facts if you hit me? Gu Yanshen is already dead, no matter how many times you hit me, I still have to say, I have to let you accept this fact, you know? There is still a child in your belly! You
How long will this self-abuse last? Look at you—come with me!"
He grabbed Zijin's hand, ignored her struggle and resistance, and dragged her to the full-length mirror in the bedroom, where two figures suddenly appeared.
All Zijin's struggles suddenly stopped. Is that... the woman in the mirror with a pale face, a skinny figure, and an extremely haggard look still her?
Those big dark eyes were now red and swollen, and the face that was originally delicate and full of aura was even more lifeless now.
She didn't know that she had put herself into such a state.
Qiao Jinglian pressed her shoulders with both hands, then pointed to Zijin in the mirror and said, "Look at you, Zijin, your belly is less than 3 months old. The baby really needs nutrition, but what are you doing?"
Tossing this child? Do you really think that except for Gu Yanshen, there is no one else in this world who can let you live a good life? What about this? This child, isn't he worthy of your strong life?
For your own sake, for your children's sake, and for the sake of your children - big brother wants you to live well, so keep living, okay?"
child……
child……
Yes, she had almost forgotten that she was pregnant and the child belonged to her and Gu Yanshen, but she had been torturing the child...
Seeing the look in her eyes, Qiao Jinglian was already touched. She took her hand again and said, "Zijin, I'll take you somewhere."
The blue sea is endless as far as the eye can see, as if it is connected to the horizon.
Zijin was pulled out of the car by Qiao Jinglian. What she saw was this scene. It was actually really beautiful. The blue sea and the blue sky. She didn't know how much she felt. She had never breathed such fresh air.
Because I am standing here, my breath seems to have a damp and salty smell, but it does not make people feel disgusted at all.
The sea breeze blowing against her face ruffled her skirt and long hair. She stood there motionless.
"When I encountered something difficult to deal with before, I would come here."
Qiao Jinglian looked at her side face and said, "Zijin, learn from me and shout out to the sea what you want but don't dare to say. You will feel very comfortable."
"…………"
"Actually, people will encounter too many things in this life. I know that in this world, apart from life and death, nothing is a trivial matter. But the dead are one and the same, but the living have to endure countless hardships.
Suffering, this is the most difficult thing, don’t you think?”
"…………"
"At that time, I suddenly got a half-brother, but he was better than me in everything. So I came here and shouted to the sea: "I hate this man so much, why is he my brother?"
"
"At that time, I really had a feeling that there is no better way to be better than good. Later, I was betrayed by Xie Lingxi, but I still came here. I felt like a fool. I looked glamorous and seemed to have everything. But in the end
, but he is just a fool and knows nothing. But when you and I divorced, I was the saddest. But I didn’t come at that time. I hid all my thoughts in my heart. I know that you and I
The distance is too far, and sometimes I really don’t want to cry out this sadness. I know that once I cry out, it seems like nothing is gone.”
"Zi Jin."
Qiao Jinglian gently pinched her shoulder blades, moved her body behind her, and whispered in her ear: "Today I want to cry out all these sorrows, and you should follow me. When you turn around, you
You will definitely find that your life has turned a new page."
"Come on, whatever you want to say, you can say it to it."
Zi Jin listened quietly all the time. When Qiao Jinglian finally said it, what did those words mean? In fact, Zi Jin knew very well in his heart that no matter how sad he was, he would never fail to feel a man's concern for a woman.
What does it represent?
In fact, there is really no need for him to be like this.
Zijin gently pushed his hand away. She did not shout anything to the sea as he said. Instead, she turned around calmly, looked at Qiao Jinglian, and said, "Thank you for doing this for me."
Everything, maybe for any of you, Yan Shen is really... I have been unwilling to accept this reality, but I know now that he is not dead in my heart, he has always lived in my heart,
I must have caused you a lot of trouble these days, Jinglian, I really thank you, but I don’t want to turn over the page of my life related to Gu Yanshen. I want to keep it, no matter where he is.
No matter where I am, he will always be in my heart."
"Don't worry, I will never abuse myself again, let alone my baby."
She stretched out her hand and gently covered her belly, "You are right, this is mine and Yan Shen's child, and I will do it well for the sake of the child."
…………
In the following time, Zijin really did what she said - do well, for the sake of the child.
She started to eat on time and take medicine on time. Everything seemed so good and she slowly returned to normal. But only she knew how the pain that penetrated into her bone marrow tormented her when she couldn't sleep at night.
.
She was in pain but couldn't cry out. She wanted to cry but couldn't.
But no matter how deep the pain is, it will probably slowly become a habit and become natural as time goes by.
…………
When she was 4 months old, her belly was already slightly swollen. Her stature was relatively petite, and her belly was even more prominent. Maybe she was very cautious, so the fetus was developing very well.
The bodies of Tao Wantian and Shen Dongming have also returned to normal. Now they come to see her every day, go to class every week, and have prenatal check-ups and the like. These are all accompanied by Qiao Jinglian, who has just refused a few times.
, but Qiao Jinglian said every time - my eldest brother told me before, let me take good care of you, this is my responsibility, not to mention, isn't your child my nephew?
Zijin didn't have anything to say in rebuttal, so I let him go if he did it too many times.
However, Qiao Jinglian now calls her "big brother" when she opens or closes her mouth, which is really smooth.
Sometimes I think about it, life is impermanent, and I really have to deal with this sentence.
In the blink of an eye, it’s already the end of the year.
The weather is getting colder, and Zijin's belly is getting bigger. It is inconvenient for her to do many things alone. However, Gu Huimin asked her aunt who had always taken care of her daily life to take care of her 24 hours a day. Zijin has always lived alone.
In Gu Yanshen's apartment, Gu Huimin herself usually comes here 2 or 3 times a week. Tao Wantian and Shen Dongming live in the house where Zi Jin lived before, and they come to see her basically every day.
But that day, it snowed heavily and the traffic was bad. No one could get there. Zijin was in the apartment and didn't go out all day. She wore a thick light blue sweater with a gray pair underneath.
The syringe is at a constant temperature at home, so she won't feel cold or hot all year round. She can wear whatever feels comfortable.
In fact, I have been pregnant for 6 months, and now I have a big belly, which is really uncomfortable. My aunt just happened to go out to buy things again today. It is already dinner time, and she has not come back yet.
Zijin was very hungry, so he thought about getting something to eat. When he entered the kitchen, he found a lot of washed vegetables in the sink. Zijin took some out and prepared some noodles.
When she opened the refrigerator to get some noodles, the cold air hit her face, and her heart, which seemed to have been frozen for almost half a year, suddenly burst at this moment.
There is a kind of pain that slowly seeps out from the cracks.
In the bottom compartment of the upper shelf of the refrigerator, there was a package of noodles lying quietly, half of which was left after being opened.
All the things from the past are just like this, rushing towards you.
She remembered that when she was hungry, he liked to make noodles for himself.
She still remembered that they had a fight that day, and he made noodles for himself for the last time, and there was a fierce argument in the end.
…………
She thought that so many days had passed, months had passed, and more than half a year had passed. The pain she thought she could hide was still dormant quietly. As long as you are not careful, all these pains will come out.
Completely tear apart the mask you put on with so much difficulty.
With trembling hands, Zijin took out the package of noodles. The shelf life probably hadn't passed yet. They were vacuum-packed, and there were small and small packages inside, so the aunt who was cooking never threw them away.
She slowly ran her fingers over the plastic bag and closed the refrigerator. She didn't shed a single tear. She just opened two small packages, then took some washed cooked vegetables and placed them on the cutting board. She planned to give herself another bowl.
Noodle.
She still remembered the taste of the noodles he made for her.
However, when he started cutting vegetables, he still accidentally cut himself. Zijin didn't pay attention and subconsciously exclaimed. The kitchen knife in his hand also snapped and fell to the floor with a crisp sound, which made him scared.
Jin's face turned pale, and soon there was a rush of footsteps outside, as well as a familiar male voice——
"Zijin, what's wrong with you?"
"…………"
Zijin pressed her fingers with one hand and turned away, her heart was in her throat. At that moment, she really thought that the voice she heard was Gu Yanshen's, and the person she saw was also Gu Yanshen.
.
But the person standing in front of him was not him, but Qiao Jinglian.
"What's wrong with you? Your finger is bleeding."
Qiao Jinglian didn't know what she was thinking. He glanced at the messy chopping board again and sighed, "I knew it. Auntie said to call you, but you didn't answer. She thought you were sleeping, so she called me."
Yes, I bought you something to eat. Come on, let me bandage your wound first."
"No……"
Zijin took out her hand, with an extremely sad look on her face. She passed Qiao Jinglian and walked towards the bedroom. She said feebly: "It's just a small wound, don't bother me. I'll get a band-aid and put it on myself later. I'll rest first."
, not hungry..."
"You are pregnant now and your health is not good to begin with. Do you still need to bleed yourself?"
Qiao Jinglian frowned, pulled her over, and let her sit on the sofa. She ran to the room, found the prepared medical kit, and then carefully disinfected her fingers. During the disinfection, there was a slight
Zijin seemed to feel no pain and had no reaction at all.
After the bandage was finished, she still maintained her original posture. Qiao Jinglian didn't think too much and took out the food she had specially sent to the hotel to cook. "Eat something. They are all your favorite dishes."
Over the past six months, he has met with him almost every day.
It's not that Zijin didn't know what his kindness to her meant, but she no longer had the energy to think about it. Now that she suddenly looked at him like this, Zijin felt how unfair this was to Qiao Jinglian.
In fact, he is so good that it is really not worth wasting too much time on yourself.
He opened the lunch box, and the aroma was fragrant. Zijin suddenly raised his head and looked at Qiao Jinglian, "Jinglian, I want to go to England."
"…………"
All movements suddenly stopped, Qiao Jinglian raised her head, "What did you say?"
His voice was a bit cold, and Zi Jin lowered his eyes quietly, "I think it's the same wherever I live. I just want to go to England, and maybe my child will be born there... Do you remember? Yan Shen's household registration is British, and ours is
Of course the child must be like him, I want Ji Yang to help me..."
"Shen Zijin!"
Qiao Jinglian threw away the chopsticks in her hand and looked at her with burning eyes. There were too many emotions in her eyes that Zijin could not explain carefully. "Is it really that hard to forget? I have done so much for you, you really
Can’t you see any of it?”
"…………"
"It's been so long. Yes, maybe for you, every day is a torment, but for me, isn't it? The last thing he said to me before was - no matter what, take good care of me
Treat her well and let her live well. I said to him - Gu Yanshen, you tried so hard to take this woman away from me, and now you want me to take care of her. Who do you think I am, Qiao Jinglian?
? She’s not your free nanny. If you dare not to come back, then I won’t let her go again. I will make her my woman again—”
Zijin's heart trembled, and his eyes looking at Qiao Jinglian showed a bit of stiffness and embarrassment.
Qiao Jinglian stared at her for a moment, "Zijin, your understanding ability shouldn't be that bad, right? I've worked hard for so long, you should be able to see it, right? I don't want you to be alone
, so lonely, and I don’t want your child to have no father, so I’m here. I don’t mind at all. I will take good care of you. You are still so young. It will be very hard for a single mother. Instead of looking for someone else in the future,
Why don't you find me? I will be good to you, I..."
"Stop talking."
Zijin suddenly stood up, and the movement was too big. The corner of her sweater happened to hit the meal box beside her. She subconsciously pulled it, and the meal box fell to the floor with a clatter. Vegetable soup splashed out and penetrated into her body.
There was a stain on the sweater.
She held the corner of her clothes tightly with her slender fingers and said word by word: "I won't look for anyone else, and I don't feel lonely. My child has only one father, and it can't be anyone. It must be Gu Yanshen."
"Zi Jin——"
"Jinglian, please stop talking, I beg you! Don't force me, okay? I know you are always by my side, but you know, if I don't love you, I might compromise on life, I might
I will... compromise on many things, but I will not compromise on love. I only love Gu Yanshen, and no man in this world can replace him."
"I didn't say I wanted to replace him. You can think about him. I just want to take care of you, Zijin. Time can smooth away too many things. It doesn't matter if you don't love me. We are family, right?"
Qiao Jinglian took a step forward, but Zijin took a step back. She shook her head and said firmly: "No, it's impossible. I will never see him again in my life, and I will never be with anyone else."
"…………"
After Zijin finished speaking, he turned around and walked into the bedroom.
Qiao Jinglian stood quietly in the living room alone. He smoked 5 cigarettes. He waited until the corners of his lips were numb before he slowly stood up and shook the ashes from his body. He stood at the door of the bedroom and knocked on the door.
Knocking on the door, regardless of whether Zijin could hear it or not, he opened his mouth and said in a hoarse voice, "...I'll take you to see Gu Yanshen."
............................
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